A/N: Okay, so some of you loved how the last chapter ended and some of you are really angry with Bella and me right about now. For those of you not happy with the direction of the story or Bella's behavior, just remember she is under a lot of stress and may not be thinking clearly. Sometimes people in love make really stupid decisions thinking they're doing what's right for everyone involved, being noble and all that. As far as Charlie's relapse, that was always going to be part of my story; there were a few hints here and there. I have the story outlined and know exactly how it's going to end. For a brief moment, I thought about changing the story to appease some readers but changed my mind. This is my story and I need for it to end the way I originally planned. I hope you'll stick with me. BTW, this chapter goes back and forth between Edward and Bella and it is gonna be another rough one folks. Let the angst begin.
Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I do not own Mr. Astley or any of his songs. I also do not own or take credit for any mention of any or all of the pop culture, especially Penny and Sheldon. No copyright infringement is intended with the posting of this story.
Chapter 34 "Giving Up on Love"
EPoV
I slip off my hospital scrubs and change into a t-shirt and flannel bottoms. I'm still not use to sleeping during the day but find some comfort sleeping in Bella's room while she gone. I pace the room before settling in front of the window staring out at the grey Seattle skyline. I open it slightly to enjoy the cool morning air before reaching for my cell phone. Glancing at the phone, I realize I've lost count the number of time I called Bella yesterday before, during and after my shift. She told me she was tired; I hope she's feeling okay, not sick or anything. I worry that I haven't gotten one single text back from her. That's just not like her not to respond with some off- colored comeback one-liner. I'm exhausted from last night's shift but I'm more worried about my girl. I can't go to sleep until I know she's okay . . . until I hear from her . . . a call . . . a text . . . anything. Maybe she dropped her phone or lost it. Thank goodness my interfering sister Alice had the foresight to include Bella's contact information in my phone. I call her father's home number a couple of times but each time there is no answer; I don't leave a voice message. A bit desperate I call the Fork's police station even though I know her dad's on vacation. As I suspect, someone informs me that he is not in today.
At last, my phone finally pings announcing a text message. I exhale an exasperated breathe I'm unaware I'd been holding. I pray the text is from Bella. My head drops down, my heart pounds, I focus on the cell phone screen. From the lack of sleep, my eyes are tired and, ever so briefly, the words are a slight blur. Blinking a few times to focus on the screen, I read it's over. The text is from Bella. Her name clearly spread across the screen just above the blue text bubble with the words it's over. At the instant, my entire world stops. You know like those movies where the character stops while everything inexplicably hangs in the air. I stare at the words dumbfounded, perplexed. My brow furrows in confusion. What does she mean it's over? I don't understand what's over? Shaking my head side to side, I reread the words it's over trying to comprehend the meaning of these seemingly simple words. I know what these words mean but what I don't understand is what they mean to me and Bella. In disbelief, I reconfirm Bella's name above the words it's over.
"What is she talking about it's over?" I voice loudly. "What's over? Not us, we're not over . . . what the fuck is going on." The volume of my voice grows louder.
She just sent this text; her phone must still be in her hand. I immediately call her. "Something is wrong. I don't understand." The phone rings and rings. "Answer your phone Bella . . . damn it . . . answer your phone Bella . . . I know you're there," I yell in between rings; I yell to her. "Bella, please baby, answer your phone," My yells morph into murmurs as my call goes to voicemail. "Please baby, answer your phone . . . I need you . . ." I inhale a sharp breath, "I need you to call me . . . Bella . . . please, don't do this to us," I plead, ". . . to you . . . and to me . . . please . . . what's happened . . . "
Ending the call, I stare shocked at her words denying the true meaning of it's over. I can't fathom what has happened to make her send that text. I can't think clearly; my mind is racing with thought after thought colliding not making any sense. I know we are not over. I know something is not right . . . What could have changed in the past two days? Something is not right . . . . . No! Something is terribly wrong . . . She wouldn't do this to us . . . I know she wouldn't do this to us. I know it . . . we are real, this thing between us is real. She promised. Over and over she promised she would be back. Did she lie . . . but she left her ring . . . her ring that meant everything to her . . . wait, is that why she left the ring?"
