For the most part, everything had been pretty calm back in Domino City. At least for Lola Wheeler, whose ignorance of shadow magic and evil demons granted her the most dull and tedious of days. The high of drama and action had evaporated, and Lola found herself sick from withdrawal. School had let out for winter break which gave her all the uneventful free-time in the world. Pharah had gone away to that other super-cool school and didn't always have the time to immediately satiate Lola with a text back within several seconds. Jacob still had to go to work at his multiple jobs now, and Lola had already gotten kicked out of all of them for trying to hover over him all day. Her young cousin Rowan was sucked into shopping with his parents. Faith, for some reason, decided figure skating practice was more important than hanging out with her. And Dagan... well, Dagan was doing his best to ignore her altogether.
The jerk. Must be playing hard-to-get is all.
There was now no one left for her to bother but for Howard and Carter Muto. Maybe they'd be interested in hitting the arcade with her like they used to. She still had a score to settle with Carter in Zombie Shooter. Or maybe they could all hit up Burger World for lunch and just talk. Lola would inevitably end up doing most of the talking, but the idea of simply rambling off her day and someone- anyone- listening was oddly comforting. The twins were excellent listeners. It wasn't that she had even been having a hard time lately, it was just... this feeling of purposelessness. Complete and utter boredom.
The chimes above the door rattled as she stepped into the Kame Game shop. She knew the twins managed the shop from time to time, and was dreadfully surprised to find place had actually been busy. Howard and Carter were flitting around the shop, grabbing figurines off shelves and boxes from way deep in the back. They would smile while ringing up the customers as if they weren't completely exhausted, and chuckled pleasantly as they helped young clients build their decks. They may have even liked their job, much to Lola's horror. The Christmas rush had evidently begun at last, and it was obvious that getting to hang out with the twins wouldn't happen for a while now. If at all.
"Oh hey, Lols!" Carter waved above the crowd at the counter.
Lola offered a lazy wave back. There was no way she was going to get to hang out with them like this. The place was too busy and responsibilities were everywhere. She just knew what the goody-two-shoes-honorable Muto twins would pick. Lola would only get in the way again.
When the twins began to signal her over, Lola managed to maneuver a path through the shoppers and excited little kids. She met them behind the register with more silence and awkwardness than anyone had been accustomed to. Had the boys not been so busy bagging puzzles and finely wrapping delicate model figures, they may have noticed. They might have asked why she didn't smile as grandly as she used to. They might have asked how her injury was healing or if she was ok.
She wasn't, actually, but then even she decided it was a waste of time to want to talk about problems she "didn't have." Suddenly she was glad they hadn't been paying attention. How weird it would have been to have people thinking she, Lola Serenity Wheeler, wasn't always happy or fooling around. No way. Then people would think she was weak to have let things bothered her like that. So shook her head, her entanglement of curls whipping side to side, and decided she'd rather be seen dead than moping around miserably. That wasn't her.
A young boy at the head of the line wanted one of the few remaining duel disks standing behind the register, and Lola stepped to it faster than either of the twins could have managed. Without question or hesitation, she wrung the thing up, packaged it and bagged it, and sent the boy on his merry way.
Howard and Carter at first gave her a surprising look, but she only smiled with challenge.
"Beat that record." she said haughtily, beginning to tie up her massive head of curls. She was ready to work and she'd accept no fuss about it. Her friends needed all the help they could get, and she was going to do her best to assist. With or without their approval.
And then working had become a game. The three teens would all fight to be the quickest cashier, or the friendliest game advocate, or the one to get the most customers. With their play and endurance, the crowd had lessened within an hour. Only a few window shopping stragglers remained, and the shop felt more like a homey local hang than a popular mall superstore. It was lax enough again that the group of friends could finally take a breath and tally their score. They'd all pretty much forgotten the amount of customers they helped or boxes they bowed, but they all agreed that Lola should be still be the winner anyways.
"Well, today went a lot smoother than I thought it would." Howard relaxed into the shopkeeper's chair.
