dedicated to: rhyrhy, romeaynce, &&veroxion. (I DONT DESERVE YOUR GUYS' LOVE DDDx)
prompt: fmylife(dot)com.
rating: M
story: drabble thirty-six. third person.
FML o36: "Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I proceed to go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around and turns out he was actually a very angry midget. FML"
note: i decided to do one chapter: sakura's POV. 2nd chapter: sasuke's POV. 3rd chapter: third person. and so on and so forth. REPEAT until we REACH THE ENDDD.
summary: Today, Sakura was on her supermarket shift. She saw a little boy who was trying to reach for cereal on the top shelf, so, with her kind heart, she asked him if he knew where his mommy was. Instead, she saw a very pissed off midget. FML.
.o36.
by
SasuSaku Forever and Ever
(aka; ohh, &&xena/-x- XENAPHOBiiA -x-/Xenaphant)
Seven Things
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If you asked Haruno Sakura how her day was, she'd tell you that it was probably one of the worst that she'd ever experienced.
Why?
Well, there were a lot of reasons. First, she got her period, second, she was in a crappy mood (because of number one), third, she lost her favorite pair of jeans, fourth, juice spilled on her new white blouse, and fifth, she was working. At the local supermarket. Again. Stupid shifts…
She doesn't want to mention the sixth, but here it is, anyway.
Sakura had always been a kind soul. Well, for most of the time—she was always the one who loved to get in fights and beat people up whenever they were mean to her. So, after hours and hours of anger management and stress balls, Sakura finally thought that she could get rid of her fighting streak and start afresh. With a kind soul. Volunteering and what not, and 500 hours of community service.
Of course, the elderly people always stared at her with big eyes, pointing at her with their canes and whispering, "She's a rebel, look at her hair. Pink? Really? Why else would she be doing 500 hours of community service if she didn't do something wrong?"
Sakura always felt her fists clench, but she was a good girl, as Tobi, her guidance counselor taught her. She would continue to massage old women's fungus feet and give old men baths, helping them undress and get in the tub…
She obviously realized that it wasn't the job for her.
So, she went back to her old one: afternoon and evening shifts at the local supermarket. It wasn't anything big—just a regular supermarket to buy food and snacks, like Costco…but not as big, of course.
She only had bad memories of the place; cleaning up diaper-poop in the bathroom, swabbing toilets, helping little kids find their parents, sweep food fights, prevent shoplifting, scrub vomit…
But, she realized, after the sixth thing, her life was full of embarrassment and shame. In fact, she probably dishonored her family so much that she would do the samurai suicide and drag her intestines out piece by piece. To some people, it wasn't that bad of a thing, but to Haruno Sakura…
The sixth was the worst.
And after that situation, Sakura vowed never again to ever, ever, ever ask somebody if they needed help. Ever.
The reason being that a little fat midget punched her in the face and nearly knocked out one of her beautiful teeth that two years of braces had done to straighten. So if that little punk thinks that he can get away with it, he is so wrong.
Which is also partially the reason that Sakura was sitting in a police car with her hands cuffed, because of "starting a ruckus" and also "domestic abuse."
Yup, her day was going splendidly well.
.
.
.
It would be kind of cliché to say that "it all happened on a certain day, where the sun was shining and the birds were singing and everything was going whoop-de-freakin'-amazing." Of course, nobody says that unless they're high or Lee, so that was out of the question. Life pretty much sucked in general and there was nothing that she could do to make her day better.
But honestly, it did start out as a decent enough day, what with having all those five and soon-to-be six things happening to her. Even though it was a Saturday afternoon, and she'd rather spend her time tanning or shopping, she warily went to work, knowing that she was going to hate her life and that something bad was gonna happen. It was like the prologue of Romeo and Juliet, where they give a HUGE spoiler alert telling you that both of them are gonna die anyway and no matter how much you cry they won't come back to life.
Well, she didn't die, but she'd rather have died than be stuck in a police car with a huge crowd of people around her. Ugh.
But of course, Sakura didn't know that it was going to happen. She took her shift, swiped her card in one of those "I'm here!" machines that record your time, put on her uniform, and, as the supermarket "newbie," said in the front of the automatic doors, "Hi, uh, could you take a look at this please? Uh, yes ma'am. No, I'm not tricking you. Could you please—hey, hey! Get back here! I wasn't done talking to you!"
The reason that she was promoted wasn't because she was simply amazing at her job, which, to be honest, she was, but it was also because that people were even more scared to come into the market than they were before.
Oh what a shame. Don't call my name; don't call my name, Alejandro…
.
.
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"And I'm like, fuck you-u-u!"
Because of this, Sakura, too, got promoted. She couldn't handle the market's soundtrack because, as a girl, she loved to perform karaoke in front of everybody, which included English songs. And, of course, her English wasn't that great, so she was pretty screwed. Even the shoppers, whose English was probably worse than hers, may have not known what the hell she was saying, but it was obviously really, really bad considering that the speakers were squeaking loudly, causing some people to shriek and bend over in pain.
