A/N: I know i've been writing fluff lately, and I owe you guys an apology. I've been sick, and I totally didn't put a whole lot of effort in where I could/should have :P Thanks for sticking with me anyway, it means a lot. I woke this morning at 3 am (after only going to bed at 12midnight), and we leave for a day trip at 6. I decided I'd write because there was no chance of getting back to sleep, if things go funny places, it's totally not my fault. :) (looks like it pays off though....6 pages!!)

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BPOV

Carlisle was waiting in his study, I felt the familiar butterflies when I saw the blood test needle set up; not any more at ease by the appearance of an assortment of unrecognizable instruments. Carlisle sensed my nerves, he smiled warmly, "Bella, relax. These aren't all for you. I was just cleaning out my bag. Have a seat." He gestured to the chair by his desk and I sat, unable to calm down. I shook so much with nerves when Carlisle picked up the collection tubes that Jasper stepped in, taking my face between his hands, "Bella. Stop. Calm down." He kissed me, then looked in my eyes, searching for something, I wasn't sure what, maybe my sanity. "Bella, darlin'.....close your eyes."

He crouched down beside me, holding my free hand, "Darlin'.....close your eyes and think about......think about our wedding." I smiled, my eyes closed, and I thought back to that beautiful day. "Darlin'.....Bella. Think how happy everyone was. How excited Charlie was, how much you wanted that day to last." I smiled again, "You looked hot." He grinned, I could tell, and then kissed my hand, "Isabella......I promised to love you better or worse. Whatever happens with these tests darlin'....I still love you. Always will." I blushed, trying to stop the tears pricking my eyes.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "All done." I opened my eyes, stunned. I hadn't even felt the needle prick. "Are you serious?" Carlisle laughed, "Yes Isabella. I'm all done. I'll take those to the hospital tonight and we'll have the results in the morning." I smiled, this was my opportunity. "Bella, listen to me. You need to prepare yourself.....the news may not be what you're hoping." I nodded, but I wasn't really ready to accept anything other than what I wanted to hear. I stood, looking at Jasper, "Is it okay if I go find Rose? I want to talk with her a while." Jasper nodded, "Okay darlin'. I'll be readin' on the porch when you're done." I kissed him, holding him to me like I was afraid I'd lose him. "Darlin'.....I'm not goin' anywhere."

Rose was sitting in the middle of their giant bed, flicking through some French fashion magazine, "Is Alice here?" "No babe, she's out somewhere. You want me to call her for you?" I shook my head and lay beside Rosalie, "No. I wanted to talk to you." She played with my hair, "Bells....I'm worried about you." "I'm fine Rose.....honest." "You're not. Don't lie to me. Lie to yourself all you want....but not to me." I was stunned into silence, just laying still and enjoying the soothing feel of Rosalie's gentle fingers in my hair. "Bells.....you're my sister. My best friend. I just.......you need to be honest here. Carlisle is doing these tests to prove to you physically it's not possible." I stiffened, bristling. How would Rosalie know? She was just jealous. I would have something she couldn't and it tore her.....No. That was mean. Rosalie loved me. If this was a reality she'd be behind me all the way....wouldn't she?

"Bella. Please. You know how I'd feel if there was a possibility." She knew what I was thinking then. I looked up at her, my eyes misty, my hair still in her hands, and leant against her leg, "Rose......you have to understand. You of all people. Even Edward didn't......." Rose's eyes widened in surprise, as she realized what I was saying. "You came to Edward because you thought he would help you win the fight." I nodded, and she sighed, "Oh babe. Oh babe....I'm so sorry." She leant down and hugged me, "Bella....I understand. I do, completely. As much as it hurts me to say this.......Bella, there's little chance this will turn out how you want it to. So small." Rosalie's voice caught in her throat, and I knew she was thinking of the missed opportunity, hers and mine. After a moment, she kept going, "Bella......I just don't want you to be hurt. Not like....well......" Her face said it all. Her voice said it even more firmly, "Bells....when he left you, when he hurt you.......both times I was afraid we'd lose you. Lose you lose you. Like.....gone for good, over the edge." Rosalie smoothed my hair and hugged my shoulders, "Bella....this is the first time I've doubted my surety....I'm scared we'll never get you back from this." When I looked up at Rose, her eyes were wide, but misty, and her hand was on her mouth, like she was trying to keep something inside. I knew exactly what, because I was having enough trouble myself.