"Yeah. That was a great idea to turn it into a challenge. Thanks for that, Lola."
"Eh. It's no big deal. I just figured you guys could use some good ol' motivation. That way you could close up already and come hang out with me. So put the sign on the door already, ok?"
The brothers shared a look. Lola could always be counted upon to be a bit pushy and insensitive with matters like this. When she wanted to do something, the work schedules or responsibilities of others just didn't seem relevant. Not when there was the potential of fun to be had. She could become quite selfish and nagging, easily feeling neglected when someone chose duty over hanging out with her.
"C'mon, guys. There's this new movie out about some psycho killer biker guy, who, like, kills travelers on this road in the middle of nowhere and mutilates their bodies and then totally uses their deformed corpses as new pimped out bikes! It's called: 'Road 2 Hell: Revenge of the Sawers.' Sick, right?"
"Charming." said Howard. "Really gets me in the holiday spirit."
Lola rolled her eyes, punching him slightly in the shoulder, "Don't be such a wuss. It'll be fire, I promise. I'll even hold your hand if you get scared, baby-boo."
Howard blushed at the idea. He recoiled some, worried they might actually touch. For as much as he would dearly love to hold her hand, whether by being comforted from a horror movie or strolling on a springtime date, he knew it was just not a possibility. Not today at least.
"As tempting as that all is, Lola, we can't just close up shop. We promised we'd do our jobs today and everyone knows we don't close until 6:30."
Yeah, yeah. She figured as much.
"Boo. You suck." she whined. "Come on. Please? Just come hang out with me. This one time, that's all I'm asking. Your parents aren't even home. They won't know."
Carter, too, began to protest gently, "No, Lols. We can't do it today. We're working 'til 6:30 like we're supposed to, and afterwards, we actually planned to start revamping our decks for the Holiday Tournament. We just got some new cards in too. But hey! Why don't you join us? You can work on your deck too."
That was something Lola hadn't even considered. Wouldn't consider. As far as she was concerned, she wanted as little to do with the dueling world as possible. Especially now that there was nothing left to duel for. She knew the twins were only doing their best to include her, but she couldn't prevent her fists from tightening on her old grudges. She'd been offended somehow and she didn't like that she was. She didn't like how much it bothered her.
"My deck? The hell? You know I only use that as a coaster for my drink. Besides, you two would be blathering on about cards all night and I'd be bored out of mind. I didn't come here to be bored. I can do that at home, sillies."
The abuse of a Duel Monsters deck was wounding to the puerile ears of the Muto boys. They grimaced distastefully thinking that Lola's cards were simply gathering dust after all their triumphs. It was a pity. Howard recovered first, however, putting on his best and most determined smile. For he had a surprise. He reached beneath the counter for one of the hidden compartments, then sat a small tin on the counter top and opened it just for Lola's eyes.
"Well, I was actually hoping you might want to build your deck with us. At least one of these days. We are professional deck counselors after all." he laughed, pointing to the badge on his work vest, "These new cards came in recently, and I... thought you might like them. We're not supposed to take them off the shelves, you know, but I thought they, uh... they would go really great with your deck. Perfect, actually. So I wanted to save them for you before anyone else could buy them. They're really rare! You could power up your food monsters and recycle your traps more they way you used to. But... better. And... well, I..."
Lola wanted to look away. She wanted more than anything to prove to herself how over she was with Duel Monsters. She was not about to fall back into that same cycle. And yet her golden eyes continued to fall to the cards laid out on the counter. Four brand new cards and all of them suited for her just the way Howard described. A peanut butter and jelly magic card, a Nacho monster, an earthen barbarian, and a Divine Sword - Phoenix Blade crafted for the more majestic of her knights. Her old hodgepodge deck would have been the perfect home for them.
Howard lifted the Divine Sword card, his smile bubbling over with elation, "Imagine this bad boy in the hands of your Erosia Knight? You could even use the barbarian's special abilities alongside her and it's basically a guaranteed OTK! Kaplow!"
