Love from jealousy – part 35

By Fishiexy

Kyle's thoughts in italics

Lori was almost at the end of the corridor when the bell sounded signalling the start of afternoon classes. The hallway was suddenly a hive of activity filled with a mass of bodies all walking and talking simultaneously, a cacophony of chaos assaulting her senses but more importantly, slowing down her escape. She couldn't begin to sort out all the emotions and feelings that were swirling through her mind at present. She didn't care about the punishments she knew she was going to be given by both the principal and her parents when they found out that she had been cutting class, she just had to get away from here, away from Kyle.

Fuck! She couldn't believe how stupid she had been. She really thought that she and Kyle had shared something more than just the physical side of things although of course that part had been nice too and despite what Kyle had said about not wanting to be with her in that way, he couldn't deny that he'd become aroused, which had to account for something didn't it?

But she'd gone and blown it and she couldn't take it back and pretend it was a joke or insist that she'd only ever really wanted to be his friend because just now she'd admitted to wanting to have sex with him and then she had revealed that she'd noticed and appreciated his body not to mention making that crass comment about the size of his penis, which was totally uncalled for even if it was completely true and she had gone and said all of that in front of him and Amanda knowing that it would upset them both. So those emotions that had seemed so difficult to classify a moment ago now were now just lining up to be counted because she had just described anger, betrayal, righteous indignation, total embarrassment, guilt and utter humiliation…

But then there were also undercurrents of sadness, grief, wistful longing and also a bit of uncertainty too because by now she knew Kyle very well and it wasn't in his nature to hurt people by playing games with them, especially not sexual games; he just didn't have the mind-set or the experience to pull it off. No matter how clever he was, there was no way he could fake that, which meant that maybe Kyle wasn't lying when he'd insisted that everything he had said to her was true…

So what was she supposed to think now? And more importantly, what was she supposed to do? It was like totally messing with her head! She reached back inside herself and latched onto anger and betrayal. At least they were familiar, comforting even in a twisted sort of way and she'd done them before so she knew what to expect, what to feel. Yeah. Anger and betrayal; her good friends, unlike Kyle…

Desperate to talk to Lori, I picked myself up from ground and stumbled out into the hallway only to be met by a tidal wave of teenagers all pushing and knocking against me, trying to get to class on time. I quickly scanned the area, but there was too much interference, too many people, too many bodies out of which to sense her.

Figuring that the most likely course of action that she would take given her current emotional state was that of running away, I turned towards the exit squinting against the light in the hope that I could locate her but that just served to increase the pounding in my head. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to subside and soon doors were closing and footsteps were fading and then the corridor was almost deserted, the near silence a welcome relief from the unrelenting white noise of multiple simultaneous conversations coming at me from all directions which made it difficult to try and locate Lori's heartbeat.

But then suddenly, there it was. I turned towards the familiar sound and could just make out Lori's figure disappearing around a corner. I concentrated on being next to her, but due to the pain my body was experiencing, it was not able to generate the extra power needed for a burst of super-speed so I ran as fast as my weak and trembling legs would allow, willing her to stop so that I could speak to her.

'Lori, please wait, please let me explain.' I called out to her as I jogged unsteadily around the corner.

'You had your chance, Kyle.' Lori spat at me and continued walking. 'I don't want to hear any more of your lies.'

'Lori stop!' I said desperately, grabbing hold of her arm.

'Don't touch me!' Lori shouted trying to knock me away, but I held on tight. I had to get through to her.

'I'm not lying; I never lied about my feelings for you.'

But she wasn't listening to me and then she began to struggle. I could feel the panic beginning to build in me once more.

'I mean it, Kyle. Take your hands off of me!'

'Trager? Are you ok?'

And suddenly Declan's voice rang out from behind me, full of surprise and concern.

'I'm fine!' She answered in a clipped tone before raising her voice once more. 'Get off me, Kyle!

