Author's Note: If any of my readers are fluent in Russian, please message me. On occasion, we'll start seeing more dialogue in Kinzonian (Russian). I would love to work with somebody who actually knows the language rather than going in blindly with Google Translate.
In exchange, I'd be more than happy to write you a supplemental chapter or one-shot story of your choice…or proofread one of your works. Let me know if you're interested via PM or Tumblr IM!
Also: my apologies in advance for all the profanity. Considering the POV in this chapter is Cooper, it almost felt like a given…
…
"Attention, residents and visitors to Kalium City. Attention. The sun will set at precisely 18:45 KST. If you haven't begun to head home, please do so at this time. Remember: the curfew exists to protect you, not to police you!"
Those black vans had always given Bobbi the creeps. The windows were tinted, but she could see the silhouettes of big strong men on the other side: eager to get out of the vehicle and drag disobedient people inside. If they apprehended a Kinzonian national, they might let them off with a warning. Repeat offenders and foreigners were more likely to turn up a few days later, floating somewhere in the harbor or stinking up a dumpster.
It was strange what a person could get used to. The Kinzonian government first enforced that curfew when she was little. Adults scrambled to get nocturnal permits, but it was almost impossible to get one. You either had to know someone with government connections or find out which official was most amenable to bribes or blackmail. That could backfire. If you were wrong, the consequences were dire; perhaps even worse than sneaking out.
By the time she was old enough to train Pokémon, the general consensus among Kinzonians was that staying out after dark was overrated. They'd rather be safe than sorry.
As the van passed by, the soft spot between Bobbi's thumb and index finger felt like it had been flash-frozen in liquid nitrogen. That was her body's way of showing fear. If something startled her—like a wild Pokémon jumping into the road—the sensation would be so bad that the skin would flake and crack.
"That's an hour from now," she muttered, giving Cooper a dark look. "Let me level with you. We either need to finish this stupid chore before curfew or we'll have bigger things to worry about than disappointing Aldous. I just hope the KSP doesn't find us…"
Cooper wasn't too concerned about that. Their Beta had an in with the secret police. If a KSP operative pulled them in for questioning, Aldous could get them out. He'd done it before. "I used to break curfew all the time. The key is to wear dark clothes and—"
"Ahem!" Bobbi cleared her throat and gestured toward her outfit: a hot pink coat dress. To hide her hair and face, she'd paired this pink nightmare with even more pink: big tinted glasses and a tacky floral scarf. Even her gloves and stockings were bright magenta.
"That's on you, Bob. It's not like I held you at knifepoint and told you to dress like Blowjob Barbie." Bobbi's lips made a tight angry O, but she didn't say anything. "This isn't the first time I've had to steal my Pokémon back. Some jackass in my hometown reported me to the authorities when my Stunky died."
"I don't give a shit about that, Cooper! Just tell me what you need me to do!" He could tell Bobbi was nervous. Chances were that spot on her hand had turned scaly and sore. She'd pick at it for days, possibly even until it bled.
Once the van was out of sight, both Gammas ducked into a back alley and positioned themselves closer to the Pokémon Center. "This is your hometown, right? How well do you know the head nurse?"
"Yulia Karenina?" Bobbi's nose wrinkled in disgust. "I don't know her that well, nor do I want to." Cooper didn't have to ask why. He knew Bobbi well enough by now to know she'd tell him anyway. "She smokes big stinky cigars and has the meanest Blissey I've ever met. And if that wasn't scary enough, I've seen her deadlift an Abomasnow! Someone like that could snap me in two!"
"So, you're scared of buff women? Is that it?"
"Only when they hit on me—which she totally did! Yulia's the biggest, scariest lesbian I know; aside from maybe Janet."
Janet was Bobbi's best friend: a petite, pixie-like girl with a squeaky voice, huge glasses, a mouth full of braces, and an unruly mop of curly green hair. She reported to a different Beta and oftentimes did solo missions. She tended to track down specific people rather than Pokémon. Cooper liked Janet well enough, but he knew better than to start anything with her.
"Janet's not that big," Cooper murmured. Bobbi raised one of her eyebrows at him, waiting to see where this was going. "She's so tiny! Like a nerdy little leprechaun with a cruuuuuush on you!"
Bobbi wasn't amused. She put her hands to her hips and tapped her foot impatiently. When Cooper looked down, he realized even Bobbi's shoes were bright pink. "Do you want your Bidoof back or not? Stop fucking around."
Cooper turned his head back toward the Pokémon Center, wondering how many nurses were going to remain on call after dark. Since Pokémon Centers were considered essential to the nation, they were one of the few institutions permitted to remain open 24/7. Night-shift nurses could stay out past curfew and day-shift nurses could be forgiven if they were a few minutes late heading home.
