Trigger warnings - racism, abuse, mentions of suicide, self-harm, and depression.

Nina storms over to the other side of the waiting room, where Jerome and Alfie are sitting. She takes a glance over her shoulder to make sure Amber's looking away, before turning back to glare at Alfie. "What the hell is wrong with you? How could you do this to her? How could you break her heart like that? And you, Jerome, how come you're comforting him? Amber's the victim here, not this asshole!"

Alfie flinches violently as she finishes, and she smiles, knowing she's gotten her point across. He brings his knees up to his chest and buries his face in them. Nina watches Jerome frantically whisper something to him, resting a hand on his back and rubbing in firm circles. It only serves to make her angrier. Why the fuck is he still comforting Alfie? He broke up with Amber for no damn reason. He broke her heart for no fucking reason. It's infuriating.

"Come with me," Jerome says sharply. He stands and grabs her wrist, yanking her out of the waiting room and into an empty hallway. "What the hell was that?"

"The truth," Nina mutters. "Sorry you had to find out this way, but Alfie's a dick. He was so in love with Amber before break, and then he just randomly goes and breaks up with her? For no reason?"

"He broke up with her because her dad's a racist asshole, Nina!" Jerome snaps. "And he hates Alfie and their relationship because Alfie's black!"

Nina freezes. She grabs onto the wall to steady herself because she's sure her legs won't hold her up any longer. The words are paralyzing, chilling her to the bone. "What?"

Jerome crosses his arms over his chest. "Amber's dad was making these fuckin' awful comments about Alfie and his family all the time during the two days they were there. He thought, when she first told him her dad didn't like him, that it wouldn't affect their relationship, but it did. He couldn't handle it. That is not his fault. Get your facts straight before you come over here and try to vilify my best friend."

"I'm sorry," Nina ventures. "You're right. I didn't know. Is he okay?"

"Is suicidal okay?"

"Jerome…"

Jerome sighs. "It used to be really bad, way before you came to the house. Middle school and the beginning of high school. He thought that if no matter what he did, a white person would always be considered better than him, why bother living? And Nina, the shit he got these two days brought all that back. He hasn't been suicidal in years. He broke up with Amber because he needs to focus on his mental health. He needs some space. He needs to breathe. He needs to focus on his own health before a relationship. And honestly, Amber does too. She needs to figure her shit out. Does she love Alfie enough to possibly choose him over her father? Part of the reason Alfie did this is so she wouldn't have to choose between them. He made it easy for her."

"Easy? How could you possibly think this is easy?" Nina says incredulously. "She's a mess and he's clearly a mess too. This is destroying them both. Don't you think things would've been easier to work out if they stayed together and got through it as a couple? They wouldn't have all these shitty feelings on top of everything."

"No, they wouldn't have," Jerome replies. "She has a choice to make. She needs to decide if their relationship is worth fighting for. Is Alfie worth it? Is she willing to cut ties with her father for him? Will she defend him; fight her father no matter what, for him? Because that's what he needs. He needs her on his side. She can't be neutral. Not for something like this."

"Jerome-"

"This is Amber's problem," Jerome reminds her. "And by extent yours, because you're her best friend. You guys need to figure it out. If she wants any chance of getting Alfie back, she needs to sort her shit out." He pushes himself off the wall and starts walking back toward the waiting room. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a suicidal best friend to get back to."

"She didn't mean that. She didn't know."

Jerome drops back into his seat and rests his hand on Alfie's back. He's still hunched over, head buried in his knees. Jerome's heart is breaking for him. He looks as miserable as he feels and it's awful. He hates seeing him like this.

"I ruined everything," Alfie whispers hoarsely. "I broke Amber's heart and now Nina's mad at me too and they'll get everyone else on their side and they'll all hate me! I ruined everything! Everyone's going to hate me! I don't even know why you're staying. I clearly don't deserve it."

"Because you're my best friend," Jerome says firmly. "Because we've been there for each other through everything, whatever we needed, and I'm not about to break that streak now. No matter what, I will always be on your side. Never doubt that."

Jerome hates this. He hates that Alfie has to go through it. He hates the world for being fucked up enough to make someone think they're inferior based on the color of their goddamn skin. He hates Amber's father for thinking he has the right to make Alfie hate himself this much. He shouldn't have that kind of power. It's unjust and unfair and Jerome still has trouble comprehending the fact that it's 2013 and racism is still prevalent.

"I couldn't do it." Alfie lifts his head and Jerome winces at his bloodshot eyes. "I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like I was trapped in a box and the walls were closing in. That's how it's felt ever since she told me about her dad. I'm not strong enough for this."

"Stop." Jerome rises to his feet and holds out a hand. "Let's go for a walk, okay? You need some fresh air."

"Fresh air won't do shit."

"It won't hurt."

"I want to die, Jerome," Alfie says flatly. "I don't want to live like this. Not anymore. I can't do it. Just when I think I'm okay, that the bad stuff's over, something else happens and I'm right back at square fucking one. It's exhausting."

"I know," Jerome replies. This isn't news to him. It's scary, but it's not news. He knows that Alfie used to feel this way. It just hurts to know that those feelings have come back, feelings he thought they got rid of a couple years ago. It hurts to know that Alfie feels just as lost and hopeless as he did when he was twelve years old and thought that he'd amount to nothing all because of melanin.