I tried to hold her still, tried to get her to look at me so that she could see that I was telling her the truth but she was pushing at me, twisting her body away from mine, causing me to lose my balance, making me grip her arms tighter in an effort to keep from falling over.

'Lori, stop it! You've got to listen to me!'

'Kyle, you're hurting me…'

Lori's high-pitched desperate cry made my blood run cold.

'You heard her, man, get off!'

And the next thing I knew I was being grabbed and large hands had my shoulders in a vice like grip, fingers digging into my flesh making me gasp in shock and pain and I was being forced backwards and then violently shoved away, making me lose my footing, causing me to fall, landing heavily on my side. I lay still for a few seconds momentarily winded before lifting my head, fighting against the pain, the nausea and dizziness to see Lori and Declan walking away.

I knew that I'd hurt them deeply and now they both hated me. I couldn't blame them for not wanting to speak to me any more, but if I couldn't talk to them, if they wouldn't hear me out, how were things going to get back to the way they were? There was a huge lump in my throat preventing me from swallowing. I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes and suddenly felt very helpless. I didn't know what to do to make everything all right again. I didn't know what to do…

More than half an hour had passed since Declan had found out that his ex-girlfriend was currently sleeping with his best friend (who was now his ex-best friend because he was a lying, cheating, incestuous, secret-keeping freak) and although the initial shock he'd experienced on discovering the news had worn off, the anger he'd felt, the anger that now seemed to be devouring him hadn't diminished in the slightest.

After severing his friendship with Kyle and walking purposefully away from him, he'd gone to the gym to try to cool down by shooting some hoops but far from making him feel better, this attempt at giving his anger a physical outlet, instead of using Kyle as a punching bag which was what he really wanted to do, had only served to make him even more aggressive, more combative because his aim was so off he couldn't have hit the broad side of a barn door the state he was in due to his inability to concentrate on anything other than Kyle and the devastating sense of loss and injustice he felt. So in the end he had just given up and thrown the ball across the room as hard as he could, yelling in a fit of fury and frustration.

How could Kyle have betrayed him like that? How could his friendship have meant so little when less than three days ago he had saved Kyle's sorry ass by dragging him out of the classroom and letting him get rid of that energy burst or whatever the hell it was? And Kyle had sat down next to him and thanked him and then actually confided in him, finally shared with him a few of the things that made him so different, that made Declan realize how special, how extraordinary he was and just how much of a gift he had been given simply by having had the chance to help him.

So how therefore, could Kyle have said that he trusted him with his life but then in the next breath refuse point blank to tell him anything, especially after Declan had practically got on his knees, begging and pleading for him to explain what had happened in the woods, why there had been CCTV footage of Kyle and his family in Tom Foss' apartment and how come Kyle had left him, and only him, that box of souvenirs because they were exactly the things he had talked about in his farewell speech and that couldn't have been a coincidence, right?

And then within a couple of days everything he had come to believe in, everything he had learnt about himself and about Kyle had been shot to pieces, because Kyle, it seemed, suddenly had parents and then it turned out he was just a normal kid who'd had a shocking and disturbing event occur in his past that had been associated with traumatic memory loss, a self-preservation strategy Kyle had subconsciously adopted to prevent the psychological damage he'd obviously sustained from overwhelming him and then that was it; game over: A quick 'bye, it's been fun' and then he just got in the car and drove away, with no thought for the people he'd left behind who cared for him, for the people whose lives he had ruined.

Declan could hardly see straight due to the pain and anger that was consuming him and it was at that moment that he heard Lori's high-pitched cry and he rounded the corner to see Kyle grappling with her, his hands clasped around her arms attempting to restrain her while she was twisting sideways trying to free herself from his grip, desperately trying to get away from him.

Declan wasn't normally one to get involved in other peoples' domestic disputes because it tended to generate more trouble than it was worth but seeing the pain and fear on Lori's face compounded by the overwhelming desire to punch Kyle's lights out right about now, his protective instincts got the better of him and he saw red, launching himself at Kyle, brutally grabbing hold his shoulders, viciously tightening his grip until he couldn't help but release Lori.