I let her hug me to her, and the tears ran freely. "Rose....I'm sorry. I just....I wanted it so....sooooo badly. You have to understand. I....I'm sorry I didn't come to you first." "Bella....I understand why you went to Edward. I'm sorry he didn't understand. But Bella....honestly? I don't know if I would have either, not at first."

I was confused. Was Rose telling me she wouldn't have understood my desire for a baby? Rosalie? This couldn't be my best friend, it wasn't possible. I looked at the beautiful young woman in front of me, and hardly knew her. I felt myself backing away, even as Rose stared at me like I'd gone mad. They all thought so, I was sure. "I need to.....go." My voice was soft, betraying my hurt as I left, running blindly through the house and outside. I didn't stop until I reached the middle of the woods, and sat down on a fallen tree. Not even Rose! Not even my own sister, my very best friend, could understand this obsession; this need to fulfill something I thought had been taken from me.

I closed my eyes, listening to the sounds of the woods. The whisper of the breeze in the tree tops, the gentle creaking of the branches as the temperature dropped with each hour that passed. Before long, I couldn't open them even if I'd wanted, and let myself drift into sleep.

I was running, the wind was in my hair; Jasper was there, and Rose, Edward. Carlisle too, his smile was sad, disappointed, but now I could see it wasn't my fault. He was disappointed because of what he had to tell me. I buried my head in my hands before finding myself in Jasper's arms; I buried my face in his chest and sobbed. Despite the fact that I knew he was right, that my mind knew it had been an impossibility and I'd been irrational and wrong to think otherwise, I cried. I cried for the apprehension I'd felt, the positive result I'd been so sure of; I cried for the lost opportunity, the inability to leave a legacy. Most of all I cried for the damage I felt I'd done to my family with my selfishness; worried it might be irreparable.

JPOV

We found her asleep by a fallen tree, curled into a ball; I found myself taken back to when he'd left, and she'd been found, shattered and broken in the woods. I had to swallow the instinctive anger I felt rising in me, in some ways it was his fault we were here again but I couldn't let that overtake me. My Bella needed me, I needed to fix her, help her. Rose lifted her up, speaking softly into her ear, so quiet even Carlisle looked like he didn't know what she was saying. Bella woke up, Carlisle looked her in the eye and his face said more than his words would be able, "Bella....I'm so very sorry dear...." his heart was breaking just as my own; just as My Bella's was. Rose passed her to me, the broken emotions pouring from her so overwhelming it took me a moment to realize she had lost her control, what was flowing from her now was raw, untamed, and a true indication of just how hurt she was by this news.

As My Bella buried her face in my chest I picked her up, trying to calm her as best I could, my voice a gentle whisper in her ear, "Bella....darlin'.....shhh.....it will all be okay. Nobody is angry at you.......it's okay to be upset. Darlin'.......I'm sorry. Shhhh......." By the time we reached the house she had quieted down, in the seconds it took to get her into our room she was all but asleep. I lay her beside me in the bed after I'd pulled off her damp clothes, pulling the quilt and blankets over us, tucking us into a safe, warm cocoon. Bella kissed me, with more intensity and emotion I'd felt in a long time and I knew we were fine. My Bella was coming back to me, whatever dark demon had had its hold on her was gone and she could reclaim herself now. "SHhhh Darlin'.....sleep now. When you wake up it will be a new day, and the beginning of some new plans. I promise, nothing will hurt you anymore." She smiled sleepily, reaching up and touching my cheek before tangling her fingers gently in my messy hair. She lay on my chest like a child, one hand in my hair, the other curled protectively around my neck, and exhausted, fell into a deep sleep.

BPOV

I woke to sunlight pouring through the open curtains, the window pushed high and the fresh smell of sunlight inviting to my senses. Jasper's warm scent of musky leather, fresh grass and the hint of cigarettes filled my lungs; I smiled. "Hello." My words hung in the air a short moment before being greeted by his gentle, loving reply, "Good mornin' darlin'. I love you." I smiled, "I love you too." I stretched luxuriously and knew, deep down, that if I never discussed anything that had happened again, it was okay. It was understood and accepted, and there was nothing more that needed to be said. I had a clean slate to start afresh with, and I planned on putting it to good use.

