Darkness. There was pure darkness. Pure, absolute darkness and a voice, a voice so laced with sick and twisted pleasure as it spoke, "File corrupt. No saved data exists."
The smirk was so evident in the voice that you just knew it felt so sinfully pleasured when it spoke those words.
And then there was darkness again.
Miyabi screamed, felt her body make hard contact with the floor and snapped her eyelids open.
"But I didn't even use the billion gold glitch!" She gasped desperately.
"Miyabi, get off the floor and stop talking nonsense." In the kitchen, Kaoru was trying to pry a golden toothbrush from Kevin's clutches. "It's passed noon, you really should have gotten u--Kevin, stop growling at me, please!"
Miyabi breathed a sigh of relief from the floor. So it was just a nightmare. It had felt so awfully real. The darkness had been cold, like space.
She sat up. "My bad...it was just that I had this nightmare..." She pulled herself to a stand and picked the blanket up off the floor. "It was like everything we had worked so hard for suddenly disappeared, and there was this voice, a real fucked up voi--"
The TV made a boom sound as if it had exploded. It startled Miyabi so badly that she toppled to the ground.
"Attention, attention! Today is the annual Fall Harvest Festival! So make sure your sorry asses are at the beach between ten and midnight if you wanna get that event sprite, but make sure you dont come any earlier than ten or else Thomas will tell you to leave like the little bitch he is. Out."
"Yeah, thanks for the reminder, jack ass." Miyabi threw the blanket back on the bed.
"Harvest Festival? Oh, I don't think we have anything to offer..." Kaoru said as she frowned and furrowed her brow, as if she really wanted to participate.
"Huh?"
"Every year on this day, the villagers gather around a giant cooking pot on the beach. Each villager tosses a food item into the pot to be cooked. It's like a potluck, but in an actual pot." Kaoru's voice was still disappointed as she explained.
"What's so great about that?" Miyabi crossed her arms. "I'm just surprised no one's tried to poison everyone, or throw in a bunch of Viagra. Hey Kaoru, got any Viagra?"
"Yes, in fact I do. I just spoke with my doctor about my ED yesterday and I think things will all work out now."
"That's...the coolest thing you've said, and probably the last cool you'll ever say."
Kaoru would have made a snarky remark back but Train started to scratch the fine leather sofa. A leather sofa?
Well, they had stolen all of Van's belongings, and if that walking tube of blubber ever had said that he was a rich man, he certainly hadn't been lying. Rich isn't even the right term because Van had money, possessions AND stocks. He probably could have eaten his entire fortune and be completely stuffed. No, no, take that back. Van had never been able to fill his stomach.
So Van's shit was just piled up around their tiny farmhouse. It was so crammed in there that they couldn't walk without stepping on something or another.
After Kaoru pulled Train off the sofa, she and Miyabi grew quiet and they looked over all the pricey junk in their house.
"You know how you said that we didn't have anything to put in the giant pot of joy and rainbows?"
"I don't remember it being a giant pot of joy and rainbows."
"Well it should be. Anyway, I was thinking..." Miyabi walked over to the beauty box and shuffled through the outfits. "Let's go to Gotz and see if we can get an expansion on this dumb house."
"Mineral Town is having their festival today too," Kaoru said very factually.
"Hey, it's worth a try? At least it'll give us something to do while everyone else is eating soup that's probably made of pickle juice, jam, and fried tomato pulp."
And for once, Kaoru couldn't disagree. "Good idea. Just one little thing..."
"Yeah?"
"Dont sleep naked ever, ever again."
&&&
Rock had no idea where Cliff was, but there were only a few places Cliff could be: His and Rock's room, Gray's bed, or the BES's mouth. Quite frankly, Rock was too damned jolly to care where his biffelz was.
It was the Harvest Festival and Rock had come up the most super fantastical idea ever!
"Such a generous, handsome man you are, Rock! Your awesomness is big and beautiful, just like the big, beautiful ocean! Bawahaha!" He combed his hair back as he admired himself in the mirror.
What was his grand, awesome plan? To share the wonders of Crass with the entire town by dumping a boatload into the pot. No one would know what hit them, they'd just slowly slip away into Crassland oblivion where it's always warm and the beaches never close.
Yeah, something like that.
He gathered up his Crass and looked at the clock. Eight. Okay, so he had two hours to spare. He was quite tempted to smoke some before the party started, but he might come off as suspicious. ( Because it wasn't as if he smoked it and ran around town like an idiot every day or something. ) Tucking the bags of Crass into his pants, he left the Inn.