Declan felt both an immense rush of power and a sadistic sense of glee as Kyle yielded to the pressure and pain he was causing him. And he wanted to go on causing him pain, to hurt him like he himself had been hurt, to continue the vice-like grip on his shoulders knowing that he was probably leaving finger-shaped bruises on that flawless skin, to continue the downward pressure and force him to his knees, to humiliate him as he himself had been humiliated, because Kyle would look up at him with those huge tear-filled eyes and would know then that it was Declan that held the power over him and not the other way round…

But all of a sudden his elation and sense of achievement vanished to be replaced with a feeling of horror as he realized that he'd become aroused from the thought of Kyle kneeling in submission before him. But what if it wasn't about revenge? What if was actually about the thought of Kyle on his knees in front of him because that dark head was now almost level with his groin and it would only take a second for him to unzip his pants and reach inside to free his cock and then… Oh God… he was pushing it between Kyle's full, soft, pouty lips…

He heard Kyle gasp startling him out of his sick and perverted thoughts and his head snapped up to see Kyle's look of shock and fear causing Declan to panic because what if Kyle really could read minds like Lori said and now knew all the filthy things he'd just been thinking about? And why on God's Earth had he been fantasizing about Kyle taking him in his mouth? He'd never thought about anything like that before, he'd never thought of guys in that way before, he'd never thought of guys full stop…

And then his panic turned to anger and then disgust because Kyle was responsible for all of this. Kyle was the one making him think these awful things and just like when he had been sitting outside with him, sitting next to him, touching him, somehow Kyle had made him get aroused again, but this time it was different; this time he wanted to feel Kyle's hands on him, wanted that timid, tentative touch, wanted the cool caress of soft skin over his heated flesh and this time it was different because he wanted to have Kyle in return.

Suddenly Declan couldn't bear to be near Kyle any more and so he pushed with all of his might, violently shoving him away, watching as he stumbled backwards, arms flailing, body twisting helplessly as he tried to right himself before eventually losing his balance, falling awkwardly and landing heavily on the floor.

He waited for the warm glow of satisfaction to appear after finally appeasing his anger by getting physical with Kyle, yet somehow it failed to materialize leaving him only with a odd sense of shame as he saw Kyle slowly and painstakingly sit himself up gingerly holding his side as though he might have bruised or fractured a rib and with a look of hurt and confusion on his face as though he couldn't believe that Declan could have possibly treated him so maliciously, so sadistically, so unkindly, so unlike him.

He should have felt good about getting revenge on Kyle and seeing him lying there in a pitiful heap in pain on the floor. It was no more than he deserved after all the trouble he had caused so why then did he feel so guilty? Why then was he having to steel himself from going over to Kyle right this second and check that he was ok? Why then did he have this overwhelming urge to lift up his shirt and gently run his hands over the soft, pale skin beneath to make sure that there were no bruised or broken ribs? He didn't understand why he was feeling like this! What was happening to him? God, this was all so fucked up…

'Let's get out of here…' He said brusquely taking Lori's hand and leading her away down the corridor, away from temptation, away from Kyle.

'Well?' Declan said expectantly.

'Well what?' Lori replied curtly.

'A 'thank you!' would be nice for saving your maidenly virtue… Although in your case maybe 'maiden' isn't quite the word I should have used!' He added as an afterthought, smirking slightly.

'You should know. You were the last one to see it…' Lori snapped back. 'And anyway, neither me nor my virtue needed saving, we were doing just fine on our own!'

'Yeah, I could see that!' Declan replied sarcastically.

'Please!' Lori rolled her eyes. 'You think I can't handle Kyle?'

'Oh I know you can 'handle' him alright…'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Lori's voice took on an accusatory tone.

'You and Kyle in the corridor today? For God's sake, I'm surprised he could even breathe your tongue was so far down his throat… Not to mention that what you're doing is sick and illegal too!'

