Eleanor

"Okay listen up everyone"

Mrs. Ruska clapped her hands calling all of us in rep practice to form a straight single line. Pacing back and forth she looked each of us in our eyes as we stood erect barley breathing.

"I know these last few weeks have been exhausted emotionally as well as physically but I also know that you are thee best of thee best dancers in this school so you are expected to handle thee pressure as only thee best of thee best can. The next few weeks will only be crazier more demanding if you can't handle thee pressure thee door is that way"

"Now this week alone we have two performances both will require six dancers look around there's 12 of you do the math six will be eliminated, todays practice will decided who will be in those performances so dance as if your life your career is riding on this… who knows it may just be"

She wasn't kidding about how crazy everything was. Every night I seemed to have six to seven pages of essays, assigned reading questions and answers. I was starting to get overwhelmed with everything. I hadn't slept in weeks Gemma's pills were only helping me so much. After school I had rep practice for two hours at least than I had meetings with mum every night different ones ones from children's hospitals planning gala's; church meetings discussing topics like abortion, planned parenthood, poverty and how to create jobs, foreign aid. To lgbtq issues any of these meetings required traveling which left me and mum a lot of one and one time. We flew to Russia where she took me out to a fancy restaurant fed me black ykra which was basically Salmon caviar. "Salty but tasty" "It takes a real woman to be able to eat this dish" "So does that mean I am a real woman than Mummy?" Her laughter was delightful as she softly kissed my forehead ruffling my hair than fixing it again. "You are turning into a beautiful strong young woman but you are still my little girl Eleanor you have a while before your fully a real woman I want you to stay young baby don't rush growing up"

After dinner we walked around the capital of Russia Moscow which was beautiful we got a tour of Moscow State University which was amazing huge and gleamed in gold. "Keep your options open sweetheart your smart you have a bright future you can go to any university you want my love" I got to interview students there recording them. Than we visited Spasskaya clocktower, Cathedral of Christ the Saviour, MIBC; Alexander Pushkin Statue at the Tverskoy Boulevard; Saint Basils Cathedral and Moscow Kremlin. While we were at the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour Rachael, Mum and myself met with the head priest Father Abarnikov who was seeking my mum's opinion on how to change the church to be more accepting to the cultural diversion currently taking place.

"My radiant beautiful Queen thank you for coming here today to take the time to meet with me, I am afraid time is off the essences time is changing fast there are more and more young people coming out as homosexual each day they face the reality of being prosecuted condemned even killed for just being themselves public opinion is growing more hostile each day we need to make a stand we need to show people that love is love and should know no gender England has been leading the way into accepting I know that is much to do with you my queen"

"Well thank you father Abarnikov I do believe in equal rights to all I also know youth is a precarious time in finding who you are what you stand for you shouldn't have to worry about being prosecuted shamed" "It's up to us to give these young people a voice"

"Princess Eleanor it would be amazing if you would give your input as well after all you are youth"

"Me?"

I looked to mum than back to him both nodded. "The rest of the delicates shall be here shortly Princess why don't you take a few minutes to prepare a speech for yourself" "Thank you Sir'" "Thank you Princess it would be an honor to have you speak my assistant Debbie will show you to a private room" "Rachael please accompany Eleanor I shall be fine here" "Are you sure my queen?" "Yes Rachel I am thank you"

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. His assistant didn't say a word but I felt Rachael's hand on my shoulder she nodded to me as we were shown to a room. Leaving us alone I thought about how hard it was to live with this secret. I felt like a freak how could I like girls? It just wasn't normal "Any idea what you will say Eleanor?" "No Rachael I have no idea I wasn't excepting any of this" "Just follow your Mums lead she's an excellent leader"

What would people think if I stood up and spoke on behalf of lgbt teens would they assume I was one of them? Wasn't I? No I wasn't if I never admitted it out loud it wouldn't be true.

"Oh my god Princess Eleanor?"

I turned to see two young woman around 16 standing before me.

"Yes I am how may I help you?"

"Hi.. I ..wow..so sorry I …

She started fanning herself Rachel went over to her "Sweetheart it's okay you can calm down she's an ordinary girl like you"

"No way she's thee princess of england she has the power to do so much for us you have to speak on our behalf please"

"Excuse me but this is a restricted area only thee princess is allowed in here"

"I'm sorry but I have to speak up"

The other young woman spoke rushing past to Rachel to reach me. I jumped back in fright you never know what fans would do. "My name is Katina Volova this is my twin sister Gabriella she was beaten by her classmates three months ago stoned for being openly gay yet she is proud of who she is she is taking a stand because of this our government has been threating jail time if she doesn't keep her mouth shut she needs help" I was left dumbfounded was it a crime to be gay? Looking at Rachel feeling myself shake I had no idea what to say.

"I'm so sorry for what you have been going through but I still don't get how I can help"

"You are thee princess are you no?"

