Big Doors

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This is an AU story.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Old Secrets

Tasha liked the two scientists almost instantly. She'd worked with many, many civilians who thought they were better than the Enterprise crew, or were extremely picky and demanding. Pran Tainer was an easygoing man, and his wife Juliana reminded Tasha of nothing so much as a cross between Kate Pulaski and her adopted 'aunt' Julia Paris. She did notice, however, that the woman was shooting odd looks at Data, but chose not to question it. His unusual appearance had drawn stares before, and she was gratified when the woman actually pulled Data aside to speak to him instead of gawking from a distance.

At least, she had been. But it looked like there might be more going on here. Data looked, for lack of a better word, disconcerted as he sat across from the woman in Ten-Forward.

"Mind if I join you, Doctor?"

Juliana looked up. "Not at all. Data?"

"No."

Tasha pulled up another chair. "What are you two talking about? Something tells me it's not the magma situation."

"That something is correct. According to Dr. Tainer, she was once Juliana Soong, wife of Dr. Noonian Soong. And they were married at the time of my creation."

"And yet, I cannot remember her."

"Oh, there's a reason for that. We wiped your processors after we finished refining your programming. Why don't you tell me what you do remember, and then I'll fill in the gaps."

"My memory record begins when I was activated by the Starfleet officers on the Omicron Theta outpost."

"After the attack of the Crystalline Entity."

"Yes. All of the inhabitants of the colony were killed. However, I discovered that my memory banks contained the contents of their journals and logs."

"We hoped their experiences would be useful. After your childhood, we figured you could use all the help you could get."

"My childhood?"

That's what I called it. You were like a baby, at first. A hundred kilogram baby, but still. You had trouble learning your motor skills, learning how to process sensory information."

Tasha laughed, drawing the attention of both of them. "What's so funny?" Juliana asked.

"Oh, nothing. It's just I know what you mean. I'll explain later."

"Well, of course Noonian was never satisfied. He kept tinkering, trying to make you as human as possible."

"So you wiped my memory processors after this childhood."

"Then we deactivated you and programmed you with the colonists' logs. We had planned to reactivate you, but we never got the chance. That's when the Crystalline Entity attacked. We had to leave quickly. We wanted to take you with us, but there was only room for two in the escape pod."

"Doctor, you say you were his mother."

"Well, yes."

"And yet, you left him behind."

"As I said -"

"Yes, I heard what you said. You should have made the room. I would have."

"Commander -"

"I would have," she repeated, more firmly. "I never would have left my child to die." She stood, almost overturning her chair. "Excuse me," she said coldly, before running from the room.

"What's wrong with her?"

"Doctor, Tasha was recently forced to come to terms with the painful loss of her own child some years ago. She may be unable to look at this rationally. Doctor, I have scanned the journals of the colonists. There is only one Juliana mentioned in them. Her last name was O'Donnell."

"That's me."

"But there was no mention that my father was married to you."

"Because of my mother. She thought that Noonian was an eccentric scientist who was too old for me. We decided to marry secretly to give her a chance to get used to our being together. We slipped away to Mavala Four and got married there. A Klingon and a Corvallan trader were our witnesses. It wasn't exactly the wedding I'd hoped for. Somehow Noonian had a way of making even the oddest things seem romantic."

"My father did have an unusual way of looking at things."

"How would you know that?"

"I encountered him once in the Terlina system."

That's where we went to after we left the outpost. I had no idea that you'd even met him."

"He came aboard the Enterprise and remained for approximately two months until his death."

"He's dead?"

"Yes."

"I had no idea it would hit me this hard. We didn't exactly part on the best of terms."

"What do you mean?"

"I realized he loved his work as much as he loved me. Maybe more. There we were, stuck on this planet in the middle of the jungle with no one else to talk to. No life. It just wasn't enough. That's why I left. That was all a very, very long time ago. The important thing is that we're here now together. And I do want to get to know you."

"I would like to get to know you as well. And he did mention you to me, I believe, in the last conversation we had."

"Did he?"

"Not by name, but yes, he did."

xxxxxxxxx

"Hey, Tasha. Come here."

She looked over to see Geordi. "Yeah?"

"Come here, I want to tell you something since you weren't down in Engineering with us."

"What happened?"

"It was Dr. Tainer - the female Dr. Tainer. She was telling us some stuff about Data."

"I don't want to talk about her."

"Oh, come on. You'll like this. Well, she noticed Data saying thank you to me and mentioned she was relieved because they'd had problems programming those in. Then she said that was nothing compared to some of the other programming problems."

"Such as?" Tasha had a feeling the problem would be something she wouldn't forget for awhile.

