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Wednesday, November 1st, 2018, 10:40a.m.
Washington DC

Monica had gone out to do some grocery shopping, since Audrey was still besieged by the media. She hadn't left the apartment in days. But in return, Monica had almost moved back in with Audrey in her new apartment here in Washington. Sure that it would be her, coming back, as the door rang, Audrey opened up- and froze.
Although she had told Harry not to arrange a meeting for her and Jack, that hadn't kept Jack from coming here by himself.

She yielded back into the corridor, starring at him, eyes ripped widely open. She hadn't had the heart to slam the door in his face- but for a few seconds she wished that she had.

„Can I come in?", he calmly asked.

She didn't respond.
She was right in front of him, but acted distant. Jack dared to slowly walk just the two steps into her hallway, over to her. He deliberately left the door a gap open behind him so she wouldn't feel caged.
He took his right arm out of the sling and reached out to grab both her hands. Partly unwillingly she let him take them.

„Do you hate me now, Audrey?", Jack silently asked. He had done anything- literally anything- to come back here as soon as possible. But he hadn't managed it to come any earlier. For the first days, they hadn't even let him out of hospital, and ever since, he'd had to stay at that safe house, surrounded by Secret Service who protected him from the wrath of any of Anderson's and Page's allies.
He had read any newspaper that had come out in the meantime.
He had read anything they'd written about Audrey and her personal life.
By now, he was sure, that she simply had to hate him - either for making it public that they had had an affair, or for the fact that he hadn't done anything against the press that was ripping her life apart.

She shook her head „no.", she answered, tears rolling down her cheeks.

But he didn't believe her. How couldn't she? Part of him wanted to say ‚i'm sorry', but that would have sounded like a weak excuse right now. Part of him wanted to say ‚i love you' to her, but he guessed that would even be worse.

„You would have every right to.", he continued, „after all I've done."

She sniffed and looked up, into his eyes, trying to smile. But it was a sad smile only. „Jack…. we both know that you haven't done anything wrong. It was… bad timing, a bad coincidence, bad fate…"

He replied nothing.

„And how are you?", Audrey asked, after they stood there like this, silently, for a while.

He looked away. „Don't ask."

Audrey saw him fight tears. It had been a bad question to ask.
She finally got over her initial reluctance and pulled him closer. Tenderly she put her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder.
He didn't return her hug, but nevertheless she felt that he had gladly let her take him into her arms.

„I killed her", he whispered „Audrey, I don't know how I can ever get over this"

She said nothing and just held him closer.

Jack continued, because he felt like he owed her an explanation. „Four months ago, Audrey, as I had… as I had seen her die, I totally freaked out. I killed people,… I had been on a killing spree, going for anything and anyone who's had some role in her assassination." He took a deep breath, „But now… that person is me."

Audrey felt him tense up beneath her hug. He had told her about that day before.

„There's nobody else to blame. I am the one who decided over her life and death."
He had to keep his eyes open because if he closed them, every time again he saw the pictures of Renee, how she had been raped in front of his eyes. And remembered the moment when he had promised her to get her out of there. He saw her body, ripped into pieces by the air strike on Georgewill plaza.

„It will get better one day.", Audrey comforted him, the same like Monica had comforted her. But at that moment she wasn't so sure when that day would come or if that day would come at all. Even though Monica had told her it would get better - up to now, it had only become worse. Gently she stroked over his hair. „I don't know when."

„I'm not so sure about that.", Jack replied. Finally, he returned her hug. „I'm not so sure about anything right now." He held her close, as fast he could with his still battered arm. Right now he was only glad that she still let him be so close.

Three days ago, September 29th

„Madam President." Jack stood up, as she entered the room.

„Please, stay, Jack.", she answered hurriedly. She had gotten a report about his physical condition. He'd just been cleared out of the hospital ward, that made her almost sorry to have demanded him to meet her - right now. But life left her no choice.
He had been glad that the was out of the hospital ward for the first time in days. Waiting for her, he had peeked out of any of the windows in this room, finding this to be a single, large house, completely out in the green. He guessed to be miles away from any city.

Allyson Taylor went around the coffee table and sat down.
Her assistant gave her a black portfolio.
„Thank you. Give us some privacy, please.", the President told her and waited until the woman had left the room, before she turned to Jack again.

She wordlessly slid the portfolio across the table, towards him.

Jack eyed it. „I heard all charges against me have been dropped.", he began. He expected a pardon to be in there.

„That's not a pardon, if you'd expect that.", she told him. „Open it up."

He leant forward and opened up the portfolio, finding a membership statement for her party. Puzzled, he at her again.

„Jack…", she began, „… did you follow the news lately?"

„Yes.", he answered.

„Then you know what consequences will soon follow. For somebody very distinct."

She didn't name Page. But he could guess it anyway. „Yes, ma'am."

She sighed and stood up. Slowly she went over to the windows and looked outside. „As much as I appreciate the truth to come out, Jack," she told him, „this process compromises our country. Very much."

