Chapter 36
Sizzling and hissing sounds echoed in the vast kitchen as a couple of eggs flapped in the hot oil in the pan. Lou kept her attention fixed on the cooking, her right hand skillfully maneuvering the spatula and her left one holding the skillet handle.
It had been a strange night. After sharing those kisses with Kid, she had gone straight to bed, but sleep had not come easily. It wasn't because she didn't feel comfortable or missed her own bed. In fact, this bed was much better quality than the one in the convent. The mattress was soft but at the same time firm enough, and the whole room was warm and cozy. No, that hadn't been the problem. It was her own thoughts that had kept her awake as she replayed Kid's kisses over and over again. Her whole body longed to feel his lips once more and the knowledge that he was next door had made her restless. She'd never have thought that she could enjoy a man's kisses so much, and her mouth split into a big smile every time she remembered those loving and intimate moments.
Of course Kid hadn't been the only one that had nuzzled his mouth over hers. When she had been a teenager, a couple of boys had tried their luck with her but with disastrous results. The first one had been Chuck Ronny. After a tireless campaign of intense pestering, Lou had agreed to go to the school dance with him, simply to shut him up. At the end of that very long night, he had kissed her and when Lou had felt his slobbery lips wetting hers and his tongue pushing his way into her mouth, she had thought that it was gross and totally revolting. Louise had given Chuck a powerful punch on his nose, which had made him fall on his backside and as soon as she had got home, she had washed her mouth with abundant water and soap.
The second time had been a year or so later. She had been fifteen at the time and curious about what all her classmates went on about boys and kisses, Lou had wanted to know first-hand what all the fuss was about. She had only had that unique foul experience with Chuck, and even though then she had already been quite sure where her life was heading to, she had thought of having a second try and seeing whether kissing a boy was as great as the other girls said. So one day as she worked on a school project with one of her classmates in his bedroom, she had bluntly asked him to kiss her. Naturally after the initial surprise the boy had complied and even though that time hadn't been so horrible or disgusting as with Chuck, this new kiss had left her completely indifferent.
That had been her last time until last night. Yet, she felt those two occasions had nothing to do with what she had experienced with Kid. It had been incredible and as she had lain in bed, those hot kisses had kept her very good company, but at some point other grimmer thoughts had invaded her mind. The notion that only yesterday she had been a consecrated nun, and that very night she had been smooching a man weighed on her conscience. Lou felt she hadn't done anything wrong. She had simply shown her affection to the person she loved. There hadn't been anything dark or illicit in her acts, and she had stopped in the right moment.
There was nothing wrong, she repeated over and over again. However, she couldn't feel totally in peace. Besides, she couldn't stop thinking about what she had lost by choosing Kid over her past life. That was exactly what her heart had dictated her. Yet, she still hurt as she brought to mind everything and everybody she had to say goodbye to. Her dream of going to Africa as a missionary had crashed. Since the day she had become a nun, that had been her greatest desire. So when she had been notified in her convent in Guam that she had been selected to go to Somalia, Louise had felt on top of the world. Of course she had never counted on having such a twist in her life, falling in love just a few months after that day. Lou wanted to believe that this sacrifice would eventually pay. Her love for Kid would give her as many satisfactions as her life until that very moment. It wouldn't be easy, and she'd have to adapt to completely new ways. It was more than her love for Kid she had to face. She was starting anew and she wasn't even aware of what she'd have to cope with.
As she transferred the eggs from the pan onto a couple of dishes, a hand slipped round her waist startling her. Soon soft lips brushed against her neck, causing goose bumps to cover her body. "Good morning," Kid whispered as his fingers turned her face to him and he captured her mouth. Once again Louise succumbed to his touch and they stood there repeating the same ritual as last night's. When the lingering kiss finished, Kid turned her round towards him and kept his hands around her tiny waist. "I love to kiss you... almost as much as I love you."
Louise gave him a pleased smile, fixing her shy eyes on his and Kid added with hesitation, "Lou, can I ask you something?" She nodded and he continued with the same uncertainty, "Did you... did you leave the convent because... because of ... us?"
