Huge Asses are Manly!
"Tell us everything you know!" Erza demanded, knotting her fists up in the front of Leo's uniform and shaking him roughly.
Natsu scuttled closer to them, eyes glinting.
"You know Lucy's ex?" Gray asked.
"Of course I do," he chuckled, prying Erza's grip from his clothes. "It's like you people keep forgetting that I grew up with Lucy. We've been together since the diaper years!"
"Well what are you waiting for then? Tell us about him!" Cana said.
"What do you want to know?" Leo smoothed his hands down the front of his shirt, straightening out the wrinkles Erza had created.
"Is he good looking?" Mirajane wondered.
"Incredibly," Leo answered.
"Smart?" Levy asked.
"Top of his class."
"Strong?" Erza said.
"He's infamous in the fighting world."
"Talented?" Gray threw in.
"You name it, he's good at it."
"Wow. He sounds super manly!" Elfman put an arm around Natsu's shoulders. "Way better than Natsu!"
"Agreed," Erza nodded seriously, rubbing her chin.
"Shut up!" Natsu snapped. "Obviously he wasn't that great if Lucy dumped him!"
"I'll bet he dumped her, didn't he, Loke?" Macao asked.
"Hmm… actually, she dumped him," Leo leaned back on the heels of his palms. "It was really dramatic. Me and Taurus were watching from her closet. He cried. Like… a lot."
"Ha!" Natsu crossed his arms over his puffed out chest. "See! Lucy's got good taste after all…"
"Why did she break up with him?" Levy asked.
"Was he mean to her?" Mirajane frowned worriedly.
"No," Leo replied. "Actually… Sting was sort of the perfect boyfriend. He was nice, caring, funny, handsome… he integrated into the family fairly well… Jude hated him, but only because he was Lucy's boyfriend. Jude's childish like that. Always pining for Lucy's affections." Leo pursed his lips, "It came as a shock when she suddenly broke up with him."
Everyone fell silent as they thought it over.
"Maybe he was really boring?" Gray suggested.
"Or bad in bed?" Cana muttered, earning a glare from Natsu.
"Nope, not that for sure," Leo replied and Natsu turned the glare in his direction. He chuckled, "Look, I don't know why she dumped his ass. You'll have to ask Lucy about that one. Although I'm pretty sure you'll get the same exact answer as the rest of us got."
"And what was that?" Wakaba said.
"Well… it isn't appropriate conversation for polite company," Leo scratched the back of his neck. "But the gist of it was, Stay the bleep out of my bleeping business you god damned bleeping son of a bleep peeping bleeping tom."
"What about that isn't appropriate?" Cana asked, taking a swig from her flask.
"I left out the part that made me cry."
"Hmmm…" Erza mused. "So if we want to get answers, we are going to have to ask Sting himself."
"Like that's not weird at all," Gray grumbled. "Hey, Sting, I know you don't know us but please tell us all about the time Lucy dumped you and made you cry like a little bitch." He rolled his eyes, "Sounds like a perfect plan."
"I agree," Erza nodded and stood. "Alright then, shall we?"
"Hold up!" Levy pulled the redhead back to the ground. "That's a terrible idea! There's no way he would tell us! That's the kind of thing you only tell your close friends!"
"False," Leo snapped his fingers. "There's no one closer to Lucy than I am and she didn't tell me."
"That's because you're annoying as shit," Elfman cut in.
"False!" Leo snapped again.
"Maybe we should just wait and ask Lucy," Mirajane suggested.
"I think so too," Gray said, nodding.
"Bah," Erza shook Levy's hand from her arm. "That's boring. You can wait here if you want." She started to stand once more but this time Natsu stopped her. "Now what?" she growled as he pulled her to her knees in the grass.
He didn't say a word as he stared straight forward through the bushes they all crouched behind.
"What's wro—" Erza turned in the direction he was staring and froze.
Cana leaned forward excitedly, licking the mouth of her flask. "Well this is a development…"
The Fairy Tail students and staff all turned silent as they watched as Lucy Heartfilia walked across Saber Tooth's courtyard and paused outside the main doors. A few moments later, two boys walked out, one with pale blonde hair and the other with shaggy black hair covering half his face. The blonde grinned wide and immediately enveloped Lucy in a hug, which he followed up with a kiss to her forehead. Lucy reached out and touched the hand of the boy with black hair and he smiled. Together, all three headed across the courtyard, the blonde keeping an arm around Lucy's shoulders.
