Chapter 36: Confirm or Deny
Tara lounged languidly across Willow's bed leafing through an old photo album waiting for her to finish taking a shower. Tara had showered first and was ready, she could have gone downstairs, but the thought of alone time with Sheila was unsettling. So, she used the time to nose around her girlfriend's childhood bedroom while she waited.
She smiled, tracing her finger across one of the old Kodak prints. Willow kept her history organized, chronologically, in a series of well-preserved photo albums. Tara was up to middle school, somewhere around the 5th grade, when she noticed a dark haired little boy and girl begin appearing often in many of the pictures. The girl looked to be about the same age as Willow and the boy a bit older. Tara eyed them curiously, as the majority of previous pictures had been with Willow's siblings; these two stood out. She made a mental not to ask; Tara wanted to know everything about her love.
Finishing middle school, Tara carefully placed the book back on the shelf in the proper order and moved on to junior high. The softball pictures increased and around the 8th grade Willow began taking gymnastics classes. Artemis also made her first appearance shortly after Willow's 13th birthday. Tara was smitten; Willow was absolutely adorable. Her hair was longer that Tara would have imagined; stretching half the length of her tiny frame. Of course Tara couldn't help but giggle at some of her less than stellar outfit choices…fuzzy sweaters, patterned skirts with mismatched tights and tennis shoes, a smiley face backpack, bright red overalls and a royal blue shirts. My God, what was she thinking?
As she continued perusing, Tara couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of sadness with the realization that her own teenage existence was recorded through a series of publicity shots; photographs of random TV and movie characters that weren't really her at all. Being raised by a single mother neck deep in the celebrity lifestyle had been the norm, so at the time, she really had no idea what she was missing or that she was actually missing anything at all. It wasn't until after her mother died that Tara began to question some of the choices that she'd made.
Just as Tara was beginning to sink deep into thought, the door flew open and Willow burst into the room; her mussed wet hair dripping across her shoulders, a large blue towel securely wrapped around her body, and her hands full of dirty clothes. Tara lifted her head and smiled softly, admiring the woman she loved. All feelings of sadness washed away with one simple recurring thought…Willow.
Willow kicked the door closed as she unceremoniously dropped the dirty clothes in a pile on the floor; nudging them into the corner with her foot as she scrambled around looking for something to wear. Tara had decided on a pair of green cargo style Capri pants with a white scoop neck cotton t-shirt and her hair pulled into two long ponytails. She watched, amused, as her girlfriend put on her bra and then her panties; wildly hopping on one foot trying to get the other in without falling. It always struck Tara with humor and surprise that someone so adept in athletics and poised on a horse could be so incredibly clumsy with everyday tasks. Just one more endearing quality in Willow that made Tara love her even more. True to form Willow ended up falling forward with her toes caught it the hem of the panties, forcing her to reach out and brace herself on the dresser.
Tara giggled, despite doing her best to stifle the laugh, "Where's the fire, Will?"
"Huh? Fire, what…oh," Willow laughed, "I just wanted to get downstairs and help out, show a little interest so I don't get accused of being avoid-y gal. Then this underwear just attacked out of nowhere!"
"Oh yes, 'Attack of the Killer Panties,' starring Willow Rosenberg!" Tara joked. Both girls laughed as Willow grabbed the hairdryer and began to work on her wet head.
A few minutes later total frustration was beginning to set in, as Willow, apparently could not get her auburn locks to cooperate. Tara put down the album and sat up on the side of the bed, "C'mere baby, bring your brush and a few hair ties, ok?" she said as she patted the space next to her.
Willow complied and sat down; handing the requested items over to her girlfriend. Tara deposited the items on the bed then turned, cupping Willow's cheeks, pulling her forward and kissing her gently.
"I love you Willow," Tara breathed as she caressed Willow's cheeks with her thumbs.
"I love you too Tare and my God, you look so adorable with those ponytails and that zig-zaggy hair part…adorable," Willow turned her head slightly and kissed the palm of Tara's hand, then ran her fingers through one of the ponytails.
"Mmm…" Tara leaned forward, kissing Willow again, then picking up the brush and to start working on Willow's hair.
Sitting in front of Willow, Tara pulled her leg up on the bed, bending at the knee and began to gently brush trough the tangled red tresses, humming softly. Willow watched her lover work; resting her hands on the exposed skin of Tara's leg. She felt an almost burning need to be touching Tara; she could never get enough.
"Thank you," Willow said as she locked on to the blue eyes.
Tara looked at Willow curiously and smiled, "It's just some braids, Will."
"No, I mean for going riding and you know…" Willow squirmed and blushed.
Tara giggled at the innocent adorableness that was Willow, "Sweetie, if you can't say it, then you shouldn't be doing it."
Willow chuckled, "Ok then, thank you for the totally hot mind blowing sex. There, how was that?"
