My deepest and immense thanks to those who helped me with this chapter: Valtameri-kuolema, Roni de Andrew, Samuel Silva and Charmichan, for their insight and valuable suggestions. I'm especially grateful to Charmi, for her incredible patience and sparing literally hours to brainstorm with me.

Logan, as always – a big X for being my personal grammar nazi ;)

CHAPTER 36: BRAND NEW START

Patty was happy.

For the first time in many years, she felt that her life wasn't just passing by. It actually had a meaning. Something was finally happening, something significant. She was finally doing something just for herself, something she had always dreamt of.

She was studying at the university.

It was something that gave butterflies in her stomach.

Of course her adventure wasn't an easy one; that would be too beautiful.

She was in an environment that was completely foreign to her, for starters. Subconsciously, she had expected the University to be a place as strict as British schools – but here, she was amongst young, vivacious people who were far from treating their grades with dead seriousness. For many of them, college was for having unrestricted fun, not for learning. She, with her firm focus on her studies, stuck out like a sore thumb.

And the other thing was the, not exactly friendly, welcome she had received in her special units. Her ultimate goal, once she got her degree, was Law School and already at this point, she was preparing herself for it. The problem was that this field had, so far, been reserved exclusively for men and women were considered intruders. No one could forbid her from attending but she wasn't welcomed nicely either.

But surprisingly, the more obstacles that appeared in her way, the more determined she was to go straight through them. Spiteful professors, unfriendly fellow male students, the humiliating jokes about her, the annoying pranks and especially the books from the students' library that were only available to the men first – none of that could break her spirit. She had a goal and it was a goal that shone to her like the brightest beacon, the brightest star on the horizon. Deep in her heart, she knew that she would do just about everything to reach for it. Any malice that she had to endure in a meantime was all meaningless, like a superficial scratch. Even if it hurt her – she did her best not to show it.

And what really kept her going through this with her head held high was that she wasn't in this fight alone.

So many people supported her doings!

Her cousin, Marge, for one. The very person who had set her on this path to independence and to whose enthusiastic cheer at the mention of 'project: University of Chicago' was so loud, that it caused static on the telephone line between Chicago and New York. Her cheers never stopped, she had been telephoning up regularly ever since, for her 'weekly update report'.

Her grandma. Her lovely grandma Martha, who, aside from Marge, was the only other person in her family who was entrusted with the secret of what exactly she had desired to study later. An instant fan of the idea and the person, thanks to whom, enrolling was possible at all. She was the one who did the miracle of taming her son, and Patty's despotic father, after he had blown up at this decision. To him, a stiff English Earl who still stubbornly cherished the bygone rules of the severe Victorian Era, the very idea of his daughter seeking higher education had simply gone beyond outrageous. But he didn't scream at her. No, he never screamed. That was beneath him.

What he had done was worse than scream.

"What? University?I beg your pardon!" as he hissed from behind his antique mahogany desk, his voice was so full of cold disdain that she felt like a piece of... nothing. "That school in London was already more than enough! All schooling that women will ever need involve manners, conversing, French and piano!" "Yes, in England and in the previous century," granny had been quick to snap back. "And here, where we now live, is America, in modern times. Here manners, French and piano are not enough, my son. Do really want people to say that the only daughter of a fine English Earl has a lesser education than any average American citizen, even ones that comes from working classes?"

And it had been the right tune, played on the right string. He wouldn't give a fig about her personal needs, but his reputation, now there was something that he cared for. "No one will say that my daughter is worse than some tailor's son," he had announced. And within a few days, the fees for first semester were paid off.

Yes, dear granny knew all too well her arrogant son and his lordship pride.

The others who stood by her side were four of her best friends, of course. A very narrow but strong circle of people who, once again, proved that in their case, friendship meant more than just spending a good deal of time together. Positively surprised when she first told them, shocked when she revealed her post college plans, they were quick to recover and give her hearty congratulations.

And their support didn't end with just cordial talk and raising toasts at dinner. They also had a long, serious discussion about her choices.

