Temptation – Part Six (or like going to a blood bank with Dracula)
August 28th 2008 (or right after Gendry kissed Bella)
The Good Wife
Arya was far too proud of herself. She knew it wasn't a big deal, or at least it shouldn't have been. All she had done was get off work, on time, and was home making dinner. A little over a year ago she was doing this two to three times a week. It was just mac n' cheese and some chicken tenders. Fairly simple to prepare, but she thought it smelled pretty good. She had cleaned up the apartment as well. She could tell Gendry was getting tired of doing it himself so some areas need some attention. It had gotten dusty behind the TV, Gendry hated cleaning behind the TV. It felt nice to be home well the sun was still out. For almost the last year, no matter the season, she would leave in the morning in darkness and come back at in the darkness of night. It was an unexpected joy to come home and shed her work clothes the moment she entered the apartment and put on a t-shirt and pair of jeans. Arya felt comfortable in her old jeans. They were still tight but she was adjusting. Once her back stopped throbbing she would get to work on that. She'd be the workout-buddy that she promised Gendry she would be at the beginning of the year. But, one thing at a time, she thought.
Gendry was late, at least she thought. She wasn't exactly sure what time he got home now-a-days, but six-thirty seemed kinda of late to her. She wasn't upset he was late though. In fact he could have already eaten. She didn't tell him she'd be home and make dinner. He probably assumed he wouldn't be seeing her until much later that night. She wanted to surprise him. She was here and soon so would he. Things were going to get better, starting tonight. Her chicken and mac n' cheese would be the beginning of the solution. Mac n' cheese was always a solution...except, of course, to the weight she gained, but she decided to ignore that.
The good wife continued her work and mixed together the cheese and noodles. From behind her she heard the noise of someone coming in.
"Arya?" Gendry appeared by the front door. He looked truly surprised to see her there.
"Hey! Have a good workout?" She skipped across the floor and kissed him on the cheek. He recoiled a bit at the kiss and stared at Arya, like she was a ghost, or an alien. Like she didn't belong there.
"You're...you're home early," he mumbled and made his way to the bedroom.
"Yeah..." Arya followed her husband as he trudged into the bedroom and threw his gym bag on the floor. He tore off his shirt and she could see him struggling to breathe.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I...I am fine." His face looked pained and she could see some sweat trickling down his forehead so she assumed the worst.
"Did you have another...you know?"
"Panic attack?" Gendry flatly asked.
"Yeah. Panic attack." Arya realized that for almost the last six months she hadn't seen him deal with any 'fun episodes.' That wasn't how it worked with Gendry. At least once a month he'd have to deal with something, usually small, sometimes big. She had no idea though. She hadn't been around to see them and Gendry didn't care to tell her about them.
"No. I didn't."
"Then what's wrong?" she asked. His eyes were wide and he didn't look at her. They both sat up in silence, neither sure what to say or do. His breathing slowed and she was pretty sure it wasn't a panic attack, but he still looked very bothered.
"Gendry, are you okay?" He eyes were still vacant and his mouth was agape.
"No," he chuckled. "I just...just..."
"You can tell me," she reassured him. She used to tell him that because he didn't believe her. Maybe she would have to start again if he had forgotten.
"I just had a long day," he answered. He didn't lie, but she could tell he was certainly omitting.
"Is it about your dad?" she asked and Gendry furrowed his brow. "I looked at your phone yesterday, I notice he called," she sheepishly said and felt a pang of guilt over looking at his phone without his permission.
"Yeah, he called..." Gendry sighed.
"What did he want?"
"Don't know," he shrugged and she could see his breathing increase. "Didn't really talk. He said some stuff, I hung up."
"Why...why didn't you call me?"
"I texted you." He coolly told her.
"You could have called," she sighed.
"Sometimes you don't answer," he flatly said. He was right, sometimes she didn't.
"I will now," She reached out and clasped his hand. His palms were sweaty and his grip was weak. There was a long pause as Gendry thought.
"Arya..." he mumbled. "I'm...sorry I..."