As he walked out, he noticed Miyabi and Kaoru as they made their way to the hill.
"Hey! Hey! Can I ride the horse? I never got to ride it yet!" Rock pranced over to them.
Kaoru let out a sigh and didn't bring Stacy to a stop. Instead, she made him walk a bit faster.
"I'll ride your horse," Miyabi purred.
Rock laughed, "What?"
"Oh...that sounded kinda furryish, huh?"
"Yep. Now tell your friend that we can't talk to him."
"Hey!" Rock sounded a bit hurt. "I'm your friend too, Super-K."
"Stop following us!"
Stacy noted Kaoru's anger and lifted his leg back, kicking Rock square in the crotch. But oh ho ho, the impact did not damage Rock's package in the least because the Crass he had stuffed in his pants earlier had acted like padding. He just fell back, minor injuries to his ass and back.
"Never go outside without wearing your Crass, bwahahah!" Rock announced in a deep voice as if he were on TV and explaining his product, then he roared with laughter at himself.
"Run off, Rock. I'm sure you've got some useless things to do that will help you in your never ending effort to waste your life away," Kaoru said in a quite a harsh fashion even though her voice was slightly flat. Her monotone insults were the worst.
"Today's gonna be awesome!" Then Rock began to sing sweetly--well, as sweet as the blond possibly could, "I am beautiful, no matter what they saaay. Words can't bring me down!! I got a pocket got a pocket full'a sunshine--"
"No, don't switch songs so suddenly like that! You'll throw everyone off," Miyabi coached as Stacy started to walk again.
"Wild crazy! We're gonna have wild, crazy fun!" Rock cheered and Miyabi gave him a thumbs up out of sympathy.
&&&
"Hello there Rock. Do you have any offerings for the pot?" Thomas asked upon seeing Rock walk onto the beach.
"Uhhh, naaaw. I'mma just chill and eat the soup and not do anything weird, bwhahaha!"
"You, young man, are a disgrace." And with that Thomas waddled off to do Thomas things.
Rock shrugged and began to plot how he'd sneak the food into the pot. Innocently, he gravitated towards the ladder. When he was there, he noticed Karen dumping in burnt grape jam.
"Delicious!" Rock blurted out at the sight of the black ooze.
Karen nearly fell off the ladder when she jumped at the sound of his loud, booming voice. "Jeez! Dickface...don't just do that! I still got a major headache for my hangover..."
Rock only laughed.
Once Karen was down and gone, Rock took it as his opportunity. He reached into his pants, pulled the bags out and threw them into the pot just like that.
"Sweeeet!"
&&&
"So maybe you were kind of right when you said that Mineral Town was having its festival today too..." Miyabi noted when she realized that the town was pretty much deserted.
"Why do people lock their doors on a festival day, anyway? Some people dont even attend the festival, so why do they gotta lock their doors? Seriously this whole thing reminds me of The Village. Deserted town, locked doors, now all we need is some fucky monster to try to eat us. Hey, I think Gotz will do the trick."
"Miyabi, be nice. Gotz has been very kind to us." Kaoru steered Stacy into the forest.
"Aww, you're not wearing yellow. Now we'll all die."
"You'd be surprised just how well I know self defense."
Something about the way Kaoru said that made Miyabi shiver and not to talk about the subject any longer.
"Alright now..." Kaoru hopped off Stacy and Miyabi soon followed. "Stacy, I trust you. When I whistle, come back. We'll only be a few minutes. Be safe."
"Jeez Kaoru, why don't you just kiss the damn thing?"
Kaoru opened her mouth to say something but Miyabi interrupted, "No, forget I said anything."
Stacy galloped off towards Jack's farm and Kaoru knocked on Gotz door, hoping more than anything that he was there. Miyabi was hoping just as hard and the desperate sparkle in her eyes showed it. Neither of them wanted to say that they made the trip to Mineral Town for nothing.
"Who goes there?!"
Well, he was home.
"It's Kaoru and Miyabi, the girls from the farm?"
Gotz was silent for a moment. "...Oh! The British ones?"
"....Yes."
A grunt of disapproval was heard. "Today is a festival day, you know."
"Why isn't he at the festival?" Miyabi whispered to Kaoru.
"What was that?!"
"Aahaha, nothing..." Kaoru laughed nervously. "We were just wondering if we could set up some dates for a house extension.
"Nope, sorry. I get a day off during festival days."
