The heat inside her flared painfully drawing a gasp from her.
A second whip of smoke lashed out from the mirror, this one encircling her other wrist.
She struggled attempting to free herself even as she was pulled towards the mirror.
It was stronger than her, drawing her as she resisted with everything inside of her.
"Stop!" She yelled just managing to bring her forearms down to rest on the glass surface before she was brought any closer to it.
'A Seer who cannot see. You are useless as you are. You are such a fool human.'
She shut her eyes tightly.
This voice sounded so familiar, as if she had the name it belonged to just on the tip of her tongue.
She tried again to will herself from the dream, desperate to escape the growing panic in her.
She could not stand the sensation of helplessness, of being at the mercy of someone else.
And that heat, that slowly eroding heat boiled inside of her making it almost impossible to think in cohesive terms.
'The future is unformed yet I know exactly what you will do.'
Her eyes flew open as she was spun around then yanked back tightly against the flat surface of the mirror.
The beach lay stretched out in front of her, endless and sinister with its lack of vitality.
There were forms that dotted the landscape, shadowed by the dim light and still.
This was not happening, this was not real...
She could only just make out a figure approaching.
The searing agony flared once again, pulling a stuttered moan of pain from her.
'You should have kept to your nature. Your very breath is destruction...but you knew that already did you not?'
She surged against the force holding her, panic sweeping through her.
That lone figure was coming closer, the wind playing with its long hair making it whip about like a flame.
She did not want to see who it was that made its way so casually among the bodies that littered the ground.
She fought against the insidious thoughts that insisted she knew exactly who it was, that demanded she recognized the people...
'You knew and yet you fight against full knowledge...it will change nothing to be ignorant Seer.'
"Leave me alone!" She screamed, horrified by the acknowledgment that went through her.
This was not real!
She sat up, the scream burning in her throat.
Her eyes scanned the room quickly as she fought to control her rapid breathing.
Once she was sure that no one lurked in the corners she pulled her knees up to her chest.
She did not have to worry about having disturbed Hiei.
He had not returned yet from dealing with what Kurama had revealed to him.
Frustration coursed through her chasing the lingering fog of heat and sleep from her mind.
It had come out in the wrong way.
She had only fooled herself into believing she could keep it to herself.
But in hindsight she had known there was very little chance it would not.
In the end Botan would have caved under the pressures of her anticipated grief, under the weight of everything. The reaper just was not built for secrets that hurt to keep.
Shouldn't have expected her to...
She sighed heavily before throwing the blankets off of herself and getting dressed.
It was waiting for her, they were waiting for her.
She might as well get it over with as quickly as she could.
It hit her the moment she walked into the main room.
Every eye centered on her immediately.
The heaviness she had been anticipating settled directly on her shoulders. The stillness of the air made it seem as if she had stepped into a vacuum.
It annoyed her instantly making her tense as she looked at them all, daring them to say what she could see in their eyes.
"What?" she asked amazed at how casual she sounded.
"You want roses or lilies for your funeral?" Narumi asked curiously.
"Maybe peonies?" Store suggested.
"That isn't funny!" Kazuma growled.
She could not help it, a smirk drew her lips upward as relief flooded her strong enough to make her eyes sting.
She should have known she could count on Narumi to see the dark humor in the situation. That Narumi of all people would understand her choices, and how she would view everything.
She had never been more grateful for the woman then she was standing there, with that weighted cloud of grief from the others. As if Narumi and Store had taken some of that weight away with just those words.
"How about no flowers." She said letting her eyes wander directly to the group of boys, "I'm not dead yet am I. This is why I didn't want anything being said."
"But I..." Botan began.
"I'm not saying its a bad thing, I just don't plan on dying anytime soon. So stop with the funeral crap." She interrupted not wanting to put Botan through any more, "I probably should've said something but if you guys didn't notice I have a lot going on."
The boys traded glances, the mixture of shadowed emotions made her heart squeeze painfully.
This was exactly what she had attempted to avoid by not telling anyone. It was one thing to know what was going to happen to her when she died. She had accepted it as she accepted everything else in her life. It just was how it presented itself, there was no fighting this type of thing.
They were an entirely different story.
The boys would take it as a threat, not something they had to accept because it went against their nature for anything to simply end.
Their past dictated that they react, that they find that small piece of hope that no one else could.
That they save the day.
The problem was they had no idea how to do that with this particular situation.
"On a happier note that ape you call a brother did something good." Narumi offered into the silence that had followed her words.
"Really?" She asked raising an eyebrow.