"I'm a little worried how you will manage everything, Patty," Albert had said with some concern. "You are taking on so many extra units... If you really want to study Law later, why not focus on it right away, by taking, let's say, Political Science? Why Literature as a major?"

"Because I need it, as a cover," she had explained. "Literature or Arts were the only disciplines my father found as 'feminine enough'. I chose Literature because it's easy for me, which leaves me with enough time to focus on my special courses. I know it's not fair to keep my father in ignorance but there was no other way... He would have never agreed if he knew about my real plans."

"What if he finds out somehow?" Candy had never been one to beat around the bush and with this question she got straight to the point. "You do need to consider this. What will he do then? Would he cease paying?"

"Most certainly. But I am not going to quit, even if he does," she had declared firmly. "I have some private savings and almost every cent from my allowance is going towards it. If that won't be enough, I will get a job, sell my car or the last pieces of jewellery, go begging, anything – but I will not quit!"

Even today she remembered everyone's faces as they looked at her. They looked as if they were looking at someone they knew and yet, they didn't.

"I like the spirit, Patty," Albert had been the one to comment on that at first. "But please, don't think about such drastic measures just yet. Should you ever have any issue with fees, know that you can always come to us."

She had protested that she couldn't ever accept so much money from someone who wasn't her family but her voice was quickly drowned out by even louder protests of the others'. They just decided, just like that. She was a part of the family, to them – and that was all there was to it, no arguments from her would be heeded. She was to forget any silly scruples and simply come to them, if it came to that, without any hesitation.

Even the memory of their words brought a smile of thankfulness on her face. And tears, too – being only her friends, they were a much better family to her than many of those who were connected to her by blood.

The list of people who helped her didn't end with her best friends either. There were others who helped her too, though it was a different kind of assistance...

Evelyn was a student like her, just older, a few years her senior. They had met in the library. It was thanks to her guidance, that the University's vast buildings now stopped being an enormous jungle of gothic pillars. It was once a labyrinth of countless corridors with identical doors on both sides that seemingly reached into infinity and beyond. Now, no more. It was also thanks to her that the written and unwritten rules of the Students' society weren't a frightening mystery anymore. Having had three years of experience in university life, Evelyn was a great guide. But there was something else that made her a valuable colleague. Evelyn studied Physics, wanting in the future to become a Scientist, which made her a woman who was also, just like Patty herself, making her way in the men's world. This was what had brought them closer together. Privately, they didn't have much in common – it was their fight to set a career on the faculties thus far reserved exclusively for men that created an instinctive union between them. They were female trailblazers; that was enough. Evelyn took her under her wing, and she was really grateful for this friendly gesture. Thanks to this young woman, she had adjusted fairly quickly to the specifics of university life.

And it was a very demanding life. It sucked her in greedily, eating away nearly all her time. Leaving early in the morning, she would return home in the late afternoon, sometimes even in the evening, have dinner with her grandma, after which she would bury herself again in the huge pile of books in the study room. It would seem that with such a stretched and tight schedule, her only entertainment could only come in the form of sporadic gatherings at the university, and besides that, she could forget about having any private life.

But surprisingly, it still existed. It was only a shadow of its former self but she still had it. She was excused from most of the events the O'Briens were invited to – it was up to her to decide which ones she wanted to attend. On some occasions, she actually did. Still, the most important thing to her was to maintain contact with her best friends. And they, being who they were, did everything to help her. Neither Annie nor Archie complained that she couldn't pay more visits to their house. They lived in the far suburbs of Chicago, where even travelling there took quite a lot of time and where she just couldn't simply drop in for luncheon on her break between lectures. And for any longer meetings, it was much more convenient for everyone to arrange to meet at the Andrews' mansion. Which of course still didn't mean 'easy' or 'often'. With Candy, Albert and Archie's varying schedules, the very best they could afford to all gather together was once every two weeks, for the Sunday family dinner. Those few precious hours were all they had to make up for everything that had happened in a meantime and it never seemed to be enough. She just couldn't get enough time with her friends. Sometimes she asked herself how it was possible that she coped without them for more than year and a half during her stay outside of Chicago.