"Darlin'? Can you take this for a minute?" I looked across and caught the tool belt Jasper was slinging towards me, smiling. I looped it across my body, following him from the tool shed out to the waiting truck in the drive. "Whose is this?" I asked as I climbed in, I'd certainly never seen it before. Rosalie grinned from the middle seat, "Who's do you want it to be? I had you in mind when I picked it out but....." She shrugged, smiling, and put her arm across my shoulders, "I mean....if you don't want a truck with next to no miles and complete reliability, I'm sure Em will gladly take it off your hands." I glanced back at my lump of a brother sitting in the back, he grinned, "Be glad to Bells."

I giggled, shaking my head, my long hair blowing in the breeze from the open windows as Jasper's took us down a dirt road I'd never noticed running down behind the house, "No....I mean, I'm sure someday, I'll find a use for it. Maybe I could plant flowers in back, look at it while I wash dishes or something." Emmett looked disgusted with me, "Bells.....you can't be.....Oh." The rest of us were laughing at my joke, and I caught sight of a small house up ahead. Soon to be house at any rate, Carlisle was up on the roof nailing shingle and I thought I saw Esme disappear in through the side. "Oh. My. God. We aren't finally going to be free of you two making monkey noises at all hours, are we?" Rosalie elbowed me playfully in the side as I spoke, Emmett grinned as he jumped to the ground, "Oh c'mon sis. You know you love it." I shook my head, "You could say that I guess." was Rose's reply as she lifted a can of paint and a roller, "But it'd only be you two who're getting away from it."

I looked confusedly from Jasper to Rose and back again, before Jasper picked me up bridal style and carried me to the front door, "Welcome home Darlin'." I was stunned into silence, a smile breaking out on both our faces. My family were incredible.

JPOV

Bella's phone had been ringing insistently with calls from Charlie since the sun had first come up. Being a Sunday he'd be up for fishing at the Res; we'd been avoiding answering because he wanted me to come along. By ten am though, I'd had enough of listening to the insistent buzz of the phone vibration. "Charlie! It's Jasper. Bella's just doing some laundry." I could hear her giggle from the bedroom, where she had most definitely not been doing the laundry. "Jasper! Sorry for calling so early before, I'm headed out your way this afternoon and I was thinking I'd stop by." Bella was by my side in a split second, taking the phone, "Dad? That'd be fine. No fishing today?" Charlie's voice rang through clearly, "No Bells. There's some.....thing on at the res, no pale faces this weekend." "Oh....weird. Anyway, we'll see you this afternoon, okay Dad? We'll meet you at the big house." "The big house Bells?" Bella's laugh tinkled like a clear bell, "Carlisle and Esme's dad. We have something to show you....a bit further down the road." Charlie was silent, shocked I guess, and Bella smiled, "Okay Dad. Bye." "Bye Bells."

"You're so bad. He's gonna wonder all day what it is now." I smiled as I scooped her into my arms, and she eyed me wickedly, "I'm gonna be bad in so many other ways, you'll forget all about that." She nipped my neck playfully, and I felt my knees go weak. It would be hard to get anything done today, Bella oozing this much lust and passion and....desire, was just too much for me to ignore.

BPOV

I was in the shower when Jasper went up to the house to meet Charlie, we'd agreed I'd stay behind to clean up, make our bed; wipe down the kitchen counter so I could look my father in the eye. I giggled to myself and ducked back under the water. If it had been up to me, we never would have left each other's arms today.

Charlie's cruiser followed Jasper in my new truck, I went outside to meet them both, nervously smoothing my hair, my jeans, pulling on the sleeves of my sweater, which I'd added at the last minute because it looked like it might be cool outside. Charlie grinned as he came toward me, "Bells. I like it." I smiled and hugged my father, "Thanks. Carlisle and the boys built it...all behind my back. Wait til you see Esme's beautiful decorating." Charlie coughed gruffly, men weren't into interior design Bella, what are you saying! I smiled, "Come inside. I made cookies." I didn't add that to Jasper and I thought they smelt awful and couldn't wait for them to go in the trash outside, I simply smiled and followed my father into my house, surprisingly proud to be able to call it "mine".

