Family Secrets: Part two – chapter 15

So many things that I had before

That don't matter to me now

Tonight I cry for the love that I've lost

And the love I've never found

When the last bird falls

And the last siren sounds

Someone will say what's been said before

It's only love we were looking for

Patty Griffin – Don't Come Easy

"Sam!" His named echoed, as it bounced off unseen walls in the dark cavernous space. "Sam! Saaammm!" Then he heard it as a faint cry in the midst of a din of screams and shrieks. Two voices he registered in the cacophony of gruesome noise; the snarl of Lucifer and Adam's desperate scream. He ran toward Adam and directly into a blinding flash of light. Sam never reached Adam. Instead he found himself motionless on the damp ground in silence. All the noise was gone… this place was still… as still and quiet as a… Sam opened his eyes… a graveyard. He was in Stull Cemetery. How did I get here? He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. Adam? Glancing around, he saw no one… Dean? Lucifer? Sam tried to think through the confused blur of images in his mind. I killed him… Cas… Bobby? I killed them both! He remembered falling through the pit clutching Adam… dragging him down into the darkness… and then… His memory faded. Sam started walking. He had no idea where he would go. He walked and listened to the rhythm of his footsteps as he left Stull cemetery alone.

Sam woke; opening his eyes to the empty bedroom and the memory of a strange dream. He gave a heavy sigh. He remembered finding himself in Stull cemetery but he hadn't thought about it, never thought about leaving Adam in the cage. He had never thought about Adam at all. Sam suddenly felt sick. What could I do? I didn't leave. I was taken out. Sam heaved another heavy sigh and got up, made the bed and went into the bathroom. Contemplating his reflection in the mirror he wondered; who are you? He had never bothered to even think about Adam… no guilt… no regret for more than a year… not even a second thought. But he remembered Adam now and wondered. How could I be so cold? Is he even still alive… still in the cage?

He made coffee and headed into the living room with a steaming cup laced with sugar and cream. Froo Froo as Dean always called it. Sam would drink his coffee black if it was all he could get. But it went down so much smoother light and sweet. He walked through the empty house. He glanced at the paintings on the wall by the front door; the ones he insisted on bringing with them when they moved from the apartment. He remembered the first time he laid eyes on the paintings, the rivers, dark and slow moving, with large ancient trees growing close to the banks and hanging out low over the water. A lonely empty boat pulled up the bank resting at the trunk of one of the trees. Alta had bought them and hung them to add a homey touch. She said that they were dark, but she liked dark. At the time, he had no idea what she meant. It wasn't until he got his soul back that he understood. The paintings made you wonder.

He glanced around the house. The difference between this house and Dean and Lisa's was striking. Their house was bright and cheery and Lisa filled it with lots of pictures; the kind that make you smile, make you feel good… not dark. The sunlight flooded their house and the yard around it was almost treeless with a lush lawn that Dean seemed to like mowing. Sam and Alta's place was surrounded by trees and so shaded that no grass would grow on the tiny space that could be considered a lawn. It was simple, basic, dark. They were secluded here… alone. Alta's ways were a perfect match for him. He not only didn't mind basic, he preferred it. And dark… he didn't even want to take time to analyze that except to think that it was a good thing for him she liked dark because his life was as dark as it gets. He wondered how much of this was really Alta and how much was just to please him. Maybe she would rather have fluffy feminine things around like Lisa did. She enjoyed the fancy B&B and the little cabin by the lake was bright and cheery… he wondered….

… … …

Ben came out of the front door of Sioux Falls Middle School to find Sam waiting on the Harley. He donned a helmet and hopped on behind Sam. He didn't know if Sam knew that Dean had his silver knife or that Ben had told Dean about the training sessions. He didn't have any idea what he would tell Sam but he would think of something so he decided to wait before he said anything; not give himself away just yet. He would see how it played out first. Sam was smiling. Ben was playing this just right. Good instincts. He's a natural. Sam pulled in at the house.

As they dismounted the bike and pulled off their helmets Sam watched Ben out of the corner of his eyes. "Let's practice with the knife before we go eat."

"Ok… um." Ben waited, partly because he hadn't figured out what to say yet and partly to see what Sam would say. The stillness was uncomfortable as Sam stood before him, seemingly waiting for Ben to pull out the knife.

Sam finally pulled the knife out of his pocket and handed it to Ben. He looked down at the boy, his brows raised his mouth not exactly a smile, but he didn't look angry either.