There was one more thing that she couldn't get enough of.

Her meetings with George.

It wasn't like she had initially feared, that he wouldn't have time for her, or worse – that he would change his mind about teaching her after all. No. Quite the contrary; after their meeting in August, a direct result of that unfortunate incident with horrible Maxi and the police, another meeting soon followed. Very soon, in fact. Merely two days later, he had surprised her by telephoning her and proposed arranging for their first lesson whenever she found convenient. When she had asked what happened to his original decision, he had explained that for the duration of Albert's absence, he had time off as well and he might as well use it for something more purposeful than re-reading all his books. They – if she still wished – could try and squeeze in as many lessons as they could manage before Albert's return and later – well, they 'would see'.

And she, upon hearing this, had calmly confirmed that yes, she was of course still interested and that she happened to have the upcoming afternoon free of any plans. After that, they had set the meeting for five o'clock at her house and hung up.

After which, she had promptly thrown her entire, carefully pre-planned schedule upside down, just to make the five o'clock appointment – and everything after – 'convenient'.

And after that first lesson, in a similar way, she had treated her entire schedule for the rest of the month – for the same reasons. After just this one lesson, she was sure that what she was doing was all worth it.

A few weeks further down and she was sure of it even more so.

Contact with this man was such a trigger for her mind, in so many ways!

Thanks to his mini lectures in her study room, she now knew for sure that she could learn more from one's body than from one's actual words. What she had so far been doing only out of instinct, without even being aware of it, was now turning into a conscious doing. He was continuously teaching her, bit by bit, what to pay attention to and what had been only vague so far, was now becoming crisp, clear and certain. Naturally sensitive to people's body language, she now found her senses in a state of constant alert, curiously probing people in her surroundings. And it wasn't like she was forcing herself to do it. It came very naturally to her and it simply felt like fun. No one else would of course see any fun in that – but she did. She felt a little bit like a detective that looks for secret signs that would help him solve a puzzle.

And it was still just the tip of the iceberg!

His interesting explanations triggered her want for more. It could have seemed that she should be overwhelmed with such a huge amount of knowledge continuously pouring into her mind, both from university and from their lessons combined, but it wasn't so. She was actually surprised by it. She sucked up all the theory like a dry sponge, always wanting more. She always had this nagging feeling that behind each thing she had learnt, there was still so much more to discover. In her private notes, one could find concepts such as 'the ABC of subconscious movements', complimented with her own footnotes such as 'the anatomy of blushing', 'a lie and a dry eye', 'blood rush and ear scratching' amongst many more others. It was all down to biology, she discovered one day, and she was very close to seriously setting off in this direction too. Only George's firm reasoning reminded her that 'he who chases after more than one rabbit, catches none'.

"Always keep in mind what your main target is. The thirst for knowledge is a beautiful thing but remember that he who drinks too much and too fast, risks choking," he had told her then, and she, trusting him, acquiesced.

Thanks to those meetings, she was gaining more knowledge than just plain theory. They were training her in other ways. George initially smiled at her eagerness of taking notes, he even joked once that he wasn't any real teacher who would test her later. But she had her reason behind this motion. Not only did those notes guarantee that she wouldn't miss a thing – they were also an additional practice in taking compact, clear notes at real lectures, back at the university.

Of course ever since the fall semester began, they couldn't meet every day. The chances for it limited even further once George was back to his work. From then on, they had one short lesson a week, set for every Saturday afternoon. And those afternoons were something she wouldn't miss for the world. She would gladly rise at dawn, giving up the opportunity to sleep slightly longer, just to start her day earlier and be done with her planned reading assignments before George arrived. Those meetings meant training of the mind, something she enjoyed tremendously– and also, they meant the pleasure of being in a presence of a man whom she admired and really, really liked.

