Chapter XXXV: Missing You

The breeze that rolled past him was nice and cool, to be expected at the altitude, but he barely took notice. His eyes, blank and even looking a bit pale, stared out at the village, looking at nothing in particular. He sat in a type of fetal position; arms folded on top of the knees that were brought up to chest level, and buried the lower half of his face in his arms. It felt as though there was some sort of weight in his chest, dragging him down emotionally and practically physically as well. The number of sighs he exhaled was probably in the thousands, and each passing day the numbers seemed to grow larger.

His eyelids slowly closed and then opened in a sloth like blink.

He hated this. He hated how he felt so down, and how he couldn't help himself.

Yesterday, he found out that his two teammates, the ones from his time under Jiraiya's tutelage, were killed in the war.

It felt as though reality kept punching him in the gut, like it was constantly reminding him that he was a shinobi, that shinobi were nothing but tools used in warfare and how easily they could be discarded. According to that infamous handbook, his emotions shouldn't be getting to the best of him, that feelings should be suppressed for the sake of the mission.

"..." Minato sighed for the thousandth time, and tilted his head forward to bury his face in his arms. If only the shinobi world weren't so harsh... Another sigh rolled off his tongue, this time accompanied by the rise and fall of his shoulders. Just about every ninja knew of their own reality, one that regular civilians or nobles could never possibly understand; they were human, they had emotions too, even if they were trained in the art of killing and emotion-suppression. Minato raised his head a bit so that he could blankly stare out at the vast village before him. He would be looked down upon for being sad like this, especially since he was an ex-Anbu black ops member.

The corner of his mouth twitched.

Anbu... Never again. Mentally, he wasn't made for the black operations. If he had the mentality, along with his undeniable skills, he could have easily climbed the ranks. But, he didn't, and that was the fact, and one of the many reasons why he quit after a few months. His thoughts paused for a second.

He had enough mentality to wipe out hundreds of opposing shinobi all at once, but not enough to deal with the harsh missions that were given out only to those of Anbu rank. Yeah, that was it. An old conversation popped into his head, one from back when he was still with team Jiraiya, on how far each of them would go. Both Shoumaru and Kuria agreed that Minato would be a Jounin in no time, but...

"You're just too nice to be in Anbu, y'know? I mean, I've seen those guys up close and... and it's all serious business. I mean, geez you're even grinning like an idiot right now and proving that you can't be in the black ops, hahaha!"

Minato wasn't surprised that he could remember the conversation so clearly; he figured that all the memories of his teammates were coming back to them, now that they were gone. The same thing happened when he lost his parents, too.

He exhaled another deep sigh. He only wished he could have at least spent some time with them before they vanished... And the more he thought about it, the more he realized how many years it's been since he had seen either of them, only making him feel more remorseful.

Reality was harsh.

He knew that, indeed, time would heal the wounds, but it usually seemed like there wasn't much ways to ease the pain while time droned agonizingly slow.

It didn't help that it felt as though the days were going by even more lethargically without Kushina.

Minato squeezed his eyes shut this time, feeling a throbbing pain in his chest. The last time he saw her was two weeks and 3 days ago... and counting. Damn, he missed her dearly... He missed talking to her, laughing with her, holding her... The blond forced back a tear that was trying to battle its way out.

It was only two weeks, but it felt like she was already gone for practically a year, like when she left on the long-term mission with Daylian a few years ago- No. It felt like when he was back in Anbu and away from the village, away from Kushina, for months, but 10 times worse.

With each day he didn't see her, the more he realized how much she meant to him, and how much she made him feel whole; It felt as though there were a piece of him missing... He hated the hollow feeling it created in his chest.

"Arghhh!" Minato wildly ruffled his spiked yellow hair with both of his hands. All of these emotions were just so overwhelming and even starting to become frustrating. He hated this. It was moments like these where he wished he had better control over his feelings...

He took a couple of breaths to try and calm himself as a first step. He still felt small twinges of sadness and even bits of irritation, but for now it would have to do.

Blue eyes trailed out to the village. Perhaps a walk around would keep his mind off things. Maybe even a trip to the library would help; he was in need of a new book anyway.