"We have Chancer." Kurama informed her standing from the couch where he had been sitting, "Kuwabara found him last night and brought him here."
"Yeah he didn't screw it up at all." Yusuke added smirking at Kuwabara.
"Shut up Urameshi." Kazuma replied, "You're just jealous I did something you couldn't."
Yusuke rolled his eyes, "Cause kidnapping a skinny kid really makes you a badass."
"Where is he?" She asked to head of the argument she could see brewing between the two.
"I had them put him in the last room." Narumi answered standing up from her chair, "Figured its the best place for him till we figure out just how dumb this actually was."
"Huh?" Kazuma remarked confused, "What do you mean dumb?"
"He's Takahashi's golden ticket Kuza. That guy isn't going to just let us have him." She explained already moving towards the backdoor, "Better get this done quick..."
"You look pretty pathetic." She informed Chancer.
The youth glared at her from the edge of the bed, his hand still encased in the oven mitts and duct tape.
"Gotta hand it to ya." She went on walking towards him, "Not a lot of people can fool me. Had me thinking you didn't have a stake in all this. Good for you."
The hate was obvious now, it burned in Chancer's eyes bright enough for anyone to see. If he had been bigger, older that hate might have been threatening in some way. At this point there was very little that she felt was threatening.
"So now what? We make him scream?" Narumi asked lazily.
Chancer's eyes went to the gang leader who smirked at him.
"It won't do you any good." Chancer growled, "I won't help any of you."
"He does appear to need some encouragement." Kurama noted.
She pretended to consider the other two as if they had any real intention of torturing Chancer.
She had told the others to let the three of them take care of Chancer. The fewer people involved in this the less she had to deal with when it came to reactions. Narumi was a given because she tended to intimidate without doing much. Kurama because his stake was the highest and she knew he would control himself.
Ideally Hiei would have been there.
She had no doubt if he could Hiei would've used the Jagan to gain Chancer's coöperation. She was not all that sure about everything that eye could accomplish, but that seemed like something it could be used for.
Hiei wasn't an option and unfortunately they were pressed for time when it came to Chancer.
Sooner or later, probably sooner than they wanted, Takahashi would make a play to get the boy back. When that happened she would have to hand him over or risk everything she had been working on for the past years falling apart.
"Give me your knife Narumi." She said holding out her hand expectantly.
"A little early to go for blood isn't it?" Narumi asked bending down to retrieve the weapon from its ordinary place in her boot.
Chancer's eyes locked with her's.
Yes there was a lot of hate there, but now there was a spark of fear.
She didn't say anything as Narumi handed the knife over to her.
For a moment she looked at the blade.
It wasn't ornate in any sense of the word but that was part of its intimidation factor. Part of the reason that she had accepted it when Takeo had given it to her. It was also why she had gifted it to Narumi when she had given up what had been the beginnings of the gang.
The simplest weapons could carry the highest presence.
This blade was one of those weapons, though she had only used it once in a fight.
Without another word she walked over to Chancer who drew back.
"I'm not going to torture you kid." She assured him, smirking, "If that was going to happen Kurama would be the only one who came in."
Chancer's eyes flashed to the red-head, obviously he really had not taken into account that the fox demon was the most threatening person in the room.
It was one of those things she was always aware of with Kurama.
Underneath it all, Kurama's views were as black and white as they came. He may see every layer of grey involved in every situation, be aware of every possibility that could come about, but he was never indecisive. If something was required then that was how it was for Kurama. Morals did not get in the way of the action he would take if the outcome was necessary.
She knelt, grabbed one of Chancer's arms and proceeded to cut away the duct tape holding the oven mitts over his hands.
"Shizuru..." Kurama began warningly.
"They have to come off for this punk to be useful." She shared with the room at large, focusing solely on what she was doing, "What I don't get is why it matters so much. What'd I do to you kid? Snatch your ice cream when you were a baby?"
She felt Chancer tense. She really didn't care what it was he thought she was responsible for, there was so much in her past she felt that way towards. Having a face for one of those moments was not going to change it.
"You just stood there." Chancer hissed at her.
She paused to look up at him, "Gotta be more specific than that. You aren't all that special."
Chancer's eyes practically glowed with renewed hate and for a second she thought he might try to swing on her. Then he settled back, lowering his eyes.
"You let my dad get killed." Chancer continued, his voice tight with emotion, "You could've stopped it. Those bastards would've listened if you had said...if you had said anything. But you just stood there, you just watched them beat the hell out of him then shoot him."
She had gone back to cutting the tape away but had slowed.
It was not an unfamiliar story to her, in actuality the kid had no real concept of how often that sort of thing had happened to her.