Declan had been trying to play it cool as he reckoned he would get more information out of Lori that way, but honestly, the whole situation between her and Kyle had affected him in ways he wasn't even prepared to admit to himself and he knew he'd lost it, knew he sounded petulant and jealous when he'd told her that any relationship she had with Kyle would be against the law.

'So kissing someone's illegal now is it?'

Was she being deliberately obtuse just to wind him up because she must know that he wasn't talking about kissing? Although what was the legal position about kissing Kyle Declan wondered… before giving himself the equivalent of a mental slap because what he had intended to say was the legal position about Lori kissing Kyle not kissing Kyle in general. And at this point he wanted to make it very clear to himself that there was no way in Hell that he would ever kiss or even consider kissing Kyle. Anyway this was about Lori and Kyle not anyone else and Kyle…

'Maybe,' he told her, glossing over the kissing bit, 'but having sex with your brother certainly is!'

'What?'

And if Declan hadn't known better he might have given her the benefit of the doubt because she looked and sounded so shocked, but her fake disbelief just fuelled the flames of his anger.

'Trager, just… What the fuck were you thinking? Apart from the obvious of course, I mean Kyle might not be your brother by blood, but he's your brother by law now and let's not forget he's also a complete headcase! Of all the people in the world why did you have to sleep with him? Do your parents even know about this?'

'Oh! My! God! You really think I had sex with Kyle?'

'There's no point in trying to deny it, Trager, I got it straight from the horse's mouth!'

'What horse? There can't be any horse because there's been no sex!'

'Well according to him there was.' Declan said staring darkly at Kyle who was approaching them slowly, one hand across the front of his body, supporting the side of his chest which looked like it was still causing him pain.

'Oh great, he's back again.' Lori muttered knowing that Kyle's sensitive hearing would pick up everything she said.

'Can't you take a hint?' She said loudly and slowly addressing him as if he were either deaf or stupid. 'I don't want to talk to you now. God! Stalker much, Kyle?'

'Lori…' Kyle pressed on regardless, but Lori was having none of it.

'Did you tell Declan we were having sex?' She cut him off rudely.

'No, but…'

'See? No sex!' She said to Declan triumphantly and turned her back on Kyle effectively excluding him from any further attempts at communication.

'Kyle! Did you or did you not tell me that you and Lori were friends with benefits?'

'Yes, but…'

'See? Sex!' Declan turned back to Lori, smirking, his body language also making it very clear that Kyle was the outsider in the group.

'So are you going to admit it now?'

'No, because it never happened.'

'Is that Trager-speak for the sort of sex that never happened with me as well?' He asked her sarcastically.

'No! That was Trager-speak for the sort of sex that sucked! This was…God! This wasn't anything and I can't believe I'm even talking to you about it! Kyle!' She said in a commanding voice turning back towards him after giving Declan a final death glare.

'Why did you tell Declan we were friends with benefits?'

'Because that's what you said we were and at the time I didn't understand what it meant.'

Kyle's slow, melodious voice and his earnest and worried expression just wound Declan up even further.

'Everybody knows what friends with benefits means, Freak-boy!' He said nastily.

'Great!' Lori threw her hands up in the air. 'So now the whole school thinks I'm having sex with you.'

'But we're not.' Kyle said frowning and looking confused.

'I know that and you know that, but everyone else will think that we are.'

'So why don't we just tell them that it's not true?' He asked, still with the confused face. It all seemed so simple to him.

'Because if I go round telling people it isn't true then they'll definitely believe that it is which would be worse than if I didn't say anything at all.'

Lori rolled her eyes to indicate just how stupid she thought Kyle's idea was and then gave a long-suffering sigh.

'This is bad on so many levels…' She muttered to herself.

'Why? We're not hurting anyone.'

'There is no 'we', Kyle. There never was and there never will be and I most certainly would be hurt if people thought that I was sleeping with you.'