"Aw come on, man. We just wanna--" Miyabi was cut short as Kaoru jabbed her in the stomach and tried her hand at convincing the gruffy man.
"It'll only take a couple minutes..."
"Leave me alone!"
Gotz's very rude attitude was unusual. Typically he was cheerful but his change in swagger had completely bamboozled the two girls.
"We were...considering getting the highest level of extension to the house...There is a considerable amount of wood involved, correct?"
Kaoru was hatching a plan and Miyabi could tell by the feigned innocence that masked a devious tone.
"Loads of wood, but what does that have to do with anything?"
"So if we were to purchase the extension, plus all the wood, that would be a considerable amount of money, correct? The amount he'd have to pay would sky rocket if we perhaps...bought golden lumber rather than the--"
"You dont have that kind of money."
"Like hell we don't!" Miyabi cheered. "We got enough to buy a palace. So what cha' say, buddy?"
Gotz went silent again. Such a tempting, tempting offer! He would certainly be millions of gold richer but...
"Sing the British National Anthem."
"...what?" Both girls gawked at once.
"Sing it! It's the only way I'll let you in!"
"But we don't even--"
"Miyabi, we have to do this. Alright, I'll start it off and then you follow."
"But..."
Kaoru turned to look at her friend/enemy of sorts with serious eyes that let Miyabi know Kaoru could handle the situation.
"...okay then, take it away."
Kaoru took a breath and then began, "God save our gracious Queen~"
Miyabi hesitated to join in, but let out a defeating sigh and sang along, "Long live our noble Queen~"
"God save the Queen~"
"Send her victorious~"
"Happy and glorious~"
"Long to reign over us~" Miyabi then whispered to Kaoru, "this is so weird!"
"Get over it...God save the Queen~!"
Several verses later, they reached the end of the song. Gotz had started to sing along and all three of them sang out the final line passionately.
"GOD. SAVE. THE. KIIIIIIINNNGGGGG~!!"
After they had finished the song and the two girls were trying to catch their breath, Gotz fell silent for a while.
Then Miyabi and Kaoru jumped at the sounds of crashing, tumbling, scarping and tearing. They stared at the door and wondered what the hell Gotz was doing that was causing such a giant commotion.
Once the chaos died down, Gotz opened the door. He was panting. "Come on in."
&&&
crass
Pronunciation: \cr-ass\
Function: noun
Date: 2009
1 : a powerful drug created by the crushing and mixing of the Colored Grasses of Forget Me Not Valley.
Although the effect of the drug varies depending on who uses it, most have recorded that it acts like high powered caffeine mixed with LSD. Common symptoms include hyperactivity, lack of intelligent thought, devil speak, hallucinations, shouting, paranoia, homosexual urges, out of character actions and plain dumbfuckery.
Thomas distributed the fully cooked soup to the hungery villagers. The plastic bags of Crass were nowhere to be found, and quite honestly, Rock was just happy to eat. He hadn't smoked yet because he knew he'd be getting his daily dosage in the soup, so he was mellow. As mellow as Rock couldbe.
The soup looked decent for the most part. Dark orange broth with chunks of vegetables in it--standard soup, naturally.
As he ate sloppily, splashing some of the soup on to the sand and not caring, he spotted Cliff. "Hey, broski!" Rock bounced over to his best friend. "Where you been, man?"
"Oh, out..." Cliff replied in his good ol droopy tone of voice.
Rock smiled. "You're just staring at your food, man! Eat up. I put in something reaaaaal special."
"W-well I suppose a bite couldn't hurt...I'm trying to lose weight but..." Cliff scooped up the soup in his spoon and let the hot substance flow into his mouth. And then he chewed and chewed and chewed, and a squeaking sound could be heard.
"Whoa, man. Did you eat a mouse?" Rock laughed.
"I dunno...something rubbery..." Cliff reached into his mouth and pulled out the troublesome--"Oh, oh god why...?" Quickly, Cliff tossed the vile thing into the ocean, probably for some poor turtle to suffocate on.
"Nice idea!" Rock laughed. "Ocean and I will need that later tonight!"
A loud slap was heard from somewhere close by. Both boys spun around to see that Gray had slapped the shit out of Saibara.
"Damnit you little bitch of a grandfather uncle whatever the hell you are I hate your freaking shitty guts..."
Everyone stared in horror as Gray continued to spew profanity at his red faced grandfather. Saibara just stared up at him.
