Chapter Thirty-Six – Farewell, Angelina
Jon isn't too surprised to find Angelina's car gone when he returns home from a short road trip. She hadn't been staying here if he was here. She knew he would be coming home today, so it's only obvious that she'd be gone. He lets out a heavy breath as he climbs out of the truck. He hates himself for doing this to them. If he could change things, he would. He just doesn't know how.
After taking a quick shower to wash away the road dirt, Jon walks into the kitchen to grab something to eat. That's when he notices the envelope taped to the fridge. He frowns as he pulls it off, recognizing the handwriting as Angelina's. He pulls the folded paper out and tosses the envelope to the counter. He leans against the counter as he unfolds the letter and starts reading.
Jon,
I hate that I can't tell you any of this to your face. I know it makes me look like a coward, but the truth is that I know I wouldn't be able to say any of this if you were standing right in front of me. You would look at me and I would back down because I hate seeing you so sad. That look that you always get… I know I would never be able to get through all of this is I saw that.
When I met you, I knew my life had changed. I just didn't know it would be such a drastic change. You were my first everything. I can still remember the first time you kissed me as if it were yesterday. I was so nervous. I know you must have thought I was crazy. But you never said anything. You were always calm and helped me through everything. You never laughed at me when I asked you stupid questions. You never even looked like you wanted to. Thank you for that. And thank you for answering them without making me seem like a child.
I never thought I could feel the way I did about you. I never thought love like that was possible. You made me see love in a different way. You showed me what love was supposed to feel like. You know the house I grew up with. My parents didn't have a marriage really. It was convenient for them. I thought that's what all love was supposed to be like. But you changed that for me. You will never know how much you've done to make me feel like I was truly loved. You did love me. I will never question that. I could never question that. After all, we've been together for three years.
We've had many ups and downs in our time together. We've seen each other at our best and at our worst. I could say that I would change having to see you at your worst, but that would be a complete lie. Truth is, I'm glad I got to see that part of you. I've gotten to see your vulnerable side as well. I don't know if you've ever let anyone else see that side. If that's truly the case, I am glad you were able to show that to me.
But now? Now things have changed. They're too far gone and I don't think either of us can fix it. I don't know if either of us really want to fix it. You mean the world to me, don't ever forget that. But I can't keep questioning myself on whether or not you're telling me the truth about her. You keep telling me there's nothing there and I want to believe that. It seemed that after you and I started having our major issues, she was always there. I know you aren't cheating on me, that's not the doubt. But I also know that I can't trust you fully if she's there. I hate that it's coming to this. I just don't know what else to do. You don't seem like you care anymore and don't seem like you want to try. I can't keep trying to keep this together if you aren't willing to do the same.
I have no doubt about your feelings toward me. I know you love me. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't have been with you. However, I don't know if it's enough anymore. I shouldn't have to cry myself to sleep every night. I shouldn't have to wonder what you're doing when you are on the road. I shouldn't have to be scared to talk to you after you get home from a trip for fear that you'll go off in a rage for some reason or another.
Since you started with CZW, you've changed. I know it's a tough company. I know what you went through during your matches. But I also know how you treated me after you were home. It's not fair to me to have to live through that, wondering when you'll be back to the Jon I fell in love with. I thought it would ease up after you were there for a while. If anything, however, it's gotten worse. I don't think it's fair to either of us to continue on like this. All we do lately is fight. I can't remember the last time you kissed me like you meant it.
It's time for a change and you know it. Know that I still love you. I don't think I will ever stop. I just can't keep going through this.
Love You Forever,
Angie
P.S. Looks like the sky is on fire.
Jon grabs hold of the wire rack next to him, pulling it away from the wall. It crashes to the floor with a loud bang just before Jon drops to his knees.