Hey guys! I'm so sorry that it took longer than expected to post this. I was giving it a last minute proofread, a few days ago, and I realized that there were a few parts of the chapter that I didn't really like; so I sort of tore it apart, added, edited, and deleted some stuff, until I was finally satisfied with it.
Thank you guys so much for all of the awesome reviews! I can't believe that I have over six hundred reviews for this fic! That's amazing! You guys are the best readers in the world, and you have no idea how grateful I am for your awesome feedback!
Now on to chapter Thirty Six:
Hold Your Hand
Chapter Thirty Six
Sam's eyes fluttered open slightly, before clenching shut, again, the sun seeping through the cracks in the blinds that hung on the window. He groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes to shield them from the suns blinding rays. The blonde boy hadn't gotten too much sleep, last night. He was never able to sleep without Rachel; he loved the way he would always snuggle up right next to him and hold on tight, as if she would afraid that he would leave if she didn't. Her slow, steady breathing had always soothed him to sleep, and now that she was gone, sleeping was damn near impossible.
God, he missed holding her in his arms; and the way she would sometimes hum sweet melodies in his ear, as they drifted to sleep together; and the way her hair smelled; and how she would always wake him up early (he claimed that he wasn't a morning person, and that he hated waking up early, but truthfully, he loved the special time they had together, early in the morning, before either of the girls woke up); he… he just missed her.
It didn't mean that he regretted what he said to her, though; she was being a bitch, last night. What she said to him about missing the first two years of Olivia's life; it… it was pretty cold, to him at least; he had been aware of the past, and of the truth, but he just didn't understand why she had to bring it up during a fight about… wait a minute… what were they fighting about, again?
Oh yeah, he thought as he got out of bed, and walked into the kitchen. Olivia had walked in on them having sex, and then Rachel had blamed him for all of it. Okay, maybe he was the one who initiated the sex, but in his defense, she looked like she was having a pretty great time, too. Sure, maybe he did get a little out of hand with the yelling, but she didn't have to just leave the fucking house. If she really didn't want to see his face, she could have just ignored him for the rest of the night; hell, he would have slept on the couch, if that meant keeping her there with him.
Man, she really could get under his skin, sometimes. The feeling he had right now… the combination of his heart aching from missing her, and just… being so angry at her at the same time; it was just so damn confusing. That was the thing with Rachel; woman had always confused him, but no woman had confused him more than his woman. Most of the time… he was okay with that; the small girl made him want to be smarter, and strive to be his best. Rachel had this strange effect on him; he couldn't explain what it was, even if he tried.
The green eyed boy poured himself a bowl of cereal; if Rachel and the girls were still there, they would have probably just sat down for breakfast, right then. Harmony would be sitting in her now empty high chair, grinning whenever Olivia would make a funny face at her. Rachel would have most likely moved her chair closer to his, so she could rest her head on his arm, loving the way the heat from his body warmed hers up as well.
Sam sighed as he looked around the empty kitchen; fuck, he couldn't take being alone, anymore; he missed his three beautiful girls so overwhelmingly much, that he just couldn't bear it anymore. He wanted to hold Rachel in his arms, and smell her, and hear her voice, and feel her lips against his. God, he was addicted to this woman, and now that she was gone, he… he felt as if he were going through withdrawal. Rachel Barbara (Berry) Evans was Sam Evans' drug; every kiss, hug, love making session, every time they slept together, every time she would sit in his lap… it just brought him in deeper. And now… he couldn't think… he couldn't sleep; hell, it was a wonder how he could breathe at this point… okay, maybe that was a little over the top, but still, he was losing his fucking mind, over here!
He wanted this whole thing to be over, and for Rachel and the girls to come home, but at the same time, he refused to be the one to apologize. Rachel started the fight, and he just didn't think it was fair that he would have to be the one to end it.
He just wished that he knew what was going on, seeing that he obviously had no control over this whole situation. His life wasn't the same without the three of them; they brought out the best of him, and… and he just needed them back.
.X.x.X.x.X.
"Mommy, I'm bored…" Olivia tugged on her mother's arm as she sat on the couch in living room at Santana and Brittany's apartment. The three of them had spent a grand total of one day away from home, and the toddler was already missing her home. Actually… they all were; not that Rachel would ever admit it in front of anyone, especially Sam; there was no way in hell that she was ever going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much she needed him… probably way more than he needed him… but that wasn't the point… the point was that she wasn't going to break first. Rachel Barbara Berry didn't crawl back to anyone; they crawled back to her…damn she thought as she tried to focus on the television, that sounded sort of bitchy… maybe Sam was right… maybe was being a bitch, last night.
