Chapter 35: We Are Never Alone
"Byakuya…"
"Byakuya?"
"Segare, please, open your eyes."
Byakuya's eyes opened slowly and struggled to focus. He squinted at the face of the man leaning over him, trying to lift a hand to touch him, but finding that he was too weak even for that. A soft, childlike moan escaped his lips, as the man's features gradually cleared. He gazed up into the gentle, kind eyes of his father and tried again to reach for him. Soujun smiled down at him.
"That's a good boy. Stay still."
A soft, graceful hand slipped into his and he closed his eyes again.
"The procedure was a success," said Unohana taichou, "His spirit centers have stabilized. He will need to be watched carefully to make certain that his body does not reject them, and as I told you before, when he is older, we will need to test him against the database of available donors and, if a match is found, complete a full transplant."
"But he is stable for now?" Soujun asked.
"Yes."
"And you said that he will be able to use his full powers without causing his spirit centers to fail again?"
"Yes. We do not know exactly what causes this condition. It is very rare. However, we do know that it is not genetically based, and it is not exacerbated by use of one's powers."
"That is good to know. Arigato, Unohana taichou. I am relieved."
The two were quiet for a moment.
"He is going to be very powerful," said Soujun.
"He takes after his father," replied the healer.
"Oh," said Soujun softly, "I am not so powerful."
The healer placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Do not try to lie to me," Unohana said, smiling at him, "I was the one who performed the procedure. I know exactly how powerful you would have been. Kuchiki fukutaichou, will you not give me permission to share this information with your father? Ginrei would be very proud, both of the fact that you had reached manifestation, and of your choice to yield that power to heal your son."
"No," said Soujun, smiling and shaking his head, "It is better this way. Byakuya's powers are going to be even greater than mine would have been. And in any case, my son offers me the gift of being able to be free to walk a calmer path. I do not desire greater power or leadership of the clan. I simply was not made that way…but he is. Unohana taichou, I feel it every time I look into his eyes. He is meant to lead our clan, as I am not. That is why I did this. And…the elders of the clan and my father would not have understood. They would not have agreed to this. That is why you must say nothing. Only assure me that Byakuya will be all right and I will be content."
"He will be fine. And when he is older and has the complete replacement, he will be healed completely."
"But if a donor is not found, what will happen?"
"Maybe nothing," Unohana said quietly, "This may be enough to make his spirit centers function normally. But…in many cases, for reasons that we do not know, the spirit centers fail…often rather suddenly. And if they are not replaced entirely, the ones with this condition lose their powers and gradually fade. But do not worry. By replacing the two failing spirit centers with yours, we have stabilized him. Byakuya will develop normally now."
"That is good," Soujun sighed, touching Byakuya's face lightly as he slept, "That is all I wanted."
"Nii-sama?" Tetsuya's voice called softly, "Nii-sama, wake up."
Byakuya stirred softly and his eyes opened. He looked slowly around the room, then up at his brother's concerned face.
"Tetsuya…" he whispered.
"It's good to see you awake. You were unconscious all night."
"You look like you haven't slept at all," commented the clan leader, sitting up slowly, "I am surprised that Tomio hasn't dragged you back to the manor to make you sleep."
"I asked him to take Arashi and to look for Renji-san."
Byakuya looked away.
"Why?"
Tetsuya made a sound of surprise.
"Why? Because he is your husband…and he is our friend. He is hurting badly now."
Byakuya sighed.
"I know he is," he agreed, "And I want to go and look for him too, but if you read his words, Renji does not want me to find him."
"You know he didn't mean that," Tetsuya argued, "He thinks this is what he wants, but…"
"And I will yield him space…for now. This is what he wants. And although I could not give him this peace while he carried the heir, I can give this to him now."
"But this is not what you want either," insisted Tetsuya, "And you need him now. I don't what's going on, but you are not well. You need him to come back…"
"No," Byakuya said quietly, "I will leave things as they are for now. And when my health issues are resolved, then I will go to him. I will ask you for one thing, Otouto. When your Arashi finds him, have him look after Renji…until I am…well. Go on, now. Go home and rest. I will be fine."
Tetsuya rose as Unohana taichou entered the room.
"Very well," said the blue-eyed noble, "but you are to do everything that your healer tells you to, or I will be back here to make you behave, Nii-sama."
