Chapter Thirty-Six

Sam pulled his buzzing phone out of his back pocket, and opted for the answer call option while passing his completed stack of forms over the counter to the smiling nurse on the other side.

"Hey...everything ok?"

The nurse in question waved two more forms under his nose, marking the relevant signature spots with a pen and he signed his name four names before Andy answered him.

"Yep – fine. I just...are you almost done?"

"Will be in about 5 minutes...I'm just finishing up, and gonna grab a cab. Do you want me to pick something up for you – or...?"

"No...I'm picking you up. I brought the truck – I'm parked down the street though, I couldn't get any closer."

"Down the street where?"

"I'm outside Shopper's – do you want me to drive down and wait out the front for you?"

The 'paperwork' nurse started clicking on her pen repeatedly, and threw a seriously pointed look his way earning herself an apologetic dimpled smile – he got an eye roll and a shake of her head in response but she smiled back, and stopped clicking.

"I think I can manage to make it two blocks McNally – I'll see you in about fifteen minutes."

"Ok...I'll see you soon then."

"Cherry Beach? Why are we...?"

Andy shrugged her shoulders and for a moment he thought that was the only response he was going to get, but then she did speak – a warm inflection in her tone."It was my favourite date...of ours, with the sun-cream and the picnic...I just thought..."

Sam shifted and eyed her dubiously from his position in the passenger seat, but she wouldn't turn to look at him – her line of vision focusing on the water line. "It wasn't exactly a date...and that was August and ridiculously hot...It's now the beginning of November, cold and dark..."

"So we have casserole instead of ice-cream, and I've bought us coffee as well..." he could peg a small shy smile edging into place on her profile before he picked up on a small "I was hoping we could keep each other warm."

Sam felt a small smile twitching on his own face in response, but the almost instant shift in Andy's demeanor to serious and pensive as she pulled the keys out of the ignition chased it away. She turned in her seat, an apprehensive frown in place and reached for his hand – tangling her fingers up with his. "I need to talk to you."

"Ok..."

She shook her head, more at herself than him. "Not in here...Outside"

Pulling her hand out of his grasp, she unbuckled her seat belt and lunged through the two seats to the bench seat behind them, gathering three woolly picnic blankets, a large thermos and casserole container – picking up and thrusting his padded winter jacket into his face.

"McNally..."

"Please?"

He grumped, but couldn't refuse her – something in her expression made him stop short of that, so instead he opted for grouching under his breath and pulling himself into the offered winter defense and clambering out of the door – taking the blankets, thermos and casserole with him and waited for Andy to hat, glove, scarf and coat herself up before she followed him into the nippy chill of the late evening air.

By the time Andy had selected some suitable rocks for them to bury themselves behind to escape the wind her nose and cheeks had already turned pink with the chill, and Sam felt like he was walking around with a permanent hunch trying to shield himself from the wind chill. She pulled him down with her onto the blanket she had laid out on the floor – cocooning them both with the other two –hooking an arm through his and nuzzling up against his side, before offering the casserole and a spoon.

"You not eating?"

"I already had some before I left."

"Andy..."

"I did...I swear I did. I'm not hungry anymore..."

"If you want to sit out here in the freezing cold you have to eat something warm..."

"I have coffee...its fine."

"McNally..."

"Stop fussing!" She looked away from him, back at the water and Sam tried to get a reading on what was going on – where the impromptu picnic idea had come from, and what she was building up to – but she was all over the place, and it was difficult trying to decipher any kind of meaning from whatever was happening with her. She offered a small smile when she turned back to him, and didn't say another word until he had finished eating and she had passed him his own coffee – spent the whole time snuggled into his side, and alternating between studying the patterns on the blankets, watching him and watching the water.

They had both discarded their coffee cups and Andy had snuggled in close enough to place a soft warm kiss on his jaw, was holding onto him with both arms – resting her head on his shoulder the next time she spoke. "Do you think you should go and visit Sarah before you go back to work?"

"Do you want to?"

"She's your sister...I don't want her to think I'm keeping you away. She would probably love it..."

"She doesn't think that...She knows there's a lot of stuff going on..." He felt the whole of her tense for a second against him, felt her rib-cage expand harshly with a large intake of breath and dug his fingers into her waist a little harder, held on to her a little tighter.

"What have you told her...?"

"Only that the trials are coming up. You didn't want me to tell her, and I haven't..."

Andy reached up and tugged the zipper on his coat down an inch, to give her better access and buried her face against his neck before letting go of a shaky sigh that made Sam's own lungs stutter. "I think you should go see her...stay with her for a bit."

"Ok...well maybe we can go sometime over Christmas...see how the shifts land."

Andy pulled away, pushed herself up with a hand on his chest and crossed her legs to get comfortable with a minute shake of her head. "No. I mean yes...Christmas would be nice...I would love to do that – as long as we do something with my dad as well, but that wasn't what I meant..."

Sam reached for her hand that was picking at some stitching on the edge of the blanket wrapped around her shoulders and interlaced their fingers, tugging on it until he was satisfied that she had snuggled close enough again and he could feel the warmth of her body heat bleeding through the blankets up against him. "What did you mean?"

"The trials...maybe you could go and visit her when I testify...?" She couldn't look at him when she said it – felt like she was betraying some secret trust code just by thinking it, and now that she had actually voiced the question out loud – the sting of guilty tears burned in her eyes, and she squeezed them closed willing them not to fall.