A book will definitely get my mind off all this... Minato agreed to his thoughts and turned on his heels. He walked away from the edge of the cliff, and towards the steep set of stairs that would take him back down to the village's regular elevation. The blond ignored the winds that were gusting at him, and trailed down the stairs with some caution. Occasionally he was forced to close his eyes against the drafts that blew against the side of the cliff, and place his hand along the rock face to keep himself from stumbling down the steps.

Slowly he descended, and jumped the last few steps to the ground. The blond brushed himself off as he walked around the perimeter of the Hokage tower- which was where the stairs were located -and frowned when he found that the wind had blown quite a layer of dirt onto him. He continued to pat himself down, exhaling a soft sigh at the small puffs of dust that would fly off as he did. He deemed himself decently clean and continued his walk, but found himself struggling to keep the more painful thoughts at bay.

Minato closed his eyes and slipped his hands into his pockets, trying to physically convince himself that he was fine. But when a rogue sigh escaped him, he slouched a bit as he walked.

Might as well head straight to the library... He thought with another silent sigh. He was about to jump off into a shunshin, but a voice stopped him,

"Hey! Minato!"

It sounded familiar to him, so he straightened himself and turned around, only to get an arm slung over his shoulder in a friendly gesture.

"It's been a long time!" The large man grinned a bit as he spoke. "We haven't been on any missions together for.. I dunno, a couple of years it feels like!"

"It has been a while," Minato agreed with the man, giving a wary smile. "Did the three of you just get back from a mission?"

"Mhm. Shikaku's got another scar to show off." Inoichi snorted a bit, and was responded with a long, dragging sigh from the third member of their team. Minato turned his head and saw that the Shikaku's lower right cheek was covered with a simple white bandage.

"I don't 'show off' my scars." The Nara clansman protested with a mutter.

"Don't lie! I bet you brag about them to a certain girl!" Chouza still had his arm around Minato's shoulders, so the Akimichi's loud voice nearly made the blond wince. The corner of Minato's mouth twitched, and he held back a sigh. Kushina...

"Do not." Shikaku growled, this time rolling his eyes. He walked past the three, rubbing the back of his neck as he leisurely strolled down the street. "Geez."

"Hahaha, no need to be grumpy!" Chouza laughed and withdrew his arm to walk after his teammate. "You'll see her soon enough!"

"Come! Walk with us, it's been too long." Inoichi grinned as he patted Minato heavily on the shoulder two times, ushering the spikey-haired blond to walk along side of him.

"But.. I wouldn't want to bother... You guys just got back from a mission, after all." Minato replied modestly, his head turned so that his blue eyes could look over at his comrade. "And Shikaku's injured.."

"It's just a scratch," Inoichi waved his hand in a nonchalant motion. "And we're fine. It was just recon. Ran into someone scouting- that's how he got the scratch -and we took care of 'im. The rest of the mission was pretty uneventful, so we're not tired at all."

Minato fell silent, but he slowly nodded. Hopefully talking to his friends would keep his mind preoccupied...

"So, how has life been treating you, Minato?"

So much for that. Minato couldn't help but deadpan slightly, and exhaled a sigh. He raised his hand to rub the back of his neck, the corner of his mouth twitching into a slight frown.

"It could be a lot better." He confessed, closing his eyes as another sigh escaped him. Inoichi stared at his bright-blond friend. He didn't need to be a genius to know that Minato was pretty down, but he did have to be a ninja to understand how they had to suppress their emotions and deal with it, which he was.

"Want to talk about it?" Inoichi offered, placing a hand on Minato's shoulder.

"..." Minato actually thought about it for several seconds, unsure if he should be rude and dump his problems onto his comrade like that. He was torn; he wanted to get it off his chest, but at the same time it didn't seem very... he wasn't even sure how to describe it, professional? Mature? As he was wracking his brain for the right word, Inoichi patted him on his vest-covered shoulder.

"Well, it's alright if you don't want to." Inoichi shrugged his own shoulders. "Just thought I'd lend an ear... Well, unless you're the type who's too conscious to vent, and rather answer questions."

"I think he's that type, Inoichi!" Chouza called from where he was waiting a few steps ahead, turned around so that he could face the slower two. Shikaku was waiting next to him, but he kept facing the front with his hands in his pockets, prepared to resume walking once his third teammate got close enough.