And then as one Saturday came, an unexpected and lengthening phone call from her mother prevented her from tidying up her books in time. When she finally got off the phone and hurried to the study, George was already there, let in by the housemaid. She found him standing by her table, his head lowered above her notes from her elective units which were still opened where she had left them before the phone call interrupted her. He inquired about something, she replied– and before any of them noticed, they were way into a lively conversation about her plans.

"Are you absolutely sure about your choice, Miss O'Brien?" George asked her at some point. "Please, don't get me wrong but law usually attracts people with personalities ... well, different than yours. It's a tough field."

But of course she was sure about her choice! And she would be fine, that she also didn't doubt. She told him so.

"Thanks to my lovely male colleagues I'm now growing a thicker skin," she added, mechanically tidying up some of the mess on the table. "All their chauvinistic jokes mean no more to me than the buzz of a mosquito. By the time I graduate, I will be as tough as a rock," she reassured him.

But George didn't accept her explanation. "I am not talking about studying law, I'm talking about practicing law,"he pointed out strongly. "In the real world, once you're out there, acting tough won't be enough. One must be tough. Otherwise, you might break under the weight of some of the actions that you will be hired to take. You don't believe me? I can understand that. I too, was once a student who was in love with the theory and believed that being a lawyer was some sort of a noble crusade. I've seen a lot since then. And believe me when I say that this job isn't only about providing justice. It's not about doing what's right – it's about what's legal. It's often about using the law, for the client's best interests. In this job you cannot just act tough. You must be tough. Tough, cunning, cold, relentless, even ruthless," he counted out. "And that's something one couldn't really accuse you of."

"Is it something one could accuse you of?" she immediately retorted. "You are a lawyer yourself and yet, I don't see a ruthless, heartless monster in front of me. To the contrary, I would say."

"You just don't know me well enough, Miss O'Brien."

"Is that so? Then allow me, please," she left her books alone and faced him. "Tough? And what's wrong about being tough? Cunning? Cold? I think the words 'canny' and 'reserved' fit you better. But deep inside this reserved person there is a lot of compassion for others. You would rescue damsels in distress just like that, just because it seems like the right thing to do. Heartless monsters don't do that, because they don't care about anyone. Neither do they enjoy starry nights or petting my cook's old cat when no one sees it. And I have never before in my life have I heard of any heartless monsters that would be so unbelievably loyal to friends or generous to others with their private time, just like you are."

"You overestimate my person, Miss O'Brien..."

"See?" she interrupted fervently. "Another piece of proof: no monsters would remain humble when complimented."

George's face seemed to be expressing nothing but she knew him well enough to know what to look for. It didn't escape her how, upon her remark, the corner of his lips quivered ever so slightly. This was exactly what he was training her in, to search for the tiniest of reactions.

"Oh, and I just remembered one more thing. You are not afraid to laugh at yourself," she added quickly. "And monsters are known to treat themselves with dead seriousness and tend to take jokes about them as an offence."

After that, George didn't even try to hide his smile.

"So there! The only monstrosity I find in you is your monstrous tendency to belittle yourself," she summed up jokingly after her tirade. "Besides that, there is no monster in you. You are an effective lawyer while still being a good man. Well? Have I proven that I know you enough?"

"So far, Miss O'Brien, you have proven that you are quite good at dodging the subject. It isn't me that is supposed to be the target of analysis but yourself," George replied, his eyes twinkling with amusement, and she nearly rolled her eyes when she realised how easily he saw through her trick. She should have been even surprised! He was one step ahead of her, like always! "And I was serious," he continued before she could come up with another smart answer. "Law isn't just a memorisation of theory or technicalities. That is the easy part. It's much more important to learn how to think as a lawyer. That is something that would require quitting any simplicity and embracing and accepting duplicity. And the hardest part comes later, when you have to actually practice it. The world of law is a battlefield, a battle of minds, a battle in which you have to set all your emotions aside in order to keep your mind cool and sharp. You must answer this yourself if you are suitable for it, you, so honest, sensitive, caring and deep down, so shy."