Andy forced her eyes open after a few long seconds of silence, locking them on his. She couldn't read his expression – had no idea what he was thinking, other than he was obviously not expecting the words that had just been forcibly pushed from her lips. "Sam...I..."

"I thought you said you weren't going to testify..."

"I spoke to Traci...she came by earlier, and we talked about it...a lot. I still don't know if I'm going to be able to do it...stand up there, and re-live all the details – but I have to try. I won't be able to forgive myself if I don't try..."

"Ok...so you're going to put yourself through that, and you want me to be a four hour drive away spending time with my sister?" She picked up on a hint of disbelief in his tone – saw a flash of hurt in his eyes as he stared back at her, that hit her like a knife in her chest, and she increased her grip on his hand to a vice like level in an attempt to stop him from pulling it away from her.

"Sam...I..."

"No."

"Sam please...?"

"No way in hell. I'm not leaving you to do that on your own Andy – what do you take me for?"

"Sam, listen to me...I can't..."

"I know what you're doing – and you can stop it right now, because it's not going to work."

"I can't do it if you're there! I don't know if I'll be able to anyway – but I know I won't be able to if you're in there. Please just listen to me...Sam..."

"I'm not taking off on a mini-vacation and leaving you to do this on your own – it's not happening."

"I won't be on my own...Trace will be there. Will you please just listen to me for a second...?"

She waited for a beat, her request got her a raised eyebrow in her direction – she was still having trouble gauging exactly what was going on behind his mixed expressions – but she at least knew that was him inviting her to say her piece.

"You have been amazing...supported me to a fault through all of this, and I love you for it – but I have to do this on my own. It's the only way I can. I know if I go in there to do this, and you're there then I'm not going to be able to...I will censor. That's not your fault, but I will – you don't need to know the details...I don't want you to know everything that happened – you can understand that right?"

"It won't change anything – It's not..."

"It will! It will because I'll know you know...I'll know that you'll know, and it'll just be this horrible cloud that never goes away. I don't want you to know, this is my challenge...and I will deal with it...in my own way. No matter what happens I will not let them screw with this...us..."

"They can't..."

"They already have!"

"Andy..."

"It's different...we're different – you know that we are. You're so careful with me..."

"Andy, I..."

"I get it – Sam, I do. I love you for it...you make me feel safe, and loved – but I don't...I know I'm doing a ridiculously bad job of putting this into words...but will you please trust me on this, listen to me? I need to testify...I know I do, and I can't do it with you there. Will you please just do this for me? Go and spend some time with Sarah. I called her...Paul has to come to the city for a meeting on the Monday morning, and she said he would call by and pick you up on his way home – just in case you're not cleared to drive by then."Andy's eyes dropped back down to her white knuckled grip on his hand, and she sucked in a large lungful of air – the cold bite of the temperature stinging her lungs as she swallowed.

"You called her? You and Nash got it all figured out huh?"

"What? No! Sam..." Her eyes flew back up to meet his with an emphatic shake of her head. "Traci doesn't know anything about this – I haven't even told anyone I've changed my mind again yet...she just told me to talk to you – that you'd understand."

"That you don't want me there...? I'm not going to Sarah's"

Her eyes fell away from his again, intently avoiding his eyes for almost a whole minute before he reached out for her – nudging her chin up to look at him. She blinked several times in quick succession – trying to banish the dampness, her lips pressed together in a tight line to stop any wobbling.

"I'm not going to be in Saint Catharine's when I know you're in the courthouse – I'm not."

"Sam..."

"If you don't want me to be there, inside...then I won't be. I can stay outside the courtroom Andy, but I'm not leaving. I will be in the hallway, outside – waiting for you, until you're done. I'm not going to Sarah's – and that is the best you're going to get out of me. I will stay out for your testimony – but I'm going to be there when they lock them up."

"Promise?"

Sam wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, pulling her towards him and kissed her once on the tip of her nose, nodding briefly in agreement before ghosting his lips across hers in brief kiss and wrapping his arms around her to pull her into a tight hug.

Andy bumped her shoulder against Oliver when she found him at the coffee station. "Can you get me one of those...?"

The incredulous stare she got back pulled a wide smile out on her face, and Oliver had to work hard not to smile back. "I think my buddy spoiled you too much McNally...get your own..."

"Please? I have to go and speak to Traci – I'll meet you at the squad?"

Oliver rolled his eyes, but reached for another cup regardless – waving off her thanks as she power walked towards the D's office, and up the stairs – garnering the attention of Traci, Jerry and Luke as she walked in.

"Andy...I thought you were taking a few more days off...I..."

"I changed my mind." She cut off her friend as she rose from her seat, glancing at each of them in turn. "I don't know if I'll be able to testify...if I will be good enough – but I want to try...need to try."

"You're sure?"

She peered over at Jerry, met his eyes and nodded once swiftly in confirmation. "I will go over my statement as many times as I need to – I want to do this."

A/N: I would just like to say...because I feel like I don't say it enough - and I never seem to have time to respond to individual reviews, as much as I would like to...thank you to everyone who has taken the time to put your thoughts in that little review box down below...It has meant the world to me! As always...I hope you continue to enjoy...and stay with me...our favorite couple need all the support they can get for the next few updates!