Author's Note: Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Another long chapter!

Chapter 33

Before leaving for work Monday morning, Mike tells me that his attorney is available to meet at his office downtown at 2:30 and gives me the address. Luckily when I speak to the lawyer Kate recommended, she is able to make it then as well.

After picking up Edward at his hotel, we have a quick breakfast at Panera before heading out to see the furnished apartments. The lady at the booking office remembers me from the times I made reservations there for various external auditors. She shows Edward and me a small, three-bedroom place in the next building over from the clubhouse and gym, which seems perfect. I need to call a real estate agent and start looking at homes nearby soon, but this will serve us well for several weeks. She informs us that we'll be able to move in tomorrow after they have it cleaned.

Once we're finished at the apartments, I decide to show Edward a bit of downtown Chicago. After two bitter cold days over the weekend, it's at least above freezing today. Still, I'm glad for my warm coat and scarf as we walk along Michigan Avenue, thanks to the cold wind blowing off the lake. We find a cozy Italian restaurant for a late lunch once we're too chilled to continue walking outside.

After lunch, we find the attorney's office using the GPS on my iPhone. Edward comes with me for moral support, though he'll stay out in the waiting area during the meeting. Shortly before 2:30, a tall, impeccably dressed blonde woman who appears to be in her late 40's walks into the waiting room.

"Are you Bella?" she asks with a smile. I nod. "I'm Irina Fairbanks; it's nice to meet you. And please call me Irina."

I stand and shake her hand. "Nice to meet you, too."

"And this is…?" she asks, nodding towards Edward.

"This is Edward Cullen… my boyfriend."

When Mike walks in the door, the receptionist sends the three of us back to see his attorney, Marcus Volturi.

"Please, have a seat," he indicates toward a round table as we step into the small conference room. With his slicked-back dark hair, Mr. Volturi reminds me of a used car salesman.

"We're here today to discuss the Separation Agreement. As you may or may not know, a true legal separation is rarely done in the state of Illinois; therefore, this agreement will not be filed in court. It will, however, become the basis for a later divorce agreement. Do you understand?" he asks me.

"Yes, Sir."

"Good. First, we'll discuss any financial issues. My client is proposing an equal division of all jointly held accounts. As you have already indicated that you will move out of the family home, Mrs. Newton, Mr. Newton has chosen to remain there and you will receive half the equity value in your home. In practice, the home is usually appraised and then refinanced, with a new loan in the name of the spouse who will be remaining in the home. After the original loan is paid off, the remaining proceeds will be split between both spouses."

"That sounds more than fair," I say quietly, thinking that it's probably more than I deserve — while I made a very good salary at my old company, I doubt that I contributed financially as much as Mike did over the years.

Inside I wonder exactly how much equity we have in our home today. We bought the house in late 2004, about midway though my pregnancy with the twins. While that was a couple of years before the market peaked, home values have plummeted nearly 25% since the purchase. We'd probably be underwater in our loan today if we hadn't done so well on the sale of our first home, purchased just before home values began to climb rapidly, and been able to put down a large down payment.

"Mr. Newton will start the paperwork to refinance as soon as possible. There will be no spousal support to either party. Now, as to custody of the three minor children."

Here we go, I think to myself.

"Mr. Newton is proposing joint custody, with him as the custodial parent. You will be given adequate visitation rights, including every other weekend and alternating holidays."

"What?" I ask, shocked. That doesn't fit my definition of "joint" custody.

"Mrs. Newton," Mr. Volturi says condescendingly, "This is a very typical arrangement, meant to disrupt the lives of the children as little as possible. True, it's usually the mother who retains primary custody; however, in this case…" He trails off, looking at me pointedly.

I turn to my husband. "Mike, can we discuss this in private?"

He looks up to his attorney for his consent before nodding. Mike and I step out into the hallway and into his attorney's office across the hall.

"Really, Mike? I never thought you'd try to take my kids away," I say angrily.

"I'm not taking them away. Come on, Bella, look at things objectively for a minute. The kids are my life; I raised them alone for over six months while you… gallivanted around the country with another man, after you left because you couldn't handle the stress of raising them. You'd never be happy as even a half-time single parent."

I grit my teeth. "For all the help you gave me in raising our children, I was a single parent for two and a half years. You raised them for six months with the equivalent of a stay-at-home mom to help you."

"Look, Bella," Mike sighs, "I made a lot of mistakes — I put my career ahead of my family, and I'll always regret that. I admit my part in causing you to leave. But I think you're just reacting out of anger — you don't really want the kids with you."