Anyone else speaking so openly of her hidden self would have caused her to immediately raise her guard up and act nonchalant. In this case, it wasn't so, not anymore anyway. He was one of those very few people who had gained enough of her trust to be allowed to carry out such a personal "analysis", as he called it. She felt a tad embarrassed of course but listened nevertheless, mulling over every word. He was right, of course he was.

Still, as much as she appreciated his warning, she knew what she wanted and that she was ready to do a lot to achieve it.

"The only thing I know for sure is that studying law had been my quiet dream for many years," she replied decisively. "What exactly I will do with this knowledge, I will decide in time. But I will not quit and if something in my character stands in my way, then, well, I will do everything to work on it. But if you had managed it, to separate who you are at work from who you are in your private life, Professor Johnson," she challenged him jokingly, to dismiss the tension, "then so can I. Luckily for me, I'm in the hands of a master."

She saw as George opened his mouth but the answer never came. She never did find out what he was going to say.

Perhaps, however, he replied in another way. From that moment on, he always found a moment to inquire about her most recent notes from the special units, discuss them and point out any little detail she had missed.

This was how George also began guiding her in her studies.

O O O

Lectures and seminars, study groups and never ending research in the libraries, Saturday afternoons for her private interests, grandma and her best friends – these were the main things that entirely filled her life and she was firmly set to continue in this style of living for quite a while. She didn't feel as if she was missing anything out. She didn't need anything more. Everything else, except her family and the closest of friends, only felt like a distraction to focus on her studies.

But life likes surprises.

Her life on the university didn't include only learning. She had to socialise, with the heavy accent on 'had to'. Her firm set for achieving good grades was already winning her a nickname the 'grind'[1] and increased teasing from other students. She wouldn't care – but her university friend, Evelyn warned her right at the beginning what happened to those who alienated themselves too much. So, wanting to or not, she had to participate to avoid a total ostracism. After consideration, she followed Archie's advice to somehow get involved in sports. A ridiculous notion as it seemed to her at first – she had never been the sporty type, neither physically capable, nor even vaguely interested in sports. But it didn't cost her anything to attend some sports activities as a viewer, and in time, she decided that she could offer her assistance in organising such events. And that was the decision that was going to lead to something totally unexpected.

The members of the group, besides attending the official gatherings in the sports club, simply socialised with each other. Very often they would go out together, either the whole group or just a part of it, choosing one of the numerous cafes or restaurants in Chicago. She went out too sometimes, although she did it mainly to keep up appearances of belonging with the group.

And on one of those occasions, as they entered a small cafe, she bumped into Connor Powell, Albert's dashing friend. She hasn't seen him since Albert's wedding reception nor had she even thought of him. That unexpected meeting was a big surprise for her.

But it was more than just a surprise; it changed the game. He greeted her in front of everyone with his typical alluring smile, then, he easily spread his irresistible charms onto her female companions as she introduced him and then, allowed the instantaneously smitten girls to snatch him away and sit him at their table, where he soon became the king for the evening. But it was her whom he had sat next to and paid most attention to. It was her upon whom he often rested his hazel, openly seductive gaze. It was her whom he asked for a moment of privacy just before he had to leave. And finally, it was her whom he gave the good bye kiss on her cheek that suggested great familiarity. Knowing his ways and his fickleness, she didn't make anything out of it – but her charmed colleagues thought otherwise. The second he was out of sight and out of ear shot, she was instantaneously buried up to her neck under the fervent questions being thrown at her. Just where did she find such a fantastic guy? Who was this dark haired Adonis? Why hadn't she shown up with him before? Why no words of dating such a hunk? Was he as good at kissing as the shape of his lips promised? And in other 'things'? Was he rich? How rich? Can any of them "take over" in case she ever got bored of him? If not, does he at least have a twin brother?