"I… Dean…" Ben was stumbling as he tried to figure out what to say. "He figured it out, Sam. I don't know how. He just knew." Ben's voice dropped to a whisper. "And I told him the truth." Ben looked up at Sam. "I told him not to be mad at you. It was my fault. I talked you into it."

"It's ok, Ben. We talked about it. What I did was wrong. I shouldn't have gone behind his back." Sam sighed. He would probably do the same thing if he had to do it over again… but he wouldn't tell Ben that… or Dean. "But Dean agreed. You should be trained." Sam locked eyes with Ben. "Show me what you got."

Ben went through the steps Sam had taught him. He flipped the knife open one handed, handled it with graceful moves and flipped it closed again. There was no doubt Ben had been practicing.

"That's great, Ben." Sam took another knife out of his pocket. It was a silver butterfly just like Sam's. They exchanged knives and Ben looked down at the one in his hand.

"BW" He read the initials engraved on the handle. Ben looked up at Sam. "Those aren't my initials. I'm BB." His eyes glistened. Sam had touched a nerve.

"Let's just say that you're an honorary Winchester." Sam smiled and ran his hand through Ben's hair. "I love having you for an honorary nephew." Sam chuckled. "Just don't call me 'uncle Sam'. That's just too weird."

Ben giggled. "Thanks, Sam."

"Now let's add some foot work and when you get that down we'll move on to some other types of blades."

… … …

Dean was able to make good time on the road back from Carthage and he and Alta arrived at Bobby's in the early evening. Sam had taken Ben for pizza after they practiced and then dropped him off with Lisa at the studio. Dean and Alta were just unloading the Impala when Sam pulled up behind them. Sam and Alta were drawn to each other like magnets. He jerked his helmet off and met her halfway between the Impala and the Harley.

Alta melted into Sam's embrace; his strong arms around her pulling her into a tight hug. He kissed the top of her head and she turned her head up to meet him in a long lingering kiss. Dean rolled his eyes, sighed, grabbed his duffel and headed into the house.

"They're like a couple of horney teenagers." He grumped as he passed Bobby in the front hallway.

"Are you jealous?" Bobby smirked.

"Yea, well." Dean yelled out the door. "Come on kids. I'd like to get home to my girl too!"

They all settled in Bobby's office. Sam and Alta sat together. She had one hand on his thigh, the other holding a glass of 'hunter's helper'. Sam laid his arm around her, resting on the back of the sofa. Bobby was behind his desk pouring a glass of whiskey for himself and Dean. Sam waved off the offered of whiskey. Dean sat across the desk from Bobby and Castiel stood at the end of the sofa.

Dean took the colt out of his duffel and held it up proudly for all to see. "All we need is bullets."

"They have to be silver and it requires a spell. Ruby taught me and I can teach you." Bobby smiled.

"Ruby taught me how to make the bullets as well." Sam offered.

"She did? Uh… I didn't know that." Dean looked at his brother. Ruby was still a sore spot between the two; one that they had not dealt with and it was obvious. "What else did she teach you that I don't know about?"

Sam gave Dean a 'bitch face' look that he hadn't seen on Sam in a long time. Bobby joined in with a 'bitch face' look of his own so Dean figured he would let it go. Alta caught it and although she didn't say anything she could see that there had been something between Sam and Ruby, whoever Ruby was… and Meg… She'd never given much thought to Sam's past but here it was; the first little nibble…

"So." Dean stated, still holding up the colt; his prize. "We got the colt." He winked at Alta. "What have you two got?"

"A lot of lore." Bobby started. "We're still sifting but it seems Lucifer's favorite story about loving God too much and being cast out because he wouldn't bow to human's is only one of many stories about the origin of Satan."

"It may or may not be the truth." Sam added. "There's other lore. Lore that's much more ancient than that particular story."

"Which makes it seem that the older stories may be the truth and Lucifer changed it later for his own reasons." Bobby commented.

"At any rate, it seems that Lucifer was one of the highest Angels in heaven. He ranked next to God and controlled armies of Angels. And, get this." Sam said. "He dwelt in the 'Seventh Heaven'."

"Seventh Heaven?" Dean's eye brows rose in amazement and he glanced at Castiel. "There is such a place?" Castiel didn't respond. He looked away remaining mysterious as usual. "Well, you're a big help."

"Well according to ancient Hebrew and Cuneiform writings it's a place. Did you know Bobby can read Cuneiform?" Sam grinned.