There was a moment of silence as Kyle took in Lori's spiteful words.

'Why? What's wrong with me?' Kyle asked in a small voice.

'What isn't wrong with you, you mean?' Declan said snidely.

There was another uncomfortable pause as Kyle tried to make sense of what Lori and Declan were telling him. His teeth worried at his bottom lip as he nervously flicked his gaze from Declan to Lori and then back again.

'I, I don't understand…'

The stuttering and almost apologetic reply, combined with the bewildered look on Kyle's face was so pitiful that Declan started to feel a bit guilty and for a moment wondered whether he should just go over to Kyle, pull him into a hug and say he was sorry…

But then he remembered why they were here, as well as the fact that he was still feeling somewhat disconcerted over the worrying thoughts that seemed to keep popping unbidden into his head whenever Kyle was in the vicinity not to mention the highly embarrassing physical reaction he'd experienced not more than a few minutes ago…

Kyle had brought this on himself and he didn't deserve to have anyone feel sorry for him. Declan wasn't the abnormal one here yet Kyle was making he feel like he was. It was time to let everyone know that it was Kyle who had the problem, not him.

'You're a good-for-nothing, suck-up, nerdy, know-it-all geek, Kyle and here's a bit of free advice: no one likes a smartass who is always right, who's always in the spot-light and makes everyone else look like idiots.'

He could feel the anger building again. God! Kyle had been his best friend; they'd had so many laughs and good times together whether it was hanging out at 'The Rack' drinking gallons of coffee or in Kyle's case fruit smoothies, playing one-on-one basketball at the gym and shooting hoops in theTrager's back yard, or just talking for hours like they'd done that night they spent alone together at the U-Dub dorms…

'Nerdy geek?' Kyle queried.

Declan felt his anger surge. Why didn't Kyle understand even the simplest little things like ordinary, everyday words when he could do advanced calculus in his sleep and go on to predict the weather as an encore? Why couldn't he just be normal instead of this weird, annoying, childish, gentle, kind, compassionate, amazing, beautiful, multi-gifted genius who had been the best friend he had ever had? And why had he betrayed him and ruined everything?

'A freak, Kyle, you're a fucking freak…' Declan shouted at him breathing heavily at the emotions churning wildly inside him.

Kyle recoiled as though he had been slapped, the color draining from his face leaving his skin ashen. Lori gasped at both the choice of words and the harshness at which they had been delivered. She knew Declan had had problems with Kyle since he'd come back to them but she'd thought that things were starting to get better again now since he he'd gotten Kyle out of class last week. And afterwards he had tried to help him by telling her she could easily fix things between them just by talking to him all because Kyle told Declan he was upset after they'd had a bit of a row. It was obvious then, that Declan really cared for Kyle and considered their friendship to be important so what had happened to make him behave in that callous and deliberately hurtful way?

Lori knew that of all the many insults that Kyle had been called since he awoke that day in the forest over a year ago now, that specific one hurt him more than any of the others. Being called 'stupid' or 'ugly' was obviously not particularly nice either but those sort of things didn't really seem to bother him that much probably because he realized that they weren't true. Even though his knowledge of general, everyday things was at times somewhat hazy and his interpersonal skills were often non-existent, he knew that he wasn't stupid and likewise while he had never fully understood the fuss that girls especially made about his looks he did realize that he wasn't completely pig-ugly or in his words; 'there are a lot of people whose facial features are much less socially acceptable than mine' a statement with which Lori couldn't help but agree.

However, the word 'freak' implied someone that was off-the-charts different, highly unusual or unconventional, strange in a odd-weird way and maybe even unique which in Kyle's opinion wasn't a good thing to be. Kyle was also aware that he was all of those things and that made him feel abnormal and isolated which in turn made him unable to fit in. And Lori knew that that if there was one thing that would upset Kyle more than anything else, that would threaten him and could ultimately break him, it was Kyle feeling that he was alone.

'Kyle, look...!'

