Disclaimer: Just to let you know, I still don't own Grey's yet, or any of the characters.

This chapter is about how she rekindles her relationship with Kelsey that never really was evident and how she tries to create a bond with Noah because he is only 4 1/2, and wants him to remember her if she leaves. I am gonna have Noah and Kelsey point of views. Oh yeah and Derek's, he gets time off and goes over to Bryan's house, I just wanna show you what that is like, how far he goes to protect his daughter.

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The next day Lyss kept to herself trying to regain strength. The strength that would deteriorate tomorrow when she had chemo again. Derek had moved her to the couch so he could keep and eye on her. Lyss was up periodically to throw up, but immediately was back on the couch. She had refused breakfast and lunch because she was already nauseous enough. Lyss didn't even remember when Derek had left and Mere had come home. Pretty soon the kids came home and she was moved upstairs where she slept until the next morning for chemo.

Derek was on call that night so early in the morning after everyone was on their respective buses and Noah was dropped off at preschool Mere drove Lyss to the hospital where she was administered her second round of chemo. This time it wasn't so bad, she had braced herself in the beginning so she could get used to it.

This time, she was also in the pediatric oncology ward where there were several other kids, some her age, some younger, some babies, getting administered chemo. Lyss looked around at all the bald heads, some with scarfs on, some not bothering, then she looked at her hair. It was still long, still thick, still on her head. She was the only one there with hair still and it wasn't going to be that way for much longer.

Her parents were right beside her the entire time, her Aunt Izzie and Aunt Bailey checking in on her periodically. When she left the hospital she barely recognized her Aunt Lexie, Aunt Christina, and Uncle George who had greeted them on the way out. She was already drifting off to sleep. On the way home, the chemo knocked her out so Derek carried her up the stairs and waited for their kids to come home. When they did, they already knew to be quiet already understanding that this is what was gonna happen for a while.

At dinner they all sat in their normal seats painfully aware of the empty one next to Jake. They knew she was still there in the house, upstairs, resting, but it was so hard. Jake looked next to him sadly and barely touched his food. Noah was extremely confused, and the others were just silent. After all the homework was finished they turned in for an early night, knowing that things may never be the same.

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Where was his sister? Noah Richard Shepherd was extremely confused. One day she was there, the next she wasn't. How much could a 4 year old comprehend. He loved his sister, she was always really nice to him before she changed. And then she was gone. When he went upstairs her bedroom door was always closed. Whenever he asked questions, they avoided it. He missed her.

If he ever tried to be loud or play he was scolded to be quiet for Lyss's sake, but he didn't even know that she was there. Whenever he did see her she was asleep, or extremely tired and unable to talk. He was scared of her.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he couldn't understand why everyone was always so sad. he could lay awake at night and hear his parents cry, hear his sisters cry. All for his sister. Lyssa he called her. His parents were not how he remembered them before the fighting stage. They used to be happy, loving, now they were distant and sad. He needed answers, and if they weren't gonna give them to him, he was going to find out himself.

After dinner that night he walked upstairs. But instead of doing what he normally did and avoided the only closed door, he walked towards it. He slowly turned the doorknob and opened it slowly.

"Noah," Sophia hissed quietly from behind him making him jump. "What are you doing?" She grabbed his arm and closed the door. She slowly took him to his room and sat down next to him on his bed.

"I wanted to see Lyssa, Phia."

"I'm sorry Noah but Lyssa's very tired right now, you can't see her, maybe tomorrow."

"That's what you always say, she is never out, she used to be fun."

"Oh I know," Sophia said, sadness evident in her voice. "You will see her soon, I promise, it's the weekend so you don't have to go to school."

"But I miss her," he cried.

"I know, me too," she said hugging him. "Me too." She left the room and Meredith came in to help him get dressed. Derek followed. They said goodnight to him, wiped his tears, and reassured him everything would be okay. Although everything was far from it.

He sat in his bed, his questions hadn't been answered. He was angry, he needed to find out. Before that could happen he fell asleep to the normal sounds of crying coming from the various rooms in the house.

The next morning it was silent, everyone either still asleep or downstairs. One thing he knew for sure, that Lyss was in her room. He snuck quietly out into the hallway and went into her room. She was sleeping quietly in her bed. She was very pale, like a ghost, but she was breathing, he could tell by the sight rise and fall of her chest. She looked so fragile, like if he touched her she would break. She scared him. He backed up from the bed in shock, he stood in the corner and watched his sister.

He loved her, she was his favorite sibling, even better then Jake. She was the only one who payed the most attention to him besides his parents, until now. She wasn't, she couldn't be there for him. He started crying softly until she started to stir. He ran up to the side of her bed and touched her hand gently. She jolted as she regained consciousness.

"Noah," she said weakly. "You scared me."

"Sorry Lyssa."

"It's okay buddy."

"I missed you." Lyss looked at him sadly and patted the spot next to her on the bed as she sat up.

"Come here," she said while pulling him into a hug.

"Where are you all the time, why are you always so tired. It scares me."

"I'm sorry buddy, but I am really sick, and I need to rest so I can get better."

"How long till you get better?"

"I don't know, but probably not for a while."

"Why?" he cried.

"I have a disease called AML, it's a type of cancer, do you know what cancer is?" He shook his head.

"It's just a disease that makes me really sick and weak, I have to go for this treatment called chemotherapy and that makes me get really tired and have to throw up." It was really hard for Lyss to explain it, he was so innocent.

"Then why don't you stop Lyssa, I don't like when your tired?"

"Buddy, if I stop, I won't get better."

"Oh, then keep doing it. I don't want you to stay sick, I don't like seeing you sick Lyssa."