"Don't worry about it," she interrupted him, assuming he meant he was apologizing for hurting her back. Tonight he didn't have to worry about her. Tonight she was going to make everything about him. He deserved it after all the shit, or lack there of, she had put him through. He wouldn't have to lift a finger tonight. And if her back allowed it maybe they could actually have some fun in their bedroom later that evening. It was currently throbbing like she had been kicked by a horse, but she could 'take one for the team' she thought. If he wanted. He currently looked like he wanted to slink into hole and die.
"Let's go have dinner," she told him and kissed his forehead.
"Okay," he told her with a meek smile.
Shitty Husband
Sleep eluded Gendry that night. He kept on replaying the events of last two days in his head. He and Bella were in the parking lot, they were talking. She had been so accepting about his rumbling bullshit when he called her the other night. She just stood there with a cute little smile and he knew she cared. Then he kissed her. He remembered her smell and her touch. He lips tasted differently that Arya's, but that was probably the cherry lip balm she was wearing. He felt guilty about how that memory made him feel. How it excited him, even if it was just a bit. For the first time in a while he felt loved. He knew Arya loved him, but for the last five or six months he didn't have any proof of it. He only remembered what it was like to with her. For a moment when he kissed her his problems slipped away. He didn't have a panic disorder, he didn't hate his father, and he wasn't married to a stranger. It was only a moment of bliss until he felt her hand graze his arm and reality crashed on him. Only then did he truly understood what he did and how he had just royally fucked up.
"Holy shit," he murmured and snapped his head back from hers.
"It's...it's okay," Bella said. She looked just as bewildered as Gendry felt.
"No. Not it isn't," he whimpered. "That was stupid, it was a mistake." It looked like her heart dropped a bit at those words. "I need to go...I need to go," he jumped into his car and peeled away, leaving Bella alone in the parking lot.
He had no thoughts as he drove. His mind swirled with guilt, anger, and disbelief. He thought at any moment his head would explode and he clung to the steer wheel for support. He didn't remember deciding to kiss her, but he did. He wanted to and he was stupid enough to act on that fucking thought. He let himself slip and now the pressure in his head was deafening the world to a low hum.
It should have been a good night when he got home. A great night. Arya was there. Arya made dinner. She cleaned up. They sat on the couch and talked about their days. Gendry lied and said nothing happened. It was a normal day, filled with normal stuff. The words hurt coming out of his mouth, his lies stinging his tongue. Each lie added to the weight that grew on his back and in ache that stung in his stomach.
Arya feel asleep in his arms that night. It was the first time he could remember her falling asleep like that. Sometime in the night her back started to ache and she rolled to her side, where it was more comfortable. Sometimes he would roll over and wrap himself around her. He couldn't do that. He didn't deserve to do that. He tried not to fidget in bed too much. He didn't want to wake up Arya. But one question kept on haunting him.
Why did I kiss her?
It started when his father called and Gendry couldn't handle it. Nothing had made sense in the last few months. Arya wasn't there. Gendry was alone. He used to be okay with being alone, but he wasn't anymore. Being alone used to be how he survived. When he was alone no noticed how fucked up he was. But, now he was used to be people caring. He was used to having Arya, or Sansa, or Brienne, someone, anyone, to help him. But, without anyone around, and hearing his father's voice, nothing was there to prop up Gendry and stop him from collapsing.
"Gendry, I just want to talk," his father said when Gendry foolishly answered the phone. He should have never done that. Nothing ever good came from talking with his father.
"Okay..." Gendry mumbled.
"I know the last time we saw each other...it didn't go well..." Gendry was flooded with the memory. He could smell the vomit that shot out of his mouth and feel the looks of the Starks as he lay on their floor. His father kept on speaking but Gendry didn't hear it as he closed his eyes and tried to shut him out.
"Dad. Dad. I'm sorry," Gendry spoke over his father and hung up the phone. He texted his wife and paced around the house. He couldn't sit down. He couldn't stand still. He wanted to scream. He thought 'Why is this happening? Why hasn't she answered? Why hasn't she answered?' Gendry thought of calling his wife, but he didn't. He had called her a dozen times before while she was at work and she didn't answer. She was there because she wanted to be. She claimed that she was helping Sansa with the wedding but he thought that was bull. She was at work because she wanted to be at work.
She wouldn't answer. She doesn't give a shit.