The brown eyed girl shook her head don't get yourself all worked up about that, Rachel; it's just Sam trying to get inside of your head… don't pay attention.
"I know, Livy," she sighed as she took one hand away from a sleeping Harmony, and gently ran her fingers through Olivia's chocolate brown hair, "maybe I'll take you to Toys 'R' Us later, okay?"
"No," Olivia shook her head as she slumped down on the couch.
"What?" Rachel shook her head in confusion. Usually just the mention of the giant toy store would make Olivia's face light up like a Christmas tree, "why not, Livy?"
"I don't wanna go to Toys 'R' Us… I wanna go home!"
"Oh…" the petite brunette felt her heart sink. I should have known this was coming, "why… w-why do you want to go home?"
" 'cause I miss daddy… and my toys… Britt and San don't have any good toys…"
"Oh…" she bit her lip, "you… you miss daddy a lot, huh?"
"Yeah," she nodded, "can we please go home? I'm tired of sleeping with Harmony… she cries too much, and her poop smells really, really yucky.
Rachel couldn't help but bite back a small giggle. The sleeping arrangements had been quite different from what the three girls had been used to. Rachel had slept in the full sized bed in the guest room, with Olivia sleeping by her side, and Harmony sleeping on her chest. Harmony had cried several times during the night, which had waken up Olivia, who, at this time, was usually in her crib (the thing was getting far too small for her, but Sam refused to let Rachel break her promise; they weren't going to get her a regular bed until she was four years old), fast asleep, unable to hear Harmony, who was either in her or her parents' room.
"I know," Rachel nodded in agreement, "it kind of stinks, doesn't it… but… if you think about it… it's not really that bad… you can play with Brittany as soon as she gets home from school… maybe she can teach you a few more dance moves… you always have fun when you guys dance together."
"I guess so," the smaller brunette shrugged, "but I really, really want daddy… I miss his funny voices, and… he… he cuddles better than you do…" Rachel sighed. That was a sad fact that she was willing to accept. "but you're still good at cuddling too, mommy, it's just…" Olivia sighed, "… daddy does it better…"
"It's okay, sweetie; I understand."
Oh god, why did Olivia have to say that? Now all she could think about was how much she missed… just being in Sam's arms. She loved the way his body would warm hers, as they slept, her head pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as his body gently rose and fell as he slept.
Rachel wasn't going to deny it… being away from Sam for this long made her want to just burst out in tears, right there. They had been through so much together. There was some bad; hurtful moments, like last night, where they had said awful, terrible things to each other. But the two of them had also shared some truly incredible moments together; moments that they could have only experienced with one another; experiences that, without each other, they would have never be able to have.
"You see that one?" Sam pointed to one of the many stars that were shining brightly in the nighttime sky. He and Rachel were laying in the grass in Sam's backyard, looking up at the sky, "that's Aries… it represents love…"
"Really?" she looked up at the sky in amazement.
"No," the green eyed boy chuckled and shook his head, "I… I kind of made that up."
What if I told you
It was all meant to be
Would you believe me,
Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'
That we've met before
So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come and now
"Oh," Rachel giggled, breathing in the fresh, early November air. It was a bit chilly out, that night, but Sam given her his sweatshirt, just a few minutes ago, which was… nice; it warm, just like him, and it smelled like him, too... she… she really liked Sam. He was different… in a good way, of course.
The two of them had been dating- well, she wouldn't really say that they were 'dating'… actually, she couldn't really explain what they were… they went out on dates, and… they kissed (it was nothing major; a quick peck on the lips, at the most)… but Rachel had never really considered Sam to be her boyfriend… he… he was just Sam… the guy who she wasn't 'dating' but still had all of these feelings- the most genuine feelings that she had ever had for a guy, before- for. They had only been seeing each other for about a month and a half, now, and so far, their relationship had been pure bliss. There had been no drama, no fighting, just… happiness.
A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
"Do you want to know what the brightest, most beautiful star out there is?" the blonde boy whispered into her ear.
"What?"
Sam pressed a light kiss on her forehead.
"What?" Rachel shook her head in confusion as he looked into her eyes, chocolate brown meeting emerald green, "I'm confused… what are you talking about?"
"You," he smiled down at her, "you… you shine brighter than all of these stars, and… god, I'm sorry if this kind of sounds creepy, since I've only known you for a month, but… you're just the… the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
Everything changes
But beauty remains
Something so tender
I can't explain
Well I maybe dreamin'
But 'till I awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I'll cherish all the love we share
"That's…" she blushed, "that's not creepy at all… that's so sweet, it's… it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me… I… I don't really get that a lot."
