CHAPTER 35

After Bash

"You!" Ron ran forward and pointed with the mirror. "Harry's Cousin! Whatever your name is! What's his name Harry?"

Harry's godfather Sirius was in the frame, having just told him something.

"Sorry." Harry "It's a rule here apparently, we can't meddle with the living except under certain circumstances. In fact, this conversation's going to have to wrap up pretty soon."

"Sorry." Sirius told Ron.

"That fat git! I'll get him!" Fred lunged at Dudley.

George held his brother back but shouted over Fred's shoulder to Dudley, "Why? It was us who gave you that tongue toffee, not Harry!"

"No." Harry's cousin waddled a few paces from the ice-cream truck and sat on the grass, resting his hands on his knees. The Order of the Phoenix surrounded him, but left room enough for the rest to see as he made his explanation. Dudley was munching a small chocolate ice-cream cone. He told his short story in an exaggerated casual way, trying to copy how he'd seen many evil masterminds explained their plans on his beloved TV sets.

"I'll admit, it was personal." He took a bite of ice cream and shook his head. "Didn't start out that way though. It goes down like this. Harry ruins my birthday with by setting a snake on me. He lands me with a pigtail. He scares the living willies out of me with his hocus-pocus magic talk. And then starting when I'm eleven, for every school year, my favorite punching bag's gone! And every time he goes off to his weird school he leaves in some way more crazier than the last year. First a flying car. Next year he blows up my aunt. Year after that he blows up my tongue. Last year we got sent on a wild goose chase while some of you freaks spirited Harry away. This year and the first one's the only time he just left at the planned time."

"We just sat through an entire chapter dedicated to boring explanations!" said Hermione. "We don't want any more explanation. Just give us two answers! Why did you spy on Harry in an ice-cream truck half a year and then why did you kill him?"

"All in good time." He said coolly, rotating his cone as though it were a glass of some fine alcohol.

"No no, son," McGonnagal tried to keep her tone as gentle as possible. "You can not even hope to come close to qualifying as a decent villain. Just answer our questions, now!"

Dudley was frowning, and now looked more like what he was; a sixteen-year-old with a face covered with chocolate ice cream. He blinked, and answered. "Well I s'pose I was curious about Harry's school so I stole the ice-cream truck and followed him, even though I hated him. After the first week I realized this place was completely lame, no TVs or video games or anything. So I made my next two goals to eat as much ice-cream as possible, since Mum wasn't going to stop me, and to kill Harry. I got that creepy little ghost guy to trash the school so you'd all be busy while I searched for Harry,"

Peeves cackled and waved from a window in the school. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws stared furiously at Dudley.

"Then I heard someone say he was at the beach, so I took my act over there. And I didn't call off the leprechaun because I wanted your freaky school to burn." By "leprechaun" he was referring to Peeves.

"You little pig!" Ginny kicked Dudley, meaning for it to be another groin joke. Instead she sent him bouncing back into the wall of the truck, which she decided was even better.

"How will this young man be tried?" Professor Sprout asked Dumbledore. "Can we try him as a wizard, or tell the Muggles what he's done?"

"He will go to the Ministry of Magic." Dumbledore flicked his wand, and Dudley was wearing handcuffs. "They will decide that. I fancy they might use some memory charms to let the Muggle community have an idea of what he's done without knowing that anything magical was involved, so that they can prosecute him properly."

Dudley tried to get one last bite of his ice cream before McGonnagal and Snape pulled him away from it.

"And I would've gotten away with it!" Dudley declared. "If I felt like running."

Snape heaved. "He's too heavy. I estimate we'll need at least eight more people to drag him inside."

"Or," McGonnagal swished her wand, and Dudley was rolling in front of them. "We'll roll him in like a giant blueberry."

"That works too."

Hermoine looked around. "Well now what do we do? The year's only halfway over. It's still only January."

"Good point." Padma Patil said. "Do the Gryffindors and Slytherins go back to the beach? The person who won the trip isn't going back there, technically."

"So much for celebrations." Colin Creevey lowered his head and his camera glumly.

