Lost It For

Chapter 36

"What it's like to be a parent: It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love."

Brooke and Lucas had been home with the twins for a few days now. Learning what the different cries meant in terms of what each child wanted was a toss-up every time. And sleep for them didn't exist. There was bottles and toys everywhere. Kids music played. And books were read. They're life had been turned completely upside down. But it was in those rare moments when one baby was asleep and the other was calm. That the couple was able to catch their breath. And really take in the beauty of their children and the adventure of parenthood that had only just begun.

Lucas and Brooke laid in bed with Landen. While Autumn slept after a few readings from this book and singing of lullabies. Lucas looked over at his son who had his blond hair and blue eyes. With his mother's smile. Feeling this sense of automatic pride and connection. When it came to Autumn who was the spitting image of her mother. Dark hair and dark eyes. With Brooke's dimples and endless supply of energy and happiness. He felt the need to shield her and keep her as pure and innocent with her eyes full of life as he could.

He loved his children more and more as the days went on. And admired his wife for her strength and selflessness. Deciding to read of his favorite books from childhood. Oh, the places you'll go by Dr. Seuss. His mom had read it to him so much before bed. That when he got older he read it to her. It filled his mind with endless ideas of places and travel that he wanted to do when he was old enough. Lucas hoped he would be able to instill a love a reading and cooking in his children they had been such staples for him shaping him into the person he had become.

As Lucas read and held Landen close to him. Brooke turned over and smiled. It filled her heart with such happiness to see her husband and son bonding together. She loved spending quality time with Autumn as well. Seeing Lucas as a father made her heart ache. She was overjoyed that her children had their father so hands on in their lives. But she couldn't help but feel puzzled as to how her own father was able to just keep his distance and busy himself in his work and travel and multiple wives. Never really caring enough to even attempt to build a real relationship with his only child.

A part of her felt like she had truly missed out. But at least she had Keith who would always in her heart be her father. It was him who took her to get her license, Gave her insight on what men really thought and how a woman should be treated. And Karen who truly was her backbone. That she missed desperately and who she would of looked to for advice on how to be a mother.

Sitting in her drawer was a letter addressed to her. From Victoria. She had gotten it a few days ago and had yet to open it. She was nervous to read the reply to her vulnerability expressed In that letter she had sent her mother. The two of them had never been good with words. Especially when it came to addressing things that made them uncomfortable. Nothing did that more than discussing the lack of relationship between them.

She would take it with her. Haley had called Brooke and Peyton. Over to her house for some girl time. She said it would only be for an hour or two. Because she knew they had busy lives to get back too.

Brooke was besides herself with excitement she had missed Haley and Peyton and catching up on their lives. This would be the perfect time to read the letter. There were no more closer women to Brooke then those two and they would offer their own insight. On the situation.

This would all be happening tomorrow. Then the next day it would be Lucas and Nathan spending some time together. While Haley went with Jamie to his support group. Other kids who were dealing with their parents and siblings having cancer. Nathan and Haley had hope that this would ease Jamie's fear and give him a feeling of belonging. And a sense of belief knowing he wasn't alone.

Landen had fallen asleep. And Lucas went to put him back into his crib. Now back in the bedroom. As he climbed back in bed with Brooke.

He smiled at her. As he looked in her direction.

"I have never been more exhausted and happy in my life." Lucas said.

"I feel the exact same way." "We have our family Luke finally."

Brooke said. Smiling back at him.

"I love you." Brooke said softly.

"I love you too." Lucas said. Leaning over as he kissed her.

Before they were able to get comfortable. The baby monitor was brought alive with Autumn's cries.

"I'll get her." Brooke said. Kissing Luke again as she got up. Heading into the hallway. Then into the twins nursery.

Nathan/Haley

"I love you too Jimmy Jam. Goodnight."

Haley said smiling. As she left Jamie's bedroom. After her and Nathan had tucked him in for the night.

Going back into the hallway. Heading for their bedroom. Sighing as she opened the door. And closed it behind her. Sitting down in front of her mirror. As she started to brush it. Trying to figure out what to do with it. When instead of a few lose strands. It was clumps of hair that came from the brush.

Letting go of a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Haley was still doing chemo as well as a more natural approach. The side effects still very much apparent. But it was working. And Haley was beyond thankful for that fact.

Deciding in that moment. To embrace this change. And cut off what was left of her hair. Then she wouldn't have to worry about losing it anymore. And instead begin looking into wigs. The appetite changes. Lack of wanting to be close to Nathan or feeling attractive at all. Were all changes she had dealt with.

And Nathan being so wonderful cared and listened but needed some time to feel his own feelings too.

Haley knew that and would make sure he got the support he needed as well. She looked forward to hanging out with her closest friends tomorrow and being brought of her own world and being a part of theirs again.

Haley looked over at a sleeping Nathan and kissed his cheek.

She wouldn't be able to get through this without him. She loved him with every part of herself. And needed to be sure he never forgot that.

Haley closed her eyes and went to sleep.

…