His pale face with its overly shiny eyes and expression of hurt and confusion turned in her direction.

'You're my brother. It would be like totally incestuous if we got together.' She told him, trying to make her voice come out in a slightly more gentle tone to the one she had been using before. However, although she didn't want to hurt him any more than was necessary she felt it was her duty to make him understand what she wanted and needed because it was obvious now that she wasn't going to get it from him.

'But even if you weren't, I don't want people thinking that I'm… well, 'doing a virgin' to put it bluntly and especially one at your age too! I want someone who knows what they're about, knows what they want. I need someone who's experienced or at least knows how to make me feel good and I certainly don't want someone who just sits there, frozen to the spot expecting me to do all the running.'

'But I didn't know what to do!' Kyle told her urgently. 'When you touched me…'

'Kyle…!' Lori said sharply, warning him not to continue.

Honestly! Was he really going to try and explain why they failed to have sex in front of Declan?

'But you're my friend, Lori. I love you and you told me you loved me…'

What was the matter with him? Declan didn't need to know the details of what had gone on between them, in fact not even she wanted to be reminded of all the things they had done, all the things she had said, not right now anyways. Maybe one day in the future, when it wasn't so fresh in her mind. Maybe one day when it didn't hurt so God-damned much.

'That was before you dropped your little bomb-shell today. How could I love someone who made my boy-friend dump me?'

'What?' Declan interjected with a start.

'Yeah, haven't you heard? Apparently you were so cut up about Kyle leaving and so worried about him when he was away that you couldn't be there for me. So what's the deal? Come on, spill… Are you two like, having a thing?' Lori asked sarcastically.

'What?' Declan repeated dumbly, too shocked to think of anything more original or clever. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

'Do you have 'feelings' for Kyle?' Lori said in a sing-song voice. 'Oh my God! Are you in love with him…?' She cried in mock surprise as though she'd just discovered the secret of the century.

'No! I'm not! I don't! I'm not gay!'

The hurried, indignant denial came out far too quickly. He felt himself flush in embarrassment and fear at the thought that Lori now might actually believe her own accusations.

'Hey, I didn't say a word so don't take it out on me. Horse's mouth remember?'

Lori indicated Kyle with a nod of her head and Declan rounded on him immediately.

'Did you call me a fag?' He hissed furiously

'No.' Kyle answered quickly before frowning and asking… 'What's that?'

And with that puzzled look a bizarre thought from way out in left field suddenly popped into Declan's head: could Kyle actually be gay? Because even though he knew that Kyle was in love and had always been in love with Amanda, there was nothing to stop him from being attracted to boys as well. And if he was into that sort of thing or even if he didn't know he was yet as he was still a latent homosexual then that would like totally explain the reason why Declan kept experiencing those odd urges and unsettling, unfamiliar feelings: because he was picking up on Kyle's emotions and desires and therefore just coming out in sympathy… Uh…bad choice of words! Um… 'responding' maybe? Yeah that was better… He was just responding in sympathy to Kyle so actually, it really wasn't anything to do with him at all!

And Declan had often thought that Kyle looked gay; like in the way he moved and wore his hair, because he was slim and not overly muscular and what with being so pretty and all. And then there was the way he acted; like he didn't enjoy rough team sports and went out of his way to avoid physical confrontation, like when he let his soft and feminine side show, when he talked about his feelings and cried and when he was vulnerable and submissive. But did Kyle know what being gay meant, what it entailed? Had he in fact even come across the concept of homosexuality?

'You know…Bent…Gay…Queer…A guy who likes other guys, who has sex with other guys, who likes taking it up the ass… For fuck's sake Kyle…A Goddamn homosexual!' Declan cried out in frustration.

'Because I'm not, you know…'

'Not what?' Kyle asked bewildered.

'Gay! I am not, in any way, shape or form, gay! Got that? Jesus Kyle!'