Harry put a hand up on the mirror frame. "Colin, everyone, wait! Ron, hold me up." Ron held up the tiny mirror for everyone to see. "Listen, I missed my godfather Sirius, but I still managed to have a fun year, except for the parts where people kept trying to kill me. Or that whole thing with Rita Skeeter. But the point is, you shouldn't spend the rest of the year being depressed because of me. I've got my mum and dad and Sirius now, and so…yeah."

"I suppose so." Ron's face brightened. "So, we can still party then!"

Cried of agreement broke out among the crowd.

Harry frowned. "You're all taking this way too well."

Dumbledore motioned for silence.

Finally, he just said it: "Silence!"

They stopped.

"We will all celebrate Voldemort's defeat….at the beach! All of us! The entire school, all four houses! And our friends of course," he meant the tourists and mermaids who'd helped them in battle.

More cheers broke out.

Hundreds of wands were thrown up into the air.

Hundreds of wands fell back down on the island of Beach World.

The sun was just starting to set. Students, teachers, tourists, merpeople, and water basilisks were dancing around campfires or roasting marshmallows. The Weird Sisters were on a stage in front of the jungle, playing their hit "Time Turner (All Over Again)". People were bashing and kicking around the inflatable headmaster, on which Dean and Culebra had colored in the eyes read and drawn the rest up so it looked like Voldemort.

Tonks was trying to help roast marshmallows, and burning most of them. She handed one to Luna Lovegood that had some six-inch high flames rising from it. "Is, eh, this how you wanted it?"

"That's perfect, thanks." Luna squashed the marshmallow between two slabs of chocolate, so the fire only stuck out one end. "It's such a great thing You Know Who's Gone, but such a sad tragedy for Harry. He spends his whole life trying to save the world and succeeds, only to be mowed down by a muggle vehicle ten seconds later. Just like poor Harvey Birdman."

"Who?" Tonks asked.
"Oh, a character from a muggle TV program, I grew quite fond of it last summer." Luna explained the premise of the cartoon and it's tragic last episode while Tonks listened intently.

Meanwhile, Harry had to tell his friends goodbye, from the little mirror.

"I'll have to be going now," Harry said.

"Aw, the party's just starting." Ron was holding the mirror.

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny surrounded, standing by one of the fires.

"Sorry I died Ginny." Harry said.

"S'okay." Ginny mumbled. "Wasn't your fault."

"So I guess I'll be seeing you all around. I don't know, maybe in a dream or a séance or something."

"Maybe if we're doing something like Hobbit-weed, I've heard stories," Ron mused.

"Yeah, maybe when you're on Hobbit-wee--No, Ron. See you mates."

"Good bye Harry." Hermione said somberly.

"Hey, see ya Harry!" George waved with a full hand, from where he and Fred were roasting marshmallows for people.

"That's right Harry, send us a toilet seat down from Heaven if you can. Just drop it in through our chimney. I guess you're omnipotent now, so you know where our joke store is."

Ron sighed at Fred.

"See you mate."

"G'bye Harry." Ginny said last.

"Good bye." Harry stood awkwardly with his hot cocoa.

"Wait!" Ron had a sudden idea. "A toast. Accio sodas!"

An entire case of Diet Pixy crashed into Ron's hands, knocking the wind out of him, but (for once) not knocking him completely to the ground.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and the twins, joined by Luna, popped their Pixies and held them up. Harry held up his cocoa.

"To the Chudley Cannons! No." Ron became serious. "Here's to six years of solving mysteries and getting bashed up by Quidditch players and Whomping Willows. To the good times."

Harry and the rest all said, "To the good times."

They were all looking at Harry, and then their soda cans came up as they all sipped. When the cans came back down, they were looking at their own reflections and scotch tape.

"Well that's that then." Hermione said.

Ron blew through his mouth and nodded. After a minute he asked Hermione, "May I have this dance?"

The Weird Sisters were playing their slow song "Like a Veela."

"Sure Ron." Hermione smiled. "Oh Ginny, why don't you ask somebody for a dance? Maybe Neville?"