"Well, you know as well as I do that Data doesn't suffer from the elements. So he, uh, didn't want to wear clothes."

"You're joking."

"Nope." Geordi laughed. "She said they actually had to invent a modesty subroutine." He grinned evilly. "Bet you wish they hadn't. Ow! What was that for?"

"You know damn well what that was for." But she was laughing despite herself.

xxxxxxxxx

"Did you paint these?" Juliana asked, noticing Data's collection of paintings.

"Yes. I am attempting to master all known styles of painting."

"This one's your friend Tasha, isn't it? Who's that with her?"

"That is Lal, my daughter."

"Your daughter?"

"I created her, using myself as a model and with a bit of assistance from an - odd acquaintance who owed me a favor."

"I doubt he could have been odder than Noonian."

"Quite a bit odder, if I may say so."

"I'd like to meet him."

"I do not believe that will be possible."

"Why not?"

"First of all, he is not - easy to contact. And second, Captain Picard dislikes him and would not be pleased if he appeared on - or anywhere near - the ship."

"Fair enough. Where is Lal now?"

"She remains aboard the Enterprise. However, she has been doing an internship of sorts in Sickbay, and since she, like me, requires no rest, she may remain for days at a time if she is in the middle of a project."

"And the third subject?"

"Spot. She is quite timid around strangers."

"Spot? Forgive me, but she doesn't really fit her name."

"Tasha's exact words were 'I'm never letting you name anything again.'" He did the last in a perfect imitation of her voice. Juliana laughed.

"Would you like to practice now?"

xxxxxxxxx

"I thought I'd find you here." Tasha's voice echoed through the silence of Ten-Forward.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough. I like to hear you play."

Even as Juliana had teased Data about having a relationship with Deanna, even as she'd seen his portrait of her, it hadn't occurred to her that Tasha might actually be Data's girlfriend. But the way the woman looked at him was unmistakable.

"Have you seen Lal today? I know my mother was curious to meet her."

"In our quarters."

"Tasha - I know how you feel."

Tasha looked over at Juliana. "Do you?"

"Data told me what happened to you. Noonian and I lost several prototypes before Lore. There were three of them. They were like children to us. Losing them was very painful. When Noonian decided to try again, I was very much against it. I didn't think we had the right to bring a life into the world with so little chance of surviving. But your Father was sure that he'd figured out what went wrong, insisted he could make a stable matrix, and he did. His first attempt, though, was just too childlike, created dozens of accidents and couldn't be taught otherwise. So Noonian tried again, and this time got the intelligence level up. But Lore was cruel. Evil. Eventually we had no choice, we had to dismantle him. Your father decided to build yet another android, one who didn't have emotions. I couldn't believe he would want to try again."

Despite herself, and despite the fact that she had just said she'd opposed Data's creation, Tasha felt her feelings towards the woman warming. She did know how hard it must have been.

"But I was wrong, I know that now. I've followed your progress for years. I'm very proud of what you've accomplished," Data continued.

"Then why did you never attempt to contact me?"

"Because I felt guilty about something I'd done."

Perhaps if you told me what has made you feel this way, it may alleviate the guilt."

"I lied." Juliana was close to tears. "When I said there was no room for you in the escape pod that we took from Omicron. There was. I didn't want to bring you with us. I was afraid if we reactivated you, you'd turn out like Lore. I made Noonian leave you behind."

Tasha was stunned. "You know, I was starting to forgive you for leaving Data behind. Now I see my original instincts were right after all."

"I know what I said to you must have been hard to hear, but I hope you understand my reasons."

"I am not certain I do," Data said, before Tasha could speak. "Perhaps you could clarify them for me?"

"Well, I'll try. What do you want to know?"

"If I had been your biological offspring, would you have left me on Omicron Theta?"

"Oh, Data, how can I answer that?"

"Dr. Tainer, I get the impression you are trying to spare my feelings. I assure you that is not necessary."

"I just don't want you to misunderstand my answer. No, I wouldn't have left you behind if you'd been my biological child."

Tasha bit her lip hard to keep herself from speaking. This was Data's problem, and she had to let Data deal with it.

"Is that because you place more value on biological life than on artificial life?"

"Absolutely not. I cherished every android your father and I created as if it were my child. Even Lore. Despite the fact that he turned on us, despite the dreadful things he did, dismantling him was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I was afraid that if you turned out like him I would have to dismantle you, too. And I couldn't bear to do that. I'm not trying to justify leaving you behind. I'm just sorry I did. I hope you believe me."

"I do. Thank you for making it clear to me."

