Chapter 35
Luna: The practice resumed for a while longer - how much longer, Luna couldn't tell for certain, as she placed all of her attention to one thing and one thing alone. The daylight was still present, but it made less difference to her than it perhaps should have. In her mind, they still had some time they'd dedicate to resting, as it was something indisputably needed. The cuts grew larger and deeper with each new attempt, and yet her skin bore no trace of it - the only evidence of what transpired in the room lay in her fatigue and the blood stained tissues. She was unwilling to stop practicing, though she knew as well as he did that her body could only exert itself too much, and by the time Loki had her stop, she was on her back on the bed, feeling much too hot for comfort, courtesy of the straining. Her eyes were closed and the magic was gone from her grasp, and she lay trying to calm her breathing. This was by far the most extensive practice session she had done.
Loki: He rested when she did, after watching her try and try again to perfect the concept he had presented her. He knew this would be useful for other exterior wounds, but internal wounds would have to be learned through other sorts of training. He had never seen her work so diligently, so much that she was entirely spent with fatigue, a flush to her cheeks, and a bit of bruising under her eyes. She looked as if she had ran from where they had left and back in an hour or two. Loki looked down at her tired self as she laid back.
"Do you require anything? Water? Food?" he asked so she would not have to get up herself and fetch it, even though any other time he would have not even thought twice about making her do such a thing for himself. Since when was he the servant and she the master? Such questions similar to that filled his mind often as she was practicing. Whenever she found some sort of pain from overexertion, he had a need to help her, to aid her in any way, but not without the bickering in the back of his mind that reminded him who he was, why he was there, who she was... And all the same, he forced such thoughts to the back of his mind, assuring himself he knew his place and he knew hers. And none of that would change with a simple fact that he desired to help her as much as he could. She helped him more than enough.
Luna: She was grateful that she had a comfortable bed to rest upon after such a work out, and somebody to help her with it all. She watched him with a smile that exuded such gratitude, a softness to her gaze beyond the exhaustion. "Water, please?" It was quite peculiar, the fact that wielding such energy left her more thirsty than hungry... It was as if it satisfied certain parts of her and left no need for such things, though she knew that she'd have to eat at some point, hungry or not, as her body needed such support. She did not care very much if she appeared weak momentarily, as that was what she was, without a doubt - especially after what she spent at least an hour doing.
Loki: He nodded and then rose to go to her bags, knowing very well that there would quite possibly be a filled water bottle ready for her, as there always seemed to be. He took one and then handed it to her, resuming his usual place. "You have worked very hard..." he commented lowly, "It is almost admirable how very persistent you are. It can be a blessing and a curse, no?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.
Luna: "As long as it is worth it," she noted, sitting halfway up and propping herself up on one elbow to drink, after which she heaved herself up further, in order to be in a more reclined position - rather than laying down. "I'd say that it is so in this case."
Loki: He nodded, knowing very well just how worth it magic was. How much joy he extracted from simply accomplishing feats, but then again how much pain he brought himself simply because he took things a step too far. Thor never understood why he persisted, but then again Loki never understood why Thor would continue training even though he knew he was already very skilled in his own art. "Indeed, yes," he replied quietly.
Luna: "Well, I don't think I'll be moving from this position for a while - say, forever - so good luck to you on the rest of your journey," she chuckled, truly feeling as though she might never move again. The prospect of walking or simply going to their next destination made her all the more reluctant.
Loki: He smirked despite the fact he would never allow that to happen. "I think not," he replied with a short chuckle, "You are to rest as much as you possibly can, and then we shall continue," he stated knowingly, giving her no other choice in such a matter, jokingly or not.
Luna: "Oh, come now, Loki, of course I wouldn't.." she lingered off, her smile gaining a wry shade, choosing not to finish what she started, "It was a simple joke, no more," she assured him, toying with the ends of her hair. He should know by now that getting away from him was no easy task whatsoever. As far as she was concerned, there was no need for him to behave so defensively, when she would not go against him...
