The Sigh of Mathias Køhler I – In Which An Idea Is Thought Up

The utter weirdness of the Athletics Festival was finally over. At long last, we can relax- wait, no we can't. Now we've got the Arts Festival. What is it with all the festivals, seriously?

Well, the whole school was preparing for it. Everyone from the Computer Research Society people to the school's band. Ought to go see them some time. Apparently they're pretty good.

When I say the whole school, I mean the whole school. Every class had to contribute something. And Mathias' and my class? We were doing... a survey. How dull. I suppose since Ivan Braginsky left, the class didn't have anyone in charge, and nobody was willing to take that role, so it stayed empty.

Everyone was so busy sorting stuff out that they didn't notice me leaving. I would have stayed to sit it out, but Mathias was bored... and that's never a good idea.

So, with a disinterest bordering on apathy, we started making our way over to the clubroom. Where else?

'I can't believe our class is doing something so boring! Why'd they have to go with the least interesting idea?' Yeah, Mathias was less than impressed.

'Then why didn't you say anything?' I mean, most of the class looked half-asleep, and the teacher had an expression like someone had died. Perfect opportunity to say something? Not to this nonsensical Dane.

'I wasn't going to take part in what the class was doing anyway.' ...I figured. 'But this is the Arts Festival! It's the most important event of the year!'

'...Is it? Since when?'

'Since when I say so! And we're going to make something so awesome, it'll blow everyone's minds!'

The look on Mathias' face... his usual grin had passed way beyond stupid. It was more like... he'd got an idea. The sort of idea that gets all of us into a lot of trouble. Either that, or it was the expression some crazed general has before rushing into war. Time to run for the hills...

'Hej! Are you even listening? Act more excited!'

'Hooray.' Maybe if I keep my voice as monotonous as possible, he'll stop bothering me quite so much. Probably not, though.

'That's better!' ...easily satisfied, I guess. Curses. My plan didn't work. 'Now come on! All the festivals we had at my old school were lame, so I want this to be as exciting as possible!'

'How are you going to do that?'

'I'll tell you once we get to the clubroom!'

And that means it's something so horrifying that the corridors can't possibly take it.

Tino was already in the clubroom when we arrived. So either he'd escaped early too, or the upper years didn't need him quite yet. Whatever it was, he'd clearly been here a while, since he had already changed into that dress. Why does he still wear that thing?

Other than the slight possibility of Mathias eating him. Well, not literally eating him, just... being rather displeased in his own way.

'Ah- Moi! I'll make coffees, ok?' Oh, Tino rushing around like that is so cute. Berwald was sat at the table, not in his usual window chair... but he was still reading, of course. He must have finished at least seventy-three books since we first created this club. Why seventy-three? ...No reason. It's an unusual number.

'Ok! Where's Eirikur?' Mathias asked.

'U-uh, running late, I think.'

'Eh, we'll just have to wait then. Hej, Nor?'

'What?'

'Know where we can get a witch outfit?' ...What's he going to be using that for?

'Why are you asking me?'

'You're supposed to know these things!'

'No, I don't know. Many apologies.'

'Aww... Tino! Hurry up with the coffee!'

'A-ah, sorry!' Tino placed Mathias' mug on the table next to the computer.

'Hmm...' Mathias was clearly considering something, although I dread to think what it was. Nothing that comes out of his head is ever good.

Tino brought me a coffee over. Ah, black gold...

'Sorry I'm late.' Eirikur, puffin firmly attached to the top of his head, had finally shown his pale face. About time! I'm getting bored myself, never mind Mathias. 'Hope I didn't hold the meeting back for too long.'

'...meeting?' Why do I not remember anything being said about a meeting?

'Oh yeah! I forgot to mention, Nor! Haha! I told everyone else at lunch, but I figured I'd tell you whenever.'

'Mathias, I sit in front of you. Telling me would be easy.'

'Ya still came along, didn't ya? It's not when you find out about it, it's what you're gonna do about it!'

...Was that supposed to be deep? Miserable failure. About as deep as a puddle on a summer's day. Meaning not at all. Unless it's one of those summers where it rains all the time, because those can happen...

Ahem. Rambling. Sorry.

'Ok!' Mathias stood up, taking charge. 'Everyone's going to participate! This is an SOS Brigade event!'

'What is?'

'Noooor! We were just talking about it! The Arts Festival, of course!'

Oh. That. See the warning signs.

'If you wanted to do something for that, you should have signed up to be on the staff.' They could probably use the help...

'That's boring! We've got to do something to SOS Brigade standards!' By which you mean it's either totally insane, there's a possibility of screwing the world over, or both. Most likely both. 'I worked hard to make this club the most awesome thing ever! Everyone knows of us!'

Ugh. Easy for him to say. Usually it's Tino and me that take the brunt of it. Eirikur just sits there indifferent, and Berwald never pays attention during the bit where Mathias comes up with his crazy schemes.

'Hmm... Hej, Tino! What's your class doing?'

'Uh, we're doing a café.'

'Haha, bet you're one of the waiters!'