Six junior nurses in pastel pink uniforms left the building, each one turning around long enough to wave goodbye to the biggest woman Cooper had ever seen. Her short blue hair, bulky physique, and the blue-and-cream uniform made her resemble a Snorlax. The woman had a lit cigar in her hand. "до свидания!"
Since only a handful of people had permission to be out after dark, there wasn't much point in keeping a full night staff. They'd probably be looking at anywhere from one to three junior nurses…once they arrived. Considering the Metro was under lockdown; that could take a while.
Bobbi opened up her purse and pulled out two things: a tube of flavored lip gloss and a Poké Ball. She pushed the button and her butt-ugly Glameow came out. The scarred-up cat looked up at her and began to purr. It sounded like a marble rolling in a tin can. "Okay…here's how we're gonna do this…"
"Whoa, whoa. Hold up. Since when are you coming up with the plan?"
Bobbi blinked a couple of times and tilted her head to one side. "Oh, I'm sorry Cooper! I had this preconceived notion that you actually wanted my assistance with this! If you'd rather I go back to the Trainers Lodge and wait for you, I can always—"
"You're such a bitch. You know that, right?" A small, amused snort left Bobbi's nose as she turned away and made like she planned to return to the Lodge. Cooper reached over, touching his partner's shoulder. "Look. I'm sorry, alright? I don't give a shit about the other Pokémon, but Bidoofus is really special to me."
From the way Bobbi looked at him, he could tell she didn't believe him. At least he got her to turn around to face him again.
"The wild Pokémon around Ferrum Town are too dangerous for new trainers to catch. When I turned ten, my dad saved up and bought Bidoofus from an adoption center. He didn't want me to be the only kid my age without a starter. I'm hard on him because I want to make sure some jackass doesn't kill him."
"You're too hard!" Bobbi snapped, but she took a moment to put the lip gloss on her mouth. "And before you can make a that's what she said joke, let me tell you what we're doing. I'll create a diversion so you can get inside the building. Quasi will do his 'poor hurt kitty' routine, which should distract the other nurses. That's when you should sneak into the back and get your Pokémon. Got it?"
"Yeah. Got it."
Bobbi smirked and held out her hand so they could shake on it. "Good luck, loser. You're no good to Team Sigma without any Pokémon." When she pulled her hand away and walked off, Cooper noticed she'd left something in his hand: a bobby pin.
He watched her saunter over to Nurse Yulia and heard her greet the woman with her best bimbo voice, but he wasn't going to stick around. They were quickly losing daylight.
"Psssst. Quasi." Quasi looked up at him and scowled. "Come on. Let's get this shit show over with."
…
The only junior nurse working the night shift was an older, pockmarked man with enough craters in his face to rival the moon. Cooper was pretty sure that beneath the uniform, the nurse's neck and back would be in equally bad condition. If he didn't have to worry about Bidoofus or the curfew; he probably would have struck a conversation with this guy just to get a better look at him.
Bobbi said he was a freak for thinking that sort of thing was attractive, but scars were neat: especially surgical scars and healed burns. Cooper's personal favorites were Lichtenburg figures: beautiful vine-like patterns that appeared on the human body when subjected to high levels of electricity.
Radiation burns intrigued him, too. Katya, Ferrum Town's head nurse, used to work at the Wolfram Town Pokémon Center. Her body was a grotesque abomination: scarred and skeletal on the top, but bloated and weepy from the waist down. Some parts had withered up and stayed as pink as a Mew. Compared to that, this nurse's acne scars were pedestrian, if not downright boring.
At least he didn't look like every other wannabe supermodel in this vain, vapid city. He hated Kalium so much.
"Good evening, comrade," the nurse murmured in an unenthusiastic monotone. He didn't even bother to put down his magazine. "У вас есть разрешение выходить поздно?"
"да."
"Должен ли я исцелить вашего покемонов? Это то, что вы хотите?"
Before Cooper could tell this deadpan dingus to heal his Pokémon—not that he currently had any—Quasi decided it was time to jump into action. The Glameow wriggled out of Cooper's arms, limped around a bit, and collapsed in the middle of the floor. "Mreeeeewwwww…"
There weren't that many trainers in the building at night: just a potbellied trucker with a big beard, a trio of ten-year-olds wearing different restaurant uniforms, and a tubby female doctor. They all stopped what they were doing to watch this three-legged cat roll around helplessly.
"What's wrong with that Glameow?" Cooper heard one of the kids whisper.
"I don't know," another one replied.
Cooper knew Quasi's original trainer was a traditional battler. Glameows weren't particularly useful as anything other than bait, so he'd spent most of his kittenhood as a living chew toy. When his trainer finally got bored with him, he dumped Quasi in the middle of nowhere during the worst part of winter. By the time the Pokémon made it back to civilization, he was so badly frostbitten that multiple parts of his body had to be surgically removed.