Loki: He nodded, knowing very well she wouldn't, whether she thought she could or not. "Yes, of course," he replied reluctantly, with a small smirk playing about his lips. "I know what is jest and what is not," he added, his smirk disappearing into a frown at the fact that she believed he did not distinguish. He shrugged it off, knowing that it was very much so inconsequential.
Luna: "I know you do," she nodded and finished yet another water bottle. She'd have to replenish many things, other than her energy, she knew. She got distracted once more, the moment she glanced at her hands, seeing quite clearly in her mind's eye where the cuts were, but the fact that there was nothing there anymore, that such things disappeared- well, she could not truly say they disappeared easily, as she worked on it to her strength's limits, but with time, it would become easier, certainly. "How did you learn to heal?" she asked.
Loki: He narrowed his eyes, attempting to decide whether she truly meant such a comment or she was simply trying let it pass. He let it pass just the same, knowing very well that he should not linger or try another argument. "My... adoptive mother's close friend Eir offered to teach me when I was... not too much younger than I am now. She gave me books and the like to help me improve my knowledge of anatomy and whatnot. I started out as you are now, however, periodically with patients that came into her healing rooms. It took me quite a long time to entirely master it, though such skills were used only selfishly," he explained.
Luna: "She let you heal her patients as practice?" she asked, furrowing her brows, "You said that the healing properties of magic, if used wrongly, can affect the body negatively, and she gave you her patients to work on? That doesn't sound much too safe, although..." she lingered off with a small sigh, "... I suppose that there was very little risk, seeing as how you were probably more than good at it by then. Still, there could have been other, safer ways." She shrugged.
Loki: He furrowed his brow. "She was by my side to guide me, and if anything went wrong, which it didn't, she would have fixed my mistakes and healed what would have went wrong. There were some cases I could not heal unless I had just as much experience as her..." he explained. "You should have more faith in me, even so," he added, with a broken grin.
Luna: "I do, and so does Eir, from what I can gather," she returned the odd smile, "Besides, I know bits and pieces of what you're like when magic is concerned, I know that you were more than prepared." She wondered, however, how he would most likely focus on improving his own skill, rather than the person's health, that he considered it all as just practice. For his own sake.
Loki: He smirked, looking down to his hands. "I suppose that is good to know, then," he replied with a small laugh. "Eir was very strict with such things. She allowed me to learn at her pace rather than mine... Which was obviously not very compliant with my wishes, but I had to make do if I was to learn anything..." He mused with a shake of his head. It was one of the reasons why he never accepted help from a teacher until only he felt it absolutely necessary.
Luna: She chuckled lightly. "Better that than nothing, hmm? Eir is in our Eddas, as well, though not very much is written or known of her. But it does correspond to how you speak of her - as a healer."
Loki: "So I have heard, yes," he replied with a curt nod, "I suppose she is one to keep to herself, as your 'Eddas' are based upon the stories Asgardians shared with your kind," he explained.
Luna: "Not all truthful, though," she said, recalling what she knew, as opposed to what he told her so far. As far as she was concerned, a story was a story, and if it was a good one and one she enjoyed, the truth could simply be of very little importance.
Loki: "Ah, no," he replied with a nod and a sigh. The stories of him were less than flattering, other than the fact he allegedly had seduced all of the women in Asgard, which he would very much enjoy. "Which would, perhaps, be why it was dismissed eventually as stories and not fact. Even though all stories are based upon some sort of fact, no matter how small it may be."
Luna: "Oh, I do agree with that," she nodded, emphasizing her words. She hummed quietly as a thought occurred. "On Midgard, sometimes parents read or tell stories to their children before they fall asleep. Is that something the Aesir do with their own children, as well, or is it just us?"
Loki: "No, we had stories as well... of battles, monsters, and even fantastical stories based upon the histories of the nine realms. My mother was always quite elaborate when it came to such things," he replied, but not with any sort of amusement, knowing that among those stories were ones of frost giants of how they came to be known as the beasts they were. He pressed his lips together at such a thought.