"..." Minato only embarrassingly looked away, questioning himself if they were right. It took quite a bit of memory-digging, but he did recall a few times Jiraiya had pryed the answers out of him. Of course, the one Minato remembered most clearly was when Jiraiya was guessing who he liked...

A pat to his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts, his blue eyes shooting back to the trio, and he immediately realized that Inoichi had asked him a question. Of course, Minato wasn't paying attention, so he only blinked slowly in silence. Inoichi stared back, and slowly a look of understanding became visible in his eyes.

".. Does it have to do with that girl...? Uh... Forgive me, her name always slips. Uzu...maki?" Inoichi attempted to repeat the question, but scratched his head as he tried to recall a certain redhead's name.

"Uzumaki, I'm sure." Shikaku murmured from where he stood.

"... For the most part.. yeah." Minato sighed and hung his head a bit, fessing up to the three as they all started walking down the street again. He heard the Yamanaka hum a bit, as if he were thinking.

"I'm fairly certain you two didn't break it off... Otherwise we would have heard about it... right?"

"Oh yeah, we definitely would." Chouza dipped his head into a few nods of agreement, rubbing his chin as he thought along with his teammate.

"..." Minato could only awkwardly give a half-hearted nod. The more they guessed, the more he wanted to vanish and run off to the library... But, he knew that would be rude, especially since they were trying to help him out. And, who knew, maybe he would feel a bit better after their talking.

"Mm, then that leaves just one answer," Inoichi hummed. His head was tilted back slightly to stare up at the sky, as if gazing at it would help him find the solution. "You haven't seen her for a while."

"... Yeah." Minato answered softly, his own gaze still adverted from theirs. He felt an arm sling around the back of his neck and onto his shoulder, his yellow-framed peripherals telling him that it was Shikaku.

"We're in the same boat, Minato." The Nara clansman yawned as he spoke, muffling his words slightly. "The missions've been keeping you apart, huh?" When the blond nodded, Shikaku carried on.

"I know exactly how you feel, and quite frankly I don't like the feeling either," Shikaku used his free hand to jab Minato in the chest with his thumb. The blond Jounin didn't even wince, and instead turned his head slightly so that he could look at Shikaku. "I haven't seen my chick for a while, too. But, y'know, I've had a lot of times like these."

"Is that so..."

"And you know what I realized?" Shikaku growled as he jabbed his thumb roughly into Minato's chest once more, forcing a near-inaudible 'what?' from the blond. "That when you see her after these periods of being apart... well, it's worth the wait."

It's worth the wait. Minato blinked slowly as Shikaku's words plucked at his heartstrings.

During Kushina's long-term mission away from the village, he had sulked a number of times, but when she came back it... he completely forgot about all of his sad moments, because he was just happy to see her back after the time apart. It was the same when he was drafted into Anbu as well- his heart probably would have burst from the sheer joy of being able to hold Kushina again.

Who was he to say it wouldn't be the same this time?

A slow smile started to stretch itself across Minato's face, and before he knew it, he found himself grinning.

"You're right...! I shouldn't be sulking around like this..!"

"Because when you see her, it won't matter." Shikaku finished with a firm nod. He removed his arm from around Minato's shoulders and dropped it back down to his side, unable to keep himself from smiling a bit at the blond's much happier expression.

"Thanks, Shikaku." Minato lauded with his grin still plastered on his features. His blue eyes flickered to the other two, and he dipped himself forward in a slight bow. "You guys too. Thank you."

Inoichi offered a polite smile and then shook his head, waving his hand back and forth in an 'it was nothing' sort of motion. Chouza laughed a bit, clearly glad that their comrade was feeling better.

"It's no problem! Besides, we've all been friends since the Academy days! It's only natural to help eachother out!" The large red-haired man explained. Minato smiled at his friends, glad that they had come along when they did. Knowing himself, he would have gone to the library, get temporarily distracted, and continue sulking afterwards...

"Really, thank you guys." Minato chuckled a bit softly. "And.. I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

"It's no problem, no problem at all!" Chouza placed a large hand on Minato's shoulder, grinning. Shortly after, his happy feature started vanishing, and he even whirled Minato around to make him face a different street as the group slow to a stop at a crossroad. "Now, um. I didn't mention this earlier, because.. Well, because of the mood you were in, but..."