"Seriously?" Sam shook his head in disbelief, "that's… that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard; Rachel, you're beautiful…actually, you're more than just beautiful, you're… you're smart, funny, sweet; hell, Rachel, just last week, you taught me how to tie my shoes!"
"Yeah," she smiled at the memory, "you're a very fast learner."
"I…" he took her and in his, "I really like you, Rachel."
"I like you, too," the small girl couldn't help but smile when she felt Sam bring her hand up to his lips, and gently kiss her knuckles, "I… I love you."
"I love you, too…" he smiled down at her; he had forgotten that it was safe to say that in front of her, now. He had first declared that he loved her about two weeks ago, and when she said it back, he couldn't have been happier.
Rachel pressed her lips against his, wrapping her arms around his neck. Sam smiled against her mouth, his eyes still closed as they broke apart, his heart speeding up when the brown eyed girl moved back in for another kiss.
Oh god, he thought when her lips moved on his, a little, what is she doing? He gently placed his hands on her back, oh god, that's her tongue, that's her tongue… he let out a quiet groan when he felt her tongue against his for the first time, wow, even her tongue tastes good! Keep it together, Evans; don't do anything to make her stop- oh god, what is that? Man, she's really good at this. Sam's hands moved up and down her back.
For a moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
God, her tongue is fucking magical, he thought as the two of them continued to make out, come on, dumbass, don't just sit there and make her do all the work! Do something! He moved one of his hands from Rachel's back, and cupped the side of her face with it. Not like that! Don't you fucking see her? She wants some fucking tongue action! Are you that stupid? Think about what you did with Emily, last year; god, she was hot… he opened his eyes for a quick second, before closing them, again, Rachel's hotter, though… shit, focus, damn it… what did I do with Emily, again? Oh yeah… he began to move his hand down from her face, but stopped himself, no, I shouldn't touch her boob; not such a good idea… oh god, that's good… his other hand tangled into her hair.
Man, I could get used to this… her lips are so soft… and her body is so little… oh god, and her hair smells so good… I love her… I love her, I love her, I love her… don't tell her that, though, he moved down to her neck, giving Rachel some air, gently kissing and sucking her pulse point, making her shiver a little. God, I love her… damn, her neck smells good, too… everything about her smells damn good.
He pressed his lips back against hers his heart now pounding against hers. The two of them continued kissing for a few minutes before Rachel pulled away, smiling up at him.
Could this be the greatest love of all
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall
So let me tell you this
Some people wait a lifetime
"Wow," she sighed, finally having a chance to catch her breath.
"Yeah," he nodded in agreement, I love you, "I… I really, really like you."
"I know..." she giggled, "you… you kind of already said that…"
"Oh… I… I just… I really, really like you… a-and it's not just because we just made out… not that it wasn't awesome, because, it really was, but-"
She pressed a gentle kiss on his left cheek, "You're so cute."
"So are you…" Sam bit his lip when his cheeks began to become flushed red.
For a moment like this
Some people spent two lifetimes,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
Sam sighed as he laid back down on the grass, reclaiming Rachel's hand, and placing it on his heart.
"Do you always do this with girls?" she asked, discreetly resting her forehead against his shoulder.
"Do what with girls?" he shook his head in confusion.
"You know..." she shrugged, "are you always this… I don't know…"
"I'm sorry," he chuckled lightly, "I don't follow…"
"You know what I mean."
"Actually, I don't," he shook his head.
"You're beginning to frustrate me…" she rolled her eyes, "never mind."
"Whatever you say," he shrugged, "but… can I ask you for a favor?"
"That depends; what is it?"
"Pom oeti."
"Huh?"
"It's Na'vi… it…" he propped himself on his elbow, "it means kiss me."
"Oh…" she smiled, "I'll have to remember that…" she pressed her lips against his.
Rachel sighed at the memory; a lot had changed, since then. Back then, they hadn't really been too comfortable with each other. But now, the green eyed boy had burped farted, puked, and (once, to her displeasure) peed in front of her. She had seen him through his good days, and his bad days, like today.
Maybe she had been just a little overdramatic, that night; she just wanted their home to be a place where the girls could always feel safe; and on that night, when they were screaming bloody murder at each other, the small girl just panicked… Rachel loved her husband more than words could possibly describe, but her kids would always come first.
Maybe Sam was right; maybe she did take it too far, when she brought up the fact that he had missed so much of Olivia's life. "Urgh," she groaned. The whole fucking situation was giving her a headache.
.X.x.X.x.X.