The Glameow also suffered from severe allergies and dry mouth. Every few months, he'd go in for a checkup and the nurse would have to pull more teeth. By the time Quasi evolved into a Purugly, he'd probably be completely toothless. Bobbi couldn't even wash him without first doing a patch test to make sure he wasn't allergic to the shampoo.
None of that stopped Quasi from thinking he was the cutest thing on the planet. With the amount of fuss Bobbi made over him, why wouldn't he? Once he realized all eyes were on him, he showed his belly to the kids and tried his best to do a Skitty-like mew. All that came out was long, raspy yowl. "Mreeeeeeeeh?"
"Is it…is it trying to look cute…?"
Cooper was about to choke because that was exactly what Quasi was doing. He could see the twinkle in the cat's one remaining blue eye. Quasi stretched out, hoping one of the kids would pet his nappy belly. Nobody took him up on that offer. Quasi tried to roll closer and mewled again, but that deterred the kids further.
While Quasi had everyone distracted, Cooper slipped off in the direction of the men's bathroom. Either nobody saw him or they didn't care. When a beefy-looking Blissey in a nurse hat picked up a tray and made her way back to the restricted area, Cooper quietly followed her. The dumb thing didn't even notice.
This wasn't the first time a nurse confiscated his Pokémon, nor was it the first time Cooper stole them back. He knew from personal experience that most Pokémon Centers followed the same floor plan.
The lobby area consisted of one to six healing panels, each of which was operated by a junior nurse in a pink uniform. A PC terminal to register Pokémon and items was available typically to the far right. Bathrooms and a changing room were available to the far left. Some buildings had a designated training area on the second floor, but those were the only public areas anyone would have access to.
The restricted areas were designated for nurses and their Pokémon only. Behind those doors was a long corridor with a break room, a couple of operating theaters, a storage closet, the nurses' lockers, and the head nurse's office. The last of those was typically marked with a blue doorframe and/or blue tile just outside the entrance. Kalium City proved to be no exception. The door was painted baby blue.
One of the nurses left a coat in the break room, so Cooper quickly put it on. It was a bit tight in the shoulders, but he could hopefully fool any medical Pokémon if they saw him from behind. In retrospect, he probably should have asked Bobbi to do this part. Cooper's dark clothes were good for hiding in the shadows, but his partner wore enough pink to blend right in with the junior nurses.
When he made his way back to the head nurse's door, he squatted down and pulled the bobby pin out of his back pocket. Picking a lock could take a while, so he hoped—wait. No way! Just to make sure he wasn't imagining things, Cooper twisted the knob and bit back a laugh when he realized it wasn't even locked. These dumb fuckers!
The office was cramped, stuffy, and reeked of cigar smoke and fried electronics. Some of the walls had posters on them, but it was too dark to make out the words or shapes. It didn't matter, anyway. Cooper's attention was drawn more to the two dozen Poké Balls on Nurse Yulia's desk.
'Shit! I don't have time to go through all of these!'
The most he could do was take every scuffed, dented, or banged up ball and hope he grabbed the right ones. All his Pokémon were in Poké Balls, so anything at Great Ball level or higher could be tossed aside. So, too, could any Poké Balls that appeared to be in good condition. That narrowed it down to eight balls. Just to be on the safe side, Cooper stuffed as many as he could into the pockets of the coat, into his hoodie, and—
"Blissssseeeeeeey?"
According to the Pokémon Encyclopedia; Blisseys were supposed to be happy, nurturing, and indiscriminately friendly. This one was none of those things. It was bad enough that an unauthorized human made it to her side of the Pokémon Center, but he had the audacity to steal Pokémon that had already been rescued from bad trainers. She wasn't going to allow that. Not on her watch!
"Hey, don't sass me. You let me back here."
"Bliss?" She squinted her beady black eyes at Cooper. If only Bobbi could see this. This thing made the exact same bitch face!
"Yeah. I followed you. You didn't even lock this door, Blissey. You suck at this."
"Blissey Bliss!" Blissey tried to slap Cooper, but her nubby pink arm was too short. How the hell were these things supposed to be good nurses? They probably couldn't even clean their own faces!
Once the Pokémon realized Cooper was too far away to punch, Blissey rammed her fat body against him. Cooper was pinned to the wall, unable to move. Each time he tried, Blissey pushed down harder and tried her best to look threatening. "Dooooown, Blissey. Down, girl! You're being an asshole."
Blisseys could sense people's feelings through their fur. That was how they could tell who was sad, sick, or lonely. Cooper hoped she knew how he felt: scared of having to potentially deal with the police, desperate to get his damn Bidoof back, and pissed off beyond belief that this pink puffball had the audacity to get in his way. He wasn't worried about Bobbi at all. She'd probably fuck off as soon as Nurse Yulia went back inside.
