Formerly;

"Hi, I'm Peter." He smiles, eyes filled with mischief. "I'm not an alcoholic –maybe a bloodaholic." Charlotte and I groan but he ignores us, continuing, "But I'm not in therapy for that, not yet." He takes a few steps closer until he's standing right behind me and leaning over my shoulder toward Bella, whispers conspiratorially, "I think Jasper thinks I need help but ocher isn't really my color."

"Terrible joke," I bemoan. Charlotte chortles, trying to conceal her laughter behind her hand as she draws closer and halts just over my left shoulder. Side stepping me, she takes a better look at Bella and murmurs something to Peter I can't catch. However, Peter nods in agreement and smiles fondly at his wife without Bella realizing that there's another conversation taking place.

Bella laughs, eyes brimming with mirth. "Nice to meet you, Peter," she greets, smiling winningly. "I'm Isabella. But I like to be called Bella."

"Charlotte here, Bella. I'm a Vampire and Peter's mate," Charlotte contributes, flashing a dangerous, slow smile and waving casually. "Pleasure."

…

…

Memoirs Of Her Scent

–Chapter Thirty-Three:

It Doesn't Hurt

…

–Same Day; A Few Hours Earlier, Part II

…

'Cause you just have to ask,

Don't know how to act,

I know you mean the best every time you stop by.

Don't know what to say.

I know you're right

And I know you're good,

'Cause I'm still moved by you.

…

The further away my steps take me from Bella, the harder it becomes to breathe, think, or continue to put one foot in front of the other, and keep running. Nothing else fills my mind than this desperate need and want to retrace my steps right back through Bella's bedroom window and put her under house arrest, so that she can't meet up with Edward and get things back to the way they were before... Before he left, before I barged into her life and self-appointed myself as fit to be the glue that would hold her together in his absence, before I broke her again, before I returned, before I craved for her, and before my desire to possess her became a clandestine confession of unequivocal love.

Every cell in my body wages a war against the logic of my reasoning mind, trying to convince me to give into that barbaric desire and head back to the refuge of Isabella's room, where only she and I coexist and nothing can get between us. Not Edward and his promises of marriage and a happily ever after, and not Alice –with her interpretations of a future that'll most likely transpire into the realm of desolation and leaving me to long after unfulfilled desires.

Instead, I continue onward, going against my wishes, running deeper into these familiar woods, failing to get lost in them, and my mind a clutter of dusty spider webs without answers. My demon feels in chains, deprived of all the primal instincts I am negating it as I run away from what we want and need.

However, it remains mute and without stirring. As I continue to run, I sense that someone else is stealthily keeping pace with me at a small distance, but choosing to remain under the cloak of shadows, and for now, I allow it. Because, so far, I know there's no threat behind my pursuer's disquieting pursuing and my demon agrees that they do not pose a threat.

…

Feeling slightly on edge about the disquiet and uncertainty emanating from my pursuer, I decide to stop ignoring and actually speak up.

"If you think you're being inconspicuous, you should really give up now," I whisper in acknowledgement, coming to a stop and letting the night carry my voice in the cool and bitter wind to her hiding place, like the perfect gossiper. "I know you've been following me since I left Bella's."

"How observant of you. The wind was in my favor," she asks, dropping from a branch ten feet ahead of me, "what gave me away?"

"Your emotions." Surprisingly, I find myself smiling at her cordially. "Otherwise, you were quite stealthy."

"Of course." She grins. "And if I didn't know any better, I'd say you just paid me a compliment!"

"Perhaps," I allowed, a tight smile tugging at the right corner of my lips. My moment of genuine cordiality was wearing thing. Licking my lips, I finally ask the question I'd been burning to ask. "What are you doing here, Alice?"

"I saw you," she says. "You were on your way home and I thought…" she shrugs, "I wanted to meet you halfway."

"And for that reason you also tried to hide from me?" I ask, skeptic.

Alice licks her lips nervously. "I didn't get to see if I was… welcome. I wasn't sure."

"Since when have you been so sensitive?" I ask sardonically.

"It's never too late to start," she says hopefully. Grimacing slightly, I look away, unable to acknowledge or encourage her unfounded hope.

"Look, I'm only going because Bella is on her way there now," I tell her. "Alice, I don't want to be insensitive and tell you this isn't about you but, well, it isn't."

Alice's eyes flash with guarded emotion and she looks away from me. "So I saw," she says through clenched teeth and turns to walk away, shoulders hunched in defeat.

I did that, I can't help but think, wishing there was something I could say or do to make this easier on either of us. However, there was nothing. Only… I made my decision, knowing that it wouldn't make things better but understanding that at least, I'll be doing right by us.

"Alice…" I call, contrite, before she could get more than five feet on her way.