"Perfect and you're welcome…the pleasure was all mine, well and yours too," Tara said with a seductive half smile before changing the subject, "So, I hope you don't mind me asking, but what's the deal with your mom and this whole Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde routine?"
"Oh, you noticed? I have no idea, but I'm sure it can't be good."
"Has your relationship always been this…strained?"
"Oh, God no. We used to be close, in fact we hardly ever even disagreed," Willow frowned as she thought about happier days with her mother, "Then something changed."
"You came out?"
"That's a big part of it, yes…but it actually started sooner, somewhere around my senior year in high school." Willow sighed.
"So this passive aggressive awkwardness has been going on for the last 4, almost 5 years?"
Willow looked at Tara sheepishly, "Yes? But not consistently though, more like an off and on type thing."
"I guess you're in an on phase?"
"I think it's safe to say that."
"Well, m-maybe you two just need some one-on-one time. Like a weekend in a cabin and away from any interference? Have some wine, relax, you know…talk?"
Willow looked at Tara in utter disbelief, "Tare, I love you with all my heart so please don't take this the wrong way but, have you lost your crackers?"
"Willow," Tara chided and rolled her eyes.
"Baby, I'm serious, there's not enough wine or Xanax on the planet to get me locked in a cabin with my mother for an extended period of time. She sucks all rational thought and sanity right out of me. She's like some sort of demon or hell God. That's it! A mind sucking hell God!"
Tara finished one side, braiding only the hair falling next to her face and leaving the rest straight. She dropped her hands, giving Willow her best scolding look, then sighing deeply, seeing Willow's resolve face and knowing that there would be no budging on her part, "Turn, other side."
Seeing the defeated look on Tara's face, Willow softened, "Baby, I know you're trying to help and I appreciate it, I do. It's just that, I feel like I've tried everything and nothing seems to get through to her. I don't really understand it myself. I know I'm not a parent yet, but I don't understand pushing your child away like this and then trying to force them to be someone they're not. This is my choice," Willow paused for a moment, "No, scratch that. Choice isn't even the proper adjective here, because I don't feel like I had a choice in being Gay. It's just who I am, how I'm wired and besides, it's not like I'm a homicidal maniac or something."
"You just love women," Tara added.
"No," Willow said as she turned slightly more towards Tara, so she could look her in her eyes, "I love woman, one woman. Very, very much and I'm not going to allow my mother to hurt us…to hurt you."
"She can't hurt us if we don't let-"
"I know Tara, but every time she rejects you or us, it hurts. The disapproving looks, the snide remarks…it hurts. She doesn't accept me…she, she makes me feel like an outsider in my own home." Willow dropped her head, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to hold back the unshed tears, "It hurts."
Tara's heart broke for Willow and she did the only thing that she could; she wrapped her arms around the vulnerable girl and held her close.
"I'm sorry Will, I didn't mean to…"
Willow responded by wrapping her arms tighter around Tara's waist and silently accepting her apology. They stayed like that for several minutes; Willow snuggling close and Tara rubbing soothing circles across her back.
Tara's first instinct was to protect and sooth, but seeing Willow like this brought out stronger emotions…anger. Tara was furious with Sheila for making Willow feel small and inadequate. At that moment she felt like marching downstairs, and slapping Sheila into next week. She would have to force herself to consciously keep it in check whenever Mr. Hyde reared her ugly head. Tara did her best to quell those emotions; she did not want to hate Sheila. After all, she is the mother of the love of her life and she would have to find a way to cope.
Willow pulled back a bit, took a deep breath and smiled shyly, "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to put a damper on things. It's all good…I-I'm fine."
"Hey, Will, this is me. It doesn't all have to be fine and good. This is the place where you don't have to be brave. I still love you. If you're upset you can be upset."
"Thanks baby," Willow replied, staring into the endless pools of blue, "Just when I think it's impossible to love you anymore than I do…I fall just a little bit deeper."
Willow leaned in and captured Tara's lips; gently at first, then moving closer to deepen the kiss.
A few minutes later, they were still kissing when they heard a light rapping at the door.
"Hey, are ya'll decent?" Hunter called out.
Willow jumped up, still in her bra and panties, "Hang on a sec Hunt." She threw on a pair of Capri jeans and a brown v-neck tee. "Come in," she called as she opened the door.
Hunter entered hurriedly, carrying his laptop under his right arm, "Thanks."
Willow eyed her brother curiously, "What's up?" She asked.
Hunter looked slightly nervous, "Well sis, the phone rang off the hook this morning while you two were out riding. Mom's been busy, in and out of the house, so I've been fielding most of the calls."
"Calls for what?" Willow asked.
"Uh, you'd better take a look at this," Hunter said as he opened his laptop and handed it to Willow.