"He's dancing with Susan already. I'll look for someone."

Ginny saw the back of a blond boy sitting by a fire, looking depressed. She was pretty sure nothing could make her feel any better than slightly okay right now, but maybe she could help this person have fun.

"Excuse me," Ginny said coming up on the boy. "My only love has just died and my entire future's been unraveled so I've got nothing else to do but party here. Would you dance with me?"

"Would you dance with a vampire?" Draco Malfoy said over his shoulder. "Pansy just dumped me for it."

Ginny jumped back. "Malfoy!" she turned around to stomp off, but stopped. "…Did you say vampire?"

Tonks took a bite of her three-story-high s'more and shook her head. "That poor guy," she said to mostly to herself. "Saves the world and becomes a smear on the ground for it. No one like that deserves to be forgotten." She decided, "If I ever have children, I'm naming my first son Harvey!"

"Radical." Winston of the green hair gave her a thumbs up.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Draco were standing around a campfire, helping the twins cook marshmallows for everyone. The two couples are still together today. Hermione and Ron were married strait after graduating their seventh year. Hermione now works for the Ministry of Magic. She is the Director of Magic Rights, and the president of S.P.E.W. Her husband Ron did not graduate with high marks so does not work at the Ministry. However, he is the head manager of a very well liked Hobbit's ice-cream parlor in their neighborhood in Hogsmede. All four of their children are attending Hogwarts: Juliet, Harry, Sherlock, and Chudley (they switched off naming the kids).

Draco Malfoy was arrested soon after that beach party, for his role as a Death Eater and for the two murders of Malcolm Braddock and the muggle "Harry Potter" fan. He could not be convicted as an adult as he was only sixteen, the cutoff age being seventeen. He was sentenced to twenty years in Azkaban (which is now guarded by candycorns, since the dementors left). However, during the first two years he discovered a hidden talent--vampire hypnosis--which he used to secure an early release. Ginny Weasly graduated Hogwarts with high marks and went into sports for a career. She coaches the all-witches Quidditch team, the Kensington Chimeras. Her husband Draco Weasly is the mascot.

"Huh huh," Crabbe laughed, stealing Goyle's s'more and adding it to the pile he was shoving into his mouth.

"…hey," Goyle pointed at his friend accusingly.

To Goyle's amusement, Crabbe's head suddenly turned into a large marshmallow, not with eyes or hair, just a marshmallow. Crabbe began blindly swinging his fists, trying to pummel Goyle or Fred and George, who had fallen off the log they'd been sitting on with laughter.

Draco's two henchmen remained best friends and even got a job together at Ron's Hobbit's, which was where it came to a sad end. Goyle ate Crabbe by mistake when they were on the main street of Hogsmede advertising for the ice cream parlor--they were dressed as a milkshake and waffle cone and unable to recognize each other. Goyle found a new friend in Dudley Dursley, after he was sent to Azkaban for Crabbe's murder. Dudley and Goyle ate a tunnel out of the wizard's prison and spend a few years helping the Wizard Mafia (hey, there's a magic ministry, bank, newspaper and school system; they must have a mafia as well). That is, until a former classmate turned bounty hunter caught them and returned them to Azkaban (more on her later).

Snape and McGonnagal were doing a Waltz, even though "Do the Hippogriff" was more of a rock song. Ravenclaws Terry Boot and Anthony Goldstein had a question for Snape.

"Professor Snape we just heard you're part vampire." Terry Boot said.

"Really." Snape threw a glare to Luna Lovegood, who'd just been dancing with Terry. She was busy now dancing with Flytrap though and didn't notice.

"Hey, we think it's kind of cool!" Anthony Goldstein said, probably too casually. "We were just wondering if you're related to Dracula."

"Dracula? Bah!" Snape tried to come up with a comeback. "Well Mr. Goldstein, any relation to Lewis Black?"

"Distant cousin." Anthony had missed the sarcasm. "All Jewish wizards are related, we're a small group."

Snape mumbled, "I hate parties."

