High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

This chapter is dedicated to Abby-Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, KCcrazy, Twilight Awesomeness, Briony97, Purplpocadots13, StantonDimitriCullen, Ilove4everJasperHalem alicecullenx2, Vampire Note, redwinggurl, SunnySkies4Life, A reader, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, Kimmy Cullen, mushroom eater, twilighter97, TwilightgoddesslovesEdwardlol, J'adore lire, sakuraxsyaoran-harryxdraco, cool-gal95, Edwards Twilight Princess, bella-cullen1989, k-pattttttttz, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, Sap96 (2), LindseyRae, Charlotte 1993, Kaylacullen13, twilight360days, twilighthero1, Lady Saruman, Mangobunny255, dazzle_me_golden.

Oh, and I've just read some very amazing books and am thinking about writing fanfics about them, but I can't find their category on the site. I also can't find the list of authors who we can't write about, so if anyone knows where the list is, then can you PLEASE tell me???

House

Edward POV

"CARLISLE!" Emmett boomed. He was holding a little stack of envelopes. "THE MAIL'S HERE!"

"Why? Is there something for me?" Carlisle asked as he came down the stairs.

"Yup! Here you go." Emmett flung an envelope at him, like a Frisbee. Carlisle purposely stepped to the side, and the envelope embedded itself in the wall.

"Well, thank you so much, Emmett," Carlisle said sarcastically as he pulled the envelope back out. He carefully unsealed it and read the letter quickly. "Oh. I see. That's interesting."

"What is it, Carlisle?" Jasper called from the living room.

"There's a hospital that's offering me a position there. It's a pretty good hospital."

"Where is it?" Bella asked.

"It's in New Jersey."

"Which hospital?" Esme wondered.

"The Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital," Edward replied for Carlisle.

"So what are you going to do?" Rosalie asked, sounding bored. As always.

"Well… the pay there is pretty good. And we'll need to line up a job for after our stay here in Boston. So I suppose that I could go take a look there," Carlisle muttered. His eyes looked at the last line on the bottom of the page. "Oh. It says that you guys can all come along. They heard that you're all rather bright, so they're offering you internships there if you want."

"Okay. When are we leaving?" I asked.

"Right now!" Alice called brightly, holding up her already packed suitcases as she ran down the stairs. "Come on, our flight is in two hours, people!"

"When did you have this vision?" Bella demanded, dumbfounded.

"As soon as Emmett decided to give the letter to Carlisle instead of folding it up into a paper airplane and naming it the Hindenburg II," Alice replied cheerfully.

"Ugh. Can't go. I have to make up my grade," Nessie muttered.

"What? What happened?" Bella demanded.

"I failed my calculus test."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't write out my work."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"I did it in my head. But the teacher didn't believe me, and said that if she couldn't do it in her head, then I couldn't, so I must be cheating. Just because I'm smarter than her doesn't mean that I cheated," Nessie mumbled. As Nessie was staying, Jacob also stayed behind, too.

There was a thunderstorm in New Jersey when we arrived. We rented some cars – the usual sports cars, of course, though Emmett had been just dying to get the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile that was available – and sped off to PPTH.

It seemed like everyone had fallen silent as soon as we had entered. Emmett coughed awkwardly. Everyone started to slowly move around again, though they were all still staring at us.

A man with graying hair and a beard and a cane limped over. He glanced dismissively over at us. That was new. "Okay, who are you and why are you making all of the little workers in my hive falling over themselves to stare at you?" Why the hell are strangers doing in my – I mean, Cuddy's hospital?

"I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I got an invitation to bring my family here and check out the hospital – it was a job offer, and we're taking a look around." Ah. So they're pompous strangers. Gits.

"But why the little kiddos?" the man asked, patting Alice's head. I resisted the urge to laugh. She scowled at him.

"I'm older than you," she muttered under her breath.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I'm seventeen, you know."

"Hmph. Odd."

"So who are you?" Emmett asked.

"House." Everyone knows who Dr. Gregory House is. I mean, I'm me.

"Dr. Gregory House?" I said.

"No, Einstein, that's my evil twin brother," House replied sarcastically. "I'm Eugene House (that's for you, Mangobunny255), the inventor of Velcro and leading soprano singer at the community choir." Idiot.