How often she had been dragged someplace to witness the worst of the things people could do to each other.
How often she had been forced to see it from beginning to end.
How often she had...just stood there, watching and been unable to do anything as her energies held her in place.
How often the sounds of her internal screams had become so loud they blocked out those of the people who were physically suffering in front of her.
There had been a balance to it.
She was also witness to the greater things people did for each other.
Those instances of good intention that changed or saved lives. Those bright beacons in the shadows of horror.
The boys had told her the full story of Sensui, how witnessing humans being cruel to demons had unbalanced the Spirit Detective. How that Black Tape had tipped him even further into insanity.
From her view-point Sensui was contemptible.
He lost it over one situation he actually saw and then allowed that tape of atrocities to take him even beyond that.
Sensui was a punk, a weak-willed moron as far as she was concerned.
When you purposefully centered your attention on the bad news, of course it wasn't easy to even recognize the good.
He had been given the chance to see that good, brought it to himself in fact, in the form of the boys. He had been given real, reverberant examples of the good in both humans and demons. He had gone out of his way to try to destroy it because it did not fit in with his view that humans were incapable of that.
Her energies had taken her to events that involved demons as well.
She was just as aware of those things in creatures like Hiei as she was with humans.
Since her energies had first surged, taking her to that park, to that kid whose pain had scrapped and clawed at her she had been witness to much more than Sensui had.
All of it had been right in front of her...not one time had she been able to do anything but stand there, watching.
And not once had she gone looking for it.
She sighed, "Takahashi is using you. Whatever he has planned isn't going to go like you think..."
"As long as you keep getting hurt I don't give a damn what he's doing." Chancer interrupted darkly.
"You may" Kurama commented as he walked over to stand behind her, "personalities like his rarely have small plans. They are usually extremely destructive to all involved...that would include any family you may have Chancer."
The arm she was handling twitched causing the blade to slip. A thin red line appeared where the blade had cut into the skin.
She made a small sound of annoyance.
Why the hell had Kazuma used so much damn tape?!
"You aren't going to say anything?" Chancer half growled at her, "You aren't going to..."
"You want me to feel bad your dad did something to get killed? You were expecting me to get all teary eyed and beg for you to forgive me?" She asked looking up at him as she raised an eyebrow, "Not how I work. You have to own the stupid stuff you do kid. Sometimes that means pain and sometimes it means you get killed for it. Maybe you should be wondering why your dad didn't give a damn enough to stay away from what made that happen. Maybe you should be wondering why having a kid didn't matter to him enough for him to be more careful with his life. Me being there just happened."
She shook her head as she pealed the last of the tape from the arm then slipped the oven mitt off.
That was part of what held her sanity in place, why she could view it in a way that helped it make sense.
There were always instances where there was no fault for the bad situations that happened to people. There were also always those where it was a given how things would turn out. It all was in the choices that were made before the events occurred. The risks that people felt compelled to take with their lives. It was just how things worked out.
She was there to see what those choices had brought about.
It was not as if the next thing that happened was not entirely predictable considering she had been purposefully callous towards Chancer. She had also been distracted by being confronted in this way over what her energies drove her to be a part of. There were not many instances where it happened, where it was voiced directly to her.
Chancer grabbed her hand with his now freed one and a shock wave of what felt like electricity pulsed through her.
She heard Kurama and Narumi exclaim, felt Chancer ripped from her but could only lean heavily against the bed for a heartbeat attempting to regain her composure.
"You okay?" Narumi demanded.
"Yea..." She assured her friend lifting her head as the last of the strange wave dispersed, "Don't kill the kid."
"I had no plans for it." Kurama assured her from his position of holding Chancer against the wall, "Though I do reserve the right to...discuss constant, unnecessary risks with you at another time. What exactly did you do to her?"
This last was directed towards Chancer in a very dangerous tone that took some of the haughtiness from the smirk on the youth's face.
"Going to be hard fighting without her energies tomorrow don't you think?" Chancer replied laughing a little, "Can't wait..."
Kurama released Chancer to let him slide to the floor, "Its best if I don't touch you child. Your death will only complicate matters."
She allowed Narumi to help her sit on the mattress trying to grasp what the punk had just said.
She felt different internally, strangely off-center as if she were trying to balance on something that had shifted suddenly.
At the same time she knew what had passed through her had not accomplished what the kid had thought it would.
"Anyone ever tell you once something is fully assembled you can't fit it back in the box?" She inquired turning her head to look at Chancer.
Chancer scowled at her, "You're lying."