Byakuya watched quietly as Tetsuya left and Unohana taichou closed the door. She walked slowly to the bed and sat down beside it in the chair Tetsuya had vacated.
"So," Byakuya said softly, "Did it happen again? Like it happened to Renji? Am I pregnant?"
The healer shook her head.
"You are not pregnant."
"No?" queried the noble, "Then…?"
"This is related to the issue with your spirit centers. I know you do not like to speak of it."
"Because it was never meant to be known, except to my father and me. He remained silent because he didn't want to anger his father with what he did. And I kept that silence after he died…to hide my shame."
"I don't understand."
"Unohana taichou, my father had reached manifestation. He was going to achieve ban kai. Had I not fallen ill…had my spirit centers not begun to fail, he would have been more powerful. That hollow wouldn't have killed him. You know this to be true. I am the reason that both of my parents are dead…and perhaps that…more than anything else, is why I remain childless and alone."
"It is true that your mother died in childbirth, but it was not your doing. Deaths during childbirth are fairly rare, but they do happen. And neither can you blame yourself for your father's decision to donate two spirit centers to save your life and your powers. It is something that any father would have done. You know that, faced with the same decision, you would have acted as he did. But all of that aside, we need to speak about your options."
"Can we do this later? I am still mourning my son. And Renji is missing…"
"I am not saying that those things are not important, but your health is at risk. You must act soon. I can provide temporary relief, but we need to start making plans. You need a complete transplant of your spirit centers."
Byakuya closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath.
"As you know, whenever a shinigmai dies, if a healer is present, the spirit centers are removed and preserved. The records are kept in a large database, so that it is easy to search to see if any of them will match a particular patient. We already know that the three viable spirit centers that were taken from your father will match with you. We only need four more for the complete procedure. Only allow me to check your readings and see if there is a match."
Tears rose in Byakuya's eyes and he took a steadying breath.
"No," he whispered.
"Kuchiki taichou…"
"You know why. I couldn't bear it if…"
Byakuya stopped himself forcefully and blinked the tears away.
"I cannot do that. You cannot ask that of me."
"Byakuya-san," the healer said, looking into his damp eyes, "We are talking about your life here."
"No," said Byakuya, a tear escaping onto one proud cheek, "This is about my father dying because of the power he sacrificed in order to save me. And it is about the weight of lost lives I will carry on my heart if I do this. You have no idea what you are asking!"
"I am only asking you to allow me to see if there is a match."
"And if there is?" Byakuya asked, blinking, "You and I both know why such a thing would happen…why such a match would occur. And I know the question that comes after that…and I cannot bear to hear it. You said that you can stabilize me temporarily."
"Yes, but…"
"Then do it."
"I already have. But I cannot guarantee that will be enough," said the healer, "Byakuya-san, please listen to me. You may be all right temporarily, but with the pressures in your life right now, if your spirit centers continue to deteriorate, then we could lose you. The database is there, and all shinigamis who pass from life contribute to it so as to save lives that can be saved."
"Then let them save someone else," Byakuya said softly, "That would be a comfort, but this? I cannot do this. It would destroy me inside."
He took a soft breath and looked out the window.
"I want to go back to the manor."
"I will discharge you when your reiatsu level reaches something resembling normal…not until. You are to rest. And when you are discharged, you must take good care of yourself. If you are determined to tempt fate this way, then I at least want you to have some chance of survival."
"That is the difference in our viewpoints," Byakuya said solemnly, "For you, it is enough for me to survive. For me…survival is not enough. I want to have a meaningful life. But when I lost Hiroki and then Renji left…that life left me too."
"Then perhaps what you need," said the healer, "is to find Abarai Renji and bring him home."
Byakuya shook his head and took a steadying breath.
"I cannot ask that of Renji after what he has been through."
"But what will he have to endure if you do not do this and you die because of it? Will it be any comfort to him that you respected his wishes? You are not even letting him make an informed decision. You know you are not being fair to him."