Luna: He did not particularly like her question, giving an answer scarce enough to suit himself and good enough to satisfy her. She was glad that he would do as much, as he could have very easily refused to speak on the subject. Then again, his answer could be as truthful as the stories, themselves. "Ah, so not much different from ours, then. I guess the difference would be that many creatures that we've told stories of are existent only in the stories, themselves. Though, there are nine worlds and creatures beyond this Earth... I wouldn't know, unfortunately."
Loki: He nodded. "Indeed," he replied quietly, "Some creatures within such stories, according to what I have done as research, do, in fact, exist, but perhaps by another name... same concept, however. As I have said, fiction is based upon fact..." he said, drifting off thoughtfully.
Luna: Her chuckle was brief and rather sad. "I would love to..." she stopped with a shake of her head. "No matter. It can't happen, and I'm not going to dwell on it. I'll just… bother you once in a while to tell me more." She turned her wistful smile and gaze to his.
Loki: He looked back at her, seeing that she was ultimately disappointed with the fact that she would never see such creatures of her fantasies, any other being but the beings that inhabit Midgard. He gave a small smile in return. "Gladly I shall, dear... If you so wish it," he replied. He shifted so that he was leaning a bit further away from her, his lips pulling down into a small frown, knowing very well he did not wish to be alone, that he would take her with him if the means were safer, and if he was any other sort of being in the nine realms, if the risk was not so present. He would not stand by and have more unintentional blood on his hands, especially not hers.
Luna: Her smile brightened as his response, but diminished once more as he frowned. She sat up with an inevitable, yet small grunt with the effort it took, and fixed her gaze more intently on him. "What's wrong, dear?" she asked gently.
Loki: He almost tensed at the way she called him "dear," about to denounce such a name. He called her such a name often without thinking twice upon it, but he just noticed she did so, as well. It was gentle, coming from the mouth of a female. It was caring. "I am merely... thinking of what shall come after I leave, my lady... Nothing more," he lied easily.
Luna: She leaned in ever so slightly, a concerned frown lining her brow. "You don't look like you think it'll be any good," she pressed on tentatively.
Loki: He frowned slightly. "It is better than death, I do suppose," he replied with a shrug, "as you said before." He pressed his lips together, and sat back onto the bed, knowing very well he should not go much further into that, as it would sound very pathetic indeed. For him to go into this escape, believing he would much rather be alone to the universe only to find out through a petty mortal woman that it was the last thing he wanted.
Luna: "It is, yes," she said. "You can go to very many places, do some of what you please. No torture, no death, no pain save for the one you'd inadvertently create, yourself..." her voice lowered as she spoke. He seemed quite intent on certain things and could not - or perhaps would not - switch the focus from them to other, more important things. "Which I hope you will not do often..."
Loki: "Yes, of course," he agreed briskly, his lips pressed together in a way to suppress what he truly wished to say, but alas, it was useless. He did not need her company, he knew, even though he wished for it... the gentleness of her ways, the way she provided such endearing warmth. "However, I shall create such 'pain' as you call it as I see fit - if you mean the pain caused by magic..."
Luna: She shook her head. "That is not what I mean, Loki," she said even more quietly, though he did have a point, as far as magic was concerned. She was worried, however, and quite careful. She did not know how he'd react if she attempted to provide him with any sort of comfort. His reactions will forever continue to be unpredictable. And so, she kept her distance, still; she did not want him to forget what she said - she cannot understand him, not entirely. While he could grant her some understanding, he did not at all seem willing to do such a thing, and she supposed that very few good things ever came from pressuring Loki.
Loki: He frowned. "Whatever do you mean, dear?" he asked, his brow furrowing with slight confusion at her expression, his hands curling into tight fists at his sides in slight irritation. "Why should I have any reason to intentionally create pain for myself? As if I have not been through enough..." he pressed, attempting to simply push it out of his mind, but he simply could not, not now...