They passed Fairy Tail's hiding place and then disappeared onto the street beyond the school's gate. Everyone turned to Natsu. The boy sat back, jaw clenched. The tendon in his forehead leapt and his eyes flashed.
Levy cleared her throat, "Should… should we follow them?"
Natsu stood abruptly and turned towards the gate, "Fuck yeah."
"You should really come play more often, Lucy," Sting said, leaning back in the booth. He sucked on the straw of his soda and stretched his legs out under the table, bumping Rogue.
"I know," Lucy sighed, pushing her fries around absently. "I've been kind of busy lately with school stuff and…"
Sting glanced sidelong at her from where she sat beside him in the booth. Rogue's lone visible red eye watched her closely, dipping a chicken nugget in barbeque sauce. He looked over at Sting. The other boy's blue eyes shifted to match his friend's gaze. Rogue cocked an eyebrow and nudged his friend's leg with a booted foot.
Sting cleared his throat, "I hear you called off the engagement to that faggy rich kid."
Lucy rolled her eyes, "Yeah. I called off the marriage with Dan."
"That's good to hear," Rogue said, voice calm and gentle. "I was really worried about you."
She smiled, "You worry too much, Rogue. How's your cute kitty?"
The boy beamed, cheeks turning bright pink, "I knit him a pink frog costume! Now he never takes it off!"
"It's fuckin' gay," Sting said, leaning forward to take a wolfish bite from his burger.
"Shut your god damn mouth!" Rogue reached over and grabbed Sting's blonde hair.
"Owww!" Sting whined, dropping food out of his mouth.
"You're the one who made a shitty vest for Lector!" Rogue continued as they started a small scuffle, punching at each other, kicking under the table.
"Hey! That vest is hella tight! Lector looks bomb in that shit!" Sting snapped, face twisting up in anger as they fought.
"And Frosch looks like a sweet little angel in his frog costume!" Rogue argued.
Sting bumped Lucy and she dropped the fry she was about to eat. Her eye twitched and she lashed out, knocking them both over the head with her fists of fury. "Knock it off!" she commanded.
The two Saber Tooth boys sat back, glaring at one another and rubbing the bumps forming on their skulls.
"Anyway," Sting turned away from his friend and looked to Lucy. "Was it okay for you to just leave in the middle of school?"
"For some reason, my teacher and half the class was missing after break," she said, snatching a chicken nugget from Rogue's tray. "So I just left. I'm sure it'll be fine. What about you guys?"
"We do what we want," Sting scoffed.
"And we have a free period," Rogue added.
Lucy lifted her chicken sandwich, "That's good then. I didn't want to get you guys in trouble."
Sting perked and leaned towards her, closing his eyes and opening his mouth. Lucy put the sandwich in his mouth and he took a bite, leaning back and chewing cheerfully.
Rogue smiled and leaned his chin on his palm.
"So how are your dads?" Lucy asked.
"Still in prison," Sting muttered.
"Obviously," she frowned at him.
"We visited last weekend," Rogue said. "Dad said that a guy he used to run with back in the day got transferred to their prison."
"Close to having the whole crew together again, apparently," Sting said, eyes wandering off across the restaurant.
"That's nice," Lucy smiled. "I'll bet it makes things more fun, having friends suffer with you."
"Yeah, and I guess…" Rogue went on as Sting zoned out of the conversation.
He stared around at the other customers, wondering if any were willing to pick a fight. Surely showing his unparalleled strength to Lucy will win her back. Perfect plan, he decided. He stared off towards the counter and his eyes caught on something interesting.
A slow smile stretched over his face. Well… look what we have here…
"Natsu sit down!" Gray grabbed at the boy's shirt and yanked.
"Shut up! I'm trying to listen to their conversation!" Natsu kicked the ice sculptor away and pressed his face farther into the fake plants over the booth's seat he, Gray, and Erza were squeezed into.
Cana browsed the menu in between Levy and Mirajane on the other half of the booth.
"Yeah, I'm just gonna have six number fives with tots and potato salad, and three large cokes," she handed her menu over to the short, blue haired girl standing beside the table.
