35. The Future

For the rest of the journey to the ferry station, Christine sat in silence, staring across the carriage at the back wall, seeing nothing. She could feel Erik next to her, his arm around her, holding her close, but she didn't respond to any of his attempts at conversation. Christine could only hear Raoul's last words, see him coughing up blood as he lay, dying, the sword in his chest. The sword she had put there.

When they arrived at the station, Brent took the purse Mitchell had given them and paid for three tickets for the next ferry to America. With the tickets purchased, they had secured their travel away from Paris. Christine and Erik didn't leave the carriage, afraid of being recognized by someone. They had only a few more hours of hiding before they would be able to walk in daylight without fear.

The hours seemed to drag into eternity, and Christine knew she wasn't helping by sitting and staring at the seat of the carriage across from her refusing to say anything. Erik tried his hardest to get her to speak to him, or to eat something, but she was too lost in shock and disgust at what she had done. The irrational part of her mind whispered that she was a murderer, a killer, and she should turn herself in to the authorities instead of running from punishment like a coward. The other, rational part of her mind reminded her that Raoul was dangerous, a killer, who wanted nothing more than to see the man she loved dead and her in his bed, baring his children. Nothing the more rational part of her mind said made any difference in her mind. She was a killer; did that make her any better than Raoul?

Erik's killed people, too. The rational part of her mind whispered. You did it for the same reasons Erik did, not at all like Raoul. Raoul killed because he enjoyed it; you did it because you needed to protect those you love. Christine knew that that part of her mind was telling her the truth, but the side that kept telling her she was a killer, a guilty murderer, was more convincing.

Finally, only fifteen minutes before they were to leave, Christine broke into tears again. "How do you stand this, Erik?" she gasped through the tears.

Wrapping his arms around her, Erik rested his chin on top of her head. "When I was a child, I was taken prisoner by a gypsy man who beat and whipped me for public entertainment. People paid him to see him do this, and he made good money off of it. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I suffocated him with the chain meant to keep me in place." Christine knew this story; Madame Giry had told it to her before Christine had gone on to do Il Muto. Instead of telling Erik she already knew all of this, she let him continue.

"This man had done horrible, unspeakable things to me for years, and when I killed him, I thought I would feel free; I thought I would feel good about myself. Instead, I hated myself. I wanted nothing more than to go back and stop myself from doing what I did. Anything to stop the guilt from crushing me… But after a while, I started to realize how ridiculous that was. If I hadn't killed him, I would still be his prisoner…or I would be dead.

"The same is true for you now. If you hadn't done what you did, Raoul would have killed me, and you would be his prisoner, to do with as he pleased. I know right now it's hard to see that, but eventually, you'll come to realize it for yourself."

"I feel so filthy, Erik…" she whispered, calming as she listened to him talk.

"It will pass," he told her. "I found my release in music; all you have to do is try and find the way you cane release your guilt."

The carriage door opened, and Brent poked his head in. "It's time to get on board," he told them.

Erik grabbed a cloak and threw it over his shoulders, pulling the hood up over his head. Christine stepped out of the carriage and kept her head down, hoping not to draw too much attention to herself. They only had the one cloak, and it had to be Erik who wore it. Together, the three of them walked towards the ship. They had reached the gangplank that would let them onto the ship when they were stopped.

A security officer stopped in front of them, blocking their way onto the ship. He asked for their tickets, and Christine gave them to him. "I need to see his face," the officer told them. "For the records."

Christine's eyes widened as she fished for a lie, but in the end, it was Brent that saved them. "He can't, monsieur," he told the guard.

"And why not?" the guard asked, crossing his arms angrily.

"He has a terrible condition. If he stands in open sunlight for only one moment, he gets a horrible sunburn. The doctors say that the sunburn could eventually kill him…"

The security officer's eyes widened as he said, "Oh really? How gullible do you think I am?"

Seeing that Brent's bluff wasn't working, Christine let her eyes water as she looked at the guard pleadingly. "Please, monsieur, I'm begging you. We've been through so much to get here, to get away from here, and my poor brother... Please, monsieur, he gets so hurt when he stands in open sunlight, and I can't stand to see him in pain. Can you let us pass, just this once?"

She saw uncertainty cross the guards face, and for a moment, she was worried her would wrench down Erik's hood to see if they were telling the truth. Thankfully, he just nodded and waved them through.