His panic deepened and he had to talk. Sansa was probably doing wedding stuff. He didn't know Tyrion well enough to dump this on him. He hadn't seen Brienne in about four months and he couldn't call her mid panic attack. He hated making his mother or his brother deal with his stupid bullshit. He scrolled up and down his contacts list, saw only two names he wanted to call, and only one he knew would answer. So he called Bella and she answered. She listened. She cared. He didn't tell her everything, just that his father called and he was having some troubles. Then he ran. He remembered changing his clothes and he left the house. He didn't bring his phone. Maybe his dad would try to call again and maybe he would be stupid enough to answer. It never occurred to him to text Arya where he was. She wasn't there. She didn't care. She wouldn't even know he was gone.
He ran as far as his legs would take him. Sweat dribbled down his brow as he cursed himself. He couldn't even talk to his father on the phone, this proving his dad was right. He was stupid, he was pathetic, he was a weak little bastard.
You fucking piece of shit! He literally just wanted to say 'Hi' and you can't even do that anymore?
Arya was there when Gendry got back from his run. She wanted to know what happened and was angry that he didn't tell her where he went.
She was angry?! SHE was angry I wasn't home!
He didn't tell her about his father. He had told her everything until that point. But now he had a secret that his father had called. They weren't supposed to keep secrets anymore. They were past that. There didn't seem to be a reason to tell her. She was there at the moment but she'd be gone tomorrow he figured. No help would come from her so why even bother telling her about it. It was best to just keep it a secret. After he kissed Bella he had another secret. In just twenty-hours he had gained two secrets.
After he kissed her he rushed home and he excepted to be alone. He'd have time to figure out what the fuck he just did and why the fuck he did that. But, he wasn't alone, Arya was already home from work. He thought yesterday was just a fluke. There was no way Arya would be home before 10:00am two days in row. She didn't care...why would she be there? But there she was, making dinner. She was happy, no - giddy, to be home. He didn't even know what to think or do. He was afraid she could smell 'Bella' on him. That she could see his guilt coated on his lips in cinnamon lip balm. They ate and Gendry tried to act normal. Tried to ignore the nagging guilty noose that tightened around his neck. He wanted to tell her. But he couldn't. He didn't think the words existed to tell her. He couldn't just tell her, 'I kissed Bella.' That had to be someway to tell her that wouldn't hurt her and wouldn't drown him shame.
What possible good could happen from telling her? Either she freaks and we fight. Or...or...she doesn't care.
That question, along with dozens of others, rattled again the walls of head that night. He didn't know why he kissed Bella. He didn't know why he didn't tell Arya about his dad. He didn't know if his wife still gave a damn. His life was flipped at the moment and he didn't know how to turn it right side up.
In the morning he had an answer to the most important question.
He woke up alone. That was his new normal. When he got out of bed though he heard something in the kitchen. It was the slam of metal followed by loud cursing. It was a familiar noise to him.
"Ahh! Fucking hot!" It was his wife. She was standing in the kitchen, cooking eggs poorly. They were burning in the pan and she was running her hand under cool water. He wasn't sure how she burned herself, but she had a talent for finding new and exciting ways to injury herself while cooking.
"Morning," he said as he flipped the eggs in the pan. They were turning brown in the middle and crusty around the edges. In the pan next to the eggs were some hash browns and they were horribly charred. It was a shame because she used to be able to cook breakfast, but she was out of practice it seemed.
"Damnit! I wanted to finish before you got up!"
"Did you now?" he asked and looked at the stove in front of him. It was a mess and he turned on the vent to get rid of the smokey odor.
"Yeah! I wanted to surprise you and let you sleep in. You'll need your energy tonight."
"I will?"
"Yeah! Tonight is Tyrion's bachelor party! You didn't forget, did ya?"
Fuck.
Gendry didn't mind being in Sansa and Tyrion's wedding party. He didn't have to endure the endlessness of planning it like Arya had to lately. But there was one thing he had to do. He had to go Tyrion's bachelor party. He had brooded it before his dad called, he kissed another woman, and then began to doubt everything in his life. Something about 'all of that' distracted him a tad. Sansa ordered him to go and so did Arya. They had simple instructions – 'make sure Tyrion has fun, but not too much fun.' They were vague instructions that were going to be impossible to follow. It was impossible to stop Tyrion from having fun if that is what he wanted.