"Not being fair?" Byakuya repeated, his eyes darkening, "I will tell you what isn't fair! What isn't fair is that Renji never had a choice in being with me. Sake made our choices for us. I was reckless and twice, I slept with him under false pretenses. I got him pregnant and obligated him to stay with me. His choice to leave was painful to me, because I love him. But seeing how much he suffered because of how I obligated him? Seeing him lose the fire he had…that same fire that helped to bring me back to life inside? It doesn't matter what happens to me now. I just want him to be free…to find himself again. I don't want him to come back to me just for this reason. If he comes back, I want it to be because he loves me. And I would rather die than to obligate him any further."
XXXXXXXXXX
Renji groaned and shivered, opening his eyes and finding himself collapsed at the edge of the river. He vaguely remembered waking up sometime during the night and crawling out of the cave to throw up.
I don't even remember what happened after that…
He felt something cold in his hand and lifted it, laughing sarcastically as he found he was still holding the sake bottle.
I had a death grip on that fucker.
He dropped the bottle and lifted himself, but collapsed and grabbed his head, groaning at the pain that shocked it.
Oh kami, have things changed. I remember when that wouldn't have even slowed me down.
He realized suddenly that he was naked and that there were footprints leading away from where he had lain.
"Ah," he muttered, "Made a contribution to the needy, I see."
He dragged himself back to the cave and crawled inside.
"Thank the stars that they didn't find this place…" Renji grumbled, "Or I'd be having a lot bigger problem."
He paused and belched loudly.
"Yeah, a huge problem! No money to buy more sake!"
He stopped himself mid-laugh and exited the cave to throw up again.
"I really need some clothes," he complained to a hummingbird that lit on a nearby flower and began to feed.
He watched silently for a few minutes, enjoying the sun on his bare back and wondering if he really wanted to get dressed at all.
Augh…don't wanna scare the street kids…
"They probably won't come this far out of town, but you never know…"
"Well," said a harsh, grating voice, "What have we here? An unwrapped, ready to eat soul, ne?"
Renji lifted his head and looked up to find a hollow sitting a few feet in front of him.
"Get the fuck outta here!" he snapped, "I'm trying to wake up."
The hollow narrowed his eyes.
"I don't really care what you are trying to do. I am hungry, and you are here. Here and already loaded with a fine sake infusion."
"I told you to go away," growled the redhead, his voice becoming malevolent, "And if you don't, I'll rip your fucking head off and I'll eat you. How about that?"
The hollow bared his teeth and claws, then shot forward. The claws sank into Renji's shoulders and raked his back on one side, but the hollow froze in place and made a choked noise as Renji's hand closed around its throat and squeezed.
"You're in…sane!" gasped the dying hollow, tearing at the redhead's arms, "Let me…go!"
Renji's eyes flashed. He dragged himself onto his knees and gathered his strength, then raised his reiatsu.
"Hadou # 31," he snarled, "Shakkahou!"
He released the hollow as a huge, red fireball erupted from his hand and struck the screaming hollow. The force of the blast carried the flaming hollow out over the rushing river, where it exploded like one of Kurotsuchi Mayuri's fireworks.
"Well…look at that," Renji chuckled, "Pretty damned impressive. Didn't even blow up in my face!"
He doubled over and threw up again, then looked down at his naked body and realized how badly he was bleeding.
"Fuck me," he groaned, "I think I'm bleeding to death…"
He shook his head and did his best imitation of Byakuya's disapproving voice.
"Get up, Abarai. Clean up and get to work."
He paused and frowned.
"No…wait. I take that back. It's not seemly for a pregnant man to work. The bearer of the heir must be married to the clan leader immediately. He must dress in scratchy, too tight kimonos and be presentable at all times…"
Renji groaned as a memory broke into his mind.
He rested in Byakuya's arms, naked, he thought at first, but then he realized that, thankfully, he and Byakuya (who he had thought to be naked as well) were actually wearing some kind of wrap that covered all of their genitalia. They sat near the edge of a warm indoor pool with Renji's back against Byakuya's chest and the back of his head resting on the noble's shoulder. Byakuya's arms were wrapped gently around him and reiatsu hummed in some kind of gentle exchange between them. His hands were spread over Renji's abdomen and both the noble's hands and Renji's belly were softly glowing with a deep pink light.
"Oh," Renji groaned, his hand straying to his abdomen.
A shock of pain passed through his heart as his hand encountered his flat, muscular stomach.