"No." Dean looked at Bobby. "You never cease to amaze me."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Whatever the job demands. Did you think research is easy?"

"Ok, so." Sam reined the conversation back to point. "Lucifer volunteers to go down to Hell and keep watch over the damned souls there."

"Like the heavenly prison guard?" Dean was finding this all very hard to take in.

"Yea, kinda like." Sam's eyes were bright. He was clearly excited about their discoveries. "Well, the prophecy says that over the millennia Lucifer becomes corrupted and becomes evil. He is supposed to be replaced by a new Angel."

"So, Lucifer gets fired and another Angel takes over?" Alta asked.

"Yea, but you know these heavenly… Hell… things don't happen smoothly. Apparently there's always a battle and collateral damage." Bobby eyed his fellow hunters. "Guess who gets to be the collaterally damaged?"

"Uh… Humans?" Dean answered. Neither Sam nor Bobby answered aloud. The looks exchanged among the hunters said it all.

"So the ruler of Seventh Heaven now is an Angel called Samael. He's powerful… stronger than all the other Angels. He's God's favorite, according to the lore and he's supposed to take over as the keeper of the damned souls." Bobby sighed. "I suppose he'll inherit all the demons Lucifer created too."

"The Apocalypse was supposed to be the catalyst that made that happen." They all turned to look at Castiel. "We derailed the Apocalypse and shoved Lucifer back in his cage. So now it's a free-for-all down in Hell. Several demons are vying for power." Castiel sighed. "I was wrong to help you. Michael was supposed to defeat Lucifer and Samael take over but now Michael has been freed and Samael is battling Lucifer on his home turf… in the cage."

"And if Samael loses?" Alta posed the question that was on all their minds.

… … …

It was much later when the hunters broke up the debriefing session without a clear cut plan. Part of Dean was glad to be home… but part of him was struggling with Sam's accusation that Lisa had lied to him and that Ben was his son. He stopped in the kitchen to pour a shot of whiskey. It was the last of several shots this night and he was beginning to feel the effects as he made his way up the stairs. He stopped at the door to Ben's room. He watched the boy who was so engrossed in his music; the boy who just might be his son. Ear buds leading down to the Blackberry Sam had given him; his head was bobbing in time to the music… music Dean couldn't hear but he knew what Ben liked… Metal… just like Dean. He tried to see himself in Ben. But he saw only Lisa. His hair was dark, like Lisa's. Dean's had been light when he was young. His eyes were the same deep dark brown as Lisa's. There was the light sprinkling of freckles across his nose, just like Dean's but that didn't prove anything. How could Sam be so sure?

Dean turned and plodded down the hall. He hated to think Lisa might be lying to him. He was uncertain how to confront her or even if he should. But if she had lied to him and Ben was his son then he had been an absent father for the first twelve years of his son's life. If there was one thing that made Dean's blood boil it was looking back on all the times his father had not been there for his sons. And it wasn't really for himself that he was angry. It was for Sam, for Sammy. Dean had done the best he could raising his brother but he was just a kid himself and any mistakes he'd made were directly on John… for not being there… for leaving his sons to raise themselves. If he was Ben's father… an absent father… it was the same anger boiling in his gut. It wasn't so much for himself that he was angry. It was for Ben… but he didn't know and his absence in Ben's life was directly on Lisa.

Lisa was curled up with a book when he reached the bedroom. "Dean! I'm so glad you're back." She smiled at him. Her smile was so innocent, so sweet. She had only a slight notion, only vague simplifications about what they were dealing with. Dean thought that if she knew the true extent of the job hunting entailed it would break her. He'd been hiding everything from her… protecting her… keeping secret the full magnitude of the darkness they dealt with… as much as he could. And she had no idea that Sam had raised the question about Ben being a Winchester.

"Hey, Lis…" Dean stood at the edge of the bed and looked down at her wondering how to put his question into words. He reached for her, to touch her cheek but he hesitated and his hand drifted down to his side. "Lisa… I…" Dean swallowed hard.

"Dean, what is it? What's happened?" Her face was the same gentle, loving face he saw when she took him in just after Sam jumped into the cage. She comforted him, nursed his wounds, loved him… she gave him a reason to live.