Of course I do, I think… don't I?

Shit, could Mike be right? I always expected to have kids one day, because that's what people do, but I never dreamed about it while growing up. Nessie came along long before I was truly ready to be a mother. And while I wanted her to have a sibling, I went off birth control on Mike's schedule, not mine — and I certainly didn't expect to get two more children. But to only spend time with them every other weekend?

"Bella?" Mike asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"I can't believe you expect me to give up my kids," I reply, shaking my head.

"After your behavior this past year, you're lucky I'm proposing for you to have any time with them at all. You'd never win in a custody fight, Bella — not with your recent behavior, and a live-in boyfriend who's done hard time."

Oh God, he's right… to any outside observer, I must look like a horrible parent.

"Fine," I sigh. I feel like such a failure as a woman, giving up primary custody of my kids, but I know they'll be well taken care of by Mike, and I certainly don't want to put them through the stress of a custody fight.

We walk back into the conference room, where our lawyers are quietly conversing.

"Everything ok, Bella?" Irina asks me.

"Yes… I'll accept that Mike retains primary custody — for now."

"All right," Mike's attorney continues, "As he will be the custodial parent, my client is asking for child support from you, Mrs. Newton. In Illinois the court can set child support at approximately 30% of your net income. I understand you are a self-employed consultant?"

"Yes," I reply.

"If your income varies month to month, it may be more difficult to set an exact figure for support—"

"I'm not going to abandon my kids financially. I'll pay whatever you need, Mike."

"All right," Mr. Volturi states. "I will also begin proceedings to file for a no-fault divorce. If you both agree in writing, I should be able to get the standard two-year waiting period waived so that it should take about six months to be finalized."

We sign the Separation Agreement and I walk back out to the lobby, where Edward is waiting for me. He stands when I come around the corner and I rush into his arms, squeezing him tightly.

After Edward kisses the top of my head, Mike clears his throat behind us. I quickly step back from Edward. Shit, I'd forgotten that Mike was even there. "Mom is planning to bring the kids by for dinner around 6:30 so we can explain to them what's going on. You'll be there?"

"I'll be there," I nod.

"How did it go, baby?" Edward asks, as soon as we step out of the building.

"It went ok," I reply. "Mike's proposal on the financial side was very fair. He does want primary custody of the children, with visitation for me."

Edwards gasps. "Is that what you want?"

"I think it's what I deserve," I say quietly.

"Bella—"

"It's ok, Edward. I can't win a custody fight right now, and this will give the kids some time to ease into this new arrangement and get comfortable with you."

Edward and I spend another hour or so downtown before I drive him back to his hotel. On the way home, I stop by the grocery store and pick up some chicken breasts and potatoes for dinner tonight.

Mike arrives home a little after 6pm, while I am working on dinner.

"I didn't mean you had to cook for everyone, Bella. We could've ordered takeout."

I shrug. "It's fine. Is your dad coming too? I need to know how many of these to make."

"I think so, yeah."

Shortly after 6:30, I'm stirring the gravy I'm making for the mashed potatoes when I hear the front door open. The children come rushing in, followed by Mike's parents. "Mom!" Nessie yells, coming into the kitchen.

"Hey, Ness, how was school today?"

"Good — I got an A on my math test from last week."

"That's great, honey," I reply, hugging her tightly.

"Grandma said you and Dad didn't go to Florida?"

"No, um, something came up and we had to cancel the trip… Why don't you tell everyone dinner should be on the table in five minutes? And go wash your hands."

Ness bounds out of the kitchen and I check on the chicken breasts in the oven, before taking the pan out and placing it on the stove.

As we all sit down to eat, I avoid looking either of Mike's parents in the eye. The kids monopolize the conversation with tales from their weekend with their grandparents.

After we're finished eating, Mike helps me quickly clear the table and then we join the others in the family room. I take a seat next to Mike on the loveseat.

"Kids, there's something your mom and I wanted to talk to you about," Mike begins, before nodding at me. He wants me to do this? Well, I guess I made my bed…

Just rip off the band-aid, Bella…

"Your father and I have decided to get a divorce. I'll be moving out in the morning."

Three shocked faces stare up at us. Finally Nessie speaks, her little brow furrowed. "But Mom, you promised that you and Dad weren't getting divorced."

Mike turns to me. "When did you promise this, Bella?"

"Um, it was just before Thanksgiving," I say quietly.