"I do too." Once again, Tasha found she couldn't help feeling for the woman. "You see, Eva - my baby - isn't, in a sense, my only child, and I'm not talking about Lal. And much as I hate it, there may come a day when I have to fight Sela, and it hurts me just to think about it. If I had another situation where I had to risk creating another Sela - I don't know that I would do differently." She took Juliana's hand. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions about you. And I would like to get to know you, and I'm not the only one."

xxxxxxxxx

"Did you paint this?"

"Yes. It's not as good as Father's."

"Maybe it is, just in a different way."

"What do you mean?"

"It's more abstract. Because he doesn't have emotions, your father doesn't really understand painting just for the sake of painting, making a painting that just sort of becomes whatever it becomes. Like this one."

"You like it?"

"Very much so, my dear."

"You're not just saying that?"

"Oh, no."

xxxxxxxxx

It was a nervous trio that stepped into the holodeck. No one knew quite what to say. Even though Data had suspected his mother's true nature, for him to actually see it had been surprising. For Tasha and Lal, who'd missed the incredibly subtle clues Data had picked up, it was nothing short of shocking. Juliana Tainer was an android.

An image of Noonian Soong as the young man they'd never known appeared. "Whoever you are, you must have found out about Juliana."

"That is correct."

"I programmed this hologram to answer any questions you might have. I am Noonian Soong. I created her."

"I am Data. This is my daughter, Lal, and my - my life companion, Tasha."

"Data? I hoped somehow it might be you. I even created a response program to answer your questions. How are you, boy?"

"I am fine."

"And such a lovely family you have! I'm glad you got the chance to meet your mother."

"You refer to Dr. Tainer as my mother, yet the complexity of her design indicates she was created after I was."

"You're right. But there was a real Juliana O'Donnell. She was my wife. She helped me create you."

"What happened to her?"

"She was injured when the Crystalline Entity attacked. We made it as far as Terlina Three, but she slipped into a coma. When I realized nothing could be done for her, I built an android. I tried to perfect my synaptic scanning technique so that I could transfer Juliana's memories into a positronic matrix. I didn't know if it would work, but I had to try. I couldn't stand the thought of losing the only woman I ever loved. A few days after Juliana died, I activated the android. She looked up at me and smiled. She recognized me. It had worked! Here was a life not two minutes old, and as far as she knew I was her husband. She'd just recovered from a terrible injury. It was incredible."

"Then you never told her the truth?"

"Why? There was no reason for her to know. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted us to be happy. We were. For a while."

"What happened?"

"I made a terrible mistake. I never really let her know how much I loved her. So she left me. The real Juliana probably would have left too, if she'd lived."

"If she recovers and learns that she is an android -"

"She doesn't have to know. I designed her to shut down in the event the truth was discovered. When you put that chip back in, she will wake up and remember nothing. All you have to do is make up some excuse about what happened to her."

"Then you do not believe she should know the truth?"
"Truth? The truth is, in every way that matters, she is Juliana Soong. I programmed her to terminate after a long life. Let her live out her days, and die believing she was human. Don't rob her of that, son. Please."

The program terminated, and the three of them stood there, motionless. Tasha spoke first.

"He's right, Data."

"To what do you refer?"

"Data, many, in fact almost all, races believe that a person's body is merely a shell, that what a person truly is comes from their mind, their consciousness, if you will. Juliana's consciousness is inside your father's android. In every way that matters, she is Juliana. I agree with him. Don't deny her that."

xxxxxxxxx

Juliana hugged Data. "When will I see you again?"

"Perhaps I can visit Atrea on my next leave."

"I would like that very much. And bring Tasha and Lal with you. Well, I'd better be going."

"There is something I thought you should know. When my father told me about you, he said that he had only one great love in his life and that he regretted never telling her how much he cared for her. I am certain he was referring to you."

"That's nice to know. On Atrea there is a saying, that a child born from parents who love each other will have nothing but goodness in his heart. I guess that explains you. Take care of yourself, son."

"Goodbye, Mother. Energize."

Juliana disappeared, and Data turned to Tasha. "You were correct. It is best that she not know."

Just a heads-up: this story has something like three chapters left to go, and Perfectly Logical has about eight or nine. So sorry to Big Doors readers but I'll be updating that one more frequently because it's my intention to post the last chapters of both stories and the first chapter of the mutual sequel all on the same day. I won't abandon you guys though!

I'm also looking for suggestions for sequel titles - if you have ideas, leave them in reviews! I have nothing in mind so the field's wide open.

Please review. I've been getting an average of two reviews a chapter and while that's not awful you were doing a lot better in earlier chapters!