"Yes but not of this country"

"No but none thee less Princess millions of young people look to you as our leader if you say you support gay rights it will go a long way in perhaps changing thee minds of thee youth"

"May we talk for a minute Princess?"

Gabriella spoke softly but her voice filled with no hesitation so I nodded intrigued by what this young lady had to say taking her hand we went out to the patio.

"Gabriella may I ask a question?"

"Yes of course my princess"

"When did you know?" "I know it's an an old question"

"Yet it has meaning substance Princess in truth I guess I always knew in a way but I really knew about two years ago. I just always felt different but it wasn't till I kissed my first girlfriend that I admitted it out loud, but I knew I could never tell anyone not without paying deeply" "When it did come out to my school it was the scariest moment being beaten was humiliating yet at the same time it was the most liberating moment of my life I knew that because I survived it I could do anything now"

"How did it come out?"

"I was with my girlfriend in a place where I thought we were alone we were kissing someone saw us took a video and sent it to everyone in school"

"That must have been horrible"

"It was but like I said it gave me strength I am more determined to stand up for lgbt teens even if it means I die" I swallowed she was so brave I don't think I could ever do what she is doing. "How was it .. um your first kiss I mean?" She laughed shrugging "Wet sloppy awkward like most first kisses but nice" Swallowing against the lump in my throat I tried to control my breathing as she asked "Have you ever kissed a girl before?" How should I respond? Answer yes even though it wasn't me kissing Lexi it was her kissing me did it count? Should I lie?

"No...But I I want to..

She smiled leaned closer within seconds her lips were on mine. They were soft sweet like one would imagine a girls lips being. My whole body felt alive as she pulled me closer her hands on my back running up and down softly. I never felt this amazing. "Princess Eleanor" I jumped back as I heard Rachel's voice breathing heavy. I stared at Gabriella who grinned curtsying. I was left shaken but she grabbed my hand.

"There's always fear in going against the norm but princess if you let yourself just be you may find there's more beauty than you would ever know"

Rachel came out letting me know it was time. Taking a deep breath I still had no clue what I was going to say but I had no time now. Walking out I saw my mum waslined up with the us president,

Representatives from groups supporting human rights, the environment, free media. Motioning for me to join her I took another deep breath "Princess you seem nervous here take a drink it is vodka strong stuff it shall calm those nerves" Mum laughed as I took the flask from Russian activist Vladimir Lucas nodding at me the smell was sicking but if it worked why not. Quickly I tipped my head back and swallowed the liquid was strong and burned yet it woke me up. Shaking my head I jumped a little hearing mum laugh as she patted my arm taking the flask from me "That will due my love feel better?" Better was not the word I would go for but sure it took the edge off. Watching as each person stepped up to address the crowd of media personal gathered for the G-20 summit. It seemed to be insane people were yelling at each other calling each other names, I was set to go on next after Russian President Valkin so I paid good attention to what was being said.

"President Valkin how can you create a law that infringes on someones life?"

"Simple I am the president I have thee right to tell people how to live their lives if they don't like it leave Russia marriage is between a man and a woman not a man and a man or a woman and woman we as Russians have a non traditional culture homosexuality is a crime and should be treated as such however we do not use capital punishment here in Russia unlike many other countries but we have passed a law that makes any public display of homosexuality a crime while we have declared it is not a mental illness in my opinion one who views themselves as a lgbt person is only kidding themselves into believing they are normal when in fact they are sick which means I have a responsibility to protect the law abiding non sick people from being infected by this disease" there were so many people asking questions in different languages I was lost but at the same time I had never felt so sure about myself.

My mum and I stepped up next she had her hand on my shoulder the whole time. Nodding to the press as they snapped pictures of us. She was the first to speak her voice was soft yet held conviction "Good Morning everyone and thank you for coming here on behalf of England and it's people I am here to represent for one of the greatest countries in the world we are proud to stand up for all our people. I truly believe that everyone has the right to live their lives how they see fit it is not my place nor is it anyone else place to make them feel in superior devalued as a productive member of society however it is the right of each church to decide if they want to hold weddings for same sex couples. I am not here to force people to accept homosexuality as right or wrong everyone has the right to have their views but no one has the right to make someone else feel scared unsafe or judged for simply being who they are this is simply a human rights issue someone a girl who likes girls has just as much right to marry as a girl who loves boys it's not about religious rights but civil rights that is why I along with my husband have issued for a referendum to pass a law that will allow the people to vote for same sex marriage to be passed. I urge everyone to open their minds and put yourself in the shoes of someone who is being discriminated against for simply being themselves" Now I would like to introduce my beautiful daughter Eleanor"

Taking a deep breathIsteppedup further don't look at them look ahead the bright lights blinded me tears welled up from the sheer brightness but I looked to my left saw Gabriella smiling at me as I let out my breath. "Good Morning gentleman ladies thank you for taking the time to hear me out I know I am young but youth doesn't mean I am dumb or blinded to the issues plaguing our society today in fact it makes me more aware of what needs to be done because of my age. Destiny comes to pass in strange ways. I always wondered why I was born into this life I didn't chose it but maybe it chose me someone once said I had the power to make a difference.