Louise stared at him for a few seconds and finally nodded her head, almost imperceptibly, lowering her eyes as she felt her cheeks flush violently. Kid smiled and planted a kiss on her temple, feeling light-hearted and exultant. Then putting his hand under her chin he tilted her face to him so that he could look at her eyes. "Lou, I promise I will take good care of you and won't let you down. You'll never regret your decision."
"I know that," she muttered and uncomfortable with the conversation, she disengaged herself from his hold and asked, "What about some breakfast?"
"Lou, you shouldn't have bothered," he replied, coming closer to the stove and taking a peek. "You're my guest."
"It wasn't a bother," she answered while serving the rest of the food onto the plates. "I'm used to getting up early for Morning Prayer. So when I woke up at my usual time, I thought of making myself useful while you were still sleeping."
Kid smiled happily as he poured two mugs of coffee and placed them on the table next to the plates. He sat down opposite Lou and for a few minutes they simply ate in silence. Kid couldn't help but think how the morning felt so different from any other morning. Every day for the last five years he had sat at this same table, having his first coffee and he had felt miserable, hating the place that was his home. Yet, since the moment Lou had set foot in it, it was as if the apartment had undergone a radical transformation. Everything looked brighter, jollier, greater. His kitchen seemed to have grown a few feet, and the light filtering through the window more intense. A bright smile appeared on his lips as he imagined sharing breakfast with Lou every single day for the rest of his life. He was so sure of what he felt that he wasn't afraid to commit himself to her. "She's so beautiful," he thought as he watched her face. Her countenance still bore a shadow of melancholy and bitterness, and Kid wished he could do something to replace the beautiful smile back to her lips.
At some point Lou lifted her eyes from the food and caught him red-handed, staring at her. She creased her face in wonder, and Kid chuckled at her stunned expression. When he sobered, he decided to break the silence and asked, "What are you going to do today, Lou? Are you coming to the clinic?"
Louise shrugged her shoulders as she toyed with the fork in her hand. "I don't know if I still have a job there," she explained. "I've been gone too long and it's just logical that Teaspoon might want to let me go."
"Lou, I don't think he will go to that extreme."
"Did he say something about me since I've been gone?" she asked eagerly after taking a sip of her coffee.
"We were all worried about you, but he never mentioned anything about dismissing you or anything."
"I'll talk to him today and abide by his decision," Louise replied. "Completing the fellowship isn't so vital now... you know," she added, hurting at the knowledge that her initial plans had been called off. "Naturally I'd love to finish my training, but if I find myself unemployed, I'll have to start looking for a new job."
"Lou, let's not get ahead of ourselves," Kid said, resting his hand over hers and giving her a quick squeeze. "I'll go to Teaspoon with you and we'll talk to him."
"Thank you," Louise said with a small smile, which didn't reach her eyes. She knew that Kid could sense her gloomy mood, but despite wanting to stop pitying herself, she felt unable to conceal her feelings. Breaking with her past life had been hard, but she had been the one to make this decision, nobody else had forced her. She wanted to feel happy... actually, she felt happy, but she couldn't get rid of a latent pain that coursed all over her overwhelmingly. She hoped that it would fade little by little because she had every intention to have a full and happy life. This was what she was destined to, where God had guided her, so she needed to forget about everything and start thinking positively without regrets.
An hour later Kid pulled in the hospital car park. Louise was sitting on the passenger seat and just the knowledge that she was next to him was enough to make him smile from ear to ear. Lou had been silent all the way to the hospital as the thoughts kept rolling on her mind. She missed her bike. If nobody had picked it up, it would probably be in the same place she had left it the last day she had been at work. That had been when Kid had kissed her, and she had run away in fright under the rain. Lou thought that she'd have to take her dear bicycle back to the convent. It belonged to the community and even though she was the only one who had ridden it all these years, it wasn't right to keep it just because of that. In fact, she had practically nothing; not even her clothes belonged to her totally. The vow of poverty she had pledged long ago dictated that she couldn't own anything, goods or money, so her salary from her work at the hospital went straight to the community's account. In reality, Lou could just call a few things her own; a few presents from Theresa and the gold chain and medal that Kid had given her for Christmas, which she wore now.
Kid pulled over at his parking space and after unbuckling his seat belt he turned to Lou, "Are you ready?"
"I guess," Louise muttered. "I don't know why, but I'm kind of scared."
"Everything's gonna be fine."
Lou nodded. Actually, losing her job didn't worry her as much as having to face all her colleagues. She didn't know if she was ready to answer their questions. Admitting that she wasn't a nun anymore was going to be hard and almost humiliating. She felt ashamed of herself, feeling that she had let herself succumb to weakness. She had always prided herself of the strength of her convictions, and now her current situation mortified her more than she was ready to admit.
The couple got out of the car and started off towards the car park exit. Kid walked by her side and feeling him next to her, made her feel invigorated and his presence gave her the strength she lacked. When they neared the entrance to the clinic, Louise stopped and turning to him, she said, "Kid, could we be discreet about ... us, please?"
Kid nodded but understood the reasons behind her request. They continued towards the entrance to the clinic in silence. Steeling herself to face the music, Louise breathed in deeply when they crossed the threshold. As soon as they got through the door, a loud cry resounded, piercing the air. "Lou!" It was then that they saw Emily bolt towards them and Louise hardly had time to react when the receptionist threw her arms around her. "How are you?" Emily asked when she pulled away as suddenly as she had hugged her.
"I'm... fine," Lou mumbled with a tiny voice and foreseeing that her friend wouldn't be satisfied with only that, she added, "Look, Emily, I'm sorry but I can't stop right now. I have to go and see Teaspoon. Can we talk later?"
"Oh sure," the receptionist replied while she kept eying Kid, who stood next to Louise in silence. Emily was dying to know what was going on with Lou and whether she had finally reached some peace of mind. "We'll talk when you feel ready or have time."
Louise smiled her thanks and continued her way to Teaspoon's office with Kid in tow. Much sooner than she'd have liked it, they were sitting before her boss. The old doctor greeted her warmly and naturally expressed his interest in her wellbeing and health. When the formalities were over, Lou found herself in a very uncomfortable position and after a lengthy silence, she fumbled for words and all she managed to do was to stammer incoherently. In the end, it was Teaspoon himself who saved her from further embarrassment as he said, "Mother Mary called me yesterday."
"And she told you," Lou muttered.
"Uh huh," the older doctor replied, his eyes alternating between his subordinates. Louise blushed hotly, guessing what Teaspoon's glance was clearly pointing out. She imagined that Marmee had told him the reason why she had left the convent, and Kid's name must surely have been mentioned. Lou was dying to know exactly what she had told him and what mood she had been in. Marmee had taken her decision quite well, but Lou knew that deep down she must have felt hurt and deeply disappointed. Louise knew her too well, and sooner or later she would get to hear her blunt opinion. Yet, she wouldn't dare to ask Teaspoon. It was too awkward to go on the matter more deeply, so she opted for changing the direction of the conversation.
"Teaspoon, I know I've been off for too long... and without giving you any notice, so I was wondering if ... well... if I still have a job to go back to."
The old doctor didn't respond straightaway. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his desk. "Louise, I imagine that this personal matter of yours must have been very hard on you and I can sympathize with you. Yet, you know that this is not a charity."
"But Teaspoon, you can't..."
"Hold your horses, Kid," the older doctor cut his younger subordinate off, and turning his attention back to Lou, he continued, "I know you're an intelligent, hard-working, committed doctor, and it would be foolish of me and this hospital to let you escape." Louise smiled and Teaspoon continued, "Yet, I'm afraid that you'll have to make up for those hours you missed. We'll have to rearrange your schedule, and you'll have to do double-shifts and work some weekends."
"I don't mind. I'm ready to do anything it takes to keep my job here," Louise replied promptly as she shared a sideways look with Kid who was smiling satisfied.
"And I imagine you'd have to change some details like the address where to send you notifications from the hospital or the account where you'd get your salary from now on," Teaspoon continued.
Louise hesitated. Teaspoon was right; she would have to receive the money she got every month for her work instead of being sent to the community. It was just natural because she would need money to get by. However, changing those details would make her feel dirty and selfish. "I ... I don't have a bank account or a... home."
"Then you'd need to sort out all that first, don't you think?" Teaspoon asked and Lou nodded. "Take today and, if necessary, tomorrow off and see to your matters."
"Thank you," Louise replied and after a second's pause she added, "And Teaspoon, could I possibly have an advance of my pay? I'm kind of hard-pressed."
"Sure. I'll talk to Edith in accounting and you'll have a check ready tomorrow," he replied.
Louise shyly smiled her thanks and then the three of them walked to the door. Before stepping out, Louise turned back to her boss and asked, "Mother told me that Melly's living with you and Rachel. Are you three fine?"
"So far, so good," Teaspoon exclaimed cheerfully. "She's a little angel and a real blessing."
"Yeah, she is," Louise agreed with a tinge of sadness.
"She talks about you a lot," the older doctor continued. "You should come home to pay her a visit sometime."
"I'd love to."
"Yeah..." Teaspoon replied, rubbing his chin as he mulled over an idea in his head, "we could throw a dinner one evening and ... of course you'd be welcome to come with a friend," he added mischievously, casting a purposeful look at Kid.
The two doctors exchanged a quick glance and blushed. Teaspoon smiled in amusement as he bid goodbye to his subordinates whose red faces matched. When the door closed behind, Kid quickly grabbed her by the arm and steered her to a corner of the small reception area. "Lou..."
Louise noticed Jane watch them with a strange expression from her desk. She hadn't been there when they had first arrived and Lou wasn't sure whether the young girl was surprised to see her or the familiar way Kid was touching her. So crossing her arms over her chest, she took a step away from him and before he could continue, she said, "Hi, Jane."
"Hello, Louise. I see you're back," the secretary replied with a smile.
Before Lou could reply to her greeting, Kid cut in, "Excuse us, Jane, but we're in a bit of a hurry to sort out something." Wrapping his arm over Lou's shoulders he gently pushed her out of the place.
When they were outside, Kid opened a door to an empty office and they slipped inside. As soon as they stepped in, Lou gruffly pushed his arm off her and exclaimed with growing irritation. "Kid, I told you we had to be discreet! What part didn't you understand?"
"But what for, Lou? Everybody already knows I love you, and sooner or later they're gonna learn you're not a nun anymore."
"Maybe you're right but I don't need every busybody here to start gossiping at my expense" Louise replied stiffly, feeling very annoyed.
Oblivious to her mood, Kid took his wallet out of his back pocket and plucked a few bills out of it. "Lou, take this. You'll need some cash today."
"No, Kid. You're already done too much for me," she answered back, lowering her eyes to her hands that reluctantly held the money he had forced her to take.
Kid placed a finger under her chin and made her meet his eyes. "No protests, Lou. Nothing is too much for my girl... because you're my girl, aren't you?"
"Some girl you got yourself," she remarked in a pitiful tone. "Bringing nothing but problems."
"I wouldn't change you for anything in the world," he replied with a smile, circling his arms around her body. Yet as quickly as he embraced her, he pulled away. "Sorry, honey. I forgot. Discretion," he said in a whispering voice, resting his index finger against his lips to convey some kind of pact of silence.
Lou looked at his smiling, happy face with a sad countenance and without thinking it twice, she leaned across and propped her head against his chest. A deep sensation of tenderness and desolation rushed over her, and suddenly she started sobbing against him. Kid brought his arms around her trembling body and placed a soft kiss on top of her head. "Everything's gonna be all right, Lou. You don't need to worry or fear. I'm here for you, and we'll work out this together, all right?"