All those pushy, nearly rude questions overwhelmed her. No one really listened to her honest explanations that they weren't a couple at all – to the contrary, the more she protested, the more sure her colleagues were that she was just trying to hide something. Till the end of the evening, they weren't talking about anything else but her 'exciting romance' and, as she was going to soon find out, their interests didn't die out its natural death in the restaurant. On the next day, she and her "sexy Adonis" were number one topic amongst all the female members of the sports club.

And suddenly, she was no longer a 'grind'! As the gossip announced itself and spread, the quiet 'book worm' that she was, "had her little sweet secrets, sneakily hidden behind her innocent appearance". She stopped being the boring nobody – and overnight, became the "auburn-haired-one-who-God-knows-how-caught-the-rich-and-handsome-Prince-Charming". Prior to this, she was merely tolerated, rarely fully acknowledged – now, she was being openly asked for her opinions within the club, was given important tasks to do, and – what was considered even more important – invited to the little private parties held at the dorm. She was becoming someone, without any efforts whatsoever on her part. It was all due to her 'having' an extremely attractive boyfriend.

It wasn't how she wanted to become someone.

No one listened as she tried to undo the misunderstanding – so she just left it alone. But there was one thing her conscience was forcing her to do, namely at least clear the situation on private ground. She met with Connor, to warn him about the ongoing gossip and that there wasn't anything in her power to put a stop to it.

But he was far from upset. "Relax, Patricia, you worry too much," he laughed at her concerns. "Why fight the gossip? You are so overly sensitive, so 'English' when it comes to reputation. This is America, darling! It doesn't matter how people talk about you; it's important that they actually do. Why don't you see it as an opportunity? Maybe this is the moment when you can establish yourself once and for all as something more than just another average student of Literature. I say go for it, live the moment before it passes by! When opportunity comes knocking, grab it with both hands and don't let go because you'll never know when you'll see it again. Popularity is important, trust me on that one. As for me, don't worry. I don't mind at all being considered your boyfriend. Boy, it might be actually fun! I'll tell you what, let me come down sometime in my sport car and see your friends as I pick you up," he finished with a charming wink.

His words about being too sensitive did give her something to think about. Wasn't it exactly what she wanted to work on, for the sake of her future career? Wasn't she supposed to become less emotional and more calculative?

Now is as good time as ever, she had finally decided – and agreed to his proposition of acting as her 'beau'.

This was how she had to, in her already busy life, find a few moments for him also. It will be only temporary, she promised herself, till it served its purpose. It was all fake, just for show, she kept reminding herself every time Connor picked her up after the club's meeting, purposively snatching two or three of her colleagues too, for a quick ride in his fancy car or for a coffee, from where those girls would leave and come back with googly eyes, as if intoxicated. It wasn't real, she kept telling herself after another evening spent with only him, during which he focused solely on her and made her feel like his special princess.

No, of course it wasn't for real.

But it was nice to be treated like that, that she couldn't deny. Life wasn't particularly kind to her when it came to romance and now, she found herself enjoying being showered with a man's attention and pampered with compliments. And it wasn't just any man. Connor was apparently a man who was born to charm women. It was simply a gift. She could swear that he could just make any woman feel cherished and feel like she was the one andonly. Herself included, she admitted to herself honestly – if she only let him. Which, she of course, wasn't going to do. She had a goal and she had a feeling that romance would only be another distraction. Besides, she wasn't going to allow herself to fall for someone who was bound to break her heart. She had done it before and learnt her lesson well. It was better to keep it as a simple flirt with no obligation. And, of course – only as a temporary flirt.

Still, it was nice and it did play a large part in making her new life really satisfactory. Dreamt studies, surprising easiness of learning of it all, supportive people around her, a pleasant popularity within the sports club, quite busy student social life, and a dashingly attractive friend who took pleasure in treating her like a treasured princess every time they met.

Having all this – how could she not be happy?

XrdsII *** XrdsII*** XrdsII***XrdsII***XrdsII***XrdsII***

[1] Grind - an insignificant student who is ridiculed as being affected or boringly studious. Today, simply: nerd.