Christine exhaled in relief, taking Erik's hand in hers as they got on board.

What Erik had told her in the carriage had helped calm her, but Christine still felt a crushing weight bearing down on her. Through her guilt, she had the vaguest feeling they had forgotten to do something, and it wasn't until the ride was underway that she remembered what it was. "The horse and carriage...we never sold them," she told Erik one night on their way to America.

Erik shrugged it off. "It'll be alright. We don't need the money from it."

Christine let it go, but she still felt bad that they didn't have the money from selling the horse and carriage. It would have been helpful to them when they got to America. Eventually, her guilt over Raoul came back and drowned out any thoughts she had of the money they could have made.

The ride to America would take two weeks, and during those two weeks, she and Erik stayed below deck in their bunk. They couldn't risk being recognized until they got to America. Brent brought them food and water and news so they wouldn't have to go out. Christine and Erik had adopted Brent, and they officially considered him their son. Most of the trip passed by uneventfully, but on the last night of their journey, Christine found herself having a horrible nightmare.

She was back in the forest, watching Erik falter beneath Raoul's attack. Erik was on the ground, holding his wounded hand to his chest, and Raoul was standing over him, smiling down triumphantly. Christine watched as Erik turned to her, his eyes wide with fear. "Help me, Christine," he called to her, reaching his good hand out to her.

Her mind screamed at her to pick up Erik's sword and run it through Raoul as she had before, but her body refused to respond. Instead, she felt a small smile cross her lips and she crossed her arms over her chest. She watched, almost happily as Raoul brought his sword down and pushed it through Erik's heart. Christine's mind screamed in agony as Erik screamed her name, but instead of collapsing, she moved closer to Raoul, and put an arm around his waist.

They looked down at Erik and Christine heard herself say, "I love you, Raoul." She wanted to slap herself for saying it. She didn't mean it; how could she say that to him?

"We could have had this, Christine," he whispered in her ear. "If you hadn't killed me; we could have been happy. Think about it: before you knew Erik was in my basement, we were in love. If you had just waited and let Erik die like he was supposed to, we could have been happy together."

Christine looked at him and found that she could freely speak her mind. Her rage came out in just one sentence: "I could never love you."

The dream began to fade, and as Christine came to, she realized that she was being shaken awake. Her eyes snapped open and she saw Erik standing over her, a worried look in his eyes. "You were screaming in your sleep," he whispered to her. "I was worried something had happened."

"I was…dreaming… I was back in the forest… I watched him kill you… I…I loved him…" Christine stuttered, looking Erik in the eyes, losing herself in the deep pools of green. "I was happy to see him kill you…" Tears wove their way down her face as she thought of the smile she had been wearing in the dream.

"It's alright, Christine," Erik said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "It was just a dream. None of that happened. You're still with me and Brent, on our way to America. In the morning, our new life begins."

Christine looked at Erik with wide, trusting eyes. Having him next to her, comforting her, talking about their new life, she felt her guilt over Raoul's killing slipping away with the horror of her dream. Seeing him sitting next to her, Christine knew she did what she had to do. If she had had to spend the rest of her life with Raoul, with no hope of seeing Erik again, she would have killed herself. Now, that future had been averted. She would be able to spend the rest of eternity with her Erik, her angel. And she would never again have to look over her shoulder, worrying that Raoul may be right behind the corner. If she had merely stabbed Raoul and let him live, he would have hunted them down and tried to kill Erik again. There was no way to avoid that if she hadn't killed Raoul. While it wasn't the most comforting thought, Christine found herself able to put her guilt and disgust at herself aside. She could see nothing of her past any more; all she could see was what was waiting for her: a future of happiness with the man she loved.

"I'm going to go back to bed," Erik told her.

He made a move to get up, but before he could leave, Christine grabbed his arm and said, "Stay with me."

Erik smiled and lay down next to her, wrapping his arm around her. They looked up at the deck of the ship that served as the ceiling to their room, their arms wrapped around each other. Christine rested her head against Erik's shoulder. "I love you Erik," she whispered.

"Christine, I will love you until the Earth stops turning. And then some," Erik responded.

She curled up closer to Erik, closed her eyes, and turned her thoughts to their future. When they reached America, a new life would be awaiting them. Christine knew it wouldn't be easy, but they'd make due. As long as they were together, as long as they had each other, she knew there was nothing they couldn't face.