"But...?" Minato repeated the last word curiously, looking over his shoulder and at the tall man before he looked down the street he was forced to face. His mind travelled down the path, thinking of all the different locations he could end up at. As Chouza was explaining in the background, the blond had a pretty good idea of what was going to be said.

"... And, well. Jiraiya-sama was doing his usual... well, you know. And I didn't want to just stop him, because I've witnessed what he does when someone tries to interrupt him-"

"I understand, Chouza." Minato's shoulders rose and fell in sync with his sigh. Nevertheless, he was still smiling, but it wasn't as bright as it was a few seconds ago- more than likely because he had to go get fetch his former teacher. "I should go get him. And.. thanks, again."

"Anytime! If you ever need to talk, even if it's just some idle chat, we'll be around." Inoichi grinned slightly. Minato looked back at the three and gave them a dip of his head, smiling at them before he turned to jog down the street Chouza directed him to.

All he had to do was walk a few yards, and then travel up the alley about a block or so in the direction of the Hokage Monuments. A sort of U shape, to put it simply.

He turned sharply on his heels to walk down the alley, blue eyes looking ahead. He could already see the small, bright-red bridge he would have to cross to reach the hot springs vicinity. ... And as he got closer, he could see a white-haired man crouching with his face practically pressed up against the wooden fence. Minato rolled his eyes, and did a light Shunshin across the alley, stopping at the small bridge. He crossed it with a few simple strides, glimpsing down at the steaming water that ran beneath it. Turning his head back to the front, the blond immediately closed the distance between himself and his sensei, abruptly putting a foot heavily on the crouching ninja's back.

A second later, Minato pushed off Jiraiya's back to jump up and avoid the sweeping kick, taking half a step back as he landed back on the ground. Jiraiya was glaring up at him, though his expression lightened slightly when he saw who it was.

"... Oh."

"It's nice to see you too, sensei." Minato snorted at his reaction, but offered a light grin. Jiraiya heaved a sigh, turning on the balls of his feet so that he could face the fence again.

"C'mon, just a little bit more, Minato. There's a really busty babe and she's gonna get out soon." The white-haired pervert grumbled, placing his palms flat on the wooden fence as he peered into the small hole. Jiraiya nearly gagged as he was yanked by the back of his Jounin undershirt, flailing his arms.

"Aww, come on!" Jiraiya attempted to struggle for a second, but gave up shortly after, slumping as Minato dragged him away from the wooden fence and towards the decorative bridge. His lower lip was jutted out to show his disappointment, and he folded his arms as his heels dug in slightly.

"Sensei, you're heavy." A second after Minato finished his sentence, he released his hold of Jiraiya's clothing, making the white-haired Sennin flail his arms before hitting the ground. Jiraiya grumbled from where he was now seated on the cobble-stone ground, rubbing his lower back as he remained where he was.

"You're gentle as ever, 'Nato." Jiraiya growled a bit, and then decided to push himself up to his feet, rubbing his sore bottom. "Who told you?"

"Chouza." Minato replied nonchalantly, his arms folded across his chest by the time Jiraiya got up. The blond had a brow quirked. "But it's been a while since I heard about you being over here. Special occasion? Got bored of the porn magazines?"

"I'd punch you if you weren't my student." Jiraiya had a deadpan expression directed at the blond, a visible frown on his face. "And, no. I'm just trying to distract myself."

"From what?"

"... Aren't you heartless." Jiraiya's previous expression had vanished, and was replaced with a serious one. Minato stared at his former teacher's eyes, and his own eyes widened when he detected the sadness in them.

"O... Oh. No, I know, now." Minato lowered his gaze, frowning at himself as he rubbed the back of his neck. He mentally hit himself over the head. Boy, did he feel like a real jerk. But it made him realize that he was actually able to forget about them, if at least for a little while.

The blond was snapped out of his daze when he felt Jiraiya's hefty arm sling around his shoulder.

"Don't beat yourself up over it, 'Nato, I forgive you. Just buy me a few drinks and I'll forgive you completely for not thinking."

"Wh- you tricked me!" Minato accused as he struggled a bit, but Jiraiya's arm folded around his neck to keep him locked in place. "You know drinking isn't-"

"The answer, but it is for me." Jiraiya interrupted with a huge yawn, covering his mouth slightly with his free hand. Using that hand, he ruffled his student's blond hair. "You'll understand when you drink. C'mon, why don't we drink together?"