He could see that she wasn't very happy with their situation. „Tell me what I should have done differently.", Jack replied.

She sighed.
„I shouldn't say that… forgive me in advance.", she said, turning around to him. „But it would have been best if you hadn't testified."

Jack sat there, getting a rebuke of the President personally. „With all due respect…", he wanted to begin defend himself, but she cut him off in the middle.

„I told you already that I shouldn't have said that.", she harshly told him, „But I want to make clear to you in what position this country is in."
Allyson Taylor folded her arms. „Jack, we're at the verge of a war with Russia because of that guy Petrovsky. Removing Page out of my administration weakens our position, our politics, our international stand, our power…" she emphasized any one of those points. „There are groups within the party who are not reluctant against starting the third world war. But I am."

„I'm sorry to hear that, madam President.", Jack silently answered, „It was not my intention to have such an influence. But don't you think… retrospectively…. that Page's decision to drop that bomb on one of our allies, would have automatically started such a war?"

He had caught her- he had caught the big picture.
She smiled sadly.
„Yes, Jack. And that's why I said before that you shouldn't have publicly testified. I hadn't said that you had done the wrong thing."
She went around in the room, Jack stayed seated and followed her with his steady gaze.
After a while of thinking, she turned around and looked directly into his eyes. „Tell me, Jack, would you, in my position, start a war with the rest of the world?"

It was a test, he knew that - but he didn't know what for. „No. Not now and not on such an occasion. Maybe you should be glad that everything went public. That's the only reason why they won't crave for a retaliation strike."

She smiled her agreement, turning away again. „We sometimes have our worst enemies in our own ranks."

„I know.", Jack silently agreed. „I'm in this long enough, Madam President."

„And I know that.", she nodded, looking out of the large windows on the opposite wall. „Jack, can I trust you?"

„Of course you can. You should know that."

„Good. Then listen. I'm going to ask you something now. And if your answer is ‚no', I want the things that we've discussed in here to never leave this room.", she began.

Audrey savored his nearness.

At a loss what to say she just stood there and closed her eyes. She felt his strong arms around her waist. The slight pressure of his hands against her back, as he held her close.
It had been way too early to force him into a relationship with her. He had not even yet gotten over Renee's assassination- the one four months ago.
She remembered when she had tried to get closer to him- two months ago, and he had rejected. She remembered all the times when he had gone slow without an obvious reason. Renee had been his reason. He hadn't even been over her death in the first place and now he had been forced to decide about her life again.
She had even forced him into the public with all possible details of it.

„I'm so sorry to do this to you.", she heard him whisper.

Audrey freed herself from his hug, getting a few inches of space. She looked into his eyes. As Jack couldn't stand it any longer she grabbed his face with both her hands and forced him to look at her.

„No.", she answered.

„No… what?", he replied, sniffed.

„You're not the one to apologize.", she spoke, letting her thumbs wander softly over her cheeks. „You weren't ready for something new, Jack. I shouldn't have forced you into ‚us' again… deliberately overlooking any sign that was there."

Jack shook his head. „Audrey, that's not your fault. We both thought she was dead."

Audrey wiped one of his tears away with her thumb. „That doesn't matter, Jack.", she silently said, „be honest for once- had you been over it?"

He starred into her eyes, unable to answer.
She still had that asking look, awaiting him to say something. But what should he say? That he had gotten close to her as he hadn't even been over Renee? That he had still blamed himself every single day for his failure to save her? That he had thought about it every single day?

„Be honest, Jack. Do it for yourself, not for me.", Audrey said.

He closed his eyes, lowering his head. „We both know that answer, don't we?"

Audrey's hands lay at his neck now.

Slowly she went a step forward and hesitatingly she kissed his forehead. „And you're not over it now… so why are you here?"

„I don't want to lose you, Audrey.", he silently answered. „And I don't know what to do… not to lose you."

Jack dashed forward and hugged her again, even tighter than before. „I love you", he whispered into her ear, close to tears. „I know how this sounds- now- but I really do." There were so many things that made it impossible for him to be with her. Not only Renee. He had said ‚yes' to President Taylor. This job wouldn't let him have an affair with a still married woman.

Audrey returned his hug.

For an endless time they stood there, arm in arm, saying nothing. She stroked his hair, his back, carefully, not to hurt him. She didn't even dare ask him about his physical condition. At least he looked way better than in the court room.

After half an eternity, she began to speak again. „Jack, you need to get over this all. You need to get over Renee… and only then…"

„What if I never get over it?", he cut in, helplessly. He thought back- to Teri. It had taken years for him to get over it. And if he was honest, he was even now thinking about her from time to time.

Oh Jack, Audrey sighed. She freed herself from his hug, to look into his eyes. „It will get better, one day.", she spoke out of her own experience. „I promise you, it will."

Jack looked back into her eyes. He knew as well as she did, that they had no future with each other if so many things would always be standing in between them - if he'd not get over Renee, if both their lives would always be scrutinized by the press and the public.