Luna: "Aren't you doing so just now?" she scooted closer to him as her eyes landed upon the fists which he curled, yet not even the fists were what she meant. She placed both her hands on one of his, at first with very light touches until he got used to it - of course, that is under the assumption that he would let himself get used to it, and not pull away. How odd it was, the fact that he let wrong things happen... He let such troublesome thoughts into his mind, and yet, things that could potentially be of aid, he did not allow for.
Loki: He slowly pulled away, stubbornly, placing them away from her at the same time unfurling his fists so she would not attempt to do so again. "I am merely considering every possibility at any time. That is simply what becomes of one's mind when they do not only live a few decades..."
Luna: She kept her eyes on his hands for several more moments, seeing that she accomplished what she wanted to do, if not in the manner she intended to. "And that is understandable. However, I'm talking about you thinking about what was, not what will or could be," she said carefully, though she had half a mind to close her lips, and soon.
Loki: He clenched his jaw as she spoke. "There is nothing that will or could be. I haven't a realm to reside upon, I haven't a race to call my own. I haven't much else. How can I not linger upon what was, hmm? Tell me, what good is there for one who simply cannot decide what they are?" He gave a small, considerably mad laugh at the ridiculous concept, his lips curling into an odd smirk, finding the entirety of this situation pathetic in itself. He shook his head. "You are so very naive... So very small-minded..."
Luna: She was not angry with him, no; she was getting exasperated at his lack of will. "You call me small-minded, yet you're the one who doesn't even want to believe that it can be another way," she shook her head, her gaze even more so intent on his own, even though he looked away now and again. "Either way, it doesn't matter," she discarded his frequent accusations of her, "Why decide upon what you are when you can be what you want to be? Why should you limit yourself so? To just one thing?" she sighed before continuing. "You are Loki, it doesn't matter where you come from, because that does not determine you. Especially because, if you so chose, you could be of anywhere. I know you can. You're horribly strong and intelligent, not to mention innumerable other things - and you are going to sit here and tell me that you're not capable?" she asked incredulously, firmness backing up her voice.
Loki: He frowned as he listened to her, his gaze wandering everywhere but to her - to the ceiling, window, opposite bed, his hand, even though he felt her gaze directly upon him. "I do not need such words from you," he muttered, turning away from her, frustrated that he would even lead himself to be in such a position that she was trying to reassure him of what or who he was. "You do not understand," he pressed, knowing very well there was more than her simple answers, "nor could you ever understand... I am not saying I am not capable, as I very well am. Consider your own situation: I have forcibly removed you from what normalcy you could have possibly had, forced you to travel with me - me, a stranger, an alien to your world – no telling what shall happen, nor what shall become of either of us. Do not tell me there was any sort of comfort in a situation as that, as I very well knew there wasn't. Not for you, at least. Now consider mine and tell me that there is some sort of comfort in my being in stranger realms. And then coexisting with those, scattered throughout Yggdrasil, who would sooner have my head than consider my situation after I had servants, pathetic beings who catered to my every whim, after I lived with the highest beings in the nine realms, convinced I was like them... Tell those seeking to have my head that it did not matter where I come from, and tell those who are most likely hunting me down after my failure that I can determine my fate..." He shook his head, looking at her with a narrow, firm gaze. "You haven't an idea, Luna. Not really. Do not try to."
Luna: She watched him as he spoke, her lips pressing tightly together, and her heart beating more heavily, feeling as if it was sliding down to her gut. She leaned back and away from him, holding her breath but not wishing to let it go, as it felt it was holding her together. Perhaps she did not have an idea, but she tried, which is more than could be said for the rest. And perhaps, she should not do so. Why should she harbor any compassion or desire to help a man who, as he said - removed her from what she knew and tossed her into circumstances unpredictable at best? No, she should keep her distance, despite his shows of affection and signs that he was capable... He could be helped, except that she hadn't a single idea how. As he said. He did not need such words from her.