Alice shakes her head. "Don't," she pleads, eyes glazed with the vision of my impromptu decision as Alice glances over her shoulders back at me.

Seeing Alice looking so heartbroken and contrite almost breaks my resolve, making me want to just embrace her and tell her that I am happy to see her and that nothing has changed. However, everything has changed between us.

Struggling with the emotions purling inside me, I push them aside until they are apart from me, only barely tangible, and proceed to follow through with what I'd decided. I must be strong, for the both of us.

"It is time," I say. My voice is low and contrite, letting her know that I don't want to have this conversation no more than she does. However, this conversation has to happen. Alice knows it and I know it. Therefore, it is happening now.

The only small comfort I can provide her with is to rule in my nature as an empath and let her feel without my influence or my prodding to see and taste how she is feeling. Though a small courtesy, given the circumstances, it is the best I can do.

Alice sighs, her face contorting with traces of pain and betrayal that reach out to the tight coil of my own emotions I have wound around my frame. Nodding curtly, she acquiesces and her visage becomes cool and detached. She swallows thickly, asking, "Why now?"

"It is time," I simply repeat. "We can have it here or go somewhere else."

"I don't understand," she whispers, frowning with confusion. "Am I lacking in some way?"

I almost flinch at the vulnerability in her voice and have to visibly hold my ground so I don't let my protective instinct take over. No matter what happens, I can't physically comfort Alice anymore. "No," I answer, "you're not lacking in any way, Alice. In your own way, you are perfect."

Alice smiles at this compliment and I allow a small smile of my own. Still, she frowns and wonders. "Why then?"

I sigh. "I'm tired." A pang of ache hits me square in the chest at these words, Alice's pain.

"You're tired of me?" she asks quietly, voice quivering. "Are you saying you're bored?"

"No. I'm saying I'm tired," I correct.

"I don't see the difference," she says defensively.

"If you would be willing to listen for a moment and let me finish what I was saying, you would," I say, curt. She scowls and I go on. "I'm tired of being with you and having you being absent as another vision takes you from me."

"I can't help that!" she argues, outraged.

"True," I acquiesce. "But you can help talking to me after, instead of caving in on yourself and keeping it all inside as if I'm just there for decoration." Alice flinches at my harsh words, wrapping her arms across her torso. "As if I am inept to offer any kind of comfort or wisdom to my wife."

"I can do better," she whispers and I have to bite back a scoff.

"I'm tired," Alice grimaces, "of your lack of faith in me."

"When–?" she begins to ask but I cut her off.

"Tired of you always expecting me to mess up."

"I'm just looking out for you," she whispers, trembling as her arms wrap tightly around her.

"Do you know how degrading it is to have you looking ahead to see if I'll suck some innocent bystander within the next couple of hours, Alice?"

"That isn't my intention–"

"That's right, you don't," I interrupt. "You've never bothered to ask me if that's okay with me."

"Why didn't you tell me it bothered you before?" she argues. "You clearly don't have any qualms about speaking your mind."

"That's a good question." I tilt my head to the side, as if appraising her and taking a few steps back, I lean against a tree and cross my arms over my chest. "However, I have a better question. Would you have listened?"

"No," she admits through gritted teeth.

"There's your answer, darlin'," I smile, "you know I never speak if I don't have anything constructive or worth hearing to say. Or at least, I thought you did."

"I've been trying to do what's right by you." Her words are so tightly wound together as she says this that they almost sound like a growl.

Despite the severity of the situation, I realize I'm amused. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you meant to say that you've been doing what you think is right by me."

Silence follows my words. The woods groan and rustle around us, a few litters scurrying around the moist grounds and filling the heavy silence. I am triumphant. I wait. I want an answer. "That's all I've ever tried to do," Alice finally manages to say. "I know how hard this diet is on you and you wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't for me–"

"Alice," I interrupt once again, "let me stop you right there." She clenches her jaw but nods, letting me proceed. "Another one of the things I'm tired of, Alice, is your assuming. Assumptions are so very cripplin', darlin', didn't you know?" Meeting Alice's gaze with a leveled look, I blatantly challenge her to argue otherwise. When she doesn't, I nod and continue, saying, "Sure, I hate our diet and every single day I struggle with it. I crave human blood. It is in my nature. It is in yours. Therefore, don't tell me that it isn't as hard for you as it is for me. I know it is. I feel it every day as it twines with mine and increases it along with Edward's, Rose's, and Emmett's."

"That only proves it is harder for you." She sounds triumphant as she says this and for a moment, I let her believe it. Reclined against the tree, I bring up the sole of my left foot to rest against the bark in a more relaxed pose. Alice watches me warily, trying to read me. One thing I've always been good at is being spontaneous, never planning too much and acting a whole lot.