Declan knew that Kyle was naïve sexually, socially and emotionally but was he really that innocent about the effect he had on people? The effect on their mind and body…

'And if stuff had happened to me it was your fault so you'd better not try anything again…' He threatened, forgetting that Lori was standing right next to them in his haste to refute even the very notion that Kyle might have considered that he could possibly have gay tendencies.

'You're very touchy about this whole subject. And what do you mean by 'stuff'? Could it be that there's actually something going on here?' Lori's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

'Fuck you, Trager!' Declan spat vehemently.

'You wish!' Lori replied dismissively.

'No you wish if the best you can do now is making out with Kyle in the middle of a school corridor for everyone to see. I don't think you need worry about what people might think, because from what you were doing, they already know…'

'How can you be a homosexual?' Kyle asked in a puzzled tone. 'You were going out with Lori…'

On any other day Declan would have laughed at Kyle's touching display of naiveté but right now he felt only a rising sense of hysteria as things were rapidly spiralling out of control and the situation was fast becoming fraught with dangerous emotional undercurrents threatening his very being and sense of who he was.

'I'm not a fucking homosexual…' Declan shouted frantically.

'And we're not going out any more, thanks to you…' Lori said darkly.

'It's just as well we're not going out any more because you were so high-maintenance.'

'At least I made an effort, you were just a moody, arrogant asshole…'

And now not only were they angry at me, I had made them angry at each other. They were arguing, shouting, swearing, hurling hurtful insults at one another, turning on each other and on me. I could feel myself being pulled in opposite directions with no hope of a solution. And there I realized, was the crux of the matter. I couldn't tell them what they wanted to know yet I couldn't explain the reason why not either. I just seemed to be stuck in a world of half-truths and white lies deceiving and alienating everyone. I had no hope of sorting this out, of fixing this, of fixing Lori and Declan…

'Stop!'

But my voice was all croaky and raspy and it didn't look as though they had heard me. My head was pounding, my chest felt tight, my breathing sounded harsh and wheezy and it was becoming more and more difficult to get air into my lungs. I tried to slow down my respiratory rate but that just served to focus my mind on the increasing sense of breathlessness I was feeling.

'Please stop!' I whispered, hands pressed to my head, eyes screwed up in pain.

I could hear myself gasping, feel myself panicking, sense the change in the atmosphere, sense the subtle shifting of the molecules in the air and knew that I had to get out of there fast.

'Declan, help me!'

But they were so wrapped up in causing each other pain that they didn't stop to spare a thought for what their desire to hurt one another was doing to me.

'God, you're so selfish!'

'You've got to get me out… The windows…'

'I'm selfish? That's a joke!'

I could feel the windows beginning to break, sense the molecules of the glass fracturing along paths of least resistance ready to shatter at any moment just like my mind seemed to be doing…

These weird visions or portents that I kept jumping in and out of, making me feel dizzy and disoriented, the pain and anxiety that seemed to be with me continually these days, shock at the death of Adam and loss of my only true blood relative, the constant bullying and manipulation by Foss, the alienation and disappointment that I had caused Nicole, the wariness and distrust I still felt from Stephen, the pain and betrayal that I could sense from Lori and Declan and the loss of trust and missed opportunities with Amanda.

Everyone I ever had any sort of a relationship with, everyone I that I was ever friends with, everyone that I ever loved now didn't want anything more to do with me and I had no one to blame but myself. I had given them reason to hate me, I had pushed them all away with my lies and secrets and it didn't matter that I had done it for their benefit, their safety because they could never know and so never really know me. Now I had no one to talk to, to confide in, to hold, comfort and love me and I didn't know how I could manage to continue to do all that I knew I must now I was completely alone.

It felt as though there was a hummingbird trapped in my chest, its tiny wings fluttering against my ribcage, my heart beating at an incredible speed, a speed that even my body would not be able to sustain for much longer. There was a lump in my throat that was preventing me from swallowing and it felt like I was choking. Spots had started to appear flashing before my eyes yet the rest of my sight was tunnelling down to a single small point in front of me. The loss of my peripheral vision made me feel dizzy and nauseous.

My heart was hammering, my breathing was rapid and shallow and I felt like I was going to throw up at any second. I had to let Nicole know that I was unwell and reached into my pocket for my phone but my fingers wouldn't seem to cooperate; they had pins and needles in them and felt awkward and clumsy. I couldn't access the stored numbers, I couldn't press the buttons, I couldn't make the call. I felt the panic build. I had to talk to Nicole. I had to tell her that I didn't feel so good. I didn't want her to be disappointed in me again. I needed her to trust me, to love me.

I continued to try and call home, my fumbling attempts becoming increasingly frantic but now I couldn't feel my fingers at all; both my hands had gone completely numb. I looked down at my phone yet nothing was in focus. What was happening to me? Something was terribly wrong. I tried to move, but my legs felt so heavy and then I was shaking because the pain was back with a vengeance, shooting behind my eyes, threatening to split my head in half, blinding me with its intensity.

'Nicole!'

The room was spinning, my face was tingling, I was going to be sick!

I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, my heart was beating too fast and then I felt myself slipping…

There was a sudden loud 'crack' causing Declan to jump and for a moment he thought that a gun had gone off until he saw what Lori was staring at: A huge fracture had appeared across one of the windows above them, its jagged outline stretching dangerously across the whole pane of glass looking like a sheet of ice that someone had stepped on, ice that was too thin to take their weight, ice that any moment was going to shatter beneath their feet. What was going on? Were they in the middle of another Earthquake or did this have something to do with Kyle? Was this what he had meant when he said that he could shatter glass? He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up as though warning him that something terrible was about to happen. He turned towards Kyle to ask him if this was his doing but the words suddenly died in his throat as he took one look at him…

Kyle's skin was gray and mottled and he was sweating profusely. His whole body seemed to be shaking just with the effort of trying to remain upright. Then Declan heard him gasp as he squeezed his eyes together tightly, his face contorting in pain and there was another loud 'crack' as a second window fractured. Kyle raised his head and fearfully looked in the direction of the sound and in doing so his eyes found Declan's. And the desperation and pain that Declan could see swirling in the dark depths made him gasp in horror because he could feel the static electricity building around him, feel the energy causing the air to move, to come alive, buzzing and vibrating and pushing at his body like an invisible force field and the last time he had experienced that, Kyle couldn't help himself and he just…imploded!

Declan knew he had to get Kyle out into the open, but before he'd even taken a single step towards him Kyle's hands were clawing at the collar of his shirt, his eyes wide in fear, body shaking and it was like he couldn't breathe because the muscles in his neck were standing out like cords and he was panting, his mouth half open trying to get as much air in and out as possible, his breath sounds harsh and rasping, his chest rising and falling, hyperventilating at some impossible speed.

'Can't…'

All Declan's anger and righteous indignation at his perceived betrayal and abandonment by Kyle were forgotten as he stared in morbid fascination, rooted to the spot in fear, eyes wide with horror, his gaze locked upon Kyle's hysterical and frantic struggle with himself.

'Help!'

But he couldn't, despite Kyle's high-pitched, desperate cry. He was terrified of what was happening to Kyle, of what might happen to Kyle, yet he unable to move, unable even to think. He wasn't clever and level-headed like Amanda or brave and feisty like Lori, he was stupid and useless and scared because Kyle needed him and he didn't know what to do…

But then Lori was moving past him and grabbing Kyle's shoulders, shouting at him and shaking him but it was too late because his whole body stiffened then swayed dangerously before his eyes fluttered, then rolled backwards in his head and he suddenly collapsed, a dead-weight ripped out of Lori's grasp by gravity and momentum, body falling, limp like a rag-doll, landing heavily on the concrete floor, limbs tangled and twisted beneath him, his head coming to rest at an odd angle on his neck due to the force with which his skull had smacked into the ground.