'Joo, how did you guess?' ...he said, sitting there in a maid dress. I doubt his class are cruel enough to make him wear that, though... however much it may suit him.

'Hehe... What about you, Eirikur?'

'We're putting on a play of some description, although we haven't decided whether we're doing a classic or something modern.' I'm sure it's scintillating... pfft, no. Sounds dull.

'And you, Berwald?'

'Fortune-telling.' Short, sweet, and to the point. Yep, that's Berwald. Wait... fortune-telling... or future-telling? Knowing Berwald, probably the latter...

'Then here's a great idea,' I suggested. 'Combine them all and do a survey-café-fortune-telling-play thing.'

'That's a stupid idea. You're a dork.'

Well, forgive me for trying to avoid being dragged by my elbows into something I really don't want to do!

'Right, then!' Mathias left his table and moved behind me to pull out the whiteboard which he'd filched from some random classroom. 'Tino, you're the secretary now. Write everything down, ok?'

'Uh, ok.' Mathias gestured to the whiteboard, so Tino got up out of his seat and approached the board to write stuff down. Not that there was anything to write down yet.

'Ok!' Here it comes... 'We're going to show a movie at this year's festival!'

A... movie? Well, Mathias wouldn't show one that already existed... oh, crud. He's going to make one?

And how the hell was this a meeting, anyway? He's clearly already decided on everything, so what's the point in asking?

'Ya know... something's been bothering me.' You're bothering me. Have been for the last few months. Don't see me complaining. 'How come on TV shows someone always dies in the last episode? That always feels fake to me. It's too convenient! I'd never make a movie like that!'

And so, the idea of drama flies fifty-four feet above Mathias' head.

Tino noted that down.

'When did we become the Movie Club?' I asked. It's a very important question.

'Wha? We're still the SOS Brigade! That's what's going in the credits!'

'So the plan is to make a film and show it at the Arts Festival?' That was Eirikur, stating the obvious.

'Yep!' Ugh. That grin again. Mathias is way too serious about everything...

'Why are we making a movie..?' Tino asked. A valid question, since, knowing Mathias, he'd be the victim...

'Well, last night I couldn't sleep, so I turned on the TV and this really crappy movie was on! So I thought, I could do better than that... so I decided I would!'

'If you want to be a director, that's fine. But some of us have other things to do.'

'Huh?'

'Mathias, I do love how this has all been decided for us, but-'

'Haha, I knew you would! We're going to make the best movie ever!'

As I thought. He gives approximately two-thirteenths of a crap. He also fails to understand sarcasm. Ah...

'I'm almost done with the script! Just follow me like always and it'll be fine! Don't worry!'

I'm worrying.

'Just leave it to me! I'm planning the whole thing!'

I'm really worrying.

'Our goal is to be the number one event at the festival!'

No chance in hell.

'Maybe then those bastards on the Student Council will actually recognise us as a club! We're going to make them!'

'Where's the money coming from for all this?'

'We've got the Literary Club's old budget, haven't we?'

'That's their money. You can't just take it.'

'Hmm... Hej, Berwald? Can I use your money?'

It took a while for Berwald to respond. Probably finishing the page he was on.

'...mm.' Ah, that mumble of approval. How I have missed it.

Actually, no. Now was the last time I wanted to hear it...

'Ok, everyone!' Mathias' voice was loud as ever. According to Eirikur, this room's now an alternate dimension or some such rubbish... which would be why the walls haven't crumbled from all Mathias' shouting. 'Whatever your class is doing, this is more important! Anyone disagrees, we can talk about it after the festival! Director's orders!'

...right. First he's the Brigade leader. Then he was some super detective. Now he wants to be director. What's he going to want to be next?

Please don't say God... and Eirikur, shut your face. Don't give him ideas. No matter what your Agency thinks.

Mathias gathered his stuff. 'Ok, that's it for today! I'm in charge, so I've got a lot to think about!' Having picked all his crap up, he opened the door, but didn't go through quite yet. 'We'll go over the details tomorrow. Farvel!'

Then he left, leaving the door wide open.

Head, meet desk. Become good friends.

'Interesting idea, nei?' ...Anything interesting by Eirikur's standards is usually bad news for me. 'Better making a film than catching some space-monster or shooting down a UFO. Besides, I'd like to see what kind of film Mathias is going to make.'

Speak for yourself. I'm terrified.

Berwald closed his book with a snap, stood up and left through the still-open door. Not closing it behind him. It was letting in a rather annoying draught.

Making a movie, huh... if it were anyone else in charge, I'd be quite interested, but no, we're stuck with him. And as I've learnt, pretty much everything involving him results in disaster.

I suppose at the very least I should be more psyched about it. It's not like anyone's expecting much.

Anyone except Mathias, at least.

A/N: Holidays! I can actually update more frequently! In theory. I should probably get some revision done too...

I'm going to have a lot of fun with this, I can tell. I'm messing around with everyone's roles, so it won't be a carbon copy of the actual thing. Hehehe.

Next chapter, Norge and Tino are put into slavery... sort of.

Until next time, moi moi~