"Lisa, I owe you so much… my life, I guess." Dean struggled to find words and once he found them he struggled to get the words past the knot in his throat. "You stood by me… and loved me… when…" He turned away from her. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn't looking into her face; if he couldn't see her fear and worry. "I know it wasn't easy. I was a mess. I drank too much. I had nightmares and… and panic attacks. I agonized about Sam and…"

Lisa laid her book on the nightstand and slipped out of the bed to stand behind him. She placed her hand so lightly on his shoulder he could barely feel it. "Dean, I would do it all again. It was worth it and it's so much better now." She tried to turn him to face her but he pulled away. Her face showed the panic that was rising in her but he couldn't see it. He wouldn't let himself see it. He wouldn't look at her. "Dean… what is it? Tell me." He shook his head and she thought she heard him choke.

"Tell me the truth." His voice was soft but gravely. "Is Ben my son?" He turned and searched her eyes for the truth.

Lisa was stunned; so totally caught off guard that she couldn't hide the truth. It showed on her face as clearly as if it had been branded across her forehead. "I…" She backed away, and then turned away desperately searching her mind for the words to say.

"You lied to me?" Dean was crushed. "Lisa, why?" She was speechless. "I could have been a father to my son, if you'd told me. But you kept your secret and my son… my son… grew up without his father. How could you do that? How could you not tell me?" Dean was beginning to work himself up into a righteous wrath. "How am I supposed to live with that? Every time I look at him… every time I look at you…" He grabbed her and turned her to face him, his hands holding her arms pinned to her sides. He shook her. "You made me into my Dad… an absent… Dick!" He released her, pushing her away from him and walked out of the room.

Lisa found her nerve and her voice just a little too late. She called after him. "Dean… Wait! Just listen… Dean!"

… … …

"Who is Ruby?" Alta waited until after they both showered and were lying in bed. She hadn't thought about it until then and almost didn't bother with the question but curiosity got the better of her… that little nibbling doubt wormed its way to the surface and the question came without much of a thought.

Sam's eyes closed and the pain that shot through him made him catch his breath. Did they have to do the 'old girlfriend' thing? It was never easy and it always ended up painful, leaving scars. And that's if it's just the typical 'old girlfriend' thing. His relationship with Ruby was anything but typical and just remembering it brought shame… and fear… if she knew the truth… He sighed. "Ruby was a demon." He waited for her reaction.

"I figured that much." Alta lay on her side facing him… watching him.

His eyes were closed but he could feel her eyes on him. "She had a knife that could kill demons."

"I got that too."

"She played me… and… she used me. She… I chose to believe her." He thought back through all that happened between him and Ruby. How could he possibly explain it? "She turned me… No! I made bad choices… really bad choices… and I chose her over my brother." Alta watched as Sam struggled with the memory. "She used me to let Lucifer out of his cage. I'm the reason he got out. It was my fault."

Alta watched as he lay silent beside her. His eyes still closed; his hand lying on his chest, she could see his throat moving as he struggled. Sam waited for her reaction. Waited for her to withdraw in disgust, to understand just how low he'd sunk, how dirty he was. He waited for her to leave him.

"That's why you did it? Why you let Lucifer possess you? Because you thought it was your fault."

"It was my fault."

"And you wanted to make it right." She could feel his pain and she wanted to do something to make it better. But she knew there was not much she could do. "What happened to Ruby?"

"Dean killed her." He let out a deep breath. "I held her while he stabbed her with her own knife."

Alta laid her hand on his. Might as well get it all out. "Did you love her?"

"Would it matter if I did?" He wondered exactly what it was he had felt for Ruby.

"Did you?" She decided to dig deep and root out the infection. She could tell he had not dealt with his own feelings about Ruby. If he had, it wouldn't cause him such pain.

"I… No I don't think I did." He struggled to find the right words for what he felt for Ruby. "I was addicted to her… to her… blood." Again he waited for her to grasp just how dark he really was; how filthy his life had been.

"You drank her blood?" Alta was disgusted but she was more intrigued. How had this happened? She couldn't imagine Sam being used that way. But, then she didn't know that Sam. "Why?"

"It's a long story."

"I've got all night."

Alta and Sam talked long into the night. He told her the whole story about Dean's deal with the crossroads demon and his desperate need to save Dean leading to his blind faith in Ruby and then his addiction and all the way through to the end; jumping into the cage with Lucifer inside him and Michael inside Adam. She listened to it all. She didn't judge. She understood. When they finally fell asleep, he fell into a restful comforting deep sleep; a sleep like he'd not felt in so long.