"Oh kami, I don't want to think about this…"
Instead, he crawled back into the cave and busied himself with bandaging the cuts on his arms and shoulders. He couldn't quite reach all of the ones on his back, but thought he did an adequate job of cleaning them. He made a pot of tea, then sat with his back against the cave wall, drinking his tea and trying hard to make his mind empty…to banish the soft, familiar voices from his ears.
"Damn it. I think I need more sake."
He found a set of clothes that were dark enough to hide any seeping blood, and went through the arduous and painful task of putting them on. He crawled out of the cave and managed to get to his feet. He stood quietly as his head cleared, and worked his hair into a braid, which he fastened with a black hair tie. He walked around a little, until he could manage it without staggering, then walked back along the river to the edge of town. He walked back into Inuzuri, taking in the sight of the ragged, hopeless people, the run down, dilapidated buildings, and the dusty streets.
It isn't much, but this is where I came from. This is the place that made me so strong. And I'll be strong again. I just have to…remember how…
He walked into a pub and ordered stew, fresh bread and several bottles of sake to take with him. He carefully loaded the bottles into his pack, then sat and slowly ate the stew, his eyelids drooping.
"Here, Renji-san," said the pub owner, handing him a small paper bag that radiated warmth and smelled sweet.
"What is this?" he asked, peeking inside.
"Just some warm cookies for you. I made extra."
Renji froze.
"Perhaps we should return to the bedroom," the noble suggested.
Renji shook his head.
"Not yet…"
He painted the batter onto his abdomen, then made a line down to his awakened length, which he then laced with the batter. He had barely finished when he was pushed down onto his back on the table, with Byakuya leaning over him, devouring the warm, oozing batter. Renji panted harder, his member leaking in anticipation as Byakuya's tongue blazed a hot, wet trail down his body, tracing the dancing pattern of tattoos, then following the pathway of fine, red hairs downward.
"Th-thanks," Renji said, smiling at the woman.
He left the pub and turned back towards the edge of town. As he neared it, he spotted two young children peeking out at him from behind a cluster of bushes. He smiled and held out the bag.
"Here," he said quietly, "I have some extras. Take them."
The little dark haired boy looked back at his brown haired sister, then edged towards Renji.
He kept his eyes on Renji's, shivering as he moved closer, then snatched the bag out of Renji's hand, took his sister by the arm and fled.
He stared after them for a moment, thinking back.
"We're going to get out of here someday, Rukia. We are. We'll get strong…and we'll go to the shinigami academy."
"And then what?"
"We'll join one of the squads together. We can share the money we make and get an apartment. And I'll go down to the noodle shop and pig out on noodles and roasted chicken every day!"
He avoided looking at a certain hilltop as he passed out of town and approached the cave again. He crawled inside and curled up on the mat with his heavy cloak on and a thin blanket wrapped around him. He was almost asleep when a woman's scream shattered the peace and brought him awake. His hand found Zabimaru and he was out of the cave and running back towards town in a moment.
Please, kami, don't let it be them!
His heart sank as he rounded a corner and came to the place where the two little children had been. He heard the roar and shallow cough of a hollow and bounded towards a small shack just beyond the bushes.
A tall, spiny hollow gripped the screaming woman in his claws as the two children howled and cried, hitting the hollow with rocks and sticks.
"Howl, Zabimaru!" he cried.
He froze for a moment as the sword glowed for a moment, then went cold in his hands.
"What the…?"
The woman screamed again as the hollow raised a claw and aimed it at her chest. He ran forward and launched himself at the creature, knocking it flat and tearing the frightened woman free of the hollow. She rolled away and came to her feet, pushing the children behind her and backing away. Renji swung his sword and slashed the hollow cleanly across the midsection, cutting it in half, then watching as it disintegrated.
He turned back to the woman and children as the woman swayed dizzily and collapsed. Renji caught her as she fell and leaned over her, trying to summon healing power and feeling a straining inside himself.
Kami, I guess Unohana taichou wasn't kidding when she said I would need recovery time…
He was grateful for the sudden sound of running feet that meant that others were coming to help. He turned the woman over to the town healer and the others who had come to help, then edged away and disappeared while the focus was on the woman's healing. He walked slowly back to the cave and crawled inside, then collapsed on the mat and was asleep in moments.