He would have to attend at least one more though, five years later when accidentally brewed the potion that could cure hoof and horn disease in unicorns and closely related animals. He was awarded the Crystal Kettle for this discovery, an award similar to the muggle Nobel Piece Prize.

"SMILE PROFESSORS!"

Snape flinched and McGonnagal remained unmoved when Colin and Dennis Creevey's cameras flashed. The Creevey brothers ran from one group of people to another flashing their cameras.

"Wow Ginny! Draco! Wow! You two make a good couple!"

"Wanna see you picture?"

Draco was annoyed. "No! Get bent wee-wands!"

Colin shrugged. "Okay!"

He snapped one more picture before he and Dennis moved on to someone else.

The rest of subjects responded either like Draco, or with fake politeness, or not at all. For this reason, no one but the Creevey brothers ever saw the few photos that actually showed Dennis Creevey picking pockets as the flash went off. Hours or days later people would realize that they were missing small valuables, wallets, or other odds and ends. After Colin found out about his younger brother's kleptomania, the two decided to put it to good use. Colin and Dennis Creevey are now a two-man team of robbers on the Ministry's Most Wanted list, particularly for their most recent heist--being the first thieves ever to successfully rob the wizard's bank of Gringots. They were last seen on the back of a Gringots dragon, flying south across the Atlantic.

"Can we get a picture?"

Lupin looked at Tonks, then smiled politely to Dennis Creevey. "Sure."

Flash.

"Wow cool! Did your hair just change from pink to green? Can you do that again?"

"Oh yeah that happens, with something startling like a camera fla-," Flash. Her hair was blond with red streaks. "Hehe, okay," Flash. It was ty-died. She sighed.

"Tonks," Lupin took a fist-sized clamshell from his shabby robes. He rubbed it off on his sleeve to try and clean it off, but only got it dirtier. "Well er, anyway. I've got something to ask you." Inside the shell was a tin ring set with a small white pearl.

"Remus!" Tonks jumped at him with an enthusiastic hug that spun them around.

The three mermaids who'd given Lupin the box and the pearl smiled from the shallow water.

Lupin and Tonks' wedding was small, but the immediate family was there, as were Tonks old mentor Mad-Eye Moody, and Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred and George. (There was some trouble with Fred, an obnoxious muggle on a bicycle, and some fire-whiskey, but that's a story they all try to forget.) Lupin and Tonks had a difficult start when it came to jobs, with him being a werewolf and she a klutz. But then inspiration struck. Practically working themselves to death, and with the help of donations from families with werewolves, they saved up enough money to purchase an island in Romania with a small castle ruin, which they transformed into Lycan School for Werewolves. It still looks pretty much like ruins, but to many students from around the world it's home. Much of the staff lives there, including the headmaster and headmistress. Tonks and Lupin have two sons, Harvey and Sirius. Under the light of the full moon, the boys have the ability to change into any canine animal of any wacky color.

"Waa! I'm sorry!" Tonks cried. "I'm sorry, are you okay? I didn't see you there, it's starting to get dark,"

Winky hiccupped a response. "Don't worry, Winky doesn't hurt, she's too drunk to feel a thing." The house-elf was sitting on the ground by a tree. She popped her head back into its proper shape, and returned to her bottle of fire-whiskey, which was as big as she was. Winky would eventually recover from her alcohol addiction with the help of Alcoholic Anonymous. She wrote a book about her struggle, which is being made into a drama miniseries. Actress Cho Chang will star in it.

There was a crack and a boom, and a sound like a firecracker that died out halfway in the middle of going off.

"LOOK OOOUT!" shouted Fred.

A lion-shaped cannon crashed into Winky, sending a wave of sand and her bottle flying a second before several colorful fireworks went off right there on the sand. Most admired them from a safe distance, but a few brave or stupid individuals tried to get close to them. Some of the first years made a game of trying to weave in and out of the ground fireworks, which was hard to do as no one could tell where the next one would go off.

Fred and George came to see the damage, their faces covered in soot.