Weeks flew by, before we knew it snow was on the ground and our study was full of boxes. Carlisle and I were searching for a handful of books we knew were there somewhere, just neither of us could recall what had been in which box. "I'm sure the Yeats was in the box that had those First Edition Frosts." "No Isabella....I thought it was with those godawful Dickens you asked for last year." I giggled, "Godawful? Says the man who collects Chaucer like it's going out of fashion? Talk about godawful." Carlisle smiled, "Isabella....you have no taste." "Chaucer has no taste, filthy debaucher he was. OOh!" I stood, triumphant, placing the small leather bound book gingerly on the desk beside me, "One Frost. So....." I rummaged gently, and emerged beaming again, "One Yeats. Possibly not the exact one we wanted but......I'd wager it'll do." Carlisle was due to give a speech to Harvard Graduates in three days, and had been looking for a particular quote to end on. He smiled, accepting the thin volume, "You know Bella, if you wanted to you could...." I held up my hand, "I could but I won't. I'll come with you for support since Esme will be with Alice but I'm not interested in studying there." Carlisle sighed, "Isabella, I just think you'd enjoy the interaction. It doesn't even have to be Harvard."

I rolled my eyes, "Carlisle...I just....I don't know that I'm ready yet. I promise I'll give it some thought." "That's all I ask Isabella." I smiled as I looked through the rest of the box contents, "You know, you're lucky. I think you're the only person to ever, and I mean ever, call me that and survive." Carlisle laughed and leant back against the window seat, "Isabella....I've survived worse than I'm sure you could do." Jasper appeared then, "Hell hath no fury Carlisle, I promise you that." I smiled, "Just in time. I need to go into town with Rose, can I trust you two to get this done?" I gestured to the pile of boxes around us. Jasper smiled, "I guess we can do some darlin'.....are you goin' to need this?" He held up a black Amex and I shook my head, "Nope. This trip is just for something she wants. I need absolutely nothing." He kissed me and I felt him slip the card into my back pocket, "You never know. I'll see you later." I grinned to myself as I went down to my truck. I was incredibly lucky. Incredibly.

JPOV

I was careful not to push Bella, even though I agreed with Carlisle. She rattled around the house during the day, and I could tell even she was tiring of it. College was a good solution, she could get a degree in her free time; Lord knew she had enough. I was hoping, as I was sure he was that she'd see the life the students had at Harvard and would want something like it.

I knew Rose had ulterior motives today as well, Bella might have thought they were going to buy Rose something, but Alice had primed her to pick a dress with Bella. We were both accompanying Carlisle to the college event, Alice stressing that Bella needed to look "fabulous Jasper". I smiled, poor Bella. She'd be furious when she figured it out, I made a mental note to take her hunting when she got home. She could take it out on whatever she took down. "Jasper? You look like the cat who got the cream." I looked at Carlisle, smiling, "I was just thinking of Bella when she figures out Rose's real motive." Carlisle chuckled, "Poor Isabella."

BPOV

Rose kept stopping at dress shops, before sighing and eyeballing me, "Bella......c'mere." "What?" "C'mere." I sighed, following her into the fifth store, "Try this one." She shoved me towards the fitting room with a black satin something in her hand, before I knew it I was bundled in a cubicle and the door was locking, "Try it. You know you need something new for this thing anyway." I sighed again, "Okay. This will be over faster if I play along right?" "You're a fast learner sister. I'll be right back."

When I emerged in the far too tight black sheath dress, Rosalie had a handful of other options assembled on the rack nearby, "It's nice but....not for this. Jasper would spend the entire time drooling, not to mention all those college boys. Here." I accepted a green satin strappy thing, but after a minute of trying to get it worked out, I passed it back, "Next." "Bella, we'll never find anything if you...." I peeped from behind the door, "Rose, next." She rolled her eyes at me and handed me three, "Go on then smarty pants. Choose one for yourself." She was quiet, then her voice came through the door, "Choose two. You'll need one for the speeches and one for the dinner. Dinner should probably be longer."