While the boys sung a whole tune of sword fighting sound effects, dancing out the motions behind the counter, Lola had fallen deep into herself. Dull and miserably, she eyeballed the cards as though staring at nothingness. The laughter and play of her friends now meaningless and lost to her ears. The only shrill, unwanted thing she could hear was that disgusting, high-pitched cackle of Minako Kaiba's.
"You're entertainment, Lola. That's all. You'll never be anything more than a joke. An internet phenomenon that'll die out in only a few short weeks."
Her fists tightened over the words, that laugh. That stupid, arrogant, scathing laugh.
"So, how about it?"
Lola's eyes shot up, refocusing on the image of her two best friends now linked by the arms and their bulbous violet eyes ogling her. Their grins were as blissfully unaware of the trouble inside her as they could be, and she was dangerously jealous.
"How about what?" she dared to try a chuckle.
"Working on our decks after work. Come on, it won't be that bad. We'll pop open the chips and dip, maybe get a pizza. And just for you we'll order extra bacon."
The whole purpose in coming all the way down here was so that Lola wouldn't be alone. So that she could spend time with the two people she trusted and adored most, and would, without intention or strain, allow her to forget all about moms, and Minnies, and melancholy. "Yes" was sitting right on her tongue. Of course I want to hang out with you. Please, yes! But then there was the issue of the cards. Why did it always have to be about those damn cards?
Lola shrugged, still aiming to prove her playful disinterest, "I don't know, guys. What's the rush anyways? You can fix up your already perfect decks any time. The Holiday Tournament is, like, two weeks away first of all. And it ain't even competitive or anything. Like, that shit is for kids, my guy."
"What? Mr. Pegasus invites everyone from the first Duelist Kingdom, and people inside Industrial Illusions, and all the Classics and their families. Our dad gets invited every year. Your father and mother still get invites too, right?"
"And, yeah, sure, it's no World Championships or anything, but it's for the fun of the game. People go because we love Duel Monsters. And what better way to bring people together for the holidays than that? I'm already way too excited to see everyone and their new skills!"
Lola was so muddied, she couldn't pick out which twin was speaking when. Which was normally something she and their parents alone could do. Now she'd lost the talent, the care or the concern. It didn't matter who was saying what, because the words themselves didn't matter. All she heard was Minnie and how horribly right she'd been:
"And don't misunderstand me, Squealer. You're a good duelist. But you're not a competitor. You're not like me. You fall under pressure, and I rise in it. That's why you lost our duel. That is why you failed. Because you thought you were to be taken seriously. Stick to making people laugh and leave the real work to the pros."
"So," she grumbled hotly "You guys are actually gonna duel in the tournament. Whoopee. Guess we won't be going to the movies for a while, huh? Since, you know, ya'll'll be busy practicing. Like you need to or whatever. Pffft."
"Well, aren't you going to enter? We always duel at the Holiday Tournament. Ever since we were little. I mean, you're going with Dagan Devlin to the opening ceremony ball. I thought you, uh..."
Howard paused. The softest pink hue dotted his cheeks as he looked down again to the cards he had displayed for her. For her. He'd put his own money into the register to keep these cards off the shelves, all with the intention of gifting them to her when he'd ask her to be his date. That chance never came, however, as Lola had again unknowingly bullied her comrades into giving her her way. Poor Dagan was her partner now, and Howard would just have to save that question for next year. But... It'd be unsportsmanlike now for Howard to keep the cards for himself.
They were for her. With or without an escort to the party, with or without getting to dance with her. What mattered was that these cards got into her hands and that she finally- finally- played them. That Lola Wheeler, after three years, would finally duel again the way he, Carter, Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler, all knew she could. And needed to.
"Hmph. You thought wrong, kiddo." Lola toyed with a springy gold curl beside her face. "I'm only going to ball 'cause my dad wants to go this thing. But you should already know I'm not dueling in the tournament. I haven't seriously dueled in, like, forever. Fuck'oughtta'here with that. Nope."
"But, Lols, why not? You're a great duelist!" Carter gleamed truly and sincerely, as though this were the most indisputable truth, "And, like you said, it's not even all that competitive. It's the perfect tournament to hop back into the game. There's no trophies, no pressure. Just good friends who love to duel."
