(A/N) Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! On the final stretch now.

Cognizance

Shuffling into his home, Jack took a deep breath, clearing his lungs of hospital air and letting the warmth seep into his bones. Looking down, he wondered how he was going to take off the several layers of clothing he had been bundled into, a necessity, it would seem, before being allowed to escape the hospital and step out into the frigid cold. The thought was brief, however, for shortly, two adept hands started unbuttoning the first. Swallowing hard, as he looked down at the slight smile on her face, he tried not to imagine this action in any other circumstance. 'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea' he thought and his body responded in same, hands coming up to rest over hers, stopping her movements. Her eyes flickered up, and when they met his her innocent actions doubled in meaning for her, red starting to creep into her cheeks as she backed away.

"I'm sorry, I just thought…" Stuttering, she tried to ease the tension that had sprung up.

"No, Sue, it's fine. God knows I'm pretty weak right now and I'm glad of your help." He had begun to reach for her, but had stopped half way, and his arm was left stretched out between the two of them. After searching his eyes, Sue seemed to find what she was looking for, and the small smile from earlier came back.

"OK." And with that she was right by him again, finishing the last of the buttons. Jack spent the rest of the time trying to distract his thoughts from the brush of her hands, but it wasn't long before he was reduced to just two layers and guided steadily to the couch. Tiered, and spent of energy, he laid himself down, not allowing himself to become frustrated by his body's lack of strength, as he knew, from experience, that it wouldn't help.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Closing his eyes, Jack took a deep breath, apprehension filling him, before opening them again and met hers imploringly.

"Sue, I think we need to talk." He watched as she tensed up after reading his words. Nervousness flickered across her face as she replied.

"You're tired Jack, why don't you get some rest, there's plenty of time for us to talk later." Knowing she was just trying to avoid the topic, Jack gave her a small smile, but he knew that they had to clear the air, at least somewhat, if they were going to continue being in close proximity to each other.

"Well, how about this, if I fall asleep during our conversation you'll be let off the hook, but I will live it down, ok?" Flashing her his irresistible grin, which she thought was very unfair, he could see her ease up a little.

"I think we have a deal, but how about some nice hot chocolate and a fluffy pillow before we get started?" Oh, how he loved that teasing expression.

"Don't think that I can't see what you're doing Miss Thomas." Chuckling slightly, he wagged his finger at her. Eyes wide and failing to suppress a grin, Sue leaned in.

"Is that a yes? Or do you think that you won't be able to stay awake?"

"Oh, so you're making this into a challenge now are you?"

"I'm not the one who's all drugged up Mr Hudson." Laughing, he hoisted himself into a slightly more upright position.

"Fine, you're on Thomas." Shooting a triumphant smile his way, she left with a final comment flung over her shoulder.

"Make sure you're awake when I get back!"

A few days after he had met Sue, Jack had spent almost an hour rearranging his furniture. He had started with the intention to just move the sofas a little, so somebody could see anyone's lips, no matter where they were sitting. The problem was that, as soon as he moved the sofas he had to move the TV, then the coffee table and in the end everything else ended up being moved as well, even if it was only a little to either side. It was only later that he had realised how pointless the endeavour had been, but it had shown him what lengths he would go to make any situation easier for the woman, who, even that early on, had begun to creep into his heart. Now though, as she sat across from him, he had no idea how to that. No joke to ease the tension came to mind, but neither had a way to start the conversation they were currently supposed to be having. He was propped up with multiple cushions on one couch, staring intently into his hot chocolate, as Sue tucked herself into the corner of the other, watching him. Well, there was nothing for it, he had to start somewhere.

"Why didn't you tell me you broke up with David?" Whatever she had been expecting, that wasn't it. Surprise was evident on her face as she floundered for an answer.

"I guess I didn't want to make this any harder." He didn't have to ask what she had meant by 'this'.

"For who?" Trying to keep his anger in check, he took a sip, lips protesting at the hot liquid. Sue's cheeks flushed, and she bent her head slightly, hair falling either side of her face.

"Well, me mostly. When I was dating him, you slowly stopped inviting me over for movie nights, or 'homemade' meals."

"I didn't want him to get the wrong idea."

"I know." Her eyes pleaded her truthfulness.

"So what, you didn't want to be around me?"

"No! It wasn't that. It was selfish of me, I know, but I found it hard to be in those situations." Watching her turn an even darker shade of red, the agents brow furrowed in confusion.

"Sue, I don't understand." Her eyes pierced his after reading those words, and Jack found himself momentarily frozen to the spot. It was her turn to be angry, and blimey was she good at it, but her voice was soft as she spoke.

"Do you know how strange it is? Remembering not being able to remember." He blinked at the seemingly random change in conversation, but didn't say anything, sensing the question was a rhetorical one. "Everything I did during that day was me, but it feels as though it all happened to someone else, someone like me, but so much luckier." Now he did have to comment.

"Luckier?!" Looking at her intently, he saw that she hadn't seen his comment, but was picking at a stray thread in the arm of his chair. Slowly he started lifting himself off his seat, actions forced to be deliberate and controlled. Sue looked up sharply at the movement and her eyes widened.

"Jack, what are you doing?" She was across the small space before he had moved an inch more and placed her hands, soft but demanding, on his chest to push him back gently. Letting her, he covered her hands in his. Ignoring her question, he positioned her so she was sat beside him, both bodies angled to the other. Making sure she was looking at him, he repeated the question.

"What do you mean by luckier?"

"I didn't remember what it was like, to be tormented for who I was, to lose somebody I was close to. It was like I had nothing holding me down, no voice in the back of my mind reminding me that I couldn't do something, that I was different. I had a new kind of confidence in myself. I envy the person I was that day because she was where I had worked so hard to get to, but she didn't remember what it took to get there." Sensing there was something else, he kept quiet but his breath shook as he released it at the look in her eye when she met his. "And because of that, she got to kiss you." It was like all the breath had been knocked out of him and his head scrambled for words. "Leaving me with the memory, but unable to do it again." Words came from somewhere, desperate and half pleading.

"Why? Why can't you?" His hands tightened around hers.

"You know why." And she was right, all those moments that had happened between them, the deep looks before the sudden departures, the silent communication of feelings they were both too scared to speak. Because it would have changed everything. Dropping his head briefly, he gathered his courage and, with a firm expression, righted it.

"Sue, I…" Was all he managed to force out of his mouth before a loud shrill filled the air.