Disclaimer: I do not own One-Piece nor any of it's characters. Those belong to Oda Eiichiro. Another Disclaimer: The comedy skit in this chapter is taken from Tom Arnold's 'McHale's Navy'. If you've never seen I highly recommend it, it's hilarious.

Nunya Bizniz

Chapter Thirty-five: Marine Headquarters

Missy was in Rachel's new study, which had once been Missy's book room, changing into an outfit that Rachel had handed to her. The book room had been changed when all of Missy's books had been transfered to Law's sub. "You couldn't wait until we had gone our separate ways before converting the room, could you?"

"I was feeling active," Rachel responded through the door. "Now hurry up with that. We're almost to our destination and it won't look good for us to be seen in our normal clothing."

"Yes bossy," Missy rolled her eyes. As soon as she got a good look at the clothing she was expected to wear she stopped and stared at it. "Are you serious?!"

"How else do you plan to sneak into Marine Headquarters? Just hurry up, will ya? We've got people waiting on us."

"What people?"

"The people that Dragon has stationed here, working as spies."

"You even got their help for this?"

"Of course I did," Rachel's voice had a tone that said she expected Missy to have figured that out already. "I told you I don't start an elaborate prank without thinking through the entire process step by step. How else do you expect us to break into the Fleet Admiral's office? All we need to do is a little favor for Dragon for this."

"What kind of favor?"

"It's nothing much, just something to go along with Bortolomeo's comedy act."

"You're not making any sense."

"Yet you still go along with the pranks that I plot."

"Damn you, they're too funny to resist. I have to go along if I want a laugh."

Silence followed as Missy concentrated on changing. Rachel's footsteps as she walked away could be heard through the door. About five minutes later, Missy walked out wearing the uniform of a Marine. "This sucks," she moaned.

"Deal with it," Rachel's voice came from the side. When Missy went to snap at her she stopped with her mouth open. She wasn't expecting the sight that Rachel presented. She was also dressed in the uniform of the Marines. The difference was her facial features. Her hair was pulled back and done in a tight French braid. On her face was a pair of glasses that was very similar to the ones she wore back in their world. She also wore a touch of make-up.

"You're wearing make-up? You never wear make-up."

"I know," Rachel let out a growl. "It's coming off the second we're done here. I don't need this crap clogging up my pores. I've gone my whole life without acne, I'm not about to start getting it now."

"Lucky bitch," Missy hissed. "You're the only one in the entire family that has never had acne. How the heck did you do it?"

"It's simple really," Rachel stated. She started to walk towards the stairs. "All you have to do is avoid two things. Wearing make-up, I would assume that much was obvious. The second is to not rest your face in the palms of your hands. Your palms sweat, the sweat clogs your pores and thus you get acne. I always rested my chin on the back of my hands or on my fist. FYI: the backs of your hands don't sweat."

"You couldn't have shared this information with the rest of us, particularly us girls?"

Rachel only shrugged her shoulders. "Why didn't the rest of you figure it out on your own?"

On the deck Bortolomeo was waiting for them. He let out a laugh when he saw the two in their disguises. "If only Luffy-senpai and Zoro-senpai could see you," he managed. "I'm sure you would be sent on spy missions Miss Rachel."

"Not bloody likely," Missy responded in her stead. "It might get suggested by Robin or Nami, but Zoro would put the kibosh on that real quick and in a hurry. Have you seen how possessive that guy is? He's like a Neanderthal."

Rachel let out a knowing smile. "Yet he's my Neanderthal," she said. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"You always went for the type," Missy rolled her eyes.

"I always went for the type that I felt could protect me," Rachel corrected. "Only once did I date a guy where I was stronger than him. Worst mistake of my life. Could hardly relax while walking the town with him. I figured if we were ever mugged he would give me up in a second to save his own hide, that or I had to protect him. You have no idea what that feels like. This is so much better."

"How could a man be weaker than a woman?" Borolomeo asked.

"He was a computer geek," Missy deadpanned.

"A what?"

"A pencil pusher," Rachel said instead.

"Not that I know exactly what that means," Bortolomeo answered slowly. "It sounds like he wasn't very active."

"EXACTLY!" Both girls said it at the same time.