She snorted derisively, "Don't you wish I was. So this was the big plan huh? You flip the switch to off again and then what?"
Chancer's jaw tightened stubbornly.
She ran a hand through her hair, pointedly ignoring it shook a little. She needed to move, to try to relieve the odd sense of imbalance. A small part of her seemed to recognize the sensation but she could not focus enough on that feeling to force any knowledge from it.
Sitting there only seemed to encourage the odd lack of equilibrium to grow.
She stood up, "If you want a shot at convincing him its your turn Kurama. I need some air."
She also pointedly ignored the dark glance that passed between Narumi and Kurama as the other woman followed her out of the room. It had that "keep an eye on her" quality that made her want to smack both of them for being overprotective.
Sure she felt...weird but that was all there seemed to be to it at the moment.
She was so distracted by her annoyance with Narumi and Kurama that she was not paying attention as she went through the back door. A body seemed to appear out of nowhere, blocking her path so suddenly that she ran directly into the person, automatically grabbing anything for support.
"Give me some credit baldy. Food is food and to you people is food..."
It came out more flippant then she had meant it to be which explained the shock on Hoshukin's face.
She doubted he had expected her to say anything like that.
Of course the other demon didn't know what she had dealt with since Sensui.
He couldn't know the wall that had slammed down between her and everyone else.
How suddenly it had felt like everyone was looking at her like she would jump on them any second.
At first she had ignored it, tried to shrug it off but it was constantly being thrown in her face.
For no reason at all, besides the fact that she was a demon now, she was being treated like she had been when she was fourteen.
That punk Urameshi.
She hadn't wanted to deal with it, to feel those ties being strained, to see the people she cared about shying away from her.
She sure as hell did not want to acknowledge the pain it caused or the way it made her feel separated from everyone.
Even Kurama and Hiei had an added sense of caution to them when they got together.
She didn't understand why it mattered.
It wasn't as if she had changed into someone else.
She was just...different...
She hated it.
Hated everything again and it was so much easier just to shove it down, to go back to the familiar way of not giving a damn about anything at all.
So yea she could talk a good game, let the crap falling out of her mouth sound like she meant it didn't matter to her.
Even if that smell coming from Hokushin had made her stomach turn.
Even if she didn't fully believe all of it.
These guys were offering what she wanted, a place to be away from that constant pounding of "why".
Maybe even a place she could get back to feeling like she belonged again.
She could not catch her breath, could not control the chaos that had ahold of her.
She screamed as she was twisted, churned into the whirlwind.
"It just hit me...I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore."
The pain coursing through her was unbearable but not for the reason Yomi might think.
All that time she had been so concentrated on forgetting, on beating Raizen, on becoming more powerful.
All that time focused on fighting and nothing else, on getting back at the old bastard for stealing his fight with Sensui from him.
All that time...
Here she was in what should've been the greatest fight of her life.
Something that gave a real reason to her going through all that training and becoming stronger.
She just felt empty, as if it was pointless to have done any of it.
Raizen was dead and what was the point in staying mad at a dead guy even if he didn't manage to ever actually beat him?
This Tournament had seemed like a great idea, something that brought back that feeling of anticipated glory and conflict.
Yomi was yelling at her but she didn't care, not about what he might be saying or what he might do.
It didn't matter did it?
So what if she won, she didn't want to rule anything.
It wouldn't change any of it.
A moment ago she had felt so in control, so alive...
She gasped sharply as the real world swam back into focus only to be confronted by a pair of dark brown eyes.
Eyes that were shadowed with remembered pain and confusion.
There was a glimmer of her that wanted to respond to that pain, to help ease it from him. That glimmer was quickly replaced by absolute fury.
She still had not fully processed what had just occurred, what it might mean. She would get to that eventually.
For now Yusuke Urameshi was about to find out why people avoided her when she was angry.
He did not get why he had been so caught up in those memories.
Why he had even let himself think about those particular moments.
It had been forever ago that any of it had crossed his mind, admittedly that was purposefully done. He did not like thinking about those years even if he had become more powerful because of them. There was too much involved in going over them, too much he didn't like to deal with at all.
What he did know was that Shizuru was looking at him strangely.
In a way that made him immediately wonder if he should apologize for something and fast.
He even began to open his mouth to do just that though for the life of him he couldn't figure out why he felt like that.
He didn't usually just offer an apology to anyone.
The next thing he knew he was flying backwards, his jaw on fire from having been punched.
He picked himself up from the ground more than a little confused.
"What the..." He began to yell then reacted to the fist coming towards his face.
"You forgot?!" Shizuru growled at him.
"Huh?"