"You need to go check on Amber," Alfie tells him. "Make sure she's okay? Please? She won't wanna see me right now. I don't blame her. But I need to know she's okay."

"Nina's with her, she's fine," Jerome reassures him. "Let's worry about you now."

"No," Alfie mutters. "I'm the bad guy here. I'm the one who broke up with her because I can't get over my stupid feelings. She's the victim, not me. I don't deserve any of this. I know it's your duty or whatever, to stay loyal to me, but I don't deserve it. She does."

"You do deserve it," Jerome insists. "You didn't break up with her because you're a dick who likes stringing girls along. You broke up with her because you feel like the walls are closing in again and being with her is a reminder of everything you worked so hard to get past."

"I wanted to get back together with her," Alfie says wistfully. "Like, after I worked my shit out. But I don't know if that'll ever happen. I don't know if I'll ever see her as anything more than a reminder of her father, a reminder that all black people are destined to have jobs as janitors and waitresses, that they couldn't possibly be educated or rich or decent parents to their kids." He sighs. "I know she's not her father. I know that. But she didn't defend me. She didn't stand up for me. She just let it happen. And I don't know if I can be with someone like that…"

This is one of the most awkward moments of his entire life.

The cycle of friends has rotated through enough times to get his dad's attention, and now Eddie finds himself face to face with his father, unsure of what to say and even more unsure of why he's heart is pounding so fast and he feels like he might be sick.

"I think I have a pretty good idea of why you did this…but I want to hear it from you. What triggered this, Edison?" Eric asks, reaching for his hand.

More than nervous, he's angry. He's angry that this had to even happen. He's angry that they're having this conversation right now. He's angry that his father didn't care enough to do something after he came to England, didn't care enough to help him, until he tried to kill himself again. There's a pattern forming and it's infuriating.

"Nothing triggered it," Eddie replies slowly. "But really, I think I have the better question. Why does it take me trying to kill myself for you to actually give a shit about me?"

His father sighs. "I know that may be what it looks like, but I can assure you it's not. I just…I didn't know how to talk to you. I didn't know what to say."

"That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard!" Eddie exclaims. He shifts against his pillows to sit straighter and crosses his arms over his chest. "Don't talk headmaster to me. I try to kill myself in the group home, you call and act all concerned. I try to kill myself here, and you're by my bed, acting like you're some great fucking father. You're not."

"I've hurt you," Eric says firmly. "I've hurt you and I've let you get hurt and I haven't been there for you like I should've been. I'm not going to make excuses. I just want you to know how sorry I am, Edison. You've been through so much, most of which could've been avoided had I been a little less…absent."

"Absent?" Eddie growls. "Is that what you call hearing that your son tried to kill himself but not wanting to waste the money to fly across the world and see him? I'm sorry I'm not even worth that much to you!"

Eric shakes his head. "I didn't know until you were about to be released from the hospital, Edison. I would've come if I had known earlier, but you were just released and immediately put on a plane here. There was no point."

"You didn't come afterward," Eddie whispers. There's a lump in his throat and his eyes are getting glassy. He wants to know why he wasn't good enough. Why didn't his father love him? Why didn't he care? Why wasn't he important enough? "What did I do wrong? Why am I not good enough for you?"

"Edison-"

"Answer me!" Eddie yells, a tear breaking out of the barrier and cascading down his cheek. "Fucking stop with your stupid teacher bullshit and answer the damn question! You say you're sorry, but it's all your fucking fault! Why didn't you fucking care? You know what I spent the day wondering after I tried to kill myself the first time? What it would fuckin' take for you to drop everything for me, since obviously trying to commit suicide wasn't enough!"

"You're working yourself up," Eric mutters. "You need to breathe. Take some deep breaths. Calm down."

Taking a deep breath gives him a chance to realize how hard he's shaking. He feels like his heart is about to stop. This gets him so worked up, so emotional…it's not good for him and he knows it, but he can't help being infuriated. He can't help hating his father for not being there for him. He can't help not being able to forgive and forget although he knows that's what's wanted of him.

A hand finds the small of his back and begins rubbing in firm circles, as he inhales again. "I really am sorry, Edison. I know that's not nearly enough to cover everything I've put you through, but it's a start. I want things to get better between us."

Eddie shakes his head. "Can you go? I can't do this right now."

He nods. "Will you at least consider giving me a chance? I really would like to make this up to you, Edison, in whatever way you'll let me."

"Yeah." Eddie swallows hard and forces a smile. "I'll try."

He waits until his father has left the room before he lets himself cry, fat tears streaming in rivulets down his cheeks, as he imagines not having to go through all of this. He cries for what he's been through, the hell that's still going on, the life he was forced into that he still doesn't want to live. He cries for the nights of terror and pain and misery all mixed together and chalks this night up as one of them.

But most of all, he cries for the life that he's always wished he could live, a one free from anguish and fear and sadness.

Thoughts? This is the last of the hospital chapters. Next chapter, Eddie's home, although things still aren't easy. Along with that, we've got Nina and Fabian talking about things, and more Peddie.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed.