"Ex Memoria"

36. Existential

May 2012 – Lima, Ohio

She would have wanted nothing more than to share her concerns with the Doctor, to ask him about certain things, but she couldn't do it, and not just because the version of the Doctor she'd been sitting across from would have had no idea what she was going on about because he hadn't lived it yet. She had been doing well enough at this point, establishing the distance between them, for as long as it was required. But it was just as she'd said… it was all coming to an end, sooner than later.

By the time she'd walked into her building and started up to her floor, she was exhausted, and all she wanted was to crash face first into her bed. Only she got to her door and found a post-it note stuck to it, waiting for her. She reached up and tugged it free as she read.

Good evening, field tripper. There's dinner waiting for you at my place. I figured you'd be too tired to make anything but cereal. No need to bring anything but yourself. – Walter.

She let out a breath, a smile freeing itself and rising from her lips and over her face. It was still lingering there when she made it to his door and gave a knock. Seconds later, the door opened, and her smile resurged. "Hey…" he greeted her.

"Hey," she greeted back, leaning in to kiss him. "I should never have told you the cereal thing."

"I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it," he promised, stepping aside for her to come in. "But what's the point of being able to cook if there's no one there to enjoy it."

"Good man," she agreed, tapping his arm before moving to the table. Within a minute, she was served a plate of pasta. "Next thing you'll tell me is you made these from scratch?" she teased, but then seeing the sheepish look on his face, "That's not fair," she tried to tease him, but one whiff of the food and she was much more interested in eating it all.

"What, my mother's Italian, she taught me," he explained, bringing his own plate. "Don't get used to it though, this is special occasions food, like when your girlfriend's had a really long day."

"Oh, she has," Gemma agreed, digging in.

"Does she want to tell me about it?"

"Depends, can she stop talking in the third person?"

"She can."

Gemma told Walter about the field trip, which was all in all fairly standard. It was everything else that happened around it that was the really interesting part. She told him about Sugar coming to talk to her in the morning, about how she'd watched from afar as the kids zoomed from one side to the other, in smaller groups and then all together, all in their efforts to bring Mike and Tina into the fold. She told him how they'd been struggling, and in the end how she'd made a quick trip to the past to give Tina a good enough reason to believe what they'd tell her. It was a shortcut, but it had worked well enough. Then she had been relieved to find Mike and Tina had been brought into their circle, and her hopes had been met.

"Pretty sure they were talking about me on the ride home," she went on.

"Is that good or bad?" Walter asked. She didn't reply right away, instead digging her fork into one, and two, and three of the little stuffed bites and bringing them to her mouth to chew gladly. "Gemma?" She still wouldn't speak, and it brought out that concerned look on his face she could sense without even looking at him. "Does it have anything to do with that letter you got this morning?" Now she looked at him, and after she'd swallowed, she shook her head.

"No, I… Not really."

"Then what is it?" he asked. She hesitated, but not in the way she'd had before; she just needed the right words.

"You've been so patient with me," she started. "I know I've told you a lot of things, more than anyone else here, and I've always known I could trust you with those, but then there are things I still haven't told you about, things I couldn't say, not even to you."

"I get it, you don't have to say anything," he promised.

"I know," she smiled. "That's one of the things I love the most about you," she added, and when his lips spread into a grin, she laughed.

"What?" he asked.

"Spinach," she pointed to her teeth, and the tip of his tongue went poking at his teeth, searching, before he turned his head away and went in with his fingers. After a few seconds, he turned back to her. "You're good," she assured him. It had lightened the mood, only a little but plenty enough for her. With a sigh, she put her fork down and sat up. "I'm worried… if they keep talking about me. I mean I'm sure they've done it before, but if they keep at it… then they might piece some things together. They might find out some things, even if it's only something they think is real, it could still be dangerous."

"This really scares you, doesn't it?" he asked, though it was more of a realization of fact. She gave a small nod, and he reached for her hand. "Why?"

"In that school, I'm Ginny Harrison," she said at first, as though he would understand, but he shrugged, lost. "I'm from the future, Walter. I don't exist here, so why couldn't I just go by my real name?" She paused, sighing. "It's not for their benefit that I have to hide it. Well, it is, part of it. But it's not them I'm worried about finding out the truth, it's other people, the ones we're supposed to face eventually. If it got out there, who I am and where I came from, it would only be a matter of time before they knew the rest… It could wreck a lot of things… including my birth."

THE END

A/N: Next installment, "The Theater, The Theatre" begins tomorrow!