"I'm not old enough yet, so, I'll pass." Minato murmured. His shoulders were slumped, and he knew what he would have to do once he payed for Jiraiya's numerous drinks.

Jiraiya grinned, like he was already drunk, and guided his student away from the hot springs. "Well, alright, but you and I will drink someday, right?"

"I guess."

"Great!" Jiraiya laughed a bit, seeming more like his old self. Minato looked at him from the corner of his eye, and gave a wary smile, knowing exactly what was going to happen once alcohol passed Jiraiya's lips...

... And just like Minato predicted, he had Jiraiya's arm slung over his shoulder in order to support the large man, keeping a grip on Jiraiya's wrist so that his arm wouldn't slide off. The blond had more than enough experience with his drunken teacher, so he knew not to resist as Jiraiya tottered over to the otherside of the street in his stupor. All he had to do was steadily guide the drunken man back to his house, and keep him on his feet. That and be patient with where Jiraiya tottered off to.

Usually, Jiraiya would hit on rather hefty women, slurring compliments and even offering to take them home, in which Minato would yell an apology as he dragged the white-haired man away.

It was fairly late into the night, and there weren't as much people out on the streets as usual, which made things a bit easier for Minato. Normally it would have taken him 30 minutes to help Jiraiya back home, but tonight it seemed like it would only take 15 due to the lack of distractions. But, like everytime Minato sat through Jiraiya's drinking, he patiently sat through drunken ramblings (and even a bit of crying this time around), heard some things he didn't need to hear, and listened to stories that were so farfetched to be even remotely true. Well, it provided some odd entertainment, the blond figured.

Minato looked away from his former teacher to scan the dark streets. And, like usual, he used the spaced-out street lights as check points, knowing very well that Jiraiya's house was four lights away from the bar they usually went to. Minato counted the third one, and adjusted Jiraiya's arm that was slung over his shoulder.

"C'mon, sensei. We're just about to your house."

"Alreeadddyyyy? Daamn, you shure? We'v' only walk'd fer... um..."

"15 minutes." Minato informed, knowing that Jiraiya was stumped.

"Yea, yea! Fi'teen minutes..." Jiraiya slurred, one of his eyes drooping shut. Minato ignored the thick smell of alcohol that came from Jiraiya's mouth, and absentmindedly wondered how he wasn't used to the odor by now. He just heaved a sigh, and carried on supporting his drunken sensei. Just another block...

Once the man's house was within viewing distance, Minato picked up the pace, making Jiraiya stumble numerous times.

"W'as the rush, 'natto?" Jiraiya grumbled dazedly.

Natto? That's a new one. Minato mused warily, choosing to ignore his sensei for now. The man needed to sleep off all the alcohol in his system, and Minato knew it was getting late. And he knew better that Jiraiya would be irritated to wake up, hung over, with the sun glaring into through the windows.

The blond pretty much had a mental check list of what to do when his teacher was drunk.

1. Take him back to his house.

Which he did, and, like the last few times, Minato had trouble getting the front door open. The process took several minutes, and it didn't help that Jiraiya was constantly trying to wander off on his own, but Minato finally got the door open and the drunken man through it.

2. Get him onto the bed- or couch.

Usually it was the latter Minato went with- this time was no exception. Minato stumbled several times with Jiraiya, and even almost got pulled down when Jiraiya nearly fell over. All of Jiraiya's belongings that cluttered the floor were to blame for the close calls.

As soon as he dumped Jiraiya onto the couch, Minato exhaled an exasperated sigh. And, like always, he mused about how this would be a lot easier if Jiraiya wasn't such a large man.

3. Close all the drapes.

Closing all the curtains was the easiest part, though Minato had to stop a couple of times to blur across the room to catch Jiraiya when the man stood up and tottered over.

"Just lay down, sensei." Minato sighed as he stepped over a couple of pillows that were on the ground, trailing back over to the window and dragging the large curtain across the class. The house was quiet, save the sound of the curtain being closed, making Minato look over at his sensei. Jiraiya had- finally -fallen asleep on the couch, his left arm and leg dangling over the side.