"Believe it or not, we were just trying to surprise everyone with some normal fireworks." said George.

"I'll believe you if you do one thing for me," Lee Jordan trotted up behind the twins. "Care to help an old mate out?"

"Hmm?" George turned around. "Lee! Right. Fred, let's try to help out our friend."

"Of course George. Not to worry Lee, we've passed transfiguration after all!"

"You never finished school." Hermione pointed out.

"And you've got the same hair as your cat."

"Honestly, can anyone around here come up with a good insult?"

Fred and George muttered the transfiguration spell. When Lee parted his dreadlocks, his old face was shown again. "All right!"

"Wait," Fred made a "turn-around" motion with his wand.

Lee turned around questioningly.

"Okay, just checking for a tail. Every other over-used slapstick joke's been recycled in this godawful story."

"Ah." Lee said. "Now then," he took out his own wand. "I'm ashamed of you two. A beach party and all you've done so far's some jinxed marshmallows and one lousy runaway firework? Let's make this a night to remember." He faced the show of ground fireworks.

The three of them grinned.

Screams erupted. Instead of going out when they went off, the fireworks now rolled or bounced after everyone who'd been trying to get a closer look at them.

"That's more like it!" said Fred.

The twins and Lee high-fived.

None of the three ever gave up their youthful senses of humor for more serious adult-like attitudes, which could be why they are all somewhat poor. But being childlike also meant that they still remembered that money isn't everything (Ooo! Burn!). The twins still run their joke shop in Diagon Alley. Lee Jordan does not live in one place, he travels around commentating Quidditch matches and other magical sports around Europe, earning money as a D.J. at weddings and bar mitzvahs between games. The day following this beach party, a gold toilet seat was found jammed inside the Weasly Joke Shop's chimney. It now serves as the window of the manager's office.

George is married to a witch comedian from Texas and has two children, Maleficent-Sue who is biological, and Scamper who is an adopted pixy (he was delivered as a flower to the joke shop by mistake and was "born" to his parents when the petals unfolded, and they decided to keep him). Fred and Lee, although still best friends, are competing for former Gryffindor Quidditch player Angelina Johnson. The Ministry businesswoman is torn between the two men. Only one psychic can say for sure which one she'll choose, and Maggie Gingerlings isn't telling.

"Take a picture of my castle! Go a head!" Charlie Buffit was on the verge of hysterics. After all, the fireworks were still bouncing over his sculpture and rolling past it. He waved to the Creevey brothers until they ran to his sand Hogwarts and snapped a few shots. "YES! YES! Thank you! Sure take some more! As many as you want!" Flashes went off over and over. Charlie grew up to be a sculpture famous throughout the wizarding world. And that's all I'm saying about his future because really, you don't actually care, do you?

"If I didn't have my wand under my pillow I've been assassinated seventy times over by now."

"No disagreement there! I think you're right! I agree with that. Citizens should defiantly have the right to defend themselves," Professor Maximillian Fluff was standing in a cluster of adults in the beach party with cups of fruit bat juice, talking politics with Mad-Eye Moody. "But I'd think you'd be feeling even safer if they had more restrictions on who can use wands. I'm not talking about confiscating everyone's wands, I mean you're a former auror, of course you should be able. I'm talking, say, underage wizards who've already got criminal records, or--"

"But that's assuming you can trust all retired aurors. For all you know I'm actually Voldemort in disguise and the real Moody's been dead for the last thirty years, and the bloke Potter supposedly killed was just a decoy…"

"Oh brother." The badger rubbed his head.

Dumbledore entered the conversation. "Ah, let us not try to make sense of politics. Would either of you care for a lemon drop?"

"A what?" Fluff asked.

Despite their differences the three older men remained good friends for as long as life would allow them. Six years after the party, Mad-Eye was hexing squirrels from his porch when nine ninja assassins ambushed from the dustbins and knocked away his wand. Moody grabbed a plastic spork from one dustbin and annihilated all of them in under one minute. Dumbledore arrived for a visit, stepping off the Knight Bus just as Moody was pulling the spork from the last corpse's jugular. Dumbledore offered his friend a lemon drop, not realizing that it was actually two of them stuck together. Moody, who'd only ever taken them to be polite to his friend, tried to swallow it whole as he usually did, and this time choked.

