HWM: Chapter 34

Summary: Wings!AU. In a world where people born with wings are considered inferior to humans, Sabo does his best to fight for equality. His whole world changes when he meets Ace and Luffy, two Fae living on the wrong side of the law. ASL Centric.

Warnings: canon-typical violence, mentioned or referenced explicit themes, cursing.

Enjoy ur fluff

Chapter 34 - Healing

The next twenty-four hours are a slow, indistinct blur. Sabo wakes up briefly at noon and tries to get up but decides against it at the last second. Ace is warm and the couch is comfortable and maybe he doesn't want to return to reality yet; so he stays curled up and dozing, light filtering through his closed lids as daylight streaks through the apartment windows. It's quiet and still and warm and Sabo's thoughts are slow, blurred by sleep. Luffy is breathing on the back of his neck. He can feel feathers, soft against his skin.

Content, Sabo falls back to sleep.

When he wakes up next, it's dark and Ace is moving, trying to stand. Sabo shifts and groans, eyelids heavy, and grabs Ace's wrist loosely to stop him from getting up. "Ace…?"

"It's fine, Sabo, go back to sleep." Ace tries to pull his wrist free. "I'm just getting some water."

Sabo grumbles and doesn't let go. "Don' go."

"I'll only be a second." Ace pulls his wrist back and Sabo hears him walk into the kitchen. Luffy is still asleep, snuffling against the back of Sabo's sweatshirt, and it's dark outside. Sabo tucks his legs up to his chest, feet freezing cold, and listens to the sound of Ace pouring water into a glass in the kitchen. All is peaceful. There's nowhere in the world that Sabo would rather be.

But still…

Against his will, Sabo finds himself glancing down. He remembers this couch and all the good memories that come with it - waking up here after the night in the train station, sitting here with Ace and talking about the future, sleeping here every night and being warm and safe and secure. But Sabo can also remember the memories that aren't as pleasant. He remembers falling against this couch when Blackbeard was kicking the hell out of him, he remembers slumping back by its side as his fingers were broken one by one. He remembers-

"Sabo?"

Sabo looks up. Luffy is awake and looking at him strangely, as though he's been calling his name for a while now and Sabo hasn't been answering. Sabo realises with a jolt that his body has gone rigid, that his muscles have tensed up and he feels as though he's close to yelling out. Slowly, he tries to release the tension, forcing his body to relax. He doesn't want to ruin this time - the time when for once, they're all safe and happy - by having a flashback right here and now.

"Sorry. Zoned out." Sabo turns over slightly, long legs still bunched up to his chest, and he and Luffy look at one another for a moment. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, 'm okay." A pause. "I miss my crew."

Sabo knows Luffy well enough to know that that really means, I miss Zoro and Nami. He doesn't comment on it.

Luffy stretches, yawning. "What time is it?"

"I dunno." Sabo squeezes his eyes shut, tiredness tugging at his consciousness. Vaguely, he hears Ace come back into the room and feels warmth against his back. Then, sleep comes rushing back in again.

By the time Sabo wakes fully, it's the dead of night, close to 0300. Christmas day is over. The living room is dark. Ace's fingers are loosely looped around his own, and Sabo stares at his sleeping face for a moment, wondering for the first time what they are. What's going to happen with them after the incident out by the warehouse. Then he decides, abruptly, not to care. Whatever is meant to happen, will. Either way, Sabo doubts they're going to leave one another. Not now.

With a sigh, Sabo pushes himself to his feet, extracting himself from the warmth of the couch. He sways on his feet for a moment, darkness rushing momentarily to obscure his vision, but he doesn't feel nearly as tired as he did before. His head is aching, crusted flakes of dried blood from his head wound peppering his cheeks, but he feels about a million times better than he has in a long, long time.

Making his way into the kitchen, Sabo pours himself a little water from their stores. It's a pleasant surprise to find that the Blackbeard's didn't raid them. He leans back against the table, sipping, glass feeling slightly foreign now that it's held in his left hand. The room is dark around him but Sabo doesn't mind. He finds, strangely, that he doesn't feel like he has much to fear from the dark anymore. From the living room, he can hear Ace and Luffy's deep breathing, and the sound of it is soothing. They're alive. They made it through.

Some part of Sabo's messed-ukp, tired brain asks, what now?

He can't find an answer, not for a long time. As he stands there, in the darkness and the cool and the calm, he can't think clearly. Will they go back to Wakeshead, and live their lives out in the safety and the security of the electriglass? Sabo doubts it. Will they travel far, far away, leaving this city in the dust, forgetting it even exists? Sabo… finds himself unhappy with that conclusion, too. He's tired of running. Tired of leaving the past behind. Because the city doesn't feel like something he can leave behind anymore.

Sabo considers staying here. Maybe Ace would get back into risking his life with gang work, Luffy would go back to being unhappy in school school, Sabo would go back to working himself to death. It would be the same was it always was but after everything - the explosion and the apartment and the Hunt and the beating and Wakeshead and his hand and the war - that's hard to imagine, too. All Sabo can really think with complete certainty is that he wants- no, he needs- to stay with Luffy and Ace.

And that leads him onto another tough topic: Ace. Ace, who Sabo had never really known he felt such complicated emotions for until that moment on the battlefield. Ace, who (now, after the kiss, after those three words) is seemingly impossible to get out of his head. Ace, who - now that he looks back on things - Sabo knows he has loved for a long time now. Ace...who loves him back.

They're in love. Or, at least, Sabo's pretty sure they are. The L word is confusing and unfamiliar. It's not like in the movies, where the guy and the girl meet eyes and in that moment, there's a spark and then they're in love. It's more gruesome, more complicated, more ugly. Sabo knows that whatever he feels for Ace (and he's pretty sure he knows what this feeling is) is incredibly strong and breathtaking in its intensity, but… it's marred by everything else. By injury and nightmares and bad feelings and anxiety. By the voice in Sabo's head that sounds like his fathers, screaming that he's worthless every time he looks at Ace and feels heat in his chest.

He wonders, feeling slightly helpless, if all the bad stuff will ever melt away. Because it's hard. Hard to imagine a future where they're all okay and nothing hurts and nothing is bad. Sabo can barely even imagine leaving the apartment right now he feels so shaky. The world feels so utterly fucked right now that it might never change, and hopelessness comes in waves, impossible to hold back.

And the self doubt it still there, too, of course it is. Because what if Ace never really felt that way at all? What if he just kissed him back because he felt like he had to? What if Sabo has been kidding himself all along, wishing for something that can't be his, just making Ace uncomfortable? What if-

"You should stop thinking so hard."

Sabo flinches so hard that he spills a little water onto the floor. Whirling around, he shifts his weight into a fighting pose on instinct-

It's Ace, silhouetted in the doorway to the tiny kitchen, with his hands raised. "Whoa, whoa, Sabo!"

"Sorry-" Sabo stumbles back. "Shit, sorry. I'm on edge. Fuck, I spilled the water-"

"Sabo!" Ace grabs his shoulders gently. "Sab, it's okay. I swear. It's fine. Are you okay?"

"I'm-"

"Don't say it," warns Ace. "Don't say fine. If you're not fine, don't say you are. And I know you're not fine."

It's still very dark and Sabo can abruptly feel his heart pounding very hard. He looks at Ace for a moment, squinting to make out the shadowed features of his face, and then he leans in, very slowly. Ace's eyes flutter closed. They hover very close for a handful of moments, lips a milimetre from touching...then Sabo leans in and closes the distance between them, tilting his head to the side, sinking into Ace as they connect.

The kiss isn't like the one on the battlefield - it's not full of tension and passion and blood. It's slow, very slow, and Ace is uncharacteristically tentative as he slips his arms around Sabo's waist. They stand there, swaying slightly together in the darkness, and Sabo pulls back for a millisecond but Ace chases him and they're kissing again, slowly, affectionately. It feels amazing, more amazing than Sabo could have imagined, but then Ace accidentally steps on his foot and they're both laughing, giggling into the kiss, happy and grinning and Sabo feels so, so alive.

"Sorry," Ace whispers.

Sabo nuzzles his neck a little, as if to say he doesn't mind it. "We should go back to bed. And in the morning, your wing needs Law."

"Law's probably busy. I'm fine."

"I thought you wanted me to stop saying that," Sabo murmurs.

Ace is silent for a moment. "I've had worse."

For a while longer they stand there, in silence, still holding one another. Sabo rests his head on Ace's shoulder and sighs, feeling his energy drain from him. It's obvious that neither of them is ready to let go yet, nor will they be for a while. Sabo imagines Luffy coming in here in the morning, seeing them still standing here after hours, and it makes him smile a little.

"I've been thinking," Sabo says eventually.

"I'm scared."

"Ha-ha, you're very funny." Sabo turns his head, face pressed into Ace's neck. "I mean, I've been thinking about the future. About you and Luffy. About… what comes next."

"I hadn't thought about it," Ace admits into Sabo's hair. "Been a bit busy passed out. What do you think we should do?"

"If you'd asked me that a month ago, I would have said I would do anything to leave the city for good. Find someplace safe where nobody can hurt us anymore." Sabo sighs. "But, now… I don't feel like I can. Not anymore. I can't just… forget how bad things are here. I can't leave this place behind."

Ace is silent. Sabo can't see his face, can't tell what he's thinking, and he wonders but he's pretty sure Ace isn't willing to share.

"I guess… I just can't really stop. Trying to change things, I mean. I want to change this city and I want to make sure Luffy can have a good life, a good world to grow up into, and no matter how long it takes… I'm going to make a change. I can't make myself stop caring. I can't."

"I know," Ace murmurs. "That's really you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're just… frustratingly moral." Ace laughs quietly, the sound vibrating against Sabo's cheek. "I know why you care, and I feel the same way, I do… it's just… I guess there's a little bit of Wakeshead in me. A little bit of me that just wants to keep you two safe, and the rest of the world can explode for all I care. Luffy's the same. We're not like you."

"If you're saying I'm somehow this great person, you're wrong. I'm not a good person."

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm… I don't know. I'm just not. Anyway, I'm tired. And now we're both thinking too hard."

"Yeah, you're right." Ace stretches and yawns. "Luffy's gonna be awake soon, whining for food."

"And I'm gonna go out and get some when he does, and you're staying here to make sure he's okay."

"See, this is what I said about you being a good person."

Sabo snorts. "More like a good babysitter."

Ace laughs, but his form is stiffer now, his face set into lines of discontent. After a moment, he grabs Sabo again, pressing him into his chest roughly. Sabo makes a little noise of surprise that he would never admit was a squeak but allows the sudden affection, letting Ace crush him against him, knowing that he must need this. He doesn't ask. Ace will talk when he wants to.

Eventually, he does.

"I… thought I'd lost you, back there. When you ran off to Blackbeard. I saw your back as you ran to the warehouse and then as you went in, and I didn't see your face, not once. I thought-" A choked laugh. "I thought it was the last time I'd seen you. And that I would never be able to remember what your face looked like. I thought you were dead."

"I-"

More forcefully this time. "Sabo, I thought you were dead."

"Ace, I'm….I…"

"And if it hadn't been for Luffy…" Ace holds him fractionally tighter. "I think I would have given up, right then and there. Because… because maybe I still don't know why I want to live. Maybe I still haven't found a reason yet. But you two are my reason for now and if I lost you, either of you…"

Sabo shudders. "You won't lose us. I swear."

"Never do that again. Never. I can't go through that again, Sabo, I can't."

"You won't have to." Sabo's eyes sting as he pulls back and looks Ace full in the face. "And I don't know how long it'll take, but… someday, we'll find your reason. We will."

"Okay." Ace rubs his wet cheek clumsily. "Ugh, I'm- fuck."

The atmosphere breaks. Sabo reaches up to dry Ace's cheek with his hoodie sleeve. It's the same sweatshirt from what feels like a thousand years ago, back when Sabo rolled it up and put it under Ace's head under the bridge.

"I know the feeling," Sabo laughs. "We can be ugh-fuck together."

"Deal." Ace laughs quietly. It doesn't exactly sound like a laugh - more like a sad, watery little huff - but the sound is music to Sabo's ears. "Let's sleep."

"Definitely."

They traipse back into the living room together, tripping over each other in the dark, expecting to see Luffy passed out on the couch. What they don't expect to see, however, is Luffy sitting up, obviously alert and looking mischievous around the blood on his face.

He shoots them a cheeky grin, crosses his legs and croons, "Gaaay."

"You were listening?! Luffy, you shit-"

"You two are so mushy!" Luffy wrinkles his nose. "I mean, 's'about time, actually. At least now you're together, you two can stop with the really long stares, right? When you look at each other all the time? Can you stop doing that please?"

Sabo and Ace glance at one another and in the dull light, Sabo happens to notice that Ace's eyes are a particular, almost bright shade of stormy grey and they're so familiar but they still manage to make him feel warm and soft inside-

"You're! Doing! It! Again! Right after I said it!"

Sabo chuckles. "Sorry, Lu."

Luffy gives them a helpless look, as if to tell them that they're now both considered hopeless cases. Sabo stumbles through the dark, back towards the couch, and settles back into the soft, sagging cushions, facing Luffy. The kid sticks his tongue out at Sabo and he responds by, childishly, blowing a raspberry.

"Alright, children, stop bickering," Ace says loftily, stretching back onto the couch with his injured wing hanging loosely at his side.

"Children? Ace Portgas, how dare you."

"Yeah! Sabo's right, I'm not a kid!"

"Okay, fine, so maybe Sabo's adolescent. I'll admit that. But you're a squirt. So small that you're not even a child. A toddler. You're a little bab-"

"Shuddup!" Luffy crosses his arms and pouts. "Grandpa."

"What did you just say to me?! You little prick-"

"I'm not little!"

Sabo snorts, trying not to burst out laughing, sandwiched between the arguing pair. "Grandma Sabo doesn't have a nice ring to it, Lu."

"Tough!"

Ace turns away, crossing his arms, and Luffy does too and Sabo abruptly has a face full of feathers on both sides as their wings puff up with agitation. "You two are my favourite people," he sighs.

"We know."

"But I'm your favourite one, right?"