"You're not meant to be taken seriously."
"What makes you think I want to get back into the game at all? Don't get smart with me, guys. I know what you're doing and it's not working. I just don't want to duel. Is that so hard to understand? Like damn. Chill. Not everyone is as obsessed with this game as you two are."
Both boys looked to the ground sorely as if they'd lost a duel already.
"Sorry, we're just... trying to think of something we could all do together. Duel Monsters use to be... the thing to do."
"No. You know what'd be a cool thing to do together? Going to the fucking movies. So we going or nah? 'Cause, like, if not... I can go home and be bored instead. It's no big deal."
Howard and Carter rubbed theirs temple some, knowing perfectly well the direction of today's Lola-capades. They breathed deep, wanting to be as calm and collected as possible. Time has proven more than enough that feeding into Lola's moods would just set everything ablaze. And of all the things they had to worry about, adding her firestorm to the mix would probably crash their systems.
"Lola, you know we want to hang out with you. Honestly. But we can't ditch work, and we can't just go out on a whim like you can. We're sorry."
Her lips were sour as she bit them back. She realized the moment she had walked trough the game shop door how futile her journey would be. Any attempt to bring the mighty and righteous Howard and Carter Muto down to her devious ways would inevitably fail. It was just as vain an attempt as it had been for her to duel Minako Kaiba at Worlds all those years ago.
"It's cool. Whatever. No biggie, right? Heh. I'll... maybe catch you guys some other time when you're not working. Deuces."
She flipped her hood up back over her hat and prepared to venture out again into the grey. Behind her she left two befuddled, dejected brothers standing behind the register who couldn't find an answer in the other's looks. They watched Lola leave in the most un-Lola like exit, and it near crushed them to imagine what weight it was that made her shoulders sink that low.
"Hey, are you ok? You seem... a little down." Carter inquired tactfully.
Lola was good at this. A practiced and well versed professional. No one could better smile and wink they way she had, turning around to meet their eyes full on and unwavering. She could make pretense gleam like truth through her honey, aurulent eyes by the sheer power of her will.
"You thought you were worthy to stand up here with me? You thought by winning this duel you could show your mother your worth? Save your parents' marriage? If it weren't so pathetic, I'd probably laugh. Your first mistake was thinking you could win, Lola. Thinking you had worth."
She laughed, "Duh. Of course I'm peachy. I'm goddamn Lola Wheeler. Why would I be down? Stop worrying your big-haired heads, guys. Ya'll the ones who been acting weird lately. Hah!"
Oh, all the places they could start with why goddamn Lola Wheeler would have any reason to be down. So much had happened to their group of friends in these past two and a half months. And though Lola didn't have to guard ancient mummy secrets or worry about the resurrection of a dark demon-god like the twins did, it still didn't save her any misery.
A customer cautiously ambled up to the register with an embrace full of board games, and the boys had to refocus on the task at hand. They pretended to smile, as per the rules of service, but were nowhere near as talented as Lola in doing so. No one could be. The boys looked up for their friend beyond the customer, but all they found were the chimes twinkling behind a closed door.
Howard's eyes found the four cards still laid out on the counter when the woman plopped down her items. Something inside him had been kindled by the sight of them, and he immediately began making his way around the register, scooping them into his hand.
"Take over for a sec." he breathed, hardly waiting for Carter's agreement. It was his twin brother, after all. He would know how important this was.
Lola hadn't made it far at all as it only took a few hurried steps for Howard to catch up. She was waiting at the crosswalk, hands thrown behind her head, and so unbelievably annoyed by every passing car that blockaded her path it was almost comical. She could say she was slightly surprised to see Howard stumbling after her all of the sudden. He really wasn't prepared to have another conversation with her by telltale of his reddening face. So he simply and earnestly extended his hands to her with a slight bow of his head.
"You forget these." his voice trembled.
"Howard..."