"Her note, she said to read her note later." Was she planning this all along? No I don't believe it. Frightened by what I might read, my heart pounds. Was she trying to tell me something . . . something she was too afraid to say face to face? No, she loves me. She knows how much I love her . . . I saw . . . her eyes . . . I saw the love in her eyes . . .
My heart beats harder against my chest as I stand in front of the bureau. I look down at the folded note; a note that may hold my fate. Hesitating for a slight moment, fearful of what I may read, I take the folded paper into my trembling hands and unfold the note.
Edward,
If you are reading this note, I assume you can't take much more and you are missing me almost as much as I'm missing you. I'm missing the way you make my heart skip a beat when you walk into a room. I'm missing your smile and your beautiful eyes. I'm missing the silly Ricky Astley love songs that linger in the air when we make love. I'm missing your voice when you whisper sweet nothings in my ear and the way your breath tickles me. I'm missing your cocky smirk when you know I can't wait another second to feel you deep inside me. I'm missing the way your loving eyes darken when you can't wait another minute to be inside of me. I'm missing our cosmic electric connection when we touch, your scent, your arms and legs holding me after we make love . . . I'm missing how we fit so perfectly together . . . I'm just missing you so, so much.
I know you didn't want me to go but, I promise you my Edward, with all my heart and all my soul, I will come back to you and when I come back I am never leaving you again until you ask me to leave . . . and even then I may not go. I'm just not whole without you. You are my Sheldon and I am your Penny. You are my other half. You are what I have been missing my entire life. You are my life . . . you are my home.
Your Bella
Aka Penny
P.S. So, this is the first time I've ever written a love letter. How did I do? Too mushy? Should I have included some "dirty talk" to tide you over until I get back? Wink wink.
I'll be home soon. I promise. I love you . . . forever.
My entire being trembles at her written words. My legs falter dropping me to the edge of Bella's bed. Assailed by her lingering scent, I am acutely aware of her presence everywhere in this bedroom. A shaky hand trances small circles along the surface of her quilt while my eyes fix on the other shaky desperately clinging to her words . . . . her promises. I reread her letter attempting to make sense of it all . . . of her text . . . of her letter . . . of her promise of forever. She was coming back to me; no, she is coming back to me. Now more than ever I'm convinced that something is definitely wrong. Folding her letter, I stuff it in my pocket. Taking my phone into my calming hand, I call again waiting for her to answer ending the call when it goes to voicemail.
BPoV
Cowering in the corner, I fix on the vibrating phone in my hand. I am a coward. Plain and simple, I am a pathetic loser coward. Who breaks up with the love of her life via text? I do that's who. I'm a pathetic loser coward and everything in between . . . but I'm afraid. I'm so afraid right now. I don't know what to do. I know what needs to be done but . . . I don't know what to do. I promised my dad . . . but I promised Edward too . . . and what about me? I'm so confused. Edward, I need you so much right now. I see Edward's name and his beautiful face on the screen, despite the promise of no more crying, I allow silent tears to stream down my face. I take stuttered breathes as I feel my broken heart shatter into millions of pieces.
My phone stops vibrating and I watch as a voicemail notification appears on the screen. The doctor begins to speak. For a few moments, I had forgotten he was in the room; I'd forgotten I was in my dad's hospital room waiting for him to wake up. Discreetly, I wipe the tears away while still staring at Edward's name on my phone. I drop it in my pocket turning to give the doctor my full attention. As the doctor speaks, I glance between my father and the doctor. I concentrate on my dad's prognosis occasionally wiping a tear away. His words lay heavy on my shattering heart. I take in a few stuttered breaths as I nod acknowledging I understand what I can expect for my dad's recovery. The doctor continues to talks about my options for dad's long term care and recovery but, more importantly what needs to be done for his immediate care once he is released. I stop listening when my phone vibrates again in my pocket. I don't need to look to know the calls from Edward. The tears return as I ignore the call. The doctor lays a gentle hand to my arm reassuring me that everything will be fine. My phone doesn't vibrate again; he doesn't leave another voice message.