"Uhm…" the girl took the menu unsurely, "This is a fast food restaurant… normally you order at the counter…"
"Any restaurant can be a five star restaurant if it tries hard enough," Cana pounded her fist into the table.
"But…"
"Look," Cana leaned forward and read the girl's nametag, "Wendy, is it? My pal Levy has a big ol' tip for you if you bring everything out to me."
"Why am I paying?" Levy exclaimed.
Cana turned to her and pouted her bottom lip out, "Because I'm poor…"
She sighed, "Fine."
Cana grinned up at the little waitress, "Can you do it for me?"
The girl smiled brightly, "You can count on me!" She turned and rushed off down the aisle.
"She did not look old enough to be working," Erza said.
"So what's she doing now, Natsu?" Cana asked.
"Still talking," his voice came through the fake plants.
Gray nudged the boy's hips when they shifted too close to his face, "Get down from there! You're making a scene!"
"Shut up! I'm perfectly disguised!"
"Your face is sticking out of the plants!"
Wendy bounded up to the table with three cups of soda in her arms. She placed them on the table and gave a little bow. "Your food will be out in just a few minutes!" She turned and disappeared again.
"Seriously," Erza said. "Don't child labor laws protect little girls like that?"
Cana pulled a small bottle of rum from her pocket and popped the lid off of one of the sodas. She dumped the entire contents of the rum bottle into the coke and replaced the lid.
"Argh!" Natsu suddenly groaned.
"What?" Gray twisted around on the seat and sat up on his knees, pushing plants aside to stare through at Lucy and the two Saber Tooth boys across the restaurant.
"She just fed him some of her sandwich!" Natsu growled. "Bastard! Ex means no creeping in on someone that dumped your stupid ass!"
"Seriously, man?" Gray sighed and slumped back into the seat. "And here I thought it was something interesting…"
"Why is he acting all close and intimate with her?" Natsu continued. "Who does he think he is? And why isn't Lucy pushing him away? Why is she just letting him—"
"My," Mirajane giggled. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that Natsu is jealous of Sting-kun."
"I'm not jealous!" he snapped, leaning back to glare at her over his shoulder. "I'm telling you, this guy is no good! I'm just worried about Lucy. That's all."
"That's all he says…" Levy smirked evilly to Cana, who returned it.
"Hey, will you guys shut up?" the plants above Cana's half of the booth parted and Leo stuck his face between them. "We're trying to have a peaceful meal among men over here and you're kinda ruining it."
"Yeah," Macao's face appeared in the plants next to him. "Please. You're disturbing the good people of this restaurant."
"Go back to school!" Gray said. "You're not even contributing to the spying mission!"
Wakaba's face appeared on the other side of Leo's, "None of us have the hearing of a dog like Natsu so what can we even do?"
"Why are you all sitting on the same seat?" Cana asked.
"Elfman's got a huge ass," Macao said.
"Huge asses are manly!" a booming voice shouted.
"Just shut up and go away," Erza said.
"AUGH!" Natsu exclaimed, causing the entire group to jump in surprise.
"What is it?" Erza asked.
"That bastard! I'm going to kill him!"
Gray kneeled on the seat once more, pushing the plants out of the way to peer through. Across the restaurant, Sting had his arms around Lucy and kissed her lovingly on the cheek, tickling her sides and encouraging squirming giggles from her.
Natsu tried to get out of the booth to promptly run up to the perpetrator and knock his block off, but in the process he kneed Erza in the face, which resulted in his swift and merciless punishment.
"Hyah!" Erza punched Natsu in the dick. The boy let out a loud groan and collapsed across the redhead's lap, legs flipping up and slamming into the table. The table clattered and rocked, sending Cana's cokes rolling, crushing onto their sides, popping their lids off, and spilling sticky soda mixed with alcohol everywhere, including the laps of the three girls on the opposite seat.
"Ah!" Cana shouted. "My booze!"
"Hey! I was paying for those!" Levy gripped the sides of her head.
"Way to go, Dumbass!" Gray punched Natsu in the thigh as he moaned into Erza's lap.
Erza crossed her arms over her chest and looked away stubbornly, "You should thank me for letting you off easy this time."