Dumbledore couldn't hide the part he'd played in Moody's demise, as the Knight Bus driver Stan Shunpipe was a witness. Dumbledore resigned as headmaster of Hogwarts before the embarrassing story could cost him his career, and retired to Bermuda.

Max Fluff lived a long life (for a badger) and just recently passed away from lung cancer (his grown grandchildren said he had quit his cigar smoking too late).

"My pants are on fire!" Ron ran down the beach, the sparkling purple firework still shooting out sparks as it bounced after him. He splashed into the ocean, still running. The firework bounced off the waves.

Fred called, "Ronald, you need a hat and a whip for that picture to be complete!"

"I don't get it." Culebra said.

She and Dean were nearby, dancing with Seamus, Lavendar, Schmo, and Montague to the song "Eureka."

"I do." Montague said, his voice heavy with memory.

After all that stink about wanting his Quidditch team back, Montague decided just a month later, more than halfway through his seventh year, to quit his sports major and go into marketing. Marcus Flint took the team back and continued to play Quidditch. Now Flint plays for England and is a babe-magnet. His teeth haven't changed.

"Look Lupita; you grab the doxie and put it in your pocket. Then he flies out, so you grab him again."

"But why not just keep holding on to him if he keeps escaping?"
"That's not the point,"

Dean was trying to teach Culebra how to dance disco.

Culebra and Dean dated for a while longer before breaking up. Dean is an art teacher at Hogwarts, married to Bell the Ravenclaw artist (remember, with the blue and purple hair). Dean teaches drawing and Bell painting. He is still best friends with Seamus and often visits his Irish family restaurant-and-pub in Hogsmede.

Culebra has tried many adventurous jobs, all which involve flying, and only draws as a hobby. Currently she's a dragon pilot for passenger flights. She is still best friends with Morgana Schmo. Schmo is a stay at home mom whose husband Patrick Damien was just released from Azkaban for a bank scheme involving leprechaun gold.

Fred, still laughing at Ron, took a seat around a campfire with some others.

"Fred,"

"I'm George mother!" Fred said.

"George, I'm sorry! Dear, did you tell Harry before he left not to have too much cocoa and muffins every day? It could lead to something unhealthy."

"Mum, he doesn't exactly need to worry--Gaaaha!" Fred almost fell back in surprise with the large flash from Colin Creevey's camera.

Maggie Gingerlings jumped and screamed.

"Oh get it together Maggie! It's only those two dweebs." Padma Patil rolled her eyes.

"Haiya Maggie! Sorry if we startled you!" Colin smiled widely. "Wanna see how you looked?" He offered her the instantly developed photo.

"Oh, it's all right. You just startled me. Um, oh, it's very nice. Good um, good photographing."

Luna watched her friend thoughtfully. "You know Flytrap, there's a camp near my home for wizards and witches who need to learn how to stand up for themselves or physically defend themselves, or just learn not to be so afraid of everything. I think Maggie could really benefit from that. I'll ask if she wants to go together this summer."

"Aweshome!" Flytrap said.

Luna and Maggie did go to that camp. When she came out, Maggie was a much different person. Luna's personality never changed much. She is still very interested in the paranormal, and is the director of IMMU, or the Investigation of Multiple Magical Universes. Most recently Dr. Lovegood and her associates have been trying to communicate with what they're almost certain is another magic world inside an old wardrobe in a muggle professor's mansion, and which contains intelligent magic creatures.

After Colin and Dennis left, Maggie felt her front jean pocket and frowned. "Where's my wand?"

