Chapter 35
I froze. I had never seen him like this before and the pure rage and naked malice that seemed to radiate from him was enough to make me catch my breath. His eyes had cleared to a transparent blue, full of raw and unrestrained anger.
Suddenly his large booted foot slammed down on the floor and it was all I could do to keep from turning and running out the door. He took long and powerful strides toward me, the floor creaking and groaning under his weight. I lowered my head down to my chin as he drew nearer, trying desperately to stop the trembling in my legs.
When the pounding of his feet stopped, I nervously shifted from one foot to the other but to no avail, soon my whole body was shaking with uncontrollable tremors.
I could feel the warmth of his body as he halted less than a foot away from my face, and my shivers weren't so fearful anymore. I studied the glossy oak panels on my floor, my eyes tracing over the thick lines and abrasions while his harsh breathing raked across my senses.
It was like trying to ignore a wild animal, you wanted to pretend like it wasn't there, yet at the same time you couldn't keep your eyes off it. An eternity seemed to pass as I clutched my small cat to my chest and tried desperately not to completely break down in tears as this extremely powerful man decided my fate.
Why am I so stupid? What on earth possessed me to go with DePerix? Now all he has to do is lash out . . . either verbally or physically.
But he said nothing.
Moppet clawed impatiently at my shoulder, her small claws ripping shallow holes in my skin. I quickly adjusted her in my arms but she only mewed louder as she tried to leap from my arms.
Oh no you don't, you're not leaving me alone with this man . . .
"What do you think you're doing, Lizzy?" Erik asked his low tones crackling and snapping with his anger.
I ducked my head lower, like a reprimanded child, a shameful blush creeping its way across my face.
What was I doing? What was I doing?
I tightened my grip on Moppet's pearly fur and relayed that question over and over. What was I doing?
All I had done was give that dammed DePerix an English lesson, no more no less, and besides Aunt Maria and Cabartte were leaving when he showed up. What had I done wrong?
Slowly my left leg halted in its trembling and I lifted my chin a bit. What had I done wrong?
Nothing.
You did nothing Lizzy. You didn't reveal his presence. You followed Cabartte like he asked and yet here you are quaking.
My head rose up quickly as I quickly regained composure over myself. What right does he have to ask me that?
"I beg your pardon?" I asked my voice thin but steady. I lifted my eyes to his and stood up straighter, my spine feeling as if it had been reinforced with steel. I will not be browbeaten by this man . . .
But Erik wasn't easily intimidated. In response to my recovery he merely took another step toward me, a step that made me retreat from my position of strength. I cursed myself inwardly as I instinctively stumbled backwards out of his way. The tables had turned on me viciously.
"I am not fond of repeating myself, Lizzy, dear. I asked what the hell do you think you are doing?" He said softly as a small smirk played its way across his lips. Your move.
"That my darling Erik is none of your damned concern. I will do what I will, thank you." I snapped back, my temper, which always seemed so near to the surface when he was near, rising.
"Oh, but I think it is indeed my concern. When you stupidly decided to run off with the manager's nephew for an afternoon's English lesson, it became my concern." Erik growled back at me, one gloved hand clenched roughly at his side.
"What does it matter? Aunt Maria and Cabartte had finished their conversation! There was no other need for me to be there, and DePerix asked . . . " I began roughly but Erik cut me off.
"Or was there a need for you? You wouldn't know would you, you idiot girl? For all you know, Lizzy, your blundering aunt and Cabartte could have come back later. Or he could have just been a ploy. But your pathetic mind never quite grasps the larger picture does it? You're a simpleton, Lizzy, and your stupidity is grating on me. If I'd have known that you were this dense then I wouldn't have bothered with you. In fact, it's a wonder that I still do." His voice was like quicksilver, smooth and burning hot as it pierced my senses.
Check mate.
I felt my arms slacken as his words reached me and burrowed deep into the darkest crevices of my mind. Moppet dropped lightly from my grasp but I didn't care anymore. All I could feel were my wounds that had just so recently healed being slashed open once more. I could feel myself shrinking, my heart breaking yet again.
Don't let him see you like this Lizzy. He doesn't care for you . . . just push past it . . . no matter how much it hurts . . .
In that moment, the cold, emotionless shield that had nearly disappeared was firmly back in place. As I felt the numbness of my own denial run through my veins, I knew that it might take years to tear it down again.