The young waitress arrived at the table, holding two trays, "Okay! Here's your m—" She froze when she saw the mess. Her eyes widened, "Oh my…"
Mirajane giggled and smiled up at the girl, "I'm sorry to ask this, Wendy-chan, but would you mind changing the order to to go?"
"Uhm…" she girl slowly backed away, "Yes. Sorry! I'll do that!" she ran off.
"What a little cutie," Leo mused, leaning his arms on the back of the seat, crushing several fake plants under the sleeves of his jacket. "She's going to make a beautiful woman…"
Across the restaurant, Lucy punched Sting in the gut and he backed off, rubbing his abdomen with a wince.
"You know I hate that!" she snapped, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Aw, come on, Luce," he leaned back in the seat. "It's all in good fun."
"And quit kissing on me," she scolded, pointing at him sternly. "People are going to get the wrong impression."
"I think they're going to get the right impression," he denied, smirking at her.
"You wish," she smirked back at him and tossed a fry in his face.
He wiped salt and grease from his forehead and said quietly, "Oh, if you only knew…"
Natsu sat waiting on Lucy's bed, legs crossed under him and arms crossed over his chest. There was a firm scowl on his face and if he got any madder he was sure he would explode into about three hundred raging mini Natsus and take on the whole world.
He was so mad he could swear he was about to breathe fire.
The door of the room opened and he prepared to start shouting, but instead of Lucy sneaking into the room, several hours past her curfew, it was Leo that tip-toed over the threshold. Natsu's scowl deepened as the man froze mid step, eyes growing wide.
"What are you doing here?" Leo asked.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Natsu replied.
"I was going to hide in Lucy's closet and wait for her to fall asleep and then draw on her face in permanent marker," he admitted, stuffing a black marker into his pocket.
"I was waiting for Lucy so I could yell at her for being out so late with her shitty ex boyfriend," Natsu said.
Happy meowed from his place on the dresser.
"WELL NO ONE FUCKING ASKED YOU, HAPPY," Natsu barked.
"Seriously," Leo added, glaring at the feline.
The cat yawned and stretched, turning his back on the others in the room. Leo glanced over at Natsu and then stuffed his hands in his pockets.
"Somethin' bugging you?" he asked nonchalantly.
"What makes you think that?" Natsu grumbled, looking away.
Leo walked over and sat down on the bed next to him. "Is it about Sting?"
"No, it's about astrophysics," he snapped.
"Hey, hey, no need to bust out the sarcasm."
"You gotta admit it was a dumb question."
"Fair enough," Leo leaned back on the palms of his hands. "So why don't you tell me what's on your mind?"
Natsu pouted and turned away, refusing to reply for long seconds before he broke. He let out a huge sigh and looked at Leo, "Why is she hanging out with her ex? Does she still like him? Are they gonna go out again?"
Leo let out a soft chuckle, "I guarantee you that that will never happen."
"But why? You said he was like the perfect boyfriend, right? So why wouldn't she go out with him again?"
Leo smiled, "I think she's got someone else taking up too much of her mind these days…"
"What? Who are you talking about?"
"Nobody. Go on."
He sighed, "I just don't like it, okay? I don't like the thought of her hanging out with that jerk. He seems like a total asshole. He's not good enough for her. So I think she should stop seeing him."
Leo's expression turned smugger by the second.
"But no way can I tell her that without her getting pissed at me and telling me to stay out of her business… So what's the point of me even wasting my time being mad, right? But I can't help it! I just start thinking about that douchebag and I get all pissed again! Why? I don't even know him that well!"
"Natsu…" Leo reached out and patted the boy's shoulder. "I think what you're feeling right now is a classic case of…" He cleared his throat. "Hepatitis."
"What."
"Lemme guess," he went on. "It hurts right here?" he poked him in the center of the chest. "Feels like there's a knot?"
"Uh… yeah… how'd you know?" Natsu rubbed the spot on his chest.
"That's where your liver is."
"Huh?"
"Yeah. Hepatitis affects your liver. I think you need to see a doctor. Tell him that you need your liver operated on because you're being a little bitch about your crush talking to her ex boyfriend."
They fell from the bed, rolling around on the floor, punching and kicking. When they tired themselves out, Natsu leaned his back up against the bed and panted, wiping the blood from the new split in his lip. Leo propped himself up on his elbows and glared at him, sunglasses broken and hanging off the side of his face.