"Oh, yeah. Tyrion's bachelor party is tonight," he groaned.
"Oh, it won't be that bad. It might be fun."
"But not too much fun," he commented, reminding her of his instructions.
"Exactly. You know how much fun to have. I love Tyrion like a brother, but it's hard to trust him. I know I can trust you." Gendry winced at her words and hoped she didn't notice.
"I'm just surprised you're still here," Gendry shrugged and poured himself a cup of coffee. Arya had been good enough to make the coffee without burning it.
"Yeah, I know." She looked at her feet and awkwardly fidgeted. For the first time ever she actually looked ashamed that she hadn't been around lately. "But I'm here. I made breakfast and I'm pretty sure it's edible. And I'll make breakfast tomorrow too and hopefully it will be more edible."
He saw it in her eyes that moment. For the first time in months. He wasn't sure if it wasn't there before or if he didn't see it. She cared. He also saw it in the burned eggs. And he smelled it in the smoke in the air. And the coffee he sipped. She hated cooking, most of all cooking breakfast. Eggs burned too easily, she couldn't flip a pancake to save her life, and it was the morning. She hated the morning. She hated everything she was doing. But she did it for him. She was there. She cared. She was still his wife. The world stopped spinning for a moment and he could see straight. He could see his wife.
"Yeah, I'm sure it will be edible." He hugged her. He kissed her. She giggled and went back to work. He should have told her right then and there. He should have told her he kissed Bella, it was stupid, it was a mistake, and he hated himself for it. She would have screamed and shouted at him. She had every right to. He had betrayed her. But it was the right thing. He couldn't keep this from her. It wasn't fair to her and he could already feel the guilt eat at him.
But he didn't. He still couldn't find the words. She was smiling and he didn't want to take that away. He couldn't stand for her to look at him like he knew she would. He couldn't have her hate him.
Instead they had breakfast. It was technically edible.
August 29th 2008
The Future Lawyer
Gendry said the eggs were fine, just a little burned. Arya's stomach disagreed, but overall it was a good morning. It got more difficult when she got to work.
She sat at the front desk of Lannister, Lannister, & Lannister. It was technically her desk but she spent more time at her old desk, the desk she had in Tyrion's office. It was still nestled in the corner and had piles of papers for her go through. She wouldn't though. She couldn't. She had to make it better between her and Gendry. And that's what she told Tyrion earlier that morning when she stopped at his office.
It was once a part of her routine to stop by his office in the morning before she started her day at the front desk. They'd make small talk, discuss whatever insane wedding thing Sansa was cooking up, and then she'd take some work from the case to her desk. She wasn't supposed to but she didn't give a fuck. She cared more about the case, about helping Tyrion, than the job itself. By her estimation, she had dedicated at least three thousand hours of her life to that case, well over half of that she wasn't even paid for. She had poured through millions of pages of documents for no reward but the feeling of pride it gave her. She knew everything about the case. Every detail of the case, every injury, every accident, every payment. Everything. It had cost her ten pounds, the ability to communicate to normal people about anything that wasn't the case, and it alienated her from her husband. She could stand the weight and people gawking at her while she blathered, but Gendry was slipping away, and she couldn't let that happen.
"Mornin'," Tyrion greeted her when she walked in. He looked relaxed, which was a surprise since Arya heard gossip that he got into a huge fight with his father earlier in the day. He sat at his desk behind piles of paperwork that nearly towered over his head. It used to be Arya's job to help tidy it once a week. It was usually a highlight of the week when Arya got to make small talk with Tyrion when they worked. He always had a story to tell and Arya loved to hear the ones that involved Sansa, most of all embarassing Sansa stories she had not yet heard.
"Mornin'," Arya agreed. It was just a morning. It wouldn't be a good one for Tyrion. On the right corner of his desk sat a pile of files. He always sat stuff he wanted Arya to look at on the corner of his desk.
"Hey, when you have a chance today, can you go through these files and double-check that we didn't miss anything? Later tonight I want to go through them together before the party."
She paused. The words didn't want to come out. She was about to walk away from the most fulfilling thing she had ever done. She loved Gendry, but this case gave her something different. It gave her purpose that she always wanted and pride in what she did.