… … …

"So you're Sam's girl. And I thought you were Dean's playmate." Black, empty eyes stared at them. "Maybe you do both of them. Sam, did you and your brother finally learn to share your toys?" She laughed a cold ugly sound.

"Meg!" Sam sat up and glared at her. "What do you want?" She had roused him from a deep sleep and a quick glance at Alta let him know that she had been asleep as well. Alta sat up and moved away from Sam. Her pistol was just under her side of the bed and she knew Sam had a silver knife under his pillow and a bottle of holy water under his side of the bed.

"Sam, I'm a little jealous." Meg continued to taunt. "I thought we had a good thing. I know how much you want me."

Sam took a deep breath and repeated his question. "What do you want?"

"Just a word." Meg flipped her long raven hair as she took a stance at the foot of the bed. She held up a hand. "Is this what you're looking for sweetie?" She waved Alta's gun and grinned at her. "Not the best little hunter are you." She turned her eyes to Sam. "Sam, I'm surprised at your taste. She's rather ordinary don't you think?"

Sam's eyes were dark and narrow; his lips a thin line. His breath was slow and even. Alta could feel every muscle in his body tense. "Speak! Tell me what you want!"

Meg flipped her hand and Alta tore from the bed, propelled to the wall and hung there, held by Meg's power. Sam's eyes never left Meg. He didn't move; his stare fixed on her. "Just tell me!" His voice boomed. "What do you want?"

"The colt." Meg's stare became just as fixed as Sam's and it was deadly.

"I don't have the colt." Sam snarled out his answer. "Why do you want it, Meg?"

"Never mind why. Let's just say I need it to kill certain… people." She narrowed her eyes at Sam. She held a fist up toward Alta and clenched it tight, twisting. Alta gasped. She felt the hand squeezing her heart. A low keening sound tore from her and sweat popped out on her face. "Just so we're clear, I don't need the colt to kill her but you need get the colt and give it to me to save her." Meg opened her fist and Alta remained pinned against the wall breathless and gasping for air. "Are we clear, Sam?"

"We're clear." Sam glared. "Now, let her go."

Meg disappeared and Alta fell to the floor. Sam jumped across the bed and was at her side in two long strides. "Alta." He cradled her in his arms as she passed out.

"Castiel…" Sam called to his guardian. "Cas… I need some help here."

"Me, Dean and Bobby are hidden from all demons and Angels. It had to be Alta that she tracked."

Castiel held his hand up to Alta's chest. She pulsed away from him and groaned in pain.

"You ok?" Sam watched her reaction.

"What the hell?" Alta looked from Sam to Castiel and back to Sam again.

"It's protection. Meg won't be able to track you now. You have a protective Enochian Sigil carved into your ribs." Sam watched the confusion on her face. "We all have one." He nodded at her. "I know… hurts like hell."

"Well… yea." She was still a little stunned.

"Expect more." Castiel sighed. "It is not going well in the cage. Samael is strong. Stronger than Michael and he has all Lucifer's attention. It's a free for all among the demons. Crowley and Meg aren't the only ones vying for power and they will not be the only ones after the colt." Castiel fixed Sam with a stare that unnerved him. "You need to be careful."

"Yea, I can see that." Sam nodded. "Maybe you should protect Lisa and Ben as well."

"I will." Castiel replied.

… … …

"Bloody Hell!" Crowley screamed. "I can't believe she got the jump on me." He stood in Hell, in the midst of a legion of his followers. He stomped on the limp shape of a man at his feet. "No second chances for you. I have other hunters I can use." He shoved with his foot and the burned and beaten form of Samuel Campbell rolled over, gazing helplessly into nothing. "I'm going to do you a favor now." His voice was suddenly softer, if not just a bit sweeter. "I'm going to end your suffering." He moved his hand over Samuel and his body convulsed and stiffened on the floor as glowing light… his soul was pulled out of him and into Crowley.

"Christian!" Crowley bellowed. "Get ready. We're going to the surface. I'm going to get the colt and I'm going to kill Meg, myself." He laughed… cold and hard. "We can get both Sam and Dean too while we're at it."

"And Alta." Christian smiled. His smile had become a hideous as Crowley's. "I want to make that bitch pay."

Crowley looked at the demon that used to be Christian. "Fine. You can have her. I'm killing the Winchesters myself."

… … …

TBC

Hope you enjoy. There was lots of dialogue this time and plot thickening. Next time I plan more action.
Please take a moment to comment. Many thanks to those who have commented and alert and favorite my story.