"I'm so sorry to break my promise to you, Nessie, but things have changed since then. Your father and I — and that means all of you, too — will be happier if we live separately. I'm sorry, I never should have made you a promise like that."

"But where will you go, Mommy? Why do you have to leave?" Seth asks.

"For now, I'm moving into an apartment about 10 minutes away from here. I'll start looking for a new house soon, and you guys can come stay there on weekends."

"I'll be here helping with you guys," Ann adds. "It'll be just like last year, except you'll see your mom, and I'm sure she'll call you all the time."

"Of course, I'll talk to you every night. Both of us love you guys very, very much. I know the next few months aren't going to be easy, but we'll get through it." I smile, hoping they pick up on my happiness about this turn of events.

Ann follows me back into the kitchen to help me rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher.

"I'm sorry, Ann," I begin nervously. "Please know that I never intended for this to happen."

"You're lucky the kids are in the other room and I don't want them to overhear. I understand that you were overwhelmed, Bella, so I don't blame you so much for leaving last year. I didn't work and still I felt overwhelmed sometimes raising only two children. But how could you cheat on Mike? He worshipped you," she adds angrily.

"Really? Because from where I stood, it seemed like our marriage was the last of his priorities. Edward makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world. I love him so much. It nearly killed me to be away from him for the last five months. I am so, so sorry that Mike was hurt — I never intended that."

"You've hurt a lot of people, Bella."

"I know," I whisper.

Ann shakes her head. "I sure hope you know what you're doing, Bella."

Once the dishwasher is loaded and kitchen cleaned up, Mike's parents say their goodbyes. Mike helps Ness with her homework while I give the boys a bath and put them to bed. I need this time to be close to my babies before I only see them every other weekend.

It's still a little surreal to me to think about it, but in my heart, I know Mike is right — the children are better off with him for now.

I give my parents a quick call to update them on everything that happened today, until Nessie knocks on the door and peeks her head into the guest room. I invite her in and quickly say goodbye to my mom.

"Hey, Ness, what's up?" I ask as she sits cross-legged on the bed next to me.

"It's just us now, Mom. The boys aren't here so you can tell me the truth. I'm old enough to handle it — I don't still believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny like they do."

I can't help but laugh. "We did tell you the truth, honey."

"But not the whole truth."

"Where did you learn that?" I ask, laughing again.

She shrugs. "Some cop show on TV."

I sigh. "Ness, the whole truth here is for the grown-ups."

"But Moooommm…"

I roll my eyes at her whining. Maybe there is some version of the truth I can give her?

"Ok, Ness — woman to woman. I do love your father, but I don't… get butterflies when I think of him. When we first met and fell in love, I felt so much more for him than for other guys that I'd dated before. I thought what we had was as good as it could get. But now… I know that the way I felt for your dad isn't the way you should feel when you marry someone.

"I'm telling you this because I don't want you to do what I did — never, ever settle for someone who doesn't give you butterflies. Ok?"

"I promise," she says solemnly. "But how do you know now about the butterflies?"

Well, she's going to find out soon, anyway. "Because… I met a man who does give me butterflies."

Ness wrinkles her nose. "So you're leaving Daddy to be with someone else?"

My daughter is too smart for her own good sometimes. "Yes. His name is Edward, and he's an amazing person. He's looking forward to meeting you and your brothers."

"Is he cute?"

"Cute?" I laugh. "You're not even 10 years old yet — what do you know of cute boys?"

"Like Justin Bieber."

"Well, Edward is much cuter than Justin Bieber," I say with a wink. "Nessie, I am so sorry that I've been a horrible mom to you for the last year," I continue, stroking her hair. "I love you and your brothers so much. I missed you terribly while I was gone, and I'm going to miss you after I move out, but your dad wants you guys to stay with him."

"What if I want to live with you instead?"

I shake my head. "For now, I think it'll be better to stick to the agreement we made, instead of fighting, but we can definitely revisit things later. When you're a little older, I bet a judge will let you choose where you want to live."

"Really?"

"Really," I smile. "Why don't you go get ready for bed? I'll make your favorite pancakes tomorrow for breakfast, ok?"

"Ok, goodnight, Mommy."

"Night, Ness. I love you," I say hugging her tightly.

I send a quick I 3 U text to Edward, before falling asleep, exhausted.

A/N: I Googled all the info on Illinois divorce law. Apologies if I got something wrong. I do have a friend who was divorced in Illinois, but I wasn't about to tell her that I needed to ask her some questions as research for a fanfic!