"You're no help at all," Natsu accused. "Forget I ever said anything."
Leo sighed and sat up, "Man you're pitiful…"
"Shut up."
Leo watched him for a few seconds. Natsu pulled his knees up to his chest and absently picked lint from the knees of his sweatpants, all the while wearing a sour scowl.
"Listen, Natsu," Leo said softly. "Sting is an important person in Lucy's life. He was there for her when the family was useless. You might think he's a chump and a jerk, but he is largely responsible for building up the woman that Lucy is today."
Natsu lifted his eyes and glared at him silently.
"To denounce him would be to denounce the part of Lucy that exists because of him."
"What if I don't want the part that he built?"
Leo smiled, "Trust me. You do."
Natsu hesitated, "You seem sure of that."
"You didn't know pre-Sting Lucy," he pointed out. "If you did, I'm sure you'd have a completely different opinion on the guy."
"Yeah right…"
Leo smirked and didn't go on. After a few seconds, Natsu started to sweat.
"Alright fine!" he grabbed Leo's arms. "Tell me! I want to know!"
"Nope," Leo turned his face away, laughing. "You don't get to know now!"
"C'mon!" Natsu shook him. "What part did Sting build? I gotta know so I can replace it with something I built!"
Leo grinned, "Oh? You want to replace her ex boyfriend? Does that mean you want to be her new boyfriend?"
Natsu froze, "What?"
"Why else would you want to replace Sting's influence on her?" his eyes glinted. "Admit it! You're in love with Lucy!"
"Don't make me kick your ass!" Natsu roared.
"Why? What's wrong? Afraid of the truth, Pussy?" Leo grabbed the front of Natsu's shirt and shook him. "You love Lucy! You love Lucy!"
"Shut up! You don't know shit! I just don't like the thought that some other guy was ever close to her, you got it?" He shoved Leo back until he hit the floor again. "I just want to spend all day every day with her! I just want to share my whole world with her! I just want to know all her secrets and be the one that she can always depend on! I want to be the one she chooses!"
Leo leaned on his elbows and scowled, "Dude, what about that doesn't sound like love?"
Natsu gulped and blinked at him. He sat back on his heels and clenched his hands into tight fists.
"Everything you just said is proof that you are in love with her," Leo said, brushing off his shoulders. "There's no way you can hide from it. You might as well just—"
Natsu stood and ran towards the balcony, "C'mon, Happy!" He shoved through the door and went to the railing.
"Hey! Wait!" Leo reached after him but Natsu didn't hesitate before leaping down into the yard. Happy stood and bounded off of the dresser to follow.
Leo watched them go and then let out a heavy sigh. He stood and went to the balcony. He closed the doors and locked them with a frown.
"Psychopath," he muttered and turned. He scratched the back of his neck as he headed for the door. "You'd think he just heard the worst news ever…"
Author's Note: Hello (said like the first word in Adele's new hit single, Hello)
So here's another chapter. I wasn't even planning on writing this until I finished a chapter of Pregs, but SOMEBODY (you know who you are) wrote on the facebook page and pretty blatantly demanded that I write something for Tasty instead. It was quite scary. She threatened my life and everything. For real. Not even lying at all. Seriously. Okay I might be lying a little bit. But not a lot. So naturally I can't refuse the tearful begging of one of my beloved readers so I graciously accepted. Like a benevolent goddess. Moo the goddess of the udder. It's kinda short, and not much happens. I didn't have much direction when writing it so it was a lot of last minute, "Ho hums" that I just managed to get through. I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. I swear I've turned into one of THOSE writers... ahem... the slowpokes. Oh well. Good things come to those that wait? I suppose? Perhaps?
Anyway, thanks for being so patient with me. I have hopes that I'll get better, but honestly... I don't know if it'll happen. It's amazing how busy one can be on days she stays at home. Like seriously, I cleaned the house the other day and it was brutal. Also I took a several hour long nap. Took up some time. Okay. I love you all tons and tons. I'm so happy to have you in my life. I hope you enjoy the newest update. Let me know what's going on with you. Happy, sad, mad, glad, smad, plaid. You name it. Dunno. Just you know. I wanna see your voices. It makes me joyful.
Okay, leaving now.
Love-Moo