Ace ruffles. "I'm his favourite one."

"No, it's me-"

"You're both my favourite person but you're going to be my least favourite unless you go to sleep," Sabo eventually says, half irritated and half amused. "I'm tired."

"Okay, fine." Both of them turn around in unison (brothers to the n'th degree, Sabo thinks) and Sabo curls into Ace, feeling the wide smile on his own face. It doesn't fade even as he feels himself dropping off to sleep.

And for the first time in a long while, Sabo isn't afraid of the nightmares.

But of course, the nightmares do come, and with them comes the panic and the terror and the cold sweat. Sabo wakes up shivering and tense, a yell on his lips, and Ace tries to ask what it was about but Sabo doesn't want to talk. Luffy is concerned - obviously he is, because fuck, this really is continuing to affect his older brother - but Sabo shakes them off, getting dressed and leaving early, saying that he's going to get Law. Obviously, he doesn't want to relive it. Ace doesn't want to force him… but he can't stop himself from worrying. Especially because Sabo's hands are still shaking even as he leaves the house.

So while Sabo is gone, leaving with a promise to get Law and some food, Ace and Luffy manage to drag themselves off the couch and traipse sleepily into the kitchen. There's still a little water on the floor from where Sabo spilled it last night. They sit opposite one another, and Ace stares out of the window, nostalgia hitting him with surprising force. For a moment, it feels just like the old times - before all this, before Sabo, before the war. Back when it was just Ace and Luffy.

The memory hits him hard.

"Ace! Ace, look! It's massive!"

Ace smiles a little as he watches Luffy run in and out of rooms, exploring the house from top to bottom, incredibly excited by it all. A warm glow grows and grows in his chest. It took a lot of work to get an apartment like this, but… it's worth it. Luffy is going to have a good place to grow up, a place where he can be safe and well cared-for and warm.

Luffy bounces into the kitchen, skidding to a stop in front of Ace and throwing his arms around his waist. "Ace! It's so brilliant here!"

"It's just a little place, Luffy," Ace says softly, thinking of Wakeshead. "But I'm glad you like it. This place… it's home now, okay."

Luffy looks up at him. "Home?"

"Yeah. We're staying here. And you're going to be safe."

"I saw you talking to that Blackbeard guy…" Luffy steps back. He's a tiny little thing, grimy and skinny with overgrown hair and limbs that seem too long for him and wrists that are thicker than his arms. He looks like any typical street kid. He and Ace could be brothers. "Ace… he's not a good guy. Are you gonna be safe, too?"

The innocence of the question makes Ace's heart seize up in his chest. "I…"

"Because if you're not gonna be safe, then we can't stay here. Ace, I want you to be safe."

"I know you do, kid, I know." Ace tugs him back in, musses up his hair. He has recently hit a growth spurt and he's well over Luffy's height, so much taller than him that he can't even rest his chin on the top of his head. "But… that's not what matters. I'll be fine. Blackbeard is giving us a place and even if I don't like him that much… it's safe. You'll be safe here. And I will too."

"You're fourteen," Luffy mutters into his chest. "You don't haf'ta be a grown-up yet. Just stay a kid…"

"I can't." Ace forces a laugh. "I've got a kid brother to look after, haven't I?"

Luffy's voice jerks him back to the real world. "What'cha thinking about?"

"Nothing. Just… stuff." Ace looks at him. "How're you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean- I mean you just-" Ace sighs, not knowing how to approach the subject. "Two of your crew are dead. Are you okay?"

"I'm- I dunno." Luffy looks uncomfortable. "I guess… I should be sad. It kinda hasn't sunk in yet. That they're gone. I thought-" He chokes back what might have been laugh. "I thought earlier that in the morning, I could go see Zoro. Y'know, to make sure he's okay after the fight. And then… then I remembered."

Ace stays silent. Sabo would be better at this than he is. He has no idea what to say, no idea how to help, no matter how much he wants to. He feels as helpless as he did when Sabo lost his hand.

"I don't know." Luffy shrugs roughly. "I'm…"

"I know. I know the feeling," Ace assures abruptly. "To feel like you didn't have the chance to… to say goodbye. I know how it feels. But… it'll pass. Just let it pass."

Luffy doesn't burst into tears or spill his feelings or let grief take over. It's not in his character, after all - even when he's downed like this, some part of him is still a fighter. He leans his forehead onto the table, scrunches up his shoulders, curls his wing around his torso as though he's trying to keep his heart itself from bursting from his chest. Ace pushes his hair back from his forehead and waits for the grief to pass, silent, willing to give Luffy his time.

It takes a long, long time for Luffy to look up again.

No time for replies again… guys, im so sorry. It looks like this is happening a lot. If you leave a review and you want a specific answer on something, just PM me about it, okay? Ill try to reply

I love you all!

-lee