Willow sat on the edge of the bed next to Tara and began reading aloud, "America's Sweetheart On The Run: Less than 24 hours after coming out, Tara Maclay (23), is on the run. Seen here at Los Angeles International Airport with a 'friend', Maclay appears to be in a hurry to 'get out of Dodge.' Late last Friday Maclay's publicist issued a short statement wherein Maclay proudly proclaimed her homosexuality, however, rumor has it that it may just be a publicity stunt to boost ratings during the current November sweeps. The November sweeps are critical in attracting advertisers and setting advertising prices. Maclay plays Lauren Grant, the sexually frustrated 'girl next door,' on the top rated sitcom, "Grant's Park." Grant's was recently picked up for 2 more seasons and Maclay is rumored to have demanded 1 million per episode, eventually settling for $750,000 and making her the highest paid female actress on primetime TV.
If the statement released is in fact true, Maclay's stint as highest paid could be the shortest in history. A source close to the show says Maclay has been acting 'erratically' in recent weeks and that producers were 'blindsided' by her recent announcement. 'There will be serious repercussions regardless of the outcome,' the anonymous source claims."
Tara gritted her teeth, "Shanna," she said in a growl.
"What?"
"The anonymous source…Shanna."
"How do you know?" Willow asked, now worried about her girlfriend's livelihood.
Tara simply pointed to the computer screen at a small fuzzy image inset on the lower right corner of the page, "Look at the next picture."
Willow and Hunter both leaned forward, squinting their eyes, as Willow enlarged the screen so they could see it better. The grainy picture was of Willow and Tara on there Spago date; taken at the exact moment Tara was spoon-feeding Willow a sample of her food.
"She must have snapped it on her cell. Tara, do you think what she said is true? Will they fire you?" Willow was beginning to panic.
Tara placed a comforting hand on Willow's knee, "No baby, the show revolves around my character. Even if we drop in the ratings from #1 to #21, we're still in the top 30. If anything, this will boost ratings. Besides, they knew from the get go and have always been very supportive. This is just Shanna trying to secure a permanent spot on the show, they're writing her out before the end of the season." Tara paused, wide eyed and slapped her hand over her mouth as she realized that she just breeched her contract by giving up a huge spoiler, "Oops…shit!"
"Don't worry, your secret's safe." Hunter reassured her.
Tara sighed, "Thanks, because if it ever got out that I b-blabbed, then I would get fired and sued and e-everything else in between." Despite Tara's reassurances, Willow was still looked panicked, "Honey, we knew this was coming and remember what I told you: 90% of what is printed in the tabloids is pure fiction."
Willow gulped, "Even the part about your salary?"
"Um, no t-that was the 10% that was w-was true," Tara answered sheepishly.
"Oh," Willow and Hunter said simultaneously.
Feeling highly uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed, Tara quickly changed the subject. Slipping into business mode, "Hunter, who was calling and what exactly did they want?"
The young man pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket, "Oh um, let's see…ET, TMZ, OK, US and ESPN. A virtual cornucopia of acronyms," He said with a laugh, "There may be a some others…Dad fielded a few calls as well."
"Dad?" Willow chirped, biting her bottom lip, "What did he say?"
"Nothing really, just that a few reporters called asking for you and wanting him to confirm that you guys were an item. He told them no comment and hung up. Then he mumbled something to the effect of, 'bunch of scoundrels, they're all crooked as a barrel of snakes,' then went out to the freezer to pull out some meat for tonight." All three snickered and Willow's face relaxed, clearly relieved.
"So baby, what's the plan?" Willow asked.
Tara took Willow's soft hands in hers, "The plan is for you to relax and go help your Mom with dinner."
"Yeah but-"
"Willow, you have two choices: either confirm or deny. It's that simple and it's completely up to you."
Willow handed the laptop back to her brother, "Hunt, can I see that paper?" He handed over the paper and Willow scanned it intently. She leaned back across the bed, grabbing her cell phone, she typed in the code to block her number and then dialed.
"Hello? Is this Scott Walker from ESPN?" She paused briefly, allowing the man to respond, "This is Willow Rosenberg, I understand you have a question for me?"
"Uh huh, yes I remember you. We talked last year after the series in Oklahoma. I'm fine, thank you."
Willow looked up, locking on to Tara's eyes and entwining their fingers, "I understand and the answer is yes. I am a lesbian and I am dating Tara Maclay," She smiled proudly.
"No, I do not wish to reveal any other details at this time. I am asking that you please respect my privacy, however, if you guys report this with class and don't turn it into a cheap tabloid sound bite, I'll be happy to give you a full interview when I return to LA after the holiday break."
"Um hmm, yes, you can contact me through the coaches office."
"Ok Scott, thanks and you too. Bye."
"Wow Sis, that was really, really smart going straight to ESPN. It kinda takes all the air out of the gossip mags and makes you guys legit. Bravo!"
Tara smiled with watery eyes; bringing their conjoined hands to her mouth and kissing Willow's knuckles, "I'm so proud of you baby…so proud."
Seeing that Tara was on the verge of some major waterworks, Willow hopped off the bed; pulling Tara up with her, "Come on, let's get this show on the road. Delicious food awaits!"