She tried and put on a little smile for him. „You have a special place in my heart, Jack- and you'll never lose that. But you have to make yourself free before getting into something new. This is not freedom, what you're going into.", she said, referring to his new job.

He knew that all by himself. But it was so much harder to do it - to let go of Audrey- than just to talk or think about it.

Slowly Jack came closer, leaning towards her to kiss her.

She let him do it, caressing her lips with his, caressing her tongue with his. It was a slow kiss, full of affection. Full of their both love for each other.

Finally Jack broke away from her, still close to tears. It hadn't felt right. He'd felt like a traitor as he'd done it. Who had he betrayed? Renee? No.
Had he betrayed Audrey, kissing her and thinking of somebody else in the same moment? Teasing her right before he'd leave?

He took her into his arms again. „I love you.", he whispered into her ear. „I will always do."

She knew that. „I love you, too, Jack.", she answered, kissing his neck as a goodbye. „You need to go now."

This was leading nowhere. The longer he stayed, the more likely they'd get into a situation which wouldn't be good for them both.

Jack nodded „yes", only slowly and reluctantly freeing himself from her hug. He wiped the tears out of his eyes and off his face, turning away. He didn't look back.

Audrey watched his back, as he grabbed the door with one hand, slowly opening it. She could see him hesitate. Go, Jack, she intensely thought. It would be best for him. It would be best for them all right now.

As if he had read her thoughts, he finally started to walk, leaving the door open behind him.

Audrey made no sound. No effort to hold him back.

She watched him walk down the corridor, towards the staircase.

And she wished him all the luck in the world.

3 days earlier

Jack couldn't believe what he had heard. Taylor's offer.
„I…. I think I'm not up to this.", he stammered, shaking his head.

„I already thought you'd say that, Jack.", she remarked. „But that isn't the thing you should be worried about. I listened to the tapes of you, Petrovsky, Page and the others." She turned around, facing him. „There is one thing that Anderson said very well: The one who makes people feel he's in power is always the one with the ‚truth' they'll be listening to."

„What do you mean with that?" Jack felt somehow threatened by that sentence. And he was right.

„You and me, we both know how this country works.", she continued. „That the press is not free. That the one who is on top always rules what goes on. That any court trial could be chopped off if somebody is wealthy and mighty enough. That doing the right thing is not only an outcome of braveness and righteousness but mostly of power."

They looked into each other's eyes. A cold shiver crept over Jack's back. „Madam President, I think that the case of me and Page showed rather impressively that it is not only that way."

She came over to him and sat down on the armchair to his left. „Yes. This was a case where excessive bravery and righteousness beat the regular power, an outstanding act of yours. But that was one day." She looked right into his eyes „you cannot repeat that every day. But their power stays- for all other 355 days of the year."

„Are you threatening me?" His level of anger was slowly rising. He had known from the start that she wasn't offering him something out of goodwill.

President Taylor shook her head. „You should be glad I'm offering you a way out.", she began, and then she stood up again to walk another round through the room. „It's not that hard to overthrow somebody, you and I know that, Jack. You've done that before. But anyone who provokes such things faces the consequences for it. Especially you should know that."

He froze. The way she looked at him, she seemed to hold the ultimate ace up her sleeve.

President Taylor said only one word: „Logan."

Jack swallowed. It wasn't an ace- she only knew everything out of his past. Page wasn't the first one whom he had brought down.

„Tell me happened to you afterwards, Jack.", she probed him.

He looked into her eyes, his pulse racing.
China. Logan's backers had brought him there - they had sold him out, in revenge from bringing him and their plans down.

„They're about to declare open season on me. Right?" As he said it, he was agitated by sudden fear- although he seldom experienced that.
Though it was years ago, the memory was fresh like it had happened only a few days ago.

„Yes." Allyson Taylor answered, he needn't add that it would happen, once she wouldn't hold her protective hand over him any more.

„And what do you get out of this?", he silently asked, his mind racing about what Anderson's and Page's backers were probably planning for him right now.
Audrey was still out there, too, completely helpless against it. Once more, he had torn her into this.

The president sighed. „I need somebody as a Vice President who'll stand up to the Russians and somebody who'll give the public back that feeling that he'll stand up for this country. Either a hardliner out of the party… but I fear that in this case a war would be inevitable. It don't want that, Jack.", she mused about the staffing decisions. „You are the one who brought Petrovsky down. You brought half of their delegation down, four months ago. That is going to be a strong statement."

He smiled sadly. What had once been his greatest mistake would now be his advice on employment. That was politics. Statesmanship.
„Let me think about it.", he answered, but the decision was already made for him.

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This was it. End of the 'regular' story.

I don't want to end this here - I WANT to see Jack and Audrey reunited again. But I couldn't do it right there. They both need some time, especially Jack. He can't kill Renee in one second, and run into Audrey's arms the other second.
He just brought the Vice President down and has to take Taylor's offer to protect himself and Audrey from Anderson and Page.

Thanks for reading until here - imagine how long it took me to write this all... so please take one or two minute and leave a review, thank you.
yours sincerely
amacma