Louise lifted her tear-streaked face and despite everything, she managed to smile. His optimism pulled her and boosted her confidence. She wasn't as defenseless as she felt. She had him and a little ray started lighting her dark landscape. The time she was going through was terrible, and every step she took seemed harder than the previous one. After the last few weeks of anxiety and mental breakdown, she had thought that everything would be easier when she had made her decision. Yet, now she realized that things were still difficult, and her heart was still divided. Louise thought that hopefully her bleak mood would vanish when she settled down. She was simply feeling disoriented and lost. After all, she had left the convent only yesterday and it was natural that she needed some time to get adjusted. With time she'd manage to look at everything with a huge, bright smile. In a couple of months these first moments of bitterness would just be a memory and she'd be enjoying life at its fullest as she was used to. Time healed everything and she was more than ready to be healed.
That evening Kid drove his car among the hundreds of other vehicles whose drivers were on their way back from work like him. Lou had called him before he left the clinic and she had told him where she'd be waiting for him. All day long Kid had been thinking about her and the hours had seemed to drag unbearably. Everybody had heard that Lou was back and had bombarded him with questions since somehow the rumor that he was in the know about her matters had spread. Kid had answered their curiosity as vaguely as he could. He didn't know what Lou wanted the others to know, so Kid hadn't mentioned anything about her decision to leave the convent or their new relationship. In any case, everybody would soon learn that Lou wasn't a nun anymore. Teaspoon, Jimmy and Cody already knew and even though his friends had sworn to keep the secret, he was aware that didn't guarantee anything.
Kid parked his car near the point where Lou had told him she'd be. After walking for a few minutes, he finally spotted her, sitting on the backrest of a bench while biting into an apple. When he reached her he placed himself next to her and without a single word he pulled her to him and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. Lou got startled by his gesture and pushed him away. "Kid!" she protested with a frown, embarrassed.
Kid grinned amusedly, thinking that she looked very cute when she turned all shy. After a few seconds he asked, "So how was your day?"
Lou shrugged her shoulders unenthusiastically and after rummaging in her bag for a brief moment, she pulled out her purse and took a card. "Look at this. It has my name in it and everything," she muttered as she lifted the debit card to his eye level.
"Wow. I'm impressed!" Kid exclaimed in mockery.
Louise stuck out her tongue, feigning to be offended, and continued with a bitter expression. "Can you believe it? I'm becoming a bourgeois and the funny thing is that I don't have a single cent to my name."
Kid chuckled at her expression and added, "And what about your hunt for an apartment?"
"Couldn't have gone worse," she replied bitterly. As she spread out the newspaper over Kid's legs in the classifieds, he saw that the page was covered with crosses in red ink. "I can't afford most of them. They ask you for a deposit and also an agency fee and in most cases a month in advance. When Edith gives me the check, I won't have enough. There are a few more affordable options..."
Kid had a look at the couple of ads she was pointing at, which were circled in red ink, and he made an unhappy gesture when he read the addresses. Those apartments were placed in rather depressed areas of the city where crime and vandalism were a common occurrence. Naturally he wouldn't feel happy knowing his girl lived in an unsafe environment. Before he could voice his protests, she exclaimed, "I went to see a couple of them and they were so filthy, Kid. I even saw a cockroach in one bedroom." Louise shuddered at the thought. It was kind of paradoxical that she could be so fussy when she had been ready to travel to the other end of the world where living conditions in terms of health and hygiene wouldn't have been guaranteed. In any case, this felt different.
Kid nodded, grinning amused at the expression of disgust and horror in her face when she mentioned the insect. Sliding his hand in the inner pocket of his jacket, he produced a few folded papers before her. "I got these ads from an Internet site. There are a few places that look quite interesting."
Louise unfolded the papers and scanned the various advertisements that Kid had printed for her, realizing that curiously enough, all of them referred to apartments in the vicinity of where he lived. She also noticed the price and said, "Kid, do I need to remind you how much an intern earns?" She paused briefly to share a sullen look with him and then added, "I guess my only option would be to get a roommate. I have a few telephone numbers, so I guess I better start calling and see if I'm lucky."
"Lou, don't tell me you really feel like living with a bunch of strangers. I have quite interesting stories from the time I had roommates and you find all kinds of strange people."
"I don't have many more options, Kid. I need a place to live or would you rather see me sleeping on the street?" she retorted annoyed.
Kid stared at her thoughtfully and after a while he said, "Now that you mention it, I know somebody who's looking for a room mate."