"He asked for my help, just like you. I seem to have fallen into the habit of assisting lost causes, men who only take and never give back. I seem to like helping those who have no future and who can only pine for the past. She's not coming back to you Erik, she's not." I said slowly and softly.
The air seemed to crackle with an unseen energy as Erik's rage grew and finally bubbled over. He lunged for me but this time I didn't shiver under his fury. I simply let him grip my shoulders as he shook me roughly about.
"Don't you ever say that!" he roared, his face inches from mine, his stark mask glowing in the dim candle light.
Although his bruising fingers dug into my arms, I felt no pain. I lazily lifted my head and met his turbulent gaze.
"Tell me then, what gave you the right to call me a simpleton. Do forgive my faults Erik, for as you now know they are many, but try to understand. I did my best for you." I said, my voice strange and hollow to my ears.
It must have sounded odd to him as well because suddenly he released his grip on me. As his eyes continued to meet mine, they softened slightly.
"What's wrong?" he asked simply, some of his temper dissipating. But I felt giddy and disconnected as I allowed my head to drift slowly to one side.
With a deep snarl Erik's hand reached out and gripped my chin, pulling me closer to him. Something in me stirred, but I pushed it down. What good did it do?
"Look at me, Lizzy!" he whispered and once more I felt a jolt of warmth. "Look at me when I'm talking to you," he finished, his tone returning to its deep richness once more.
"Why does it matter to you?" I asked, my voice still monotone and dreary. Erik's eyes widened slightly, then narrowed. For a moment he looked like he was going to rage at me again but then his face calmed. He looked away from me and I noticed a small glint of something in his eye that flared as he looked back to me, but it was gone before I could get a better look.
"He could have harmed you. He might be working for Cabartte and your aunt, Lizzy, you have to be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you . . . " He trailed off then and once more a look of absolute rage flowed over him, but this time it was directed internally.
I don't want anything to happen to you . . .
My mind tried to grip each word as it lingered in my head. The feeling that had shifted in me when he pulled me to him rose again, and this time it didn't fall back down immediately. A small biting sensation was crawling its way up my arms. The numbness was falling . . .
I don't want anything to happen to you . . .
The thick shield that I had placed up remained, but it wasn't as strong now, I could feel my heart speeding up when his eyes met mine, and a sharp pain was racing its way across my arms.
I don't want anything to happen to you . . .
Then the pain became unbearable and I cried out sharply, my hands wrapping slowly about my tender flesh. As I lifted one of my arms, I noticed the deep purple streaks that were beginning to blossom.
I felt the thin pricks of unshed tears pull at the corners of my eyes. I began to lower my arm once more, when suddenly Erik's gloved hand wrapped gently about my wrist.
Slowly, almost tenderly, he straightened my arm, his other hand tracing the marks that he had made. I lifted my head to his, trying to gauge what was running through his mind. His eyes met mine; his once angry demeanor was now soft and quiet. It was a look that begged me for my forgiveness . . .
"That hurt." I said simply as I bit my lip and studied the angles of his face, admiring the gleam of his mask. For once I wondered what lay under it.
As if sensing this new thought Erik dropped both my gaze and my arm, the latter falling heavily to my side. He moved away from me, over nearer to the false wall, shrouding himself in shadows.
"They aren't that deep . . . the bruises . . . they should heal within a few days," he replied, turning his face so that all I could see was an emotionless mask. With a small nod I sank onto my bed, Moppet leaping into my lap and purring contentedly.
"What did you do . . . a moment ago . . . " Erik asked, still keeping himself in the darkness.
"I don't know really. I think I just kind of shut myself down . . . " I trailed off as I continued to examine the deep purple and blue streaks that ran down my body.
"I didn't mean to say what I did . . . " He said softly, his voice barely reaching me. I looked up to find that his gaze was resting on me once more, but this time it wasn't so calculating. For once he seemed to be looking at me as a person . . . as a woman. But as soon as he noticed my comprehension he turned away, melting into the shadows.
Only when I heard the telltale sound of the panel sliding shut and noticed that the sent of incense and brandy were fading into the air did I reply.
"I meant what I said . . . She's not coming back . . . but I suppose I'll always be here . . . I just hope you start to notice me . . . "
Then with a low sigh I unbuttoned my dress pulled on my night shift and bundled into a small ball in my bed, Moppet curled up beside me. My last thought was the hope that tomorrow might be a better day.