Hello, everyone! My school friend, Megan, helped me write this chapter. Again, she's the midwife, Kili. She wrote most (meaning all) of the bantering. Whatever she writes, it's ODD in OZ! There are vague references to other fandoms. Just warning you all now! You'll know what she wrote when you read it.

NellytheActress: You didn't make up that word. My friends say it.

woodland59: I heard Idina Menzel sing it, too! Her voice is OZMAZIFYING!

Elphaba'sGirl: Elphaba always mocks Fiyero. And the baby can't wait to meet you, too!

The Wizard Of Wicked: Fiyero's a little cupcake at heart. He shouldn't let ignorant statements like that bother him. I mean, I always do, but he shouldn't.

I'mFlyingHighDefyingGravity: Fiyero? Learn? Fiyero and learning TOGETHER? Maybe…

Also, I have been taking diligent notes from Ultimate Queen of Cliffies and ExoticPeachBlossom. That's all I'm gonna say.

Elphaba was fast asleep on the couch with Fiyero sitting next to her. Kili said the baby would be born any day now, and Fiyero was a nervous wreck. Every time Elphaba moved, he was right beside her. Elphaba was always cranky and Fiyero was getting on her last nerve.

"Yero, for the last time, we're not naming the child Elvendork!" Elphaba groaned with her hand on her forehead.

"But it's a good name! It's unisex! We could call called them Elvie, or Elvis. Or even Dork!" Fiyero argued.

"Dork? You mean like their father?" Elphaba hissed.

"Ye- Hey! I resemble that remark! And I'm your dork," Fiyero said, trying to sound offended.

"I like Khylana. They sound… mysterious and light."

Fiyero groaned. "But –"

"No! We are not naming our child Elvendork!"

"Why not? I just want our child to have a unique name!"

"Where did you get that? Ancient history books?"

"For your information, I thought that the name of ancient kings meant powerfulness!"

"And we wouldn't even be having this conversation if you had thought a little harder… a little earlier!" Sass was everywhere.

Fiyero groaned. His wife was really angry now. "This is coming from the person who threatened me with GIGANTIC fireballs! Daily!"

BAM! BAM! BAM! came a loud knock at the front door.

Fiyero ran out the parlor threw open the door. "WHAT!?"

"Well, excuse me, mister," Kili deadpanned.

"Oh. Hi, Kili."

"Hello to you too, Mr. Sunshine. What sticks in your mud?"

"Funny. Really, it is, but we're busy now and it really isn't a good time."

"Well, make it a good time! I'm here for Elphaba's check-up. The baby's due soon anyway, and we wouldn't want it to come at a bad time now would we?" Kili said, placing her hands firmly on her hips.

"I doubt it's coming now. Now is a bad time," Fiyero said. Elphaba's muffled insults were coming through the open door and Fiyero shuddered.

"I can see that. No really, I can. But it'll only take a moment and can you really afford to put this off?"

"We're paying you?" Fiyero gasped, shocked.

"Would I really be here if there wasn't money involved? …Bad question, moving on," Kili said, waving a dismissive hand.

Fiyero sighed as he heard Elphaba still cursing him out. "That's great and all, but can you come back later?"

"What are you so busy doing?" Kili asked.

"Elphaba's hunting rabbits!" Fiyero sighed. "What does it sound like we're doing? Elphaba's cursing me the heck out!"

"Is she gonna curse you back in?" Kili asked, looking highly amused.

"You wish," Fiyero said dryly. "Anyway, thank you for stopping by."

"But, I-"

"Okaythatsgreatthanksreallybye!" Fiyero said as he slammed the door in Kili's face.

"WELL, EXCUSE ME!"

Elphaba was still cursing at him and honestly, half of what she said didn't make any sense. "Fiyero, get back here! I'm not finished with y-" Elphaba suddenly stopped.

"What? Agh, I'm sorry." Fiyero snapped back into reality.

"Um… Fiyero?"

"…Yeah?"

"I think the baby's coming…"

"NOW!?"

"No, next year! Yes, of course now!"

"Ahaha," Fiyero nervously chuckled. "Funny story about that…"

"What?"

"… I just sent the midwife away."

"YOU WHAT!?" Elphaba shrieked, seething with rage and clenching her fists.

"Um… well, okay. Okay look, in my defense, I was angry and well, it was a really bad time and um…" Fiyero whispered.

Elphaba quickly summoned a fireball.

"Ah, I'll go chase after her now. She couldn't have gone too far." Fiyero bolted out the door, running around like a headless chicken. He was about to run down the path when he saw Kili casually leaning on the wall, reading a magazine.

"Oh, there you are," Kili smiled.

"Kili? Why are reading…" Fiyero looked at her magazine. "Ozmopolitan magazines?" Kili never read Ozmopolitan magazines.

"It calms me down." She gave him 'The Look'.

"But… well… okay then." A mouse's squeak would have been louder. "Kili?"

"Well, I'm the fourteenth to the name, though all the others are dead so I can only assume you mean me."

"What?"

"Ach! Never mind. The Line of Durin can never keep it straight anyway. I was admiring your petunias."

"Our what?"

"Obviously, you weren't the one to plant them. Never mind. What is it?"

"I... I thought you left."

"Nah, not yet. Now, is your wife going to come out running after you?"

"Um, well…"

"Hah, not in the shape she's in. Now, what is it you need?"

"I don't need— wait? How do you know I need your help?"

"Well, you look like a headless chicken that hasn't realized its dead yet, so… yeah. And I'm the midwife so…"

"So?"

"Spit it out, boy! You can't keep humming and hawing forever! Get on with it!" Kili said, slapping him on the back.

"THE BABY'S –" chokes, "COMING!"