"Really?"
"Yeah... the place's quite decent, and I think you'll be comfortable there." Before Lou had the chance to reply, he took hold of her hand and without actually being aware of her own movements, Lou followed his suit and let herself be steered to the car. As Kid drove his car, Lou kept asking him questions about his mysterious friend but he kindly told her to have a little patience. Louise wasn't happy with his guessing games and wanted to know where she was taking her. After a while she noticed that he drove towards the area of the city where he lived, but she thought that his friend must be living in the same area. When he drove into his building's car park, Lou couldn't hold back any longer and asked, "What are we doing here, Kid?"
He didn't answer and getting out of the car, he rounded the vehicle to open the door for her. Lou's intense stare bore into his but Kid ignored her and beckoned for her to follow him. Reluctantly Lou did so and when they entered his apartment, he asked, "So tell me, what do you think?"
"About what?" she questioned with a frown even though she had strong suspicions about what he was up to.
"This apartment of course!" he exclaimed. "I think you can be quite comfortable here. It's quite spacious, clean... believe me, you won't find any cockroaches or other bugs and ... the company isn't too bad either," he added teasingly, stroking her hand with the back of his hand.
"Kid, you can't be serious."
"Yes, I am... dead serious."
"This is insane," Louise continued, folding her arms over her chest.
"Why? Just give one single reason," Kid insisted.
"I just can't move in here with you! It's... it's..." Lou exclaimed but her voice trailed off. She had almost said that it wouldn't be decent for her to live with a single man, but she had bitten her tongue before he might think she belonged to another century.
"Tell me, do you like this apartment?"
"Yeah, but..."
"Do you like the neighborhood?"
"I guess."
"And ... do you like me?" he added his last question in a husky voice as he took a step closer and fixed his eyes in hers.
"You know I do," she replied with a flirty grin.
"Then say yes, Lou."
"Kid, I don't want to come bothering you," Louise continued with her relentless protests.
"Lou, I really do want you to be here with me... I really do. If you plan to share an apartment with somebody else, why not me?"
"But Kid, I don't have money to pay you a decent rent."
"Lou, you don't have to pay!" Kid exclaimed and foreseeing she was going to protest, he added, "But if it makes you feel better, we can share expenses, you know, utility bills and food."
Louise remained quiet, seriously considering his offer. It was very tempting, but before she could give her consent, she had to leave things clear between the two of them. She didn't want to cause any misunderstandings. "Kid, I... I'm not going to sleep with you, neither today, nor tomorrow nor next month."
"Oh... I..."
"I've broken with my past life, but I still have the same beliefs, and it's not right for a man and a woman to get too intimate unless they have been blessed in marriage."
Kid nodded. "Lou, I'm not asking you to stay here for that, honestly. Of course I would be lying if I told you I don't want you... because I do. But I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. I love you and also I respect you. I'm just asking you to be my room mate and make your guest room yours. Come on, Lou, say yes, please."
Louise was sure that this wasn't the smartest thing she could do. They didn't even know where they were going with their newly-discovered love. At least she was very insecure about this man-woman thing. Theoretically it shouldn't be so difficult. They loved and respected each other, so things would have to go smoothly. Her heart wanted to believe that there was nothing wrong in sharing the place with the man she loved instead of a stranger. Of course she was concerned about what others might think if she decided to live with him. Everybody would naturally assume that she was living with a man in sin. Yet, a little voice within her told her that she should do what she thought was right. Hadn't she always frowned upon those who paid more attention to appearances than truth? Lou knew that she wasn't doing anything wrong. Of course this wasn't the ideal arrangement but what other possibilities did she have? She couldn't ask Theresa for a loan because she was aware that her younger sister couldn't afford to lend her those thousands of dollars. And after everything he was doing for her, Lou couldn't ask Kid.
"Well," Lou started after a few seconds, "I'll stay but only until I can save enough to get my own place, all right?"
"As you wish, milady," Kid replied teasingly with a wide smile.
Lou finally found herself nodding her head in agreement despite the little nagging voice in her head that kept repeating that this was the worst step she could ever take.