Then Gray finished and fell silent for a good time. "....Dawww, you know I'm kidding! I love ya, Gramps!!" Gray playfully tackled and hugged Saibara. Saibara just laughed and slapped Gray back, twice as hard as Gray had slapped him. That produced a giggle from Gray and before long the two of them were in a giggle fit bitch slap fight.
Cliff stared in horror and could say nothing.
Everyone burst into relived laughter and all started hugging each other for no apparent reason.
Well, the reason was that the Crass finally kicked in.
"A jolly day indeed!" Vesta noted. "Why, I think I'll scuttle home, prepare myself a nice little cup of hibiscus tea and then enjoy Hemingway over classical music."
Rock had turned the bowl of soup into a hat, drenching his hair and clothes with soupy soupness in the process. He was spinning around with his arms spread out wide when he felt someone grip one of his arms firmly.
It was Lukina. A fiery eyed Lukina.
"Heeey ba--" before Rock could finish, Lukina yanked him towards the exit and dragged him off.
&&&
"Did we really just spend all that money?" Miyabi's voice was rather distraught.
"Don't worry, we've got plenty more. Besides, he'll have the most amazing house in the entire town. Don't you think a dent in our wallet is worth that?"
"Dunno..." Miyabi crossed her arms as she and Kaoru walked out of Gotz's house.
Kaoru reassured her, "Don't worry." Then she whistled for Stacy who came almost immediately. "Did you have fun, boy?" Kaoru asked as she stroked him.
"Neeeeeiigh."
That roughly translated to, 'Yes I did. I broke into Zach's house, hospitalized him and then stole Won's apples.'
Kaoru smiled.
Then she and Miyabi hopped on the hose and headed back home, the dates for expansion set and both girls feeling rather pleased to finally be able to live in a decent house.
However, aside from all the gold they had just spent and the fact they had earlier completely humiliated themselves by singing a national anthem for Gotz, something else was bothering Miyabi.
"I wasn't the only who was kinda iffed by the blood all over the floor, right?"
&&&
Lukina had lead Rock up to his bedroom. Was they were both in, Lukina locked the door and dimmed the lights. He turned around and leaned back against the door, his eyes wide, scandalous and locked on Rock.
"Rock, do you..."
Rock got comfortable sitting on the edge of Lukina's plush bed. "Yeah, babe?"
"Do you want to feel my chest?"
Rock blinked. "W-what?"
Lukina pushed off the door and walked over to the bed and stood in front of Rock. "Do you want to feel my chest?" He brought his hands to his water balloons and gave them a sexy little jiggle.
Rock's face flushed. "S-sure..."
Lukina purred and his lust filled eyes narrowed. Then he started unbuttoning his dress just the right amount to loosen the fabric just enough to reveal his smooth, bare shoulders.
Rock's eyes were wide and his pupils were larger than Uranus as he tried to absorb every second of this glorious, glorious moment. He stared speechless as the fading sunlight casted a warm glow on Lukina's skin.
Lukina leaned in towards Rock, his water balloon completely up in Rock's grill. "Go ahead, give them a touch...a squeeze, if you will. Oh, but be careful~" Lukina purred in his ear. "I can be rather fragile."
That was almost enough to push Rock over the edge and cause him to release.
With a shaking hand, he reached out and cupped the heavy, full, ripe balloon. His mind melted as a feeling of warmth washed over him. "Bwahahaha...."
Lukina gasped even though he couldn't feel a thing. Then he giggled. "The other one. Grasp the other one."
And Rock did so.
He was groping a gay man's fake chest that he thought was the real chest of his female lover.
Life is a bitch.
&&&
When Miyabi and Kaoru got back to the Valley, everyone was running around like a crazy chickens on fire. Some were killing each other, like Gray and Saibara who were both bloody faced and laughing their asses off. Some were killing themselves, like Celia who was drinking a bottle of fertilizer chemicals. The other were, well...think about what Rock does when he's high and then imagine the entire town doing that. Yeah.
"Looks pretty normal to me," Miyabi shrugged.
"Let's just...hurry home."
"Gray!" They heard Cliff scream. "I invited you so we could spend time together, not so you could kill your grandfather! Stop it!"
As the girls headed home, they bypassed Chris who was beating Wally and Hugh with her purse.
"Monsters! Monsters both of you!!"
Rock came running down the villa hill and streaking through town, running fast as yell and shouting, "I HIT FIRST BASE! My hands are all wet for some reason, but I got to first base!!"