I never believed it but I am starting to you can start at any age 10, 3, 13, 29,45 age is merely a number what you do with your life it is up to you no matter where you were born who you were born to you can make a change it may not be huge but even a small change can effect those around you for years to come, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, questioning we all are humans we are all unique you shouldn't have to live in fear to live in shame.

Teens shouldn't go to school afraid they will be beating afraid there will be no one there to help them yet this is what is happening kids are being killed in broad daylight for being who they are, teens are being driven to taking their own lives, it's not right just three nights ago in St. Petersburg a 19 year old young man in the prime of his life was murdered in front of hundreds of people all because the had the audacity to hold hands with his boyfriend he was shot in the chest while people spat on him called him fagot told him he was a sin he deserved to rot in hell" this is the world we are bringing our children up in and frankly it scares the shit out of me.

I am sickened that people feel it's okay it's right to take beer bottles and shove it up a fifteen year old boy's arse because he was brave enough to come out to his older brother his brother who he loved and trusted who than called his friends and told them about his pansy little brother the same friends that later helped him beat his brother to death after sexually assaulting his brother yet the police did nothing"

"Another example is how just last year a gay nightclub was attacked by twenty armed men people were dragged out beating raped de-colthed and stoned in public pissed on shamed for just living their lives not hurting anyone, this has to stop no one should be forced into living their life in secret" That's why I am proposing a gay straight alliance club at all schools in England I may not be able to change laws here in Russia but I can start in my own country"

The ride back to the hotel I fell asleep on Mum's shoulder well I had fallen asleep but I awoke half way without opening my eyes, just enjoying being on Mum's arms feeling her strong heartbeat smelling her sweetness, than I heard her talking to Rachel.

"Excellent job today my queen you even had me convinced that you give a damn about those freaks" "

"Rachel that's my job as queen to make all the people feel that they belong even those who live in sin. I can never condone it but to oppose it would make me an enemy and the queen must always be ready to lead her people, besides what they do in their private lives has little baring on me as long as they like me I get to live my life let them believe I care and watch their money roll in support of me"

"Eleanor gave quite a passionate speech"

"She's a kid she's too dumb to know what she's saying but people bought it she's all over the news already that means more positive press for the monarchy so it's a win win for me" I suddenly felt sick.

"Eleanor foot out look at that turn! Does that look right? Are you even focusing!" 1 2 3.. 4..5 6..

Mrs. Ruska's voice brought me back to the present as she kept count while the music played. Suddenly she was on me grabbing my foot twisting it it took everything in me not to cry out in pain.

"Are you stupid?"

"No Ma'am"

"Than do what I say goddamn it"

"Yes Ma'am"

"You want to be a dancer yes?"

"Yes ma'am"

"Than you know great dancer require perfect technique know?"

"Yes Ma'am"

"Does this look like perfect technique?"

"No Ma'am"

She hit my foot hard over and over. "Hold it high hold it steady no matter how hard I hit it" My whole body ached as she hit me over and over again with a wet ballet shoe but I stayed steady even as blood dripped from my raw painful foot I didn't waver.

My stubbornness paid off as I was one of the six kids picked. As I limped off the floor one of the last to leave I heard Mrs. Ruska call to me. "Eleanor" "Yes Ma'am" Please no more not today I begged inside my mind everything hurt I had little sleep on the way home from Russia my mind was whirling with all the words that mum had said to Rachel. Did she really think I was stupid?

"Eleanor I just want you to know I am proud of you, not just for today you proved you are a worthy dancer but for what you did for my country. This weekend I saw the television you spoke on behalf of LGBT youth that is not an easy thing to do for anyone but for a kid it is bravery.

Russia is very backwards country in their beliefs it is one of many reasons I chose to leave but I have much family members there who face being beaten humiliated who are afraid and ashamed. I fear for many I love so thank you for having the courage to stand up for them" if you ever need anything do not fear to ask me yes"

I was speechless I thought she hated me but than she lifted my chin in the palm of her hand. "You are very special Eleanor you shall be iconic don't let anyone dim that light if you ever need sponsor for this club I am the teacher to ask. I have been an out and proud woman for nearly twenty years long before it was cool or safe I faced many hardships but now I am happily with my life long partner for ten years Sarah it is possible to be happy Eleanor it just takes time" I stared at her wait did she know? How did she know?

"You do not have to say anything my dear child if you are not ready everyone has their own coming out both to themselves and to the world it is different for everyone and no one should rush you but I understand and I am here for you" I was left shaken as she dismissed me was I that transparent?