"You going to grab the files?" Tyrion asked without looking up from the papers on his desk.
"Sorry, can't."
"My dad catch you?" his head finally popped up as he asked. "Sorry, I was afraid that was going to happen."
"No. I just can't."
"Huh?" Tyrion asked.
"I know you'll need more help, but I can't. I don't have the time anymore."
Tyrion took a deep breath. "Well, fuck."
"I know. I'm sorry," she told him. She didn't want to quit. But she had to. Her marriage couldn't and shouldn't be forced to wait for her.
"It's okay, I know things have been rough between you and Gendry because you have basically lived here for the last year and a half," Tyrion weakly offered. He leaned back at his desk and twiddled his fingers on the desk. He did that when he was holding back. He was pissed at Arya and at himself. He knew what the case had done to her relationship with Gendry, and he was sorry about that, but it didn't matter. Winning the case mattered. Winning the respect of his family mattered. Arya had committed to this case for pride, and had forsaken Gendry, the one she loved. Tyrion stayed at his families' law firm even after they stripped him half his pay, his office, and his dignity. He stayed because he wanted to finally prove himself to his father. He stayed because of the love he seeked. The irony wasn't lost on Arya.
"At least you have tonight," Arya said with a shrug. "The party should be fun. I'm sure Jamie won't let you down. And Gendry will be there if you need bail money."
"Yeah, I guess." Tonight was Tyrion's bachelor party. It was the only time he would have until the wedding for a night of debauchery. Thankfully for Sansa, someone responsible would be accompanying Tyrion that night. Unfortunately for Arya, that person was her husband.
Why did I agree to that? Could have said no to Sansa. But, no-o-o-o-o. I had to be 'cool' and tell her that I'm okay with Gendry going to a strip club with Tyrion. That's like going to a blood bank with Dracula – nothing good can come of it.
The morning went slowly after Arya spoke with Tyrion. Her job as receptionist wasn't nearly as fulfilling as her job as Tyrion's assistant. In fact, she spent most of her time searching the web for information about Tyrion's case. And about law school.
This was the thing she wanted now. The thing she was afraid of telling Gendry about. The secret she was keeping. She was going to go to law school. Come hell or high water she was. She couldn't go back to a boring day job. But she couldn't tell him. He had been put on the back burner when she worked with the Lannisters. She couldn't tell him she planned on doing that again. She didn't know what law school would bring or what being a lawyer would do to her. To both of them. She'd make it work though. Or at least that's what she told herself.
It was nearing lunch and she missed her husband. They used to text all the time. She took out her phone and sent him a text. They had to get back to the way things were and part of that was letting him know she was thinking of his wonderful, stupid ass.
I know things have been tough. But they'll get better. I love you.
She looked up from her phone and saw her sister enter through the large glass doors. She had two brown paper bags in her hands. Lunch for her and Tyrion. With the bachelor party tonight she wasn't going to see a lot of Tyrion tonight. Assuming he survived he'd end up in the their bed at four in the morning, smelling of strippers and whiskey, and hopefully only covered in his vomit. Knowing her former boss, friend, and future brother-in-law, the odds of someone else's bodily fluids ending up on his person were pretty high.
"Welcome to Lannister, Lannister, & Lannister" she drily said to her sister. She always gave Sansa the same welcome when she came to see Tyrion. "My name is Arya," she gestured towards her name tag, "can I help you?"
"That never gets old," Sansa said with a giggle.
"What's for lunch?"
"Chicken salad and apple pie. His favorite."
"Lucky guy," she said and Sansa didn't answer. She stood with her hands full and fidgeted in front of Arya awkwardly. "What's up?" Arya asked when Sansa didn't go on her way to Tyrion's office.
"Just a lot on my mind. Wedding stuff...bachelor party stuff..."
"They'll be fine," Arya assured her sister...and herself. "Jamie's responsible, and Gendry will be there. They'll make sure Tyrion doesn't do anything stupid."
"I don't know. Tyrion's friend Bronn will be there..." she trailed of. Friend was a bad description. They were friendly, Tyrion's Private Investigator was more colleague then friend. And more part time drug dealer than colleague.