"I'll be back later this afternoon. If you can, try to get some rest, you look exhausted. Maybe go home for a while, he'll be fine. The nurses will look after him. Go take a nap or a shower, eat something, put on a fresh change of clothes. You'll feel better. You're not going to do him any good," tilting in dad's direction, "if you don't take care of yourself first."
"I'll be fine . . . thank you doctor." I whisper as he exits the room. "I'll be fine." I try to reassure myself that everything will be fine more as I strategically move the plastic hospital chair close to dad's bed. I lay my head near his shoulder placing one hand on his arm careful not to touch any of the wires and intravenous needles piercing him while my other hand rests on my cell phone. I close my eyes listening to the rhythmic sounds of the monitor's beeping. The sound of the beeping becomes secondary to the whispers of my mantra that I am strong . . . that I can handle everything on my own like I've always done . . . that everything will be fine without Edward in my life . . . that I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life. As I consider what is ahead for me, I'm fully aware that my phone has stopped vibrating. That Edward has stopped calling.
EPoV
Standing in the middle of Bella's room, I look around and do something I never thought I would ever do during my entire medical residency. I scan my contacts for the number, hit send and I lie. I call in sick for tonight's shift. I am going to see Bella and I am going to see her right now. I'm going to get some answers. Something is terribly, terribly wrong. I can feel it with every fiber of my being. Whether she likes it or not, if she refuses to answer my calls, well then, I'm going to have to talk to her face to face. I'm going to Forks right now.
I need to wash away my exhaustion. I jump in the shower and change my clothes. I place her letter in my shirt pocket with a reassuring double pat before heading downstairs. If I'm going to be driving for four or more hours I'm going to need some strong coffee. In the kitchen, mom is searching something on the internet as dad reviews his copy of JAMA. Despite my worry, I smile as they sit together in comfortable silence. This is what I want with Bella and I'll be damned if she thinks this is over.
Keeping her eyes locked on the laptop screen, mom asks, "Why are you still up baby boy? I thought you were going to sleep. Are you hungry? You want me to make you something to eat before you go to bed? I can whip you up an omelet or some pancakes."
"No thanks mom," I mumble as I continue to open and close the cupboard doors in search of larger tumbler.
"Honey, what are you looking for?" Mom asks as she turns to me. "I might be able to help you out."
"Do you have a larger tumbler than this one?" I wave the tumbler in the air.
"No, sorry honey they're all about the same size as that one." Mom goes back to typing on her laptop. "You're not thinking of drinking coffee right now are you?" Mom's voice rises in surprise. "You won't be able to sleep baby boy. You know what a light weight you are when it comes to caffine." She giggles.
With sarcasm and irritation dripping from my voice, I loudly answer, "That's the point mother. I need the coffee to stay awake." Instantly, I feel guilty speaking to her like that. I've never spoken so rudely to my mother. I'm ashamed.
"Edward!" Dad's head shoots up as he puts his journal down. "I understand the stress you're going through right now son and how exhausted you must be feeling but do not ever talk to your mother like that again. Apologize to her right now."
Dad's never raised his voice to me. He's never needed to until now. He's right. I shouldn't have taken my anger and my worry out on my mother. I look to her as tears well in her eyes.
I kneel down next to mom as she lets the tears fall. "I'm so sorry for yelling at you mom. Please forgive me. Dad's right. I'm just under a lot of stress right now. I'm really sorry. You have my word it will never happen again." I reassure her as I wipe the tears away with my thumb. "I love you mom."
She gives me a weak smile and nod. "I love you too my baby boy. It's okay. Remember I'm a doctor's wife. I recall many a day when your dad came home tired and grouchy but I knew just how to take care for him." Her tears are gone as she turns to dad with a wicked smile and arched brow.
"That's enough Esme!" Dad whispers through tighten lips as his cheeks blush pink. "Edward does not need to hear that." Embarrassed, he clears his throat and returns to fake reading his journal.
Mom laughs, "Oh honey," as she waves him off, "he's probably not even stressed from work. It's more likely he's missing his girl." Now mom turns to me. "Have you talked to her today son?"
Frowning, I shake my head no trying to plaster on a fake smile.