She'd been about to refuse the cards for a second time. They bothered her, and he was bothering her, and this whole thing was a bother. To make it worse, his gesture had made them a sort of spectacle to those around them on the sidewalk. She could just punched him. Not to hurt him, but to... something. Whatever. That would be easier than any words she couldn't think of.
"Please, Lola. Just think of this as an early Christmas gift. I-I wouldn't want these cards in the hands of anyone else. Even if you're not going to use them, I... I'd still be honored if they were, at the very least, a nice coaster for your drink."
He placed them into her hands without approval or want and said nothing more of it. They would be her cards whether she liked it or not, and for once Howard was ok with pushing her. She may not have known like he did, but she needed those cards. Perhaps not to use but simply to hold. To be a reminder of when she used to be truly happy, and not just a liar.
"Well, later then. Gotta get back to work. Don't be a stranger, ok?" he dismissed himself with a wave.
Lola glowered poutily. Somehow Howard managed to pull one of her signature moves and it got to her more than thought it would. The old "in and out." Throw your will at someone and then dip out of there before they can even argue it. Well, it had worked. And she would have been impressed if she were not the victim. She sighed, glancing down at her hands now gripping the Duel Monster cards.
It almost felt weird to hold them so tightly.
"Sometimes I wonder why we do it. Why is it that we fight so hard for, bet so much on, believe so much in… things that are so frail? I mean, they're just cards. Pasteboards with pretty pictures on it. Why do we duel like the world needs us to? Could so much of what my old man told me be true? And if so, why Duel Monsters? Why does the fate of the world depend on holographic monsters scrapping for victory? Why not, I'unno… black jack or some high stakes poker? Or, even better, a pie eating contest."
Whatever.
The clouds of Domino were now lit orange and pink. That meant that she had to hurry up. Lola would be caught dead out here if she wasn't home soon. This wasn't the pretty perfect part of Domino anymore. This was where she would catch drug deals out of the corner of her eyes in the alleyways, or find that someone had again lit a trashcan on fire for their amusement. Why was it always the same one? Why did all her neighbors own a noisy dog, or yell at each other in their pajamas to the person all the way across the street?
She just pulled her snapback down, casting a greater shadow over her eyes, and continued to kick a soda can down the sidewalk. She hoped those guys at the gas station she was passing didn't recognize her as the girl who started the fight there the other night. What was that even about anyways? She was too busy throwing punches that she had forgotten why she was getting jumped.
"Maybe that's why." she thought again. "Punching, kicking, running one up on someone… it's all too quick. We get lost. Duel Monsters… we have every turn to remind ourselves why we're fighting. What it's all for. But that's also why it hurts more when you lose."
With a bag of take-out for dad from Burger World in one hand and the accursed cards in the other, Lola scuffled through the beaten old streets where litter and muddied snow rivered around her feet. It always let her know that she was close to home; a place she almost didn't want to see again. Not the half abandoned Christmas tree, not the ghostly genkan where all the shoes and clutter had disappeared like the people who wore them.
She stopped in her tracks. Her home was just around the corner, but the sunset here had to be admired while it could.
Not many things were so bright and beautiful in her neighborhood anymore. Not since she was a kid. Nowadays when the sun went down past the boarded up buildings, lit up the graffiti stained bridges like spotlights, or shaded the alleys in sin and darkness, it sent people indoors. Even when the sounds of sirens picked up, Lola didn't want to move. She looked onward past the hazy city. There was something on the horizon. Something that attracted the sun to make it want to lay there a while and color the clouds. Maybe it was destiny… maybe it was where she was meant to go… maybe it was a way out of these slums, a way out of all the labels or expectations and downward glares people gave her.
Lola gripped the cards in her hand even harder. She wanted them to scrape into her palms, indent her flesh when she heard Minako's voice echoing again:
"You lost this duel because the fun and the jokes couldn't earn you any favors. Your quips and your dances could not make the crowd see past your fear and inherent lack of skill and perseverance. When everything is on the line, when victory is not just a perk, but a necessity, you do not have what it takes to survive in this arena, Lola Wheeler. You're an entertainment duelist. A mere halftime spectacle. Do not ever again fool yourself- easy as that may be- into thinking you're a part of the actual game."