I opened the door a minute later, wearing a calf length deep purple silk dress, loosely off the shoulder and draped softly in the front, there was a slim belt of chiffon around the waist, "Yes? No?" Rose beamed at me, "For?" "Dinner." "Yes. But....I think we need some adjustments. Esme will help us. What about the others?" I shook my head, "I don't like em. I want....." I scanned the racks in the store from where I stood, and smiled, "Pink or Yellow." Rosalie looked at me, "Pink or Yellow? You know it's snowing out there right?" "Rose, if you don't want me picking a pants suit....." She held up her hands, "Okay, okay. I guess you'll be inside anyway. And we can always find you a new coat...." She wandered away talking to herself, I returned to the safety of the change room, texting Jasper, "You're so dead if you knew this was coming." His reply was back in seconds, "Can't kill somebody who isn't alive darlin'." I giggled, texting my reply, "Doesn't mean I can't try."

We left that store with the purple dress, another deep purple dress with a full tulle and silk skirt (which Rose assured me would be my second choice should I have a fashion moment at the last minute) and a slim fitting charcoal and yellow satin dress. It was a compromise, I'd realized Yellow was not a winter color after trying on a beautiful daffodil yellow sheath dress. Rose promised she would take care of the shoes and the coat situation, and I found myself free. Excited, I took myself to Abercrombie while she looked for something in Walgreens.

Two weeks went fast, suddenly I was sitting on the edge of our bed while Rose primed me on what to wear when and how to style my hair for minimal touch ups. In went the dresses we'd purchased, the four pairs of shoes (Rose insisted in case I chose to wear flats. She knew me too well.), makeup, shirts and jeans for the quiet second day and "tools" for my hair. She'd simplified curling my hair for me, we'd discovered by accident that my hair held curl better if I slept with curlers in my hair, so that was my plan for the entire trip. Our test run had been the night before, my perfectly tamed strands tucked behind one ear with a beautiful black sapphire hair clip she'd given me. Jasper had some of my jewellery in his carryon, I dropped the slip I'd been wearing on the floor and pulled on the skinny jeans Rose had laid out, slipping on the deep v-neck sapphire blue knit and frowning at her choice of footwear, "Rose? You had noticed it's like....a million below outside, right?" "Point?" "Point? I can't wear these." I gestured to the blue flats nearby and she sighed, "Your suggestion then?" I went to the closet and returned with a pair of blue keds, "These. I'm not budging either. These or my boots." "Those. No boots. Bella, this is Harvard. Not.....A&M." I giggled as I pulled on the beautiful tailored coat and scarf, slipping the gloves into my pockets, "Did you find me a hat?" She nodded, "Sould be over there somewhere." I glanced around before settling on my bedside. A cute floppy knit hat was there, and I looked helplessly at Rose, "Help?" Sighing, she took it and tucked it carefully over my hair, "Now....don't take it off until you have to and you should be fine." She handed me my purse, "There's gloss in here and a touch up mini kit. There's extra money in the bottom, double sided tape just in case and for gods sake Bells....try not to be too boyish." I rolled my eyes at her, and then whistled a low tone.

Jasper stood in the doorway looking like something from a GQ liftout. Slim bootcut jeans, a simple white tee and v-neck sweater combo and the hint of his boots peeking from the jeans. "Wow." He pulled on a dark brown jacket, "You look pretty wow yourself Mrs Whitlock." I giggled, and kissed him, "Rose says you know how to dress me." He eyed me up and down, "I know how to undress you too. If we don't go soon....that might happen before it should." I giggled and Rose coughed, "Guys? Gross. Get out." She flapped her hands at us and pushed us towards the stairs, "Carlisle is waiting for you to pick him up at the house, your luggage is in the car, Jasper don't leave her alone for a second or some college kid will push you too far." Jasper looked at Rose, one eyebrow raised and she smiled, "Alice. It's her only message. Oh, and that Bella will be fine in her high heels." I blushed, how had she known I'd planned to only ever wear flats?

The college grounds were beautiful, as the hire car pulled up outside our accommodation I smiled. Carlisle was right, college was a nice place to be. Jasper took our bags so Carlisle offered his arm, I tried to ignore the voices I heard around us, "Damn! She's bangin'......I hope she's in my study class." It was worse when I heard the girls about Carlisle, "Mmmm........I want to study his biology." I giggled at that, Carlisle glancing down at me, "What?" I shook my head, "Nothing?" He smiled, "Exactly. it drives Esme insane, that's why she went away with Alice."