"Well, why didn't you say so, lad? We could have gotten this done sooner." She threw her magazine of her shoulder. She dusted off her hands, picked up her bag and started towards the door. She stopped and waited impatiently.

"Well, why don't you go in?" Fiyero asked.

"I'm waiting for you to invite me inside. I don't want to be kicked out before I'm even invited in. AGAIN! Simple manners, boy!"

"But there's no time! The baby's coming NOW!"

"Pshaw, I thought you were royalty. There's always time for manners; even in Mirkwood."

"What?"

"Ya should know better, boy. Now, invite me in. Your wife doesn't have all day," Kili said, impatiently tapping her foot.

Fiyero hissed through his teeth. "Would you like to come in?"

"But of course. Why wouldn't I? There's a baby to be had!" Kili exclaimed, pushing the door open. "Ah, good. You're not too far along," she said, sitting down on the couch next to Elphaba.

"OH OZ, IT HURTS! GET IT OUT! GETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUT!" Elphaba cried.

Fiyero rushed over to his wife and started panicking. "Okay, okay, okay, I read about this! We need um… a towel… and hot water… ooh, or was it a hot towel and water and um… scissors? Ah, or was it something else…?"

"What are you standing there for, boy? Calm down!" Kili chided.

"Well, do something then!"

"Which one of us is the midwife? Hmm? I've delivered plenty of babies in my time, sonny, and let me ask you something… were you there at your birth?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"NO! Not at first. But you arrived once I did! Now, back away and sit down. I got this!" Kili said, rolling up her sleeves, pulling down a surgical mask and revving up her chainsaw.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Fiyero shouted.

"I wanted to cover all the bases. Didn't you ask for that? We've got childbirth, plague, and birth control."

"EXCUSE ME!?"

Kili looked Fiyero up and down. "Ah well, we'll deal with that later, then." She put away her chainsaw and went to Elphaba's side. "Now, bring me the stool in my bag."

"How can a stool fit in this bag? This is- WOAH! What is this thing? Wonderland?" Fiyero asked, his head buried deep within the bag.

"Magic, honey. Don't act as if you've never seen an Undetectable Expansion Charm at work before! Young people these days! It's worse than Derse!" She sighed before turning her attention to Elphaba. "Calm down, sweetling, and deep breaths— yes that's good, deep breaths. There, darling. Good, good. Keep going." She helped Elphaba up and walked up the stairs to the bedroom, followed by Fiyero.

"Now, let me just check," she said, lifting Elphaba's dress up. "Oh, pumpkin bottoms, that's not good! Quit dallying, boy! Now, get me a clean- THAT'S CLEAN! - basin, twenty-two towels, a bucket o' hot water and ah yes, good! Yer doing something right, lad! Okay, afterwards, get me some marigold from the green bag. Wait, never mind, you're not good with flowers. Just bring me the bag then and get the stuff!"

Elphaba was clutching Kili's hand as Kili rubbed her back and checked her temperature. "Kili?" she whispered, her voice horse.

"Ah, good girl. Just breathe deeply and count slowly, and when I tell you to push, just take it easy, now."

"Is it going to be okay?" Elphaba whispered, doing as she was told.

"O'course ya are. I'm here, and that husband of yours can't mess up too badly once you see how much he loves ya."

"He does? Really truly?" she asked softly, breathing deeply.

"Yes, lady. He would die for ya, s'as clear as day," she said under her breath while stroking Elphaba's hair.

"Is everything alright?" Galinda asked, running into the room.

"Everything's fine, honey. I know what I'm doing!" Kili said, wondering why no one trusted her.

Galinda ran into the room and grabbed Elphaba's hand as another contraction hit her.

"Alright, Miss Elphaba. Push on three. One… two… three… PUSH!" Kili said, grabbing the towels from Fiyero.

Elphaba pushed with all her strength, and screamed with it, too.

"Keep pushing!" Kili called from the foot of the bed.

"ARG!" Elphaba groaned.

Fiyero gasped. There was so much blood. Why was there so much blood? Not being able to stand the sight of blood, he fainted.

"You poltroon!" Kili yelled at Fiyero. "Ah well, should have expected that."

"Fiyero? Where's Fiyero?" Elphaba asked, violently turning her head.

"He… um…" Galinda said, staring at the prince.

"He fainted, honey," Kili said simply, not seeing the point in sugarcoating it.

"He what?" Elphaba hissed, still pushing.

"And what does 'poltroon' mean?" Galinda asked out of curiosity.

"It means 'a spiritless coward'. Keep pushing!" Kili said.

"I'll get him up," Galinda said, running to the Prince. "Fiyero? Fiyero! Wake up! Your wife is giving birth and she needs you! GET UP!"

Fiyero jumped up, gasping for air. "Fae!" he exclaimed, running to his wife and grasping her hand.

"Yero?" Elphaba asked, turning her head towards him.

"I'm right here, Fae. You're doing great!" he encouraged as she continued to push.

"I see a head! Keep going!" Kili said.

Elphaba kept pushing. Sweat glistened across her forehead. She squeezed and released Fiyero's hand. After the head came the shoulders, and then the rest of the body. A loud cry filled the room as Elphaba slumped back against the pillows. Kili quickly took the newborn child and wrapped it in a blanket.

"Elphie, you did it!" Galinda exclaimed, squeezing Elphaba's hand. "Elphie?" she asked when Elphaba didn't respond.

"Fae?" Fiyero asked, turning to his wife. Elphaba was lying limp against the pillows. She wasn't moving or breathing. Her eyes were closed and her face was expressionless. She was gone.

"No," Galinda whispered, turning away as tears filled her eyes.

"FAE!"

PLEASE DON'T CALL THE NIA HUNTERS! *Runs and hides*