Minnie had been right about her, as much as she hated to admit. Lola was always the gag. She was a rising internet trend once. Her dabbing and duels turned into overused memes, her dances copied and made into vines. Her terrible puns and snarky, slangy comebacks used to make people cheer for the underdog that she was. But none of it was good enough. Because when it came to Worlds, when it came to the one duel that might have made Mai see how great her daughter could be, the pressure tore her apart. Lola was not a competitor. Minnie made that perfectly clear when at every turn, Lola couldn't gather her thoughts, couldn't come up with a plan. None of her jokes or one-liners, the people who once laughed with her, were going to save her.
People used to say that dueling was the way out of misery. So many, many people believed in their cards, their skills, so passionately that they bet their futures on them. They all tried to be Pro-League or at least good enough to get a reality TV show. The game was everywhere and it meant everything. Even Jacob was going to use it to get out of this dump and become Pro-League like Joey before them.
But that didn't happen. It was duelists like Minako who made misery with the cards. Who stole Lola's rarest card, who stole her brother away, who stymied every chance Lola had of proving her worth to her mother, who stopped Lola from saving Joey and Mai's marriage with that one single duel, stole her once good name in the game. It was Minako Kaiba's fault! Somehow, some way. It was her. The bane of Lola's very existence.
Yet not the only reason.
"In order for Minako to have triumphed as she did, I must have failed. I did. I believed dueling would make everything better. I fought so hard, bet so much on, believed so much in... something like myself. Something that was just a joke."
She stopped kicking the soda can after one last angry swing. It rolled away in the icy breeze. For something so empty and frail, it sure made a lot of noise. The can somehow survived the road, untouched by the cars, finally stopping when it crashed into the tire of an old purple convertible parked in front of her house. Lola's breath caught immediately in her throat. She hadn't seen that ancient thing in a very long time, and its presence only meant one thing.
Lola tossed her front door aside so hard it shook the house. Fury and anticipation and hope were all so frenzied inside her, she didn't even remember running into her house or if she'd checked for cars before crossing. It might have been a good idea to glance behind to see if she'd left a crash in the road, but that seemed inconsequential to the train-wreck bound to happen in her living room.
Mom is home.
Cornering fifty, age was no match for the mighty Mai Valentine. If she had met any serious wrinkles, Mai always outwitted them with her arsenal of creams and washes. Her face had only grown more alluring and mature through the years, cheek bones peeking out above her contour and highlighter. Her snow blonde locks held their crimps and curls out of instinct rather than product now, somehow always seeming to fall around face in a perfectly wild, controlled mess. She was the sort of front-cover woman you'd imagine strutting onto the set of Sex & The City.
Mai jumped at the sound of the break in. She didn't have anything useful hidden in the pockets of her purple fur coat or thigh high boots, but she stood ready to unleash hell upon the intruder.
"Lola?!" she shrieked incredulously. "You scared the heck out of me, doll. I thought you were some burglar and I was about to take you down."
Mai's laugh was just as embarrassed as it was forced. It somehow made the cleaned out space feel claustrophobic when silence settled again. Mother and daughter at last stood face to face after many long avoidant days. They could hear the echoes of their old arguments being shouted about the house. From all the menial "I told you to clean your room" arguments to the sick "I hate you" ones. Only but days ago had they stood by these very stairs, belligerently hurling curses at one another they didn't even know they knew.
The awkwardness stung like a scraped knee.
"Your injury is healed I take it? How are you feeling?" asked Mai.
"Fine." Lola spat. She dropped her coat and bag to the floor with a thud of spite. This mess now marked her territory and Mai better remember that.
She stomped past her mother into the kitchen, malice booming through her heels. Obviously mom was just here to pick up the rest of her stuff and then leave them for months again. It was practically tradition. And this time Lola was not going to hope for anything else. She was simply going to let her go and carry on as usual.
