Trigger warning- suicide and depression.

"God, I hurt…"

"Then maybe you shouldn't have stood in front of an oncoming car, dumbass!"

"I'm in pain, don't be mean to me," Austin pouts, burying his face in my chest. "You should feel sorry for your little brother."

Ratliff snorts. "Yeah, sorry. You should be sorry for making us worry, dammit. I'm gonna get grey hairs, if you continue on this path!"

Austin smirks at him. "You know you love me. I just make life a little more…interesting."

"If by interesting, you mean stressful, sure, we'll go with that." Ratliff crosses his arms and slumps back against the plastic hospital chair. "These chairs are gonna fuck with my back, goddammit. I swear, we're in a fucking hospital, and they can't get half-decent chairs."

"Must you complain about everything?" Rydel groans, rubbing a hand over her face. "We get it- you're never pleased with anything. Now, for the love of God, shut your fucking trap!"

Ratliff reaches over and wraps his arms around her neck. "You love me!" He squeezes her tightly- to the point of leaving her breathless- and I laugh. Poor Rydel…not really.

"You guys should all shut the fuck up," Rocky grumbles. "I can never get any sleep with you people flapping your jaws 24/7."

"Lighten up, Rocky," I reply. "Let them have their fun."

"Yeah, sure, whatever the definition of fun is to you guys. Need I remind you that Austin just stood willingly in the path of an oncoming car? The you, Ratliff, and you, Riker have both tried to kill yourselves as well?! That Rydel isn't fucking eating?! And you guys are laughing and joking like it's fucking nothing."

Rocky glares at all of us, rising to his feet, and striding from the room- footsteps heavy and jaw set.

Ratliff's jaw hangs open in shock, and Rydel's frozen in his arms- leaving me sighing. Austin is silent against me, his breathing slowing down slightly. "Ratliff, come here and take my place. Hold him, his ribs are bothering him, it'll be painful of him to lie on them. I'll go talk to Rocky."

"Would you like to tell me what the fuck that was?!"

Riker storms over to me, his eyes dark with anger. He comes over so he's standing right next to me, staring at what I'm looking at. I shake my head slightly, making no move to acknowledge him. Gripping the railing of the bridge, I stare at the river below, my eyes fixated on the rushing water.

"Rocky. Look at me, dammit."

I sigh, turning to face him, and locking his gaze with mine. "What do you want, Riker?"

Riker glares at me. "I want you to tell me why you're shattering our baby brothers' happiness. I want you to tell me why the hell you yelled at them for jokes. Just because everything's not fucking sunshine and rainbows, doesn't mean they can't try to be normal! That's all they fucking want! And if they want to pretend like it's okay, for just those few valuable minutes, fine. If they want to pretend that this whole family isn't fucked up in every way possible, fine. Tell me, Rocky, who the hell are you, to take that away from them?!"

"It's not okay, Riker!" I cry. "Nothing about this is okay! You guys are trying to take your lives, right and fucking left! For god's sake, Riker, do you know how huge this is?! I feel like a fucking failure. I'm your legal guardian, and I'm letting you guys try and kill yourselves! You've been in my shoes before, it's not easy, is it?!"

Riker's face softens. "Rocky…why didn't you say something? You're not supposed to be the strong one all the time- it's okay for you to break. I don't think I've seen you cry once, since we told Austin our stories, and that was over three months ago. Have you been holding it in all this time?"

"It's fine, Riker. Please just…go. I'm sorry. Just go, tell them I didn't mean that. I'm gonna be out here for a while. I need a breather."

Riker rolls his eyes. "You need more than a breather, you fucking moron. You need a break. You need to break. You're gonna explode one of these days. And you cannot let them see that. The three of them are already broken- seeing their strong, take-charge figure break down in front of them is going to break them."

"Exactly," I sigh. "So what choice do I have? I have to stay strong- I have to do my job as your big brother. Being the oldest comes with a lot of sacrifice, Riker. You know exactly what I mean- it isn't fucking fun."

"And that's my point," Riker replies. "You're overworking yourself to the point of collapse. And I'll be damned if you don't break from the pressure soon enough. You need to let us help you, Rocky. You may be our rock- no pun intended- but you have to break at some point."

"And when I do," I mutter. "It'll be in private. And then I'll be okay again. That's the way the cycle goes, Riker. Unchanging since the day I got custody of you guys."

"The last time you broke." Riker's voice shakes slightly, held-back tears creeping into his voice. "The last time you broke, you scarred Ratliff for life. The last time you broke, you pushed Rydel further into her depression and anorexia. The last time you broke, I felt like suicide was the only option for me. Is this your way of telling me that it's going to happen again? That you're considering jumping off this fucking railing and drowning yourself?! That you're going to shake this family to the core, and put us through something like that, again?"

"Is Rocky okay?"

Ratliff glances at me worriedly, shifting a bit. Austin whines in his arms, and he sighs, shushing him gently.

I exhale a heavy sigh. "I don't know, Ratliff…he's overworking himself to the point of breaking…kinda like what happened to me."

Ratliff's eyes widen. "Switch again. I'm gonna go talk to him."

I shake my head slightly. "He's in a bad place right now, Ell. Really suicidal. I don't think that's such a good idea."

Ratliff's face hardens. "I'm the one that kept him alive while we were waiting for an ambulance, Riker. He's closest to me. And I think I can handle it."

"Hey, big brother."

Rocky glances up, as I join him on the bridge, his eyes dark and distant. "Yeah? You need me for something?"

I shake my head. "No, but you need me. Dammit Rocky, you know I'm here for you. You know I'll let you break without anyone else knowing- why are you keeping all this locked in?"

"Conceal, don't feel," Rocky mutters. "If I let it out, I'm going to break in every way possible, Ell. I can't do that to you guys. I have to be strong- you all need me. You fell apart while I was in that coma."

"But that doesn't mean you have to be invincible," I reply. "You're not invincible. You're a human being, and you're allowed to break. You're allowed to fall apart. It's human nature, Rocky."

"I'm fine," Rocky whispers. "I'm okay. I'm fine."

I don't have to do anything- except stand there. He begins to sway on his feet, tears building in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. Sobs tear through his throat, choked up- full with agony. I lean forward at just the right moment- he collapses into my arms, crying against my shirt.

"I'm sorry," he chokes out. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. You're gonna be fine. It's okay."

I haven't figured out how long this story's gonna be yet. It depends on how much more I can squeeze into the chapters- there's still a couple things planned. Anyway- thoughts? I feel like I've kinda neglected to mention Rocky's feelings, so here you go. If you can get me to 170 reviews, your chapter will come early. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.

-Neha