"Alice," I begin, my tone condescending, "all the external influence in the world can't make me loose control." She looks stunned. Shows how much she knows me. "All I have to do is turn it off."

"If that's the case, then…" she trails off, letting her would-be question hang lamely between us.

Still, I answer, "But then, there in lies the problem. You see, what everyone else feels is what keeps me in control and not my demon. However, my demon is constantly tempting me with the prospect of shutting it all off and killing that bit of humanity I still have left." Alice couldn't look any more surprised if she tried. Knowingly, I smirk. "And that is my true constant struggle; it has never truly been about the blood. Though, the blood plays a large part in it because once I give in to the thirst, my demon has more of an advantage and what I feel becomes a weapon rather than a hindrance for it. And that is what makes me lethal and why Maria had me fighting her war."

At the mention of the war, Alice shivers. "You've never told me any of this," she says, tone accusatory.

So I don't roll my eyes at her, I shrug. "You never asked. In fact," I say, contemplative, "there are many things you've never asked me about."

"What else haven't I asked you about," Alice asks, almost wary.

"Ah…" I smirk. "Well darlin', I can't go around asking your questions for you. That'd be rather ungentlemanly of me. Besides, you just heard how I feel about assuming so I can't start assuming that you actually want to know me better when you haven't bothered in all these last few years."

Judging by Alice's stung face, my sharp word hit their mark better than expected. "I've wanted to ask," she admits, voice raw with emotion.

"What stopped you?"

"I didn't want to probe." Looking away from my beseeching gaze, she glances down at her shuffling feet and says, "Also, there was the gnawing thought that our future still showed you were going to leave me, no matter what I did to counter it. If I kept myself at a distance, I thought this moment would hurt less."

Closing my eyes, I exhale sharply and rake my fingers through my hair, fisting them there in frustration. It took reigning in every last chord of self-control I still had in me, not to scoff, scream, or curse at Alice. "Oh, Alice," I bemoan. "What a shitty excuse. No, scratch that, what a shitty decision."

Alice's head snaps up and her eyes flash to mine, a silent and feral snarl distorting her mouth. "Stop dismissing my feelings so easily, Jasper," she hisses. "Your condescending words are less than welcome."

"Atta girl." Clapping in congratulations, my lips curl and my smile is sardonic. Alice's eyes turn to slits at my blatant provocation. "I've never seen you get angry, much less stand up for yourself." I nod in her direction, appraising. "This is a start."

"Are you purposefully provoking me?" she growls.

"That's what you think I'm doing?" I ask, mock surprised. "And here I thought we were finally getting to know each other for real. None of that superficial chatter left to discuss and getting in the way." Sneering, I add, "As you said, better late than never, darlin'. We're making progress."

Alice is visibly trembling with fury where she stands. Closing her eyes, she inhales sharply and exhales slowly, trying to regain some small semblance of control. Repeating the process a few times over, she finally opens her eyes and openly glares at me.

…

You are a woman

I am wind

I am the sand

I am scared

And I'm fine,

'Cause I deserve the time to feel

Hurt

…

"What will you have me do, Jasper?" she finally asks, voice trembling. "This isn't like you… Do I even know you anymore?"

And this time, my smile is genuine as I push off against my tree and begin walking circles around a rigid Alice. Brushing my fingers across her shoulders, I nod and come to a halt before her, crossing my arms over my chest. "Now you're starting to ask the right questions, Alice."

"The right questions?" Alice is gaping at me openly, clearly beyond confused. "There's a right and wrong here?" she scoffs.

"Sure there is." I nod. "Alice, have you ever truly known me?"

"Of course–"

Shaking my head, I interrupt her argument. "Alice, do you know what my favorite story is?" I ask, honestly curious.

Alice looks baffled but she still attempts to answer. "The Pearl Harbor?" Though her answer is a little uncertain, she looks positive as she adds, "You've always been into history."

"Alice," I smile sadly. "I abhor thinking about history. Especially about the war." Laughing darkly at the shock passing over Alice's face, I shake my head and sigh. "I'm part of history. I've been there. I fought in the war –human and vampire, both wars. You know that much." Still stunned, she nods, agreeing. "And most of that history I've lived through is like a reoccurring nightmare. Every waking moment I spend on this earth, I find myself desperately seeking for ways to forget that."

"Then why–"

"Talk about it?" Alice nods. "Because there's always someone wanting to know about it and because it is my past and there's nothing I can do to change it." Again, I sigh and continue, "I can only reflect on my past mistakes. Though there's nothing glorifying about it, if my mistakes can help to avoid history repeating itself, in some small way, I think it is worthy reliving those horrors."

A/N: I added some more to it guys. Still not the full chapter though...