"So. Who are all you strangely good-looking people who are also creepy?" House demanded.

"This is my wife, Esme. And these are my children, Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie," Carlisle introduced.

"Huh. You like kind of young to have kids. How old were you when you had them?" Probably seven or something. Must've had pretty blind parents. And deaf.

"We're adopted," Jasper replied. He was looking very uncomfortable. We were making him hold his breath for the entire visit.

"Do you have diarrhea or something? Because I have some laxatives or pills or whatever in my office that could really help you," House offered. God knows that they've helped me out a lot.

"Um… no. And I'm not – sick."

"Uh-huh… " If you say so. "Well, nice to meet you." He stuck out his hand, and Carlisle shook it. House raised his eyebrows. "Cold skin – derma frigidus. Interesting." Weird, pompous strangers with diseases.

"Sorry. My whole family has it."

"And yet you aren't related." This whole shebang is suspicious. Maybe I ought to do an investigation on – ooh, free doughnuts today! "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have some very important matters to take care of. I'll have… Kutner! KUTNER! GET OVER HERE! He'll take you on a tour around the hospital. Bye." If all of the jelly-filled doughnuts are gone, I'm going to whack Foreman with my cane. Stupid jelly doughnut eater…

A man with dark skin came over. "What is – oh, hello." He smoothed out his hair and smiled at Rosalie." Thank you, House! "I'm Dr. Lawrence Kutner. And I'll be your tour guide today."

He motioned for us to follow him. "So, welcome to our lovely abode, in which we must endure long workdays with the notorious Dr. House. Over there is the staff lounge, where they are currently giving out free doughnuts." I love the jelly-filled ones. Of course, I usually only eat half of them, and then leave the rest on Foreman's desk.

"And here is one of the patient's rooms. You know, I once used these very defibrillator paddles –" He held them up " – and accidentally set one of the patients on fire." My family and I automatically took a step back from him. "But don't worry! I've learned how to not do it anymore."

"Kutner, who're you speaking to?" A man with a bald head came in. "Oh, hi. Who are you?" They're all pretty good-looking. It has to be plastic surgery. I wonder which surgeon? They did a better job than I ever did. But it looks to perfect to be plastic surgery. I wonder…

"I'm Carlisle Cullen, and this is my family."

"Hi. I'm Dr. Taub. So you're the one who Cuddy sent the job offer to?"

"That's right."

"Nice to meet you. Well, Kutner, when you're done, you're needed with the newest patient." He snapped his fingers. "Thirteen! I need to talk to you."

My name's Remy, for god's sake – oh. Wow. A woman with dark brown hair entered the room. "Yeah?"

"Mrs. Reilly needs her surgery now. Come on."

"Okay, well, that's everyone on our team here. Next part of the tour, come on."

"Oh! Well, hello, odd group of supposedly unrelated family people with strangely cold skin and yellow eyes." House stopped and took a bite from his doughnut. Ha, I got the last one. Take that, Foreman. "So either you're really, really sick, all of you, or you're all just weird."

"I'd go with the second one," Emmett replied. I thwacked his head. "Ow…"

"Ah. Knew it. Well, who wants to come with me and watch as I remove a patient's appendix?" House asked, waving a clipboard around.

Carlisle glanced at the papers. "It doesn't say that you're supposed to do that, though."

"And I care about that… why? Aw, come on, I haven't done an appendectomy in forever!" he whined.

Carlisle was confused. By now, most other doctors would've just gone away by now – actually, most doctors didn't do appendectomies in the first place without the patient's permission.

"No appendectomy, House," a woman named Dr. Cuddy called as she walked by, reading some charts intently.

"Fudge. Nice timing," House muttered as he limped off. Kutner checked his watch and excused himself. Time to go frame Foreman again.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Are you seriously considering working here?"

"This place is awesome!" Emmett shouted.

So? How'd you like the House thing? I don't know if I should add more House. Then it'd probably be more of a House crossover, though I'll still add stuff like Beijing or Bigfoot. I'm suffering from stupid pollen allergies now, so short author's note now. Oh, I've posted a new story called Alice. About Alice. Check it out!