The fridge was surprisingly full when Lola tossed dad's takeout in it. Milk, eggs, soda, cold-cuts and snacks. Everything Jake would have neglected to pick up, or Joey would have whined about not having for at least several days until he ran out of excuses to avoid going to the store. The only other culprit could have been Mai, but Lola decided to give her father the benefit of the doubt instead. It would be the absolute worst if Mai did something nice. Then Lola would have to feel like an ever bigger jerk spiting while knowing Mai had some redeemable qualities.
"So. You still got the keys to this place, I see." Lola sneered as she sprawled herself on the couch, cuddling up with a tub of ice cream. She clicked the TV on, hoping to find something mindless and colorful to distract her. Maybe Mai would get the hint to just take whatever it was she came for and get out already.
"Well yeah. Of course. This is still our home."
"Is it? Is it though? Think about the words you sayin' here real carefully, Mai. Real carefully."
It was impossible to tell what infuriated Mai more: Lola's brutal and yet casual virulence, or knowing exactly where she had inherited that from. It was maddening. Mai's own hairs began to splinter and fray, her teeth gritting and fists wadding. She was an arched feline who was not being pet the way she wanted to be, and she could just about hiss.
However, Mai knew just how lethal that disposition could be. This sort of cattiness was what clawed their relationship enough times to make one big tear down the middle. This was... like fighting herself. And her daughter did not deserve the same punishments that Mai felt she herself did. She was an adult, after all. What had arguing with her daughter like they were on Reality TV ever solved?
"Lola, doll... I know you're mad at me..."
"Shit. You don't say." the teen crammed another bitter chunk of ice cream into her mouth.
Mai took a deep breath. She looked upon her child laying on the couch, doing her best to pretend the television had comforted her. Lola was going to again create her own invisible world where Mai did not exist. Or at least not the same version of her. She would pretend the sitcom family was her own, the mother-daughter flicks were truth. Mai knew that only because she too did the same once. She used to imagine the perfect family, the perfect life, meanwhile growing up on utter loneliness and cynicism.
A heavy, gross feeling swam to her chest when she exhaled. For a moment she was greeted by the visions of her own childhood. Of that lonely, cold little child who pretended everything was fine. That child with the cold, fake eyes then growing into the selfish, distrustful, deceitful woman. Pretending to be happy had only gotten that girl so far. And she saw that girl now in Lola. Her own child.
Mai breathed again, this time level. Calm.
"I know you don't want to hear any of this. Especially not now. But I don't know when or if there is a right time to say stuff like this. And I know nothing I say to you right now will change the way you feel about me. You have every right to be angry with me. I get that. You are allowed to be furious. You can call me names. You can pretend I don't exist right now. I completely get it, baby. I deserve it."
Deserve it, Mai repeated in her head. If anything, she wanted to be punished for this just as much as she wanted to have a relationship with her daughter. As disgusting and horrible as it made her feel, Lola despising her was a comfort. It was a familiar heat to have a target placed on her back. To be made the outcast. The role felt nostalgic. Like a home she'd spent far too much time away from.
"It must feel like I abandoned you." she whispered despondently. "I... I didn't even say goodbye really. And not just this time, but all those times I... I left. I left to be alone. I left to hide in some bar or to wander alone. Breaking promise after promise- which I have absolutely no excuse for. I've been a horrible, horrible mother, Lola." her voice turned hoarse and strained, fighting back against a cry, "And, if I know you they way I think I do, they way I know myself, ... an apology will never fill up the hole. But you deserve one anyways. I want to let you know that... I am sorry, Lola. I am really, truly sorry that I was not the mother you needed me to be. I'm sorry that I was so scared to be your mother. Because... I was. I was afraid to be a mom. I was afraid to hurt you... and... look what I've done."
The teen's eyes slid slowly over her shoulder to the silhouette of her mother. These were all the words she wanted to hear. But maybe it was pride, or maybe it was that she was simply not ready to forgive, but Lola measured herself with hate. She kept the ice cream tub seated on her chest so no one could see how deep and aching her breath was. The frost cut at her fingers. She kept her head low, her hat masking her face some. The show she'd been half-attempting to watch was just white noise and irrelevant blurs, but she was going to act like she understood it and the actor's words were more real than Mai's.