"Well there you go. Why don't you go upstairs and give her a call. You're irritable because you miss her. Have some phone sex." Suggestively, she wiggles her brows at me as dad groans. "That's all it is. Go call her . . . you'll feel better. Then get some sleep."
Instead of going up stairs, I silently take the seat next to mom. I open my text messages and slide the phone across the table for her to read.
Quizzically, she looks at the phone and then to me. "Read it," I whisper.
She doesn't pick up the phone but I know she has read the message. Her quizzical expression morphs into pain. "What does she mean it's over Edward?"
My voice is barely a murmur, "I don't know mom that's why I'm going to Forks. She's not answering her phone or my texts. I don't know what's going on with her . . . but something is wrong mom. I know it. She was fine the day before yesterday . . . and now it's over. It just doesn't make sense."
Dad joins in the hushed conversation. "When are you going to Forks Edward? Aren't you on the rotation schedule tonight?"
"I called in sick. I'm not going in tonight. I'm going to Forks to get this straightened out. That's why I needed the large coffee tumbler. I'm leaving right now. I'll sleep when I get back."
The shocked look on both my parent's faces tells me they understand how determined I am to speak with Bella.
"Edward, you can't drive four hours to Forks after working an all-nighter! You might fall asleep at the wheel. I won't let you." Mom worries. "I'll drive you to Forks but you are not," she emphasizes each word, "I repeat you are not driving alone. I won't allow it. Bella or no Bella, you are not going alone, it's too dangerous in your condition."
"Mom I'll be fine," I say as I get up to pour myself some coffee. "My adrenal alone will keep me awake."
Dad places his calming hand on mom's arm to silence her. "Esme, you are not driving Edward. I will take my son to Forks. I'll make sure he sleeps on the way."
"But . . ." mom tries to protest. "But . . ."
"No. Esme I love you sweetheart but, if you go with Edward, he won't get a word in edgewise. You'll try to fix this . . . whatever it is . . . for him . . . for them and, apparently," dad looks to me, "this is something that only Edward and Bella can fix." He nods to me for confirmation. "Now, I'm going to go upstairs and grab my jacket. I'd appreciate if you would fix me one of those tumblers of coffee and maybe a couple of sandwiches for the road." Dad makes his way upstairs as mom sits in silence. Dad has always been so strong in a gentle quiet way.
"Honey, what happened?" Mom asks as she prepares dad's food.
"I don't know mom but something wrong." I inhale deeply to steady my words. "Something is terribly wrong. I feel like she's running away from me and I don't know why. I'm going crazy here. I need to see her."
I see mom's shoulders begin to shake. She's crying. I wrap my arms around her in comfort. She turns into me placing her head on my chest. She whispers, "Bring our girl home Edward. Whatever is wrong we will fix together. We're her family now." Mom catches her breath. "Maybe she just needs a little reminding of that fact."
I hear dad's footsteps. "Are you ready to go son?"
I nod.
"Do you have her father's home address?"
I nod again. "I have the address but I need to look it up the directions on GPS. Let's get going."
Dad gives mom a tight hug, whispers words of encouragement and a kiss goodbye before taking the coffee and sandwiches.
"There's a couple for Edward. Make sure he eats," mom orders.
I give mom a goodbye hug and reassure her that I'll bring our girl home. She gives me a weak sad smile. Dad and I pile into the car as mom looks on from the porch. She waves goodbye calling out to be careful and call her as soon as possible.
As soon as we hit the road, dad orders me to sleep per his promise to mom. I don't fight him; I'm exhausted. I recline my seat and shut my eyes. I dream of Bella. Sometime later I wake but my body still craves sleep.
"You doing okay son?"
My voice is groggy thick with sleep. "I'm okay. How long was I out?" I ask as I take a sip of my still hot coffee.
"Not too long, an hour or so." Dad pauses. "You know I never realized how much you talk in your sleep. First the plane and now in the car, you have some very interesting dreams," he smirks.
"What did I say this time?" I groan as I continue sipping my coffee.
"Nope not telling. I'm still saving them for a rainy day. So, do you want to talk about it?" He asks as he bites into his sandwich listening as I talk.