Loki: He sighed as she retained her silence, not surprisingly. He stood from the bed and walked over to the other bed, sitting on the side of it that faced away from her. So that would be the end of their conversation for now, he guessed, as she quite possibly did not have any words to say. He pressed his lips together and laid down, facing the ceiling. It was for the better that he did not gain any affection from her, no matter how kind or gentle she was to him, no matter how attractive she was, or how much hope she attempted to grant him, or what she was beginning to mean to him. There would be no amount of her that he should want and it should remain that way.
Luna: From her peripheral vision she saw him move, but she kept her gaze averted. She hated this. Things have been going so, so very well, and now... She just had to trigger what would damage what little peace they established together. Why couldn't she have just kept her mouth shut and spared them both this? She chided herself continuously for several minuets before she realized that she needed a distraction. From him, from her thoughts, from the situation. She was unsure of whether to employ magic as one such distraction, as it would wear her out more than she wanted to, and there was quite a chance for it to weaken and hinder her. And that would make things even worse between them, as they'd both be upset with her for being irresponsible and inconsiderate of… of what, his well being? This entire thing was about him, after all. She sighed and rubbed her temples with her thumb and middle finger, closing her eyes warily. A part of her wished to go over to his bed and apologize for causing the entire mess - yet again - it would not be the first time she apologized purely to have the tension removed. As long as it fixed things... But the rejection was far too great a possibility. She would not dare. Not yet.
Loki: He did not look at her again, hearing only sighs and seeing only small movements from her side of the room. This was very much the reason he could not spend time with her. They would disagree, and she would get hurt and only be forced to continue being with him with no way out.
He laid on his side, his long fingers tracing along the patterns of the covers. Why would he even bother with her, he wondered... Why would he even attempt to make her understand his situation that she so narrowly looked at... He considered the thought that she could be right, that he could be anything he wished to, and he very well could, but there were things out there much more powerful than him who could sniff him out, who could hunt him down and make sure he regretted every part of his life... What was there to do but wither in the memories of the past? His future was not looking very promising, no matter which way she was pointing. He could have simply humored her, though... She, who saw a positive aspect to everything, it seemed, and she would not back down until he admitted there was a happy ending like those silly stories she referred to. The happy ending both of them were promised by the people they called parents.
Luna: Several times was she on the verge of opening her mouth and apologizing, but each and every time, her mind would fill in the missing results - he would either keep silent, either make some sort of a sound to let her know that he heard her. Or, he would even speak with her, lie and tell her that it is alright. Or they could argue once again. No, her apology would yield nothing. And what was it even supposed to mean to him? It would not undo anything that transpired, it would not improve things, it would not return matters to their previous state - it would not matter, as it would ultimately do nothing.
She scooted lower on the bed and curled up, looking through the mattress of the bed, her gaze unfocused, distant. How she wished she could fall asleep now... And yet it would only be her body that would be getting some rest. At least that was something. All she knew was that things could not go on like this... Eventually, one of them would snap from the discomfort and the tension and the pressure... Most likely she, she supposed - after all, wasn't she weaker? Wasn't she much too naive and ridiculous? He shouldn't care.
She curled up further atop her sheets, closing her eyes after they got weary of staring at a single point for so long. Thoughts whirred about in her head more slowly, meshing with each other unintelligibly, and unexpectedly so, sleep took her not full five minutes later. The training she received wore her out just enough to allow for almost instant rest. How grateful she would be when she awoke, if only it did not weaken her far too much.
Loki: He continued staring upon a fixed point upon the ceiling. He looked over at her after a long while, hearing her steadily breathing. Such a change it was now, after they had slept together the night prior, both exhausted from their activities, and now they were on separate beds. He pressed his lips together, drifting off into a distant consciousness, his thoughts being the only things that kept him staring upon her back, even as the night passed and when the sun came up. He never slept, nor did he move. It was becoming a habit for him now.