"I hope so...Tyrion didn't forget about lunch did he?"
"I didn't see him sneak out, so he should be back there."
"Good," Sansa said and turned down the hall.
Arya had been holding back a secret for almost five months now and it had to come out. She wasn't sure when she'd tell Gendry she was going to go to law school but she couldn't hold on to that and Tyrion's secret as well. It was a mistake not telling Sansa. She had betrayed her sister by not telling her. Not only had Tyrion sworn Arya to secrecy, but she didn't want anyone to know. If he would have gotten pulled off the case she probably wouldn't be able to help out on it anymore. She'd lose her case which wasn't acceptable. She made a mistake and it was time to make it right.
"Sansa!" Arya stopped her before her sister before she got to far.
"What?" she asked. Arya looked around the room and luckily the waiting room was empty. It was just the sisters Stark.
"I have to tell you something," Arya whispered to Sansa.
"What?" Sansa leaned in to her sister's face.
"Tyrion's using again."
Sansa's head arched back from Arya. She gave Arya a good long look, shook her head a bit, and then chuckled, clearly amused by Arya's statement.
"Oh, good. I was afraid you were stupid," Sansa said after her laugh.
"What?" Arya asked. "I said Tyrion using Xanex again...among other things."
Sansa just rolled her eyes. "Arya, Tyrion's using. No shit."
The Tempted
The plan was simple when he first walked into work. Gendry was going to go to work and pretend like it was a normal day. He was going to find Bella around nine o'clock when they normally had coffee and they were going to chat. He was going to apologize for his mistake and suggest that they never speak of it. It never happened and wouldn't happen again. She'd agree, they'd meet again at noon for lunch, and at some point one of them make an awkward joke alluding to it and they would awkwardly laugh. It would be behind them, where it belonged.
Things didn't go that way. When he first entered the building he used the side entrance. The side entrance was a longer walk to his cubicle, but it didn't go anywhere near Bella's cubicle. The idea of seeing her put a pit in his stomach that added to the ache in his neck. That ache had been there since he kissed her. The ache was heavy and slowed him down. It drove into his spine and made it hard to see and impossible to breath.
At nine o' clock he didn't get up from his desk. Normally he'd meet Bella at her desk and they'd walk down to the lunch room together, where the coffee machine sat after the building renovated. He didn't want to get up. The pit grew thinking of seeing her. So he sent her an e-mail.
Crazy busy. Don't think I can make coffee.
A minute passed and she shot back.
Ohh...okay. Lunch at noon?
Gendry didn't get back to her for about forty minutes.
Yeah. I'll meet you in the lunch room at noon.
She sent back a response right away. He didn't open it up. Without a thought he deleted it and got to work. He had spent most of the morning dazed thinking of everything and nothing. Arya and Bella. Tyrion and the party tonight. His father who wanted to reconnect, or scream at him, or whatever. The pain that was in his stomach that made him want to lay down and never get up again.
When noon came he lumbered downstairs. He passed by people coming in and out of the busy lunch room. He had spent hours and hours with Bella in that room. Talking about Arya. How she wanted to be a lawyer, how she farted on his face during their first time, how she started to drift away, how he knew he should have tried harder to get her attention, and how he missed her. Bella talked about Dick and how he was getting better, and how they had so much fun, and how everything was going to great...real soon.
Before he went into the lunch he felt his phone vibrate against his hip. It was a text from his wife.
I know things have been tough. But they'll get better. I love you.
It was a loving, thoughtful, touching text, but the it pushed the guilt deeper, like a blade sinking deeper into his side. He then sent a text back.
I know. I'm sorry that it's gotten this bad. I love you too.
She was seated at 'their table.' For the first couple of months they sat at a number of different tables until they settled on one near the back of the room. It was more secluded and allowed them privacy when they talked. A few times some interlopers dared to sit at their table and they appropriately gave them the stink eye they deserved. She looked nice wearing the forest green blouse she liked and some khakis. Bella always complained that she didn't like the khakis but nothing else went with the forest green.
"Hey," Gendry said as he sat across from her and placed his lunch in front of him. This morning he was distracted and didn't have time for anything fancy so he just slapped some peanut butter and jelly between two pieces of white bread and threw a banana in the bag. When he took his first bite and the sandwich tasted like a PB&J and Banana sandwich he knew he should have thought of something else.