Nowadays, Maggie Gingerlings-Finch-Fletchly carries both a wand and a semi-automatic revolver in her belt, so she can be ready to fight criminals that are either muggle or magical. After coming out of self-defense camp with a black-belt in karate and a gold scarf in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Maggie realized she could use her new skills and her ESP to help make the world a safer place for people who were scared of everything, as she once was. She became an auror for the Ministry of Magic and in the muggle world earned a license as a free-lance fugitive recovery agent--better known as a bounty hunter. She has sent runaway Death Eaters, murderers, loiterers, mafia agents (remember Goyle and Dudley) and Internet scammers to jail and to Azkaban. She's currently on the trial of two other former classmates, bank robbers Colin and Dennis Creevey.

Flytrap could never be returned to his original size, to his disappointment. He took up the accordion and recorded an album, which sold no copied anywhere except in the Weasly's Joke Shop. Otherwise, he works as a chef at Hogwarts.

"Cheers everybody!" George popped open a butterbeer and sprayed it into the dancing crowd.

"Aaaha! Fred! George! That…actually felt kind of good." Bill Weasly had taken a direct hit, and his long hair was sopping with suds.

All of the Weasly family was at the party save Percy, who was not at the little fight at Hogwarts either. Unlike Fred and George he is very serious and mature, so he is extremely wealthy and quite lonely. Percy Weasly is the Minister of Magic, and has just divorced his fourth wife.

"IIII'm sailiiiing awaaaay!" Professor Sunrise sat cross-legged on a colorful water carpet.

"Heads up!" cried Hagrid.

Hagrid, wearing black swimming trunks with a large white scull and crossed swords on the back (they were actually made from ship sails) leaped off a cliff and into the ocean.

"Thanks Hagrid!" Ginny waved from her purple carpet, after the story-high wave she'd been riding died down. "Can you do that again?"

"Yeah!" Ron was on a carpet with Hermione. "Do it again!"

Other teenaged water-carpenters begged for another wave, while Sunrise gasped for air and tried to find his carpet again.

"Be patient," Hagrid assured the kids. "Madam Maxime's commin'. Hurry up Olympe, the water'll get cold when it's dark!"

Madam Maxime, in a leopard-spotted swimsuit, plugged her nose and hopped off the cliff, making more waves.

"That was awesome." Winston said, his green bangs dripping.

Sunrise grabbed the side of Winston's carpet, to keep from being knocked over by the waves. Sunrise had a relapse into his illegal potions after this party. He is now a 46 year old Hobbit's cashier who lives with his parents and spends his free time getting high, which as they'd say in the movie "Wayne's World" is both pathetic and ludicrous.

Green-haired Winston didn't go to any other school after graduating Hogwarts, but he has a good job at the Leakey Cauldron.

"I can't wait for your wedding!" Ginny, treading water, said to Madame Maxime, who was able to stand with the water only reaching her shoulders. "When is it?"

"This May."

Hagrid endured a tragic event the following year when his giant half brother Grawp stepped on a poisoned snake in the Forbidden Forest and died. But Hagrid was cheered up by the birth of he and Olympe's son Mongo. Hagrid is still gamekeeper at Hogwarts.

Hermione parted her soaked hair. "Wow, Neville, you didn't fall off or anything!"

"For once," Neville smiled from his water carpet.

"We should try and make our own waves," Ron said. "Make a chain, get in a circle and give our rugs a good insult!"

"Yeah!" Neville grabbed Ron's carpet.

Dean, Culebra, Seamus, Ginny, Draco, and even Hermione and McGonnagal in cat form joined in.

"No wait, I wasn't serious!" Ron said.

Draco said something obscene to the rugs, and they were off.

The tabby cat laughed. "I feel like it's the 1970s again!"

After Dumbledore's retirement to Bermuda, McGonnagal was headmistress for a time, until she retired. She is married to Snape (even though she is somewhat his senior, having taught him and the Marauders when they were teenagers). Now Neville Longbottom is the headmaster of Hogwarts, and the designated "cool teacher." His wife is Clarice Braddock, the squib sister of the murdered Slytherin chaser Malcolm Braddock. Neville first dated her just to tick off his Gran, after he told her about his part in the final fight against Voldemort and she replied saying she'd give anything for a grandson who'd died killing the Dark Lord. But his relationship with Clarice quickly bloomed into something serious.