BPoV
My head rest near dad's as I whisper for him to wake up. I hadn't answered my phone when Edward called earlier but I still hold onto it as my lifeline. It doesn't ring anymore. He's stopped calling and texting. It's better for him this way.
The rest of the morning is quiet, uneventful except for the slightest of twitches of his right hand. Billy and Jacob come to visit dad. Jacob stays near the door as Billy moves closer to dad's bed. I offer my chair to Billy needing to stretch my legs.
"Bella, I know girls don't like to hear this but you look terrible. You're too pale." Billy jokes. "Please, let Jacob take you home for a few hours to rest and get something to eat. I'll stay with the old man for a while. I promise to call you if there is any change. Now go." Billy turns to Jacob still at the door. "Jake, you don't mind taking her home do you?"
A shower and a change of clothes do sound appealing. I turn to Jacob, "Are you sure it wouldn't be an imposition Jacob? I don't want to put you out."
"I'm at your service miss." He stands at attention and salutes.
"Thank you Billy. I promise I'll be quick. I'll be back within hour at the most. I promise." I lean down kissing dad on the forehead.
"Oh, no you don't Bella take your time. Take a few hours for yourself . . . rest, take a nap. If your old man gets on my nerves, I'll flip on the television. Now go."
"Thank you Billy. You have my cell phone number right? In case you need to get in touch with me."
He nods.
"I won't be long." I take one last look at dad before following Jacob out of the room.
I yawn a few times on the ride home and Jacob laughs each time.
"My dad was right. You are exhausted. I'm going to drop you off and I'll be back to pick you up around two if that's okay with you."
I check the time on my silent phone. "Two is perfect. Thanks Jacob. I really appreciate all your help."
Once home, I head straight for the bathroom making it in just enough time to empty my stomach. I'm stressed; my stomach is in nervous knots. My entire body aches. I hop into the shower letting the water wash away my stressful, anxious tears. I weep until the warm water turns ice cold. Quickly, I dress in our hoodie and comfortable sweatpants wishing our hoodie smelled of Edward. I dry my hair before pulling it into a high ponytail. Setting the alarm on my phone for ninety minutes, I'm out for the count before my head hits the pillow. I think I have a vivid dream of Edward, of him scolding me for not answering my phone, but I'm not sure as my body stretches to the sound of the alarm. I'm still groggy as I make my way to the kitchen. I make myself something to eat and prepare a small meal to take back to the hospital. As promised, Jacob is here by two o'clock to take me back to the hospital. I set my stuff near the door just as he knocks.
"Come in Jacob you're right on time. I'm just checking that I have everything I need. Give me a second." I ask as I double check I have my phone charger and laptop.
"Take your time Bella, I'm in no hurry. If you don't mind me saying, you do look a lot better."
"Thanks, your dad was right. I guess I did need some time away from the hospital." I say as I gather my things and head out the door.
"Let me carry your stuff to the car." Jacob offers.
"Thanks but don't be silly Jacob. My laptop isn't heavy." I say as it begins to slip off my shoulder.
Jacob grabs it in time to stop it from hit the ground. "Not heavy huh? Give it here." He orders.
I surrender the laptop as he swings it over his shoulder. I lock the door and make my way down the stairs. I stand near Jacob as he places my laptop and small backpack in the back seat. He is just about to open the front passenger door when I hear an approaching car. My eyes follow the familiar car as it pulls up along the curb. I quickly look to Jacob wondering if he can hear the pounding of my heart as the familiar car's passenger door opens and closes. I'm frozen in my spot. I don't look towards the car. I can't move as I hear the approaching footsteps. The pounding moves to my ears. Jacob asks if I know the man walking in our direction. I don't answer. The footsteps stop next to me.
"Bella, who the fuck is this?" Disdain drips off every word.
"Edward," I can barely speak his name afraid to look into his eyes. "What are you doing here?"
He steps closer as the venom in his voice repeats, "I said who the fuck is this?"
A/N: This is my interpretation of the forest scene in New Moon when Edward leaves Bella. Love it or hate it either way let me know what you think. I'm a big girl I can take it I think.