Ha, bend over. Like Beckham.
Anyway, Sakura didn't understand why she would be promoted for something she sucked at. I mean, it was nice, but…she was obviously sucking badly at her job and would need to improve her skills if she ever wanted to be the manager, which, of course, she wouldn't.
She just wanted to go home and sleep. Seven a.m., wakin' up in the morning…
However, Inner Sakura said something different. SEVEN A.M., TOO EARLY, BACK TO BED—
Ah-ha! So that's how it went!
.
.
.
Let's have a little time skip. Not like 17 Again, where Zac Efron goes back into his past self and just tries to win back his wife, who is probably like 20 years older than him, and his daughter's hitting on him at the same time which is really, really, really weird.
No, but time skip into a couple hours, at around 4:00. STAY UP TIL FOUR IN THE MORNIN, AND THE TEARS ARE POURIN'—
Sakura really, really missed her old karaoke job. But, she thought. It was at least better than scrubbing toilets and cleaning up vomit all day. She was just so good at singing, it was a shame that no one appreciated her mad skizzles.
.
.
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"Haruno, get off your lazy ass and go to work!" her manager said to her, while she turned off her iTouch and placed it into her pocket.
"Fine, fine…" she muttered. There was nothing to do anyway. She was getting paid to lay around, and that was totally fine with her. She was about to become really angry, until she remembered what Tobi told her.
"Breathe in, breathe out. Good, Sakura-chan. Now, feel the breath fill up your lungs, and then slowly, led it all out through your nose. Out. Aah…"
Sakura didn't want this kind of training. She wanted the punch the wall and knock down everything like dominoes, watching people marvel at her strength while she ate her spinach and got muscles like Popeye.
"Sakura-chan, we have to help the people out there. Help them! There are people out there who NEED OUR HELP! And we have to be the ones who help them. Helping!"
She knew that if she didn't do anything, she would have to go back to therapy. It wasn't that Tobi was weird, (well, he kind of was), but she'd rather do something else with her time. Besides, Tobi kind of reminded her of a little midget, because he was so tiny and so cute. She loved how he always ate lollipos and offered her some. He was such a good boy and a little man.
Spotting a little boy jumping up onto the top shelf for the cereal, obviously needing some help, Sakura went up to him. She asked him the first question—"Are you lost? Does your mommy know where you are?"
It was a bad time that the little boy got the cereal, because he turned around and smacked her in the face with it. While she was on the ground, he stepped on her and kept hitting her with the cereal box. Now, Sakura was in a certain situation and hated her life pretty much. She didn't even do anything to the poor kid!
But then, when she looked up, she saw—not a little boy—but a little man, a midget, hitting her in her beautiful face and her mouth with a Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Sakura winced as she tried to pry the thing off her.
Screw anger management.
She punched him square in the jaw, watching him fall back dramatically into the air and lie flat on his back. Sakura rolled up her sleeves and growled.
"You little punk."
By then, there was a crowd of bystanders around the two, and the little man did what he could to make people pity him instead of seeming like a pussy.
He cried. In front of everyone. Bawling like a little baby.
Of course, everyone looked at Sakura with menacing eyes. She was about to escape until the handcuffs were on her, leading her out.
"Haruno Sakura, you have been charged with domestic abuse and starting a ruckus. I'm going to have to place you under arrest."
And I'm like, fuck you…
.
.
.
Sakura had gotten enough of the interrogationing. It was too long and she was really hungry, and to be honest, it was Tobi's fault in the first place. If he hadn't recommended it, and if she hadn't been such a kind soul, none of this could have happened and she could jerk off (well, the other way) to her Playgirl app on her iTouch.
Suddenly, a strange but really, really, insanely attractive man came up to her with a face like, "OMG he's so cute, but I like that hard-to-get look on him." To be honest, he was even hotter than the boy on Playgirl and she wanted him in her pants, now.
"Hey," he said. Sakura wanted to melt. His voice was so attractive, too!
"Uh, hi…" Sakura felt stupid and underdressed. her hair was a mess, she had a giant bruise on her face, her hands were still handcuffed, and there was a spot on the back of her knee that she really needed to itch, too.
It seemed very likely that the heavens were punishing her because, after all, she was so damn amazing. And plus, she could have been a boxer. Did you see how her punch sent that little punk flying through the air? It was like, woosh…
"I'm Sasuke."
Sakura felt her brain melt and tried to get her thoughts straight. "Uh, I'm, uh…Sakura."
He raised an eyebrow. A perfectly, thin, trimmed eyebrow…
"You don't seem so sure."
Sakura was nearly drooling, but she knew that if she did she wouldn't be able to wipe it away. So she held her saliva in her mouth in hopes that soon, they would exchange it, and said, "No, I'm Sakura. Haruno Sakura. Of the Haruno family. You know, on the west side of town. The 'hood…' like, the bad part. Next to the cupcake shop."