After Malcolm Braddock's murder on the beach, his parents wanted their son to be remembered, which is understandable. And the way they were going to do that was to publish his private journal as a book, which unless the writer was witness to some important historical event, is obnoxious. To save the privacy of her brother, who'd always been her friend, Clarice made major changes to every entry in the journal before the publishers could get to it and, to put the icing on the cake, she had it edited by Rita Skeeter. Clarice had discovered an interest in creative writing. Her first novel Cyberpumpkin sparked a new genre of science fiction in the wizarding world.

"It was nuffin," Mundungus Fletcher sat on a rock, pockets in his trench coat, trying to impress a group of mermaids. "I get out of sticky situations like that all the time. Turning myself back into a human from a wallaby, getting a head of Rapunzel leaf down to Nocturne Alley before the Ministry workers caught me,"

Most of the mermaids were not impressed with his career choice, and left to play volleyball with some Hogwarts members. One, who was decked up in more sunken-treasure jewelry than the rest, stayed. "Go on…?"

Mundungus helped the Order of the Phoenix for a few more years, then headed for South America, saying he was "about to make my big break!" He was never seen or heard from again. However, a trail of false I.D.s and evidence of an unregistered animagus transformation point to a rarely mobile "coonskin cap" worn by bank robber Colin Creevey. Investigators suspect a small animal like a raccoon would be a resourceful ally for getting into locks and safes.

A coconut volleyball ended Mundungus's story, smacking his head into the rock.

"Score!" Kenny Burpgood shouted.

"I've got it!" Lavender Brown picked up the coconut and returned to where Dumbledore, Madame Hootch, Professor Sprout, Tralawney, and other students stood in the shallow waves around a levitating volleyball net.

"Hit it over here!" said Parvati.

Lavendar tossed the coconut up a bit and smacked it over with both hands.

"Ow," While she rubbed her hands Lavendar happened to glance behind her. "Look out!"

Ron's water carpet circle came wheeling up to the volleyball game…

Well what else to say. Parvati's married with kids and her twin Padma is a fashion designer. Professor Tralawney took her divination class to the United States where she found people were more gullible. Lavander's a kindergarten teacher, Rita Skeeter's still lurking about somewhere, and Kenny Burpgood is the slightly dorky co-worker at the Ministry of Magic. Death Eater Bellatrix LeStrange committed suicide at Azkaban by starting a stampede among the candycorn guards and throwing herself in front of it, rather than live in a world without Voldemort. The other Death Eaters are still in prison. Oliver Wood coaches professional Quidditch for England. Crookshanks had kittens with Mrs. Norris. Dobby is vice-president of S.P.E.W.

Everyone involved in the volleyball game and the second water carpet cyclone was washed back onto shore by the waves, or dumped there by heroic but annoyed mermaids who were tired of rescuing humans. The Weird Sisters played on.

"Well don't just sit there everyone, it's only eight thirty." Said Fred.

Ron spit out some sand (and a hermit crab). "I think I'm getting tired, actually."

"No you're not!" George pulled him up. "We've just gotten a hold of some Fire Whiskey! Who's up for a game of 'I Never'?"

Hermione said, "We're supposed to be Prefects, we need to set an example for the other students."

"Okay, you can use Butterbeer or Diet Pixy or something. Who's in?"

"Not me, I need to rave." Winston ran back to the stage where the Weird Sisters played.

Everyone else shouted "Aye!"

"I'm playing too." Tonks ran over. "Remus?"

"Well, this could be interesting, considering who some of the players are." Lupin shrugged and followed.

"Well, why not." Hermione said. "Come on Ron, this'll be fun."

"Yeah…but it'd be more fun if Harry was here."

"Oh, Ron. Cheer up." Hermione gave her lover a one-armed hug. "Harry's probably watching us right now, knowing every detail about our futures or something, and laughing himself silly over it."

Ron chuckled. "Probably."

And as he followed Hermione over to the campfire where the players were taking their seats in a large circle, he could've sword he heard his best friend snicker and say, "You have no idea…"