Another fist came towards him which he blocked only to have the wind knocked out of him by a well placed knee to his stomach. He went from confused to somewhat defensive since that was not where the attack ended.
Abruptly he was blocking punches and kicks being thrown by what seemed like another demon.
He had definitely not given her enough credit, at least half of the attacks could have really hurt if he had allowed them to land. The ones that did were shockingly painful.
As much as he wanted to give as good as she was he just could not bring himself to actually hit Shizuru.
Not with what was coming from her mouth between the blows.
"How could you forget what Genkai taught you?!" Shizuru demanded angrily launching a fist that half caught him in the cheek and sent him skidding back from her, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
This wasn't sparring, it was like being back at Genkai's.
It was like having the old bat berating him, bringing all that stuff he buried as deep as he could out of him. As if Shizuru had a hold of the things that had just been in his head a minute ago and was not letting go.
Anger flared in him finally, causing him to straighten, "You don't know what you're talking about!"
Shizuru stopped suddenly, stepping back from him as she glared.
"You damn loser." Shizuru hissed at him, "That's all it took huh? A little trouble and nothing matters again? What a damn waste."
"You don't have to worry about it do you?!" He yelled at her, confusion coming into play again as well as the pain of the memories, "You aren't the one who..."
He caught himself, stopped what had been about to come out.
One of the things he did think about, worry over, but never discussed with anyone else.
He looked away from Shizuru's, "It's not like you get being a demon."
Shizuru chuckled darkly, "What the hell kid. Not all of you is demon you know."
He brought his head up with a snap, "What?"
"Your body is a demon's yeah but your soul is totally human." Shizuru said shaking her head.
"Are you two finished?" Kurama asked making him aware there were other people around them.
"There's a difference?" He asked Kurama, "Human and demon souls?"
"Well of course there is," Botan answered as if it were a silly question, "Otherwise demons would be judged by the same standards as humans Yusuke. That wouldn't make any sense, now would it?"
"But..." He started lamely.
A wave of relief went through him.
Did that mean he didn't have to worry at all?
That he did not have to be constantly on guard waiting for the day he might look at someone around him as...as a snack?
Did souls work like that?
"Have you imagined you had no soul?" Kurama asked gently.
"Not...exactly." He ventured still attempting to regain his mental balance then centered again on Shizuru, "What was that about Shizuru?"
Shizuru tensed, partially turning away from them, "More fun times. Guess the kid managed to knock me down a peg."
"What do you mean?" Kurama asked taking a step closer to Shizuru only to have her step away from him.
"It's like it was when you guys took me to Demon World." Shizuru explained then laughed hollowly, "His memories got shoved into my head."
"That could prove...deadly in the arena." Kurama stated tensely, "You did not use your energies against Yusuke..."
"I wasn't trying to kill him." Shizuru replied with a shrug, "but if it makes you feel better I could feel them. This is a bonus."
"Oddly enough no it doesn't." Kurama retorted glancing at him, "If anything it compounds my concerns. You should have to be in the Demon World to produce that change."
He glanced at Kuwabara who was scowling at his sister. It just seemed to keep piling on. It was bad enough having to acknowledge that a reaper wouldn't be coming for Shizuru when she died. Having yet another thing making the situation difficult for her to keep breathing was another blow.
"You can't fight anymore." Kuwabara insisted.
"I don't have a choice little bro." Shizuru replied seeming to shake off her thoughts and approaching them a few steps closer, "Just the way things are working out. Hard isn't new to me either."
"But..." Kuwabara began angrily.
"Shut up." Shizuru interrupted with a laugh that sounded closer to her normal one, "It's okay Kuza. I know."
"I didn't say anything." Kuwabara half whined.
"Some things you don't have to, stupid." Shizuru teased, "You love me. You hate the risks I'm taking. You probably should be doing something but you don't know what to do. Got it."
Kuwabara sighed, "I hate when you do that."
"Big sister thing." Shizuru said dismissively then walked away from them towards the house.
"Are you alright Yusuke?" Kurama inquired.
He nodded, still coming to terms with what had just happened. It didn't feel real, not all of it anyway.
Shizuru had seen some of the things he was not exactly proud of but she had dealt with it exactly how he had thought anyone would if they found out.
She had been angry with him, disappointed and with her that had translated into something he could completely understand. She had given him a beat down and then somehow helped make sense of it for him.
"Big sister thing."
He had the definite feeling she had meant that with him in mind as well as Kuwabara.
Another Chap XD Thank you all for staying with me. Please leave a review, critique, thoughts on it all I appreciate all of them XD