4. Leave some medicine out for him.

As the blond wandered into the kitchen and perused the cabinets, he found that Jiraiya had none. So he just filled a glass of water and left it out on the small coffee table in front of the couch. He straightened himself and patted some dust off his sleeves, staring at Jiraiya and wondering if he would be alright until morning.

"..." As a precaution, the blond gathered the pillows that were scattered around the living room and placed them on the ground next to the sofa; so that at least there would be some cushioning if Jiraiya rolled off. On his way out the door, Minato looked over his shoulder numerous times, before he finally locked the door and exited the household.

Time to head home...

"Blondy!"

Minato stumbled forward several steps at the yell, just managing to catch himself from vanishing into a shunshin. Honestly, he was caught off guard, so his heart rate picked up a bit when his nickname was yelled. He had a pretty good idea as to who it was... He composed himself and stood up straight, turning around and, like he predicted, spotted a black wolf running up to him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Daylian was bristling, his hackles standing on ends and canines bared. Minato was surprised, to say the least, at his expression. Not to mention confused, considering the time. Minato actually braced himself, half-expecting the wolf to attack him, by the way he was running and looking down right pissed.

"She's not with you!" Daylian snarled as he skidded to a halt a couple of feet before collision. Minato's eyes widened at his words; there was only one person Daylian could be talking about, and from the sound of it, she was missing. But first, he had to get information out of the wolf so that he wouldn't jump to conclusions- much like he was a second ago.

"Calm down..." Minato tried to speak levelly, though he could feel his own arms trembling. "What's going on?"

The wolf started pacing to and fro in front of Minato, growling to himself. "She's been sneaking out at night, and I thought it was to see you, but...!" Daylian's glowing violet eyes snapped back up to the blond. "She's not here, and you reek of sake'!"

"T... The smell must have rubbed off onto me- Jiraiya-sensei was drinking.." Minato tried to explain while keeping his voice steady, but the alarm was clearly evident. "But.. she's been sneaking out? I haven't seen her for two weeks..." And that fact was scaring him. The pessimistic side of him was drawing several different pictures in his head, which was breaking his heart just thinking about it.

Minato tried to swallow a lump in his throat, but it felt as though the thickest layers of honey was coating it. Daylian was still pacing to and fro, as if he were trying to march off his frustration.

"Fuck. I watched her sneak out last night and let it slide, but she went out again tonight, so I followed! But then I scented you in another direction, so... Fuck!" Daylian snarled the last word loudly, making Minato flinch out of his thoughts. The wolf grabbed a part of Minato's sleeve with his fangs, jerking his head in one direction as if to pull the man forward. "God dammit, let's go!"

"Y... yeah." Minato stammered, although he felt rather light-headed right now. He knew the blood was drained from his face, and it made him dizzy. Mix it together with unwanted thoughts involving Kushina, and he was just about ready to sway off his feet. Daylian ran along side him, growling darkly at the blond whenever he started to slow down or even threatened to fall over.

What the hell is wrong with you? Daylian wanted to scream, but gritted his fangs slightly and narrowed his violet eyes. Dammit, if he doesn't get his shit together, then it would have been a big waste of time! Time that could have been used to catch 'Shina! Dammit, blondy...!

"Get a move on!"

Author(ess)'s Notes:
Kiki: For the record, I totally bullshitted Minato's teammates' names. (I've used Kuria's name once before in the earlier chapters.) I'd appreciate it if anyone didn't stupidly tell me stuff like 'OMG you got their names wrong, it's -blah blah name that isn't proven-' :T Minato's teammates will forever be forgotten and never known, (it's safe to assume that anyway) so blah.

(Sorry if I sounded a bit rude there. xD' I'm just not fond of reviews along those lines, y'know?)

...

So, if this wasn't clear, this is part 1 out of 2 of this 'special release'. Don't expect much more of these. The only reason why I'm doing this is because the time Minato and Kushina have been apart has been dragged on. Originally, they were to be reunited in this chapter, but then it would have felt congested and even rushed. And that reunion is... well, something that should have a lot of detail and emotion, and rushing it won't portray it very well. So, I bumped their reunion to the next chapter.

But since a lot of you have grown rather bored, I figured, why not updated them together? It spares you all the agony of having to wait another several weeks for the fluff to come back.

Anyways, I won't stall you guys much longer. Go on, click the 'Next' button, and I'll see you guys in the next Note.