"Hey," was what she said as she nibbled on some Alfredo she had microwaved in a black plastic container. "How's...it going?"
"Okay..." Gendry shrugged.
"Still busy?" she asked and gave him a small smile.
"Ummm..." Gendry groaned, forgetting for a moment he lied about being busy. "...Oh yeah. Not anymore. I got caught up."
"Ohh...good." Silence enveloped them as they ate.
"So..." Gendry cleared his throat as he spoke, "...about yesterday."
"Ohhh? Something happened yesterday?" she asked with a sheepish laugh, trying to break through the awkwardness.
"Yeah," he chuckled, "something happened yesterday. And...it can't happen again."
"Yeah...you're right. It shouldn't."
"I'm sorry I...did that," he said and peered around the room. He didn't want to say the 'K' word that bludgeoned his mind all day long for fear that someone would hear. Thankfully the closest table was out of ear shot if they spoke quietly.
"It's...it's okay..." she paused and then blushed. "I mean, it isn't, but...it's not a big deal, ya' know?"
"It was...a mistake," he told her with flat affect.
"Yeah, yeah, it was. I know it was. And it shouldn't happen again. It's just...shit happens. You were in a shitty place and made a bad choice."
"I did..." he paused before he asked a question that seemed personal, "...did you tell Dick about...ya know?"
"What?!" she asked her big blue eyes shot open. "No! Of course not! You crazy?" Then it was her turn to pause and think before she asked a personal question. "Did you tell Arya?"
"...No," he wistfully answered, unsure if he regretted that decision.
"...Are you going to?"
"I...I...don't know," he answered and took a deep sigh.
"Gendry, it's okay," and she reached out her hand to his. "It's okay. We made a mistake. I'm not saying you should be happy with it, but you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. You can't go back and not..." She paused and looked over her shoulder and made sure no one was listening. "...You can't go back and not kiss me. It was a mistake and you won't do it again."
She smiled and rubbed his hand, her thumb softly glided over his knuckles. He felt better and smiled back. Her smile always let him know everything would feel better. He felt relieved for a second until he looked into her eyes. Her pretty blue eyes with a look he had seen before. It was a look Arya had given him before. When they were first dating, on their honeymoon, during their wedding ceremony. It was then that he finally have to accept the obvious.
Bella was in love with him.
He had suspected it before but didn't let himself believe it. He didn't want it to be the case. If she loved him that complicated everything. He couldn't be friends with a girl that loved him. But she gave him that look and he knew for sure that she loved him. And he was afraid he was giving her a similar look. He was afraid he loved her. His world had been spinning since his father called and he didn't know how he felt about anything. Except for on thing. He loved Arya. Bella was something to him, something big. She was a confident, a colleague, and a friend. He could grab onto her to stop the spinning. But he couldn't do that. She was his friend...not his best friend. He already had Arya.
"Bella...you're right. It was a mistake, and I'm not going to do it again."
"Right," Bella said with a happy nod. "And it doesn't have to be weird between us. We can go back to the way things were."
"No we can't," Gendry said as strong as he could and felt his voice break as he spoke. In his life he had let two women into life. Two women really knew him. There were two women he had let in and he was about to close the door to one of them. He had to do. It was the right choice for him, Arya, and most importantly, their relationship. But it still hurt. He was about close a confidant, a colleague, a friend...someone that could make the spinning stop. He was about to break her heart.
"What?" she asked and concern covered her face. "We can't?"
"No, we can't. I can't keep seeing you like I have."
"Well, yeah, sure. You want to be closer to Arya," she said 'Arya' with a hint of jealously, "but we can still be friends...right?"
"No. We can't. You're an amazing friend. Thank you for being there for me. But, I don't think I can be around you anymore."
"No! No you can! Last night was a mistake!" Her yells grabbed some attention that she no longer appeared to care about. She grabbed him by the arm, as if she held him onto he wouldn't get away. "We can just go back to normal! I promise! It'll be okay!"
"...Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right and we could be friends. We could just be friends and move past this. But I can't risk it. We both know you'd like to be more than just my friend."
"No..." she mumbled at first and took a deep breath. "Yeah. I...I care about you. But we're just friends." Her gaze tightened on him and she hissed, "and I didn't kiss you. You kissed me." Gendry understood her anger. She had latched onto him as well. With him she was happier. He was the one that kissed her. He was the one that fucked it up. Things had to change and she had to be a smaller part of his life. Bella couldn't replace Arya anymore. Without the kiss maybe she could still be in his life. But, after he did that, she couldn't be there anymore.
"You're right," he sighed and found it hard to look at her. He slipped his arm out of her grasp. "I started this. I fucked up. It's my fault. I have to be the one to end it."
"So...that's it? I'm not even your friend anymore?"
"You're my friend...I just can't see or talk to you anymore."
She sat for a moment and misery covered her face. "But...no. Don't...please don't," she pleaded and couldn't hold back the tears that fell down her face. "We can just be friends. I promise I won't mess anything up between you and Arya."
"I believe you. I don't think you'd want to. I just don't think it's good for my marriage for you to be in my life." She tempted him and he didn't trust himself with her.
"Okay," she sighed and wiped away the tears. They were gaining attention and were going to be the object of office gossip. She didn't want to be the pathetic crying girl around the office. It was already assumed by many around the office that they were fucking and this was their messy break-up. "Okay, if that's the way you want it. Can...can you leave? I think I need some space."
"Of course," he said and grabbed his trash from the table. "I'm sorry," he told her and she responded with a weak sob.
"I just wanted you to know, that...if Arya and I had broken up in high school, or if we didn't become friends before I even liked girls...if I didn't have her...I would be lucky to be with you."
"Lucky," she said with a defeated, pathetic, whimpering laugh. "Yeah. That's me. Little Miss Lucky."
"And...I know I'm the last person to tell you this, but don't settle for Dick. You can do a lot better."
"All the good ones are already married," she chuckled. He patted her on the shoulder and began to walk away, her muffled sobs following him.
Before he could get too far she called to him. "Gendry...don't ever tell her. You love two love each other so much, but don't ever tell her. She won't be able to forgive you. It doesn't matter that it was only a kiss and that it only lasted a moment."
"...I think she'd understand..." Gendry weakly disagreed.
"She would understand and she'd try to forgive. She'd say 'it was just once and that it was just a mistake.' But she'd still hate you. She'd never trust you again. A lifetime of love can be ruined in a moment."
Gendry didn't know what to say. He could only hope she was wrong as he walked away from the table and didn't look back.
AN:
Oh, yes, one thing of house keeping. Bella isn't Gendry's sister. I tried subtly steer you away from that by having Bella talk about her own father. And I wish there was someway to get to that in the story naturally, but there was no logical reason for that conversation to happen. But, since I'm going against Canon, I'll just straight up say she isn't his sister. In Westros Robert Baratheon having hordes of Bastards makes sense, in real life that isn't something that you really run into.
For those of you who like my story, I won't lie and say everything going forward is going to be easy. Arya and Gendry's relationship is in a really shitty place. In an upcoming chapter (a rather drunk Tyrion) will describe the relationship as such - "A marriage is a like a child. You need to take care of it. But, Arya locked the kid in a car for three days, and then you (referring to Gendry) let the poor bastard out and told him the best place to get food was in that windowless van owned by the creepy old guy wearing a long gray trench coat." I will say it is my goal to make the story more funny. I would classify this tale as a 'dramedy' and it hasn't been funny lately. It's my goal to change that even as our characters try to get their lives back together.
The next chapter will be a big fluffy reward for your patience. It is (Up, Up, Down, Down) so there will always be an up. So you have that to look forward in the next chapter, which will begin the next section: Secrets – Part One (or end up on some kind of pervy watch list)
Mhhmm...I realize with a title like 'Secrets' you are probably a little nervous. But, really...I promise the next chapter will be great and it will warm your heart. Just to prove it I'll give you the first sentence of the next chapter.
"Gendry woke up and found a young blonde girl laying next to him."
Mhhmm...I realize with no further context that probably isn't that reassuring. But, I promise it will be awesome. No, really, I found the one context where Gendry laying next to a blonde girl (who isn't Arya) is okay.