"Okay buddy, I promise." There was a long pause as Lyss hugged her little brother tightly and kissed his forehead. After a little while of staying like this Noah said.

"Lyssa, are you gonna die."

"I don't know Noah." She was unsure how to answer.

"Don't die Lyssa," Noah cried. "I'd miss you too much."

"Shhh buddy, don't cry, I am not going anywhere at the moment."

"You're the best sister ever, I love you."

"I love you too Noah."

"Lyss is it okay if I stay in here a while."

"Of course buddy." He hugged her tightly.

"Hey Noah, you wanna know a secret."

"What?"

"I was the person who named you when I was 8."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's kind of funny, when I was that young, Noah was the name of my crush."

"That's funny."

"Noah do you think I can beat this."

"Yeah Lyssa, you can do anything."

"I don't know about that."

"You're the coolest person I know."

"And why is that?"

"You do so much stuff like field hockey, and dance, drama and singing. And you're really good. It's so cool when I get to see your musicals, you are an awesome singer. Even if Kelsey thinks watching you dance is boring, I think it's cool."

"Aw, Noah you didn't have to say that."

"It's not hard when it's true."

"You are such a little dork."

"But I am your little dork."

"Oh really," she says and she starts tickling him in the stomach. he lays down on the bed and starts squealing. Meredith and Derek hear this and run upstairs. They open her door and stand there watching her daughter tickle Noah. They smiled and looked at each other sadly because she knew she was being strong for Noah. When she was done Noah stood up and hugged her. With all her strength she picked him up and put him on her good hip.

"Hey Mom, Hey Daddy!" she said to them smiling but they could see how hard she was trying. Her breaths were a little ragged and all her weight was on her good leg.

"Morning sweetie," Derek said.

"Lyss, put Noah down, you'll hurt yourself," Mere scolded.

"Mom, I am fine, I can at least carry him downstairs."

"Be careful," Mere warned. Lyss smiled and regained composure to walk downstairs. Before Lyss put him down he wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Love you Lyssa."

"Love you too buddy."

"Time for breakfast," Meredith called from the kitchen. Instead of following everyone Lyss went over to the couch exhausted. Kelsey turned around.

"Lyss, you coming."

"Come on Kels, you should at least know that I can't eat without throwing up."

"Okay."

"LYSSA!" Noah called. "Come eat."

"Noah, sweetie she can't eat or she'll feel sick," Mere explained.

"Oh okay." He looked sad again. Twice during their breakfast Lyss had gotten up to throw up and each time Mere and Derek took turns helping her back up and holding her hair back. They sadly knew they would only have to do that for a little while longer until her hair fell out.

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It made her breakfast less appetizing. Seeing the sister, she had never really liked, never had a relationship with, run back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. It was sad, it made her sad, it made her wish that she was nicer to her. In a strange way she missed her.

The last time she threw up Derek helped Lyss over to the couch where instead of sitting up like she had been she laid on on the couch and closed her eyes. Kels looked at her sadly and her other sisters. They gave her an encouraging smile that masked their real feelings, they were scared too. After breakfast her father had to do something so Mere cleaned up the kitchen and went to the hospital to pick up Lyss's prescription of anti-nausea medicine. Hayley and Paige went to their room, Sophia got Noah preoccupied and Jake had gone with Meredith wanting to get out of the house. That left Kelsey downstairs with her resting sister.

She silently went over to the couch where she sat on her father's chair and watched her sleep. As Noah had done in her room, when Lyss stirred she got up and walked over.

"Hey Lyss, how are you feeling?" Lyss looked up bewildered for a second but her eyes cleared.

"Oh Kels it's you, a little better."

"Good, you need anything?"

"No I'm fine, where's Mom?"

"She's getting you the anti-nausea medicine Aunt Izzie prescribed."

"Good, I certainly need that."

"Lyss, I'm sorry." Lyss looked at her like she didn't understand.

"What for Kels, it's not like you gave me the cancer?"

"No, I mean for how I acted, ever since I was 2. I really was a brat, I got you in so much trouble, especially when I was four. God, I like threw mashed potatoes or something and then you got in a fight with Daddy, and then ran away. I was a really bad sister and now you're sick, and I am scared. Scared you won't have the chance to forgive me."

"Kels...."

"Wait, I am not finished..." Lyss nodded for her to continue. "When you rebelled against Mom and Daddy I felt so guilty, I should have given you an easier time the day of your recital. And it is kind of my fault I distracted them and didn't remind them about your recital. I am so sorry that I wasn't a good little sister. I know I am your only one and I probably failed to every extent of what you hoped I would be."

"Kelsey, it's okay you're forgiven." The truth was, she had already forgiven her little sister. When she was diagnosed she didn't want to have any more grudges. She wanted to focus on fighting the cancer.

"I guess I felt jealous."

"Jealous, of me?"

"You did so much, I looked up to you, I wanted to be better. You were so good at dancing I wanted to be a dancer, and I don't know."

"Kelsey, come over here," Lyss said opening her arms for a hug. She pulled her into an embrace. Kelsey was crying.

"It's okay, you don't have to explain. Shhh it's okay."

"Lyss you have to fight, I need the chance to be a good little sister."

"Shhh, it's okay, you already were."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I didn't act like that with Hayley, and Paige, and Sophia, it's what little sisters do. I almost felt like I failed you as a big sister."

"Well you didn't, and I'm sorry I didn't get to know you well."

"It's okay, I understand."

"I want to start over Lyss."

"I'd like that." Lyss held her crying sister until both girls drifted to sleep on the couch.

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Okay I changed my mind, Derek is gonna kick Bryan's ass next chapter, that will be so much fun to right about. Hope you enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!