"Back to the subject on hand," Rachel faced the two. "We're going to anchor the Nunya here and take BB the rest of the way. Bortolomeo, we'll leave you in charge of guarding it. Don't worry about causing any trouble. The rooms where you can actually do any damage have all been locked. As well as my own room. So, if you decide to go exploring and come across a locked room then leave it alone. It's locked for a reason. Don't go messing around the dock or trying to take LB out for a spin. I don't mind teaching you how to operate BB later, but LB is too easy to tip and for you to fall into the sea. If you did and no one was around you would be lost and pass on to the next life." Bortolomeo gulped, his Adam's Apple visibly moving up and down. He nodded his head to show that he understood.

"Then let's head out Rae," Missy said. She started back below. "You could have told me we were taking BB. Now we have to walk all the way back down to the dock. What waste of energy."

"I had to give Borolomeo instructions," Rachel reasoned. "Besides, it's not like you have to come back to the deck again. I have to close the dock after you have BB in the water and then return to the deck just to board the little boat. If I were you I would zip it or what we're about to do to the marines will pale in comparrison."

Bortolomeo shuttered at Rachel's threat. Once the two were out of hearing range he muttered to himself. "Glad I'm not on the receiving end of their rage. Gotta remember not to anger them."

~Rachel and Missy got inside the Headquarters without trouble. It was all thanks to the spy network that Dragon had employeed within the ranks. The two of them, looking like normal marines, were able to wander through the building without notice. So long as they avoided the higher ranked officers then it wasn't a problem. Knowing that some of the marines had strong Observation Haki both the women avoided talking about the plan and kept things to a code-like discussion.

At the Fleet Admiral's office, the two paused to check no one was around. The room empty, both women silently thanked the powers that be for the chaos of Dressrosa. The uprising was causing such a conflict that all the admirals and vice-admirals were almost always in a meeting.

"Let's do a thorough cleaning job in here," Rachel said. "We have to make sure that the office is spotless." Both girls grinned as they walked in carrying a bunch of cleaning supplies and pushing a nearly empty cleaning cart.

Upon entering the two began cleaning. Missy was sweeping the area while Rachel started with dusting. They were moving things aside to get better access to certain areas. It wasn't their fault that confidential information happened to fall into the empty mop bucket or the bottom of the cleaning cart. An emergency broadcast snail also found it's way into the bucket Missy was using.

Rachel opened the door to the closet to check if any of the admiral's garments needed to be taken to the 'laundry'. Her head cocked to the side as she spied two wooden crates. She took a peek inside and let out an evil grin. "We should take these empty bottles out and bring in a fresh stock," she announced to Missy. Missy paused in what she was doing and watched as Rachel moved the crates to the cleaning cart. When Rachel stood straight she made a gesture to Missy that they were finished. "We should hurry and replace the empty bottles before the admiral returns. We don't want him to be without his beverage while he works so hard to protect us." The two women then fled the scene in a hurry.

~Missy and Rachel returned to the Nunya several hours later. To their relief, no damage had been done to the ship. They found Bortolomeo in the galley, eating a sandwhich. He was overly happy to see the two. Exclamations of boredom were the only excuse for the reason. Both women could only roll their eyes at the action.

Rachel turned to Missy with a grin. "On to the nearest pirate friendly tavern," she announced. "We have an important broadcast to make." Missy smirked and headed off to the bridge.

"How did it go?" Bortolomeo finally asked.

"Oh, we really cleaned house."

~The owner of the bar was more than happy to accommodate the request of the women, especially after they offered him a free way to make more money. So, without too much trouble, the two set up the broadcast snail from Akainu's office. What made it so special was that it would stop all other images on broadcast monitors around the world and show only what it was seeing. Something similar had been used to broadcast the failed execution of Ace. Once the snail started the show also began. The two had Bortolomeo start off with a 'comedy act'. He tried, the girls had to give him credit, the bandit turned pirate really tried to be funny. He failed miserably and had various things thrown at him as a result. Bortolomeo looked at the two with mournful face. Rachel gave him the signal to announce the next 'act'.

~On board the Sunny Zoro was extremely furious. The only one that bothered to get close to him was Luffy, but they were best friends so it was understandable. Zoro spent most of his time in the lookout, training with a ferocity that was worrying Usopp, Chopper and Nami. The only reason he hadn't started picking fights was that Sanji, of all people, had convinced them that the two were not running away. He had spoken with the two before they left. While he didn't know what they were up to he did know that they had planned on returning. The only thing that kept Zoro from killing the cook was the knowledge that Luffy would be upset that his nakama were killing each other.