Blissey didn't budge. All she did was reach in her pouch and grin evilly at Cooper. "Blisseeeey."
"No. You put that back right now." Not only did Cooper hate raw eggs, but he recognized what Blissey was trying to do.
If he ate her egg, he'd be screwed. People reportedly felt happier and more generous after consuming a cooked one. If eaten raw, the effects intensified. Some people even became addicted to the eggs because nothing else in life could make them that happy so quickly. It was like winning the lottery, holding your firstborn child, restoring your family's honor, and feeling like you saved the planet all at once.
Blissey pushed against him, her furry body turning warm. Cooper felt something wet and warm around his stomach. The egg cracked. The Pokémon's arm reached toward the egg, got some of the whites and yolk in hand, and brushed it against his lips. As tempting as it was to tell Blissey to fuck off, Cooper knew she'd shove the food in his mouth the moment he opened his mouth.
"Blisssssss…"
He could hear footsteps coming down the hall. Shit! This wasn't how he wanted things to go! Realizing he had no time left for shenanigans, Cooper butted his head into Blissey's face and called out the first Pokémon he could grab. When he pushed the button, he had no way of knowing whether or not it was one of his.
"Doo doof?"
Cooper's heart stopped for a moment. He could almost cry; he was so happy to have his crappy Bidoof back! "Bidoofus!" he called out, narrowly missing an attempted yolk-smear. "Holy shit, buddy! I'm so glad to see you! Are you okay!?"
"Doof!"
Bidoofus was tickled beyond belief that his trainer wasn't yelling at him or calling him worthless. Sure, Cooper could be mean and scary when he was in a bad mood; but Bidoofus had been his Pokémon for almost ten years. He remembered what Cooper was like as a little kid and lived for the days like this one. It almost felt like old times: a lonely boy and his beloved Bidoof! Maybe this was a sign that things would be better from now on!
As grateful as Bidoofus felt, he also felt a bit confused. He knew what a Pokémon Center looked like, but this wasn't the floor where he normally went for checkups. The last time a nurse took him to the back of the center, he'd nearly been torn in half by one of the wild Pokémon up north. They had to keep him in observation for half a week just to make sure he recovered from the surgery. But he wasn't badly hurt before they came here. That meant—
'Ooooooh nooooo. Cooper, nooooo…'
This meant that Cooper went back here to steal Poké Balls again. Bidoofus's eyes welled up with tears. "Bidoof?" Did another nurse report him? Did that mean the other Pokémon were going to be left behind? How much trouble was his human in?
"Get her off me, Bidoofus! Use Rollout!" Cooper shut his eyes and mouth. He could feel Blissey smear more of that slippery substance on his mouth. He spat at her, but it didn't deter her.
He almost had to wonder if Bidoofus knew what the egg did. If so, would he be an asshole and wait until Cooper ate the yolk because it was a guarantee he'd be friendlier?
Luckily, Bidoofus was every bit as obedient as he was stupidly optimistic. The wooly beaver rolled himself up into a tight ball and charged at Blissey with all he had. He hit her like a bowling ball, toppling her over. The pink Pokémon landed on her rump and shrieked.
There was no point in being discrete anymore. People were going to hear that. Cooper scooped Bidoofus into his arms and ran down the hall as fast as he could. It didn't even matter that he kept dropping the other Poké Balls. The pockmarked nurse, Nurse Yulia, and the other trainers were gaining on him. It was only a matter of time before they saw him!
The back door was locked. A cheap wooden door could be kicked and broken, but this thing was solid metal: like part of a bunker. "SHIT! FUCK! GODDAMMIT! NO!" Cooper tried to kick the door down again, each time growing increasingly terrified.
"Blissey? Blissey!" Yulia called out. "Где ты!? Скажите что-то!"
"BLISSEEEEEEEEEEEY!" Blissey screamed at the top of her lungs, trying to get her trainer and the others to come to her aid. At the very least, she wanted them to stop the thief. "BLISS! BLISS BLISSEY!" The sound of footsteps stopped long enough for Blissey to scream again. Out of the corner of his eye, Cooper saw her shadow point in the direction he ran.
His heart was in his throat and every vein in his face felt like it was going to pop. His blood pressure skyrocketed, but the door refused to budge. "It's no use! We're—hey! What are you doing?!"
Bidoofs had some of the strongest teeth in the world. If he could use them to help his boy escape, a little temporary mouth pain was nothing. Bidoofus chomped down on the lock and broke it apart. The door was wide open now!
Cooper's egg-covered face went slack-jawed in disbelief. "Damn, Bidoofus! I didn't know you could do that!" Bidoofus grinned at him and wriggled his fluffy bottom. He didn't have a tail, but he liked to wag that area when he was happy anyway. "Come on, pal. Let's get outta here!"