Sam sighed as he flopped down on the large white couch in the living room in their apartment. It had been two days since the fight, and it was official: without Rachel, Harmony, and Olivia, Sam Evans' life SUCKED. He had nobody to talk to but Noah (the Jewish boy was his best friend no doubt, but it just wasn't the same), he had no idea what his family was doing, right then... He was just so damn lonely.
Just then, he heard a knock at the door. The blonde boy groaned and rolled his eyes, obviously not in the mood for company, before getting up off the couch, walking up to the door and opening it.
"Brittany? Santana? What are you doing here?" he shook his head in confusion.
"We needs to talk to you about your woman," the Latina walked into the apartment, her wife following behind.
"Oh my god!" Brittany ran up to the Christmas tree that Sam, Rachel and Olivia had decorated (while Harmony watched) about a week ago, and sat down, rummaging through the presents that had been placed underneath it, "where's mine… where's- oh!" she held it up, a victorious grin plastered on her face, "I found it!"
"Brittany," Santana let out a frustrated sigh, "put it down."
"But I want to open it…" she pouted.
"No puedo creerlo; Soy la persona sólo normal aquí," she muttered under her breath, "this isn't the time for that; now come over here."
"I'm sorry she's so grumpy, Sam; it's kind of my fault."
"Why is it your fault?" the green eyed boy raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.
"Because I haven't gone down on her in a while; it usually calms her down, but I haven't had a chance to do it in a while because of school, and then Rachel staying over, and-"
"I get it," Sam couldn't hold back a chuckle.
"Are you sure?" the blue eyed girl asked, "because Rachel's been really uptight, lately; I think that when you guys make up, you should start eating her out some more… I think that would make her a lot more mellow-"
"Alright, babe, that's enough," the darker girl rolled her eyes.
"Why are you here, again?"
"Look trouty," Santana crossed her arms, "you and Rachel are acting like complete idiots, and I'm sick of it; all she does is mope around all day, obviously missing you, and you're obviously doing the same thing."
"So?" he shrugged, "what am I supposed to about it?"
"Why don't you get off your ass and work to get your fucking wife and kids back? Don't they mean anything to you."
"Of course they do," the blonde boy sighed, "but… why am I always the one who gets fucked over during a fight? Why do I always have to be the one to apologize."
"Evans, Rachel's my best friend, don't get me wrong, but when you married her, you kind of accepted a whole lot of crazy…" she bit her lip when she saw Sam's eyes narrow and his head shake, "okay, I might have taken it a little too far, right there."
"Oh, she's crazy, alright; insane, even; but I love her, and I'm the only one who's allowed to call her that."
"Aww," Brittany smiled in adoration.
"Listen to yourself, Evans," Santana smirked, "you're completely smitten by her; you're missing Rachel, and you know it. Why don't you just end all of this now, and apologize; I mean, I bet she'll be really happy if you do; she'll probably give you her berry, if you know what I mean…" she wiggled her eyebrows.
"But it's not fair-"
"Look, Evans, I talked to Rachel, and there's no shot in hell that she's going to apologize first; so why don't you just be a man and get your girl back!"
"Fine," he muttered, "but she'd better appreciate it."
"I'm sure she will," Brittany smiled at him, "actually… I think I have a way to make sure she appreciates it."
"Yeah, yeah, you want me to eat her out more, I get it, Brittany."
"No, not that… well, yes that, but that's not I was talking about; just hear me out, okay, I know what I'm doing."
"Does she really?" Sam whispered into Santana's ear.
"It's hard to tell," the dark haired girl whispered back, "the last time she said that, she had me puling three thousand bucks out of my pocket for a freaking cat wedding."
"Oh god," he rubbed his face. The blonde boy had a feeling that it was going to be a long day.
.X.x.X.x.X.
"Well," Rachel sighed as she joined Brittany and Santana in the living room in their apartment, "Harmony's asleep, and Olivia is watching T.V. in her PJs."
"They look like you…" Brittany smiled up at her friend.
"What?" the smaller girl shook her head in confusion.
"Harmony and Olivia… they look just like you."
"Oh…" Rachel returned the smile, "Sam always says that; I personally think that they resemble him more; especially Harmony."
Just then, the brown eyed girl heard a sound coming from the outside of the apartment, "do you guys hear that?"
"Hear what?" the Latina did her best to bite back a smile.
"I… I don't know, it… it sounds like a guitar, maybe?"
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
"What the?" she shook her head in confusion, "come on, how can you not hear that?"
"If it's bothering you so much, then why don't you go check it out?"