Countless times before Lola had fussed and moaned and whined over these exact words. Now that she heard them sung cripplingly into her ears, the feeling was nowhere near what she thought it would be.
It fucking hurt.
"Look. Joey- Your father and I... we love each other. Of course we do. I don't know where I'd be in my life without him. You may think this is an all time record setting low for me, but without Joey and his friends, I think I could break that horrible record. Easily. But for as much as he makes me happy, and as much as I adore that wonderful goofball... it's just really hard for us to be together for long periods of time. We always find something to argue about and, well, you know how I am. Stubborn, arrogant, always have to be right, refusing to accept or even acknowledge help from others. And I'm very good at blaming my problems on other people. If there's anything the Orichalcos proved, that was it."
Another card, Lola thought. Another pain, another unwanted truth the symptom of the game. She was almost sure if The Seal of Orichalcos were around now, things wouldn't be all that different.
Mai regathered herself. She was never extremely elegant or poised, but she was strong and majestic in her own way. A fiery sort of sovereignty. She looked as such now.
"But I want you to know that I am getting help now. And that's where I'm going. I came to get a few more of my things, and... I really was hoping you would be home, Lola. So we could... talk."
Lola sat still. Her eyes had grown sore from the fight that they could not lift their gaze any higher than the floor. She clutched the icy vat closer in one last attempt to freeze herself. She wanted to continue to be cruel though her heart knew it was wrong. Ego was demanding she not fall for this trap, or to give Mai the satisfaction of a loving daughter awaiting her triumphant recovery. Heart was crying for her to hug her mother, to yell and to sob and to tell her how much everything had hurt, but how she still loved her.
She bit back her lip.
"Ok then." nodded Mai silently. To hope for some kind of honest reaction from Lola was overreaching. Mai knew that better than anyone. Lola would never address or much less respond to the heart of the matter. She would use her jokes and her smile to simply skirt around it and make play of it. A heavy exhale fell from Mai's mouth. She reached down for her last small box of belongings and made her way to the door.
"You're still getting the divorce?" inquired Lola somberly.
Mai swallowed hard, "Yes. As of right now... yes."
More silence spilled over. The house was now drenched with it, flooding to the point where soon they would not be able to breathe in it.
"Lola... Whatever happens between your father and I, it doesn't mean we love you any less." said Mai. Her face made a weird twist, catching herself mimicking her new dapper counselors with poor result. "Ok. That sounds completely textbook, I know. But... it's true. I have never, ever stopped loving you and your brother. Not even once. I'm going to change things, Lola. I'm not going to run anymore. I will become the mother that you, Jacob, and your baby brother deserve. I promise."
All the sounds of the house crashed back into Lola as she whipped herself around so fast, her battered ribs began to ache again. Several attempts at speaking actual words formed and disbanded all at once. It left her making shrewd whale noises and zombie moans.
"Baby... baby brother?" she finally managed to pull some kind of intelligible reply out of her.
Mai pat her belly and laughed the way she always had. Mysterious and fun, like she always had a secret to play with. An ace up her chic and sensual sleeve.
"Third time's the charm, right?" she teased.
Smiling was instinct for Lola, but she had to fight it. She still wanted to pout and be miserable, thought it hardly felt that way at all. At least for the moment. The cards she had forgotten all about inside her hoodie pocket suddenly came to mind again. They almost held weight now, yearning to be taken out and held. Lola reached for them cautiously and curiously. All they were were four children's playing cards. Pasteboards with pretty pictures on them. She wasn't even supposed to be holding these things anymore, or so she had repeated to herself like a mantra for these past three years.
Though, now, she felt worthy somehow. And Minako's voice had faded away, and Mom's had returned. Not fully, and not without vigilance. But still louder than it had been before.
End Chapter
Thank You So Much For Reading!
- For Izy
Thank you for your support and keeping me up all night so I could finish this. Stay golden.