Zoro's training was interrupted when Usopp rushed into the lookout. "You need to come to the galley," he announced. "Something big is happening. The marines are making some sort of announcement." Zoro followed after him reluctantly. He didn't really care what the marines had to say.

In the galley, the broadcast screen that they had was showing the marine symbol. It would be like that for a few minutes so that people had a chance to stop what they were doing and pay attention to the broadcast. The image changed shortly after Zoro's arrival. The entire crew blinked when they saw Bortolomeo's image.

"Come to think of it," Nami started. She put a hand to her chin. "I was so busy worrying about Rachel and Missy that I didn't notice Bortolomeo was missing too. I wonder what he's doing in a marine broadcast." Her features suddenly paled at that. "You don't think that this is an execution, do you?"

"I highly doubt that," Robin responded. "His arms are free and he appears to be in an overly cheerful mood."

"This reeks of two certain sisters of ours," Ace spoke in anger. "Just what in the world have they gotten into now?" The crew watched as Bortolomeo made a spectacle of himself.

"I think we all agree on one thing," Sanji let out a puff of smoke. "Bortolomeo must never open his own comedy act." Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

Bortolomeo's next words had everyones attention drawn to him once more. "Now please help me welcome the two women that sponsored this event," he said. "Rachel and Missy, please come up to the stage." Zoro's entire body tensed with the announcement.

~On Law's sub, following the Sunny, Bepo rushed into Law's room. "I'm sorry Captain, but you need to come to the bridge!"

"Have you located the Nunya?" Law asked.

"Not yet, but it does involve the Miss." Law looked up sharply at that to stare at Bepo. He was slightly panicky, showing that something big was happening. Law got up from his desk and followed Bepo. His eyes widened as the screen showed Missy and Rachel joining Bortolomeo in front of a camera.

~"Thank you for the introduction," Missy said with a grin.

"By the way Bortolomeo," Rachel got him to pause in his departure and look at her. "It's good to see you back in men's clothing." A round of laughter filled the bar. Bortolomeo shook his head and waved dismissively at them as he got off camera. That was the worst five minutes of his life.

"We have a few announcements to make," Missy began. "As a good number of citizens know, Rachel and I had a wonderful reputation of helping people. We sold them tools and security against those that would harm them. However, through coincidental circumstances, the marines decided to brand us as pirates. Not only as pirates, but as members of the Straw Hat crew. As a result of their platant propaganda, not bothering to get their facts right, Straw Hat Luffy declared us as part of their crew. We ageed for a few reasons."

"The main one being this," Rachel continued. "If the marines are going to put a bounty on us we'll give them a reason to have it there and make it higher." Rachel then made a show of pulling out a piece of paper. "Now I have a message for the marines from the leader of the Revolution. He says, quote: 'Prepare for war', end quote. Must suck to be you guys. For our last announcement, the bartender wanted us to tell all of you wonderful patrons of the drink special of the night."

~In a bar on an island somewhere in the New World. Shanks and his crew were watching the two women they had come to know almost like their own nieces. Shanks was laughing at the trouble they were stirring up with the marines. The mention of a last announcement had the bar silenced. Rachel was saying the bartender had a drink special for everyone there. "It's called 'Stolen Sake Surprise," they heard her. They watched as Rachel held up a bottle of one of the world's most expensive and famous types of sake known. At the same time the girls said, "We stole Akainu's sake. SURPRISE!" The transmission then cut out.

"Ben," Shanks called out. He turned to look at his first mate. "Where exactly was that bar located? Do you know?"

"Actually I do," Ben said. "That bar is in a town about three islands away."

Shanks stood up in a rush and headed for the door. "Let's go men," he callled.

"Why are we leaving?" one crewmember asked.

"Didn't you hear them?" Shanks asked. He had a shocked look on his face as he stared back into the bar. "They have stolen sake that they're just selling to a bunch of people who would have no appreciation of it. We must rectify the situation."

"I should have known," Ben shook his head. He followed his captain out of the bar, not bothering to see if the others were following. He knew full well that they would, Shanks just inspired that kind of loyalty.