"Fine," Rachel rolled her eyes and got up off the couch. She walked towards the door and opened it, her eyes widening at the sight in front of her
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
Sam was standing right in front of her, guitar in hand, singing I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz, "oh my god, Sam!" Brittany exclaimed, in an attempt to act surprised, "what are you doing here; I had no idea that you were going to do this."
"Shh…" Santana muttered.
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
"Sam," Rachel beamed up at him, before jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist, throwing her arms around his neck. After being away from her husband for four days, the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around her body was overwhelming, and she couldn't stop a few tears from gathering in her eyes.
"God, I've missed you so much," he whispered against her ear, before burying his face into her chocolate brown hair.
"I missed you, too," she pressed her face against his chest, "I love you, Sam."
"I love you, too," he kissed her forehead, "I love you so fucking much."
"I'm… I'm sorry Sam."
"It's okay," he shook his head, "it doesn't even matter, anymore."
"No," Rachel shook her head, looking up from his chest, "it's not okay, Sam; the fight, it… it was all my fault. I shouldn't have pointed a finger at you; it takes two people to have sex, and… I called you a pigheaded idiot, when in reality, I was being the pigheaded idiot."
"You didn't call me an idiot…"
"Huh?"
"You called me pigheaded, but you didn't call me an idiot…" the green eyed boy pointed out.
"Oh…" she bit her lip, "well… I-I thought it…"
"I see…" he let out a light chuckle.
"But I didn't mean it…" she rested her hand on his arm, "Sam, you're not an idiot, and I had absolutely no right to say any of those awful things to you, and I especially shouldn't have brought up the fact that you were gone for two years; you were completely right; I was being a bitch; and a pretty big one, at that."
"You're not a bitch," he tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, "you're just strong willed; passionate about everything you do; and most of the time… it's one of the things that I love the most about you; and about ninety nine percent of the time…" he set her back down on her feet, "I like the drama; it makes my life interesting."
"Until I completely blow up, and then abandon you, huh?"
"Baby," he cupped her face in his hands, "there's absolutely nothing you can do to keep me away from you… if you run away to Africa, then I'm following you all the way there; you can't escape my love, baby."
"I can't even begin to explain how much I've missed your corny jokes… but seriously..." she stared up at him, "I'm, truly, truly sorry; I just have this constant need to be right, all of the time..."
"It's-"
"Sammy, please let me finish; I… I always joke around about how being with you can be a real pain in the ass, but… in reality, it really is the other way around. I'm aware that my personality isn't the easiest to get along with… and… I know that being my husband can be a challenge, but-"
He pressed his lips against hers, silencing her words, "Rachel," he whispered against her lips once they broke, "please stop apologizing, and just… come home, baby; please…" he begged, "I love you so much… I miss you, and… I… please don't make me sleep alone again, tonight."
"Sam," she shook her head and sighed, "I promise, I'll be home first thing tomorrow morning; the girls are in their pajamas, they're ready for bed... I didn't even eat dinner yet; I just got home from work about an hour ago, and-"
"Then let me take you out."
"What?" she shook her head in confusion.
"Let me take you out to dinner… please?" he pouted, "come on… it's the least you can do, after leaving me all by myself for almost a week."
"Oh, now you want me to feel bad," she rolled her eyes.
"Yes, Rachel; I want to take you out to dinner, so I must just want to make you to feel bad about yourself."
"Alright, alright," she giggled, "point taken."
"So… will you go with me?"
"We'll see," the brown eyed girl smirked.
"Rachel…"
"I'm kidding, Samuel," she smiled, "of course I'll go with you… just… give me a half hour or so to get ready."
"Babe, you look fine."
"Sam, come on," she pouted, "just give me thirty minutes…"
"Hey, that's not fair!" he exclaimed, "you… you know that those puppy dog eyes are my kryptonite!"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," she smirked.
"Rachel Evans, I swear to god," he chuckled, "one day, you'll be the end of me."
"And you call me overdramatic," she giggled.
"Fine," he sighed, "I'll pick you up in thirty minutes…"
"Sounds like a plan," she kissed his cheek, "I love you, Sam."
"I love you to, baby," he mumbled as he watched her back to the house. Things were finally getting back to normal; it might take a while, but they were getting there.
So? What did you guys think? Did you guys like it? Love it? Hate it? The song that I used in the flashback was 'A Moment Like This' by Kelly Clarkson, and the song that Sam sang to Rachel was 'I Won't Give Up' by Jason Mraz. I'm sorry that there really wasn't a lot of Harmony and Olivia in this chapter, but I promise, the next one will have a lot more of them. Chapter thirty seven and thirty eight are finished. I'll update as soon as I get fifteen reviews; so please review!