Talking too much wasn't necessarily good either. Now she felt stupid. Again.
At least she had a sucker punch! Which, by the way, was a movie that she so desperately wanted to see. With him, perhaps?
"Cool," he said, his voice suave. He looked like he was bored, but his voice and eyes said otherwise. He stared at her with great intensity and with such a passionate fire that she was really going to faint from the smoldering hotness. She was like, ashes.
"Hey," he said, out of the blue. He interrupted the awkward silence between them and she was grateful for it. "I'm sorry for my, er…cousin. He has MPD. You know what that is, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well…" Sasuke said, squirming. He was becoming nervous? Really? Wow, what a shocker…he seemed so…amazingful and stuff that it was probably impossible for him to be not Sasuke.
"My cousin," he continued. "His name is Madara, but he refers to himself as 'Tobi' during his high days. He's kind of bipolar, but not really…I mean, he's about 25, and an anger management counselor as Tobi, but other times when he's mad he takes off his orange mask and says that he's Madara. To be honest, I don't know which is which until he punches me in the jaw. Which, by the way, I hope he didn't hurt you," Sasuke said.
Sakura was drooling now, not only because of his beauty but also because…Tobi was the little man who hit her? Really? Tobi with the lollipops? Madara with the Cinnamon Toast Crunch? It didn't make sense…
"No? That's good. Anyway, I'll pay for any damage that he caused and I've already told the police the story. They're letting you out now. I really apologize for anything that happened, and I hope you can forgive my dysfunctional family."
Sakura kept drooling. She thought that there was a song to settle this kind of mood, but instead, she just nodded her head. "Uh-huh…"
He went closer to her and she blushed. Tipping up her head, he brushed his thumb against the side of her mouth. "You got a little somethin' somethin' here."
Aa! He wiped her mouth! His precious hand was against her lips…
Sakura felt herself fall, but his arms caught her. Huh. The handcuffs were off. Looking up at his eyes, she nearly melted again, and felt like it's a love story, baby just say yes!
Yup, that was the one she was looking for.
"I'll take you home. You live on the west side of town, right?"
"Uh, yeah." Her brain was still mush and then going to overfreeze. Wahh. How could someone so amazing acknowledge her? Oh yeah, because she was amazing, too. Those amazing people have to stick together, especially if they're both drop-dead gorgeous.
He led her to his car and buckled her in. His hand brushed over her breast and she sighed in pleasure. Noticing her behavior, she stopped and looked away from him while he got into the driver's seat.
"So, Tobi told me that you're a patient of his."
"Yeah…but I thought that it was unethical for doctors to share information?"
"Mm…I have a few ways."
Sakura frowned for a second, before she said, "Wait, were you the President Pedobear that friended me on FaceBook?"
Sasuke looked away, not saying anything. His blush made it obvious, that indeed, he had stalked her for quite some time.
"Aha!"
"Hn…" he muttered. "Anyway, you seem like a nice girl. I don't understand why they would lock you up."
"It's probably because I'm so beautiful." She flipped her hair and sighed again. "Aa, I'm like the female Narcissus…"
"You are very beautiful," Sasuke mentioned. She blushed, not expecting this kind or response. "Uh, thanks."
They kept driving for a while, until Sasuke stopped at, of course, the west side of town. She left the door, fingering her pocket for her keys and her iTouch. Sasuke gave her a small salute, before she said, "Hey, do you want to come in?"
Sasuke thought for a moment, and then locked his door, walking towards her as she put the key in the hole. (That's not what she said—in fact, she did it)
He stepped into her kitchen and looked at the place. Kind of messy, girly, and…all over the place? It smelled like her. And perfume.
"Do you want something to drink? Water? Soda? Tea?"
"Tea," he replied, sitting down on the couch and making himself comfortable. He crossed his legs and folded his arms while Sakura came towards him with two cups of tea.
"Here you go…it's a little hot, so be careful."
Sasuke gave her a nod of thanks and sipped slowly. Sakura sat next to him, feeling that it was awkward, that he could be a serial killer but she invited him in for some reason, and that she knew she was probably gonna get raped and killed because she let a Ted Bundy/playgirl centerfold in.
"You have a nice place."
"Do you say that to all your victims before you kill them?" Sakura screamed, ready to throw hot tea on his face.
"What? No…what the hell are you talking about?" Sasuke asked. He placed his teacup down and touched her arm gently. Sakura shrieked, before he dragged her onto his lap.
"FIRE!" she screamed, hoping somebody would help. He shushed her silently and let her sit up on his knee while he grabbed her wrists, making her face him.
"Chill out. I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to."
Sakura knew that she was going to die. She was going to fucking die and it was all her fault and President Pedobear was also a rapist that had just escaped from jail on Friday, singing Rebecca Black at full volume, and wondering which seat to take in his newly stolen car.
"Hey, hey…don't be mad." He held her face gingerly in his hand and watched her stare at him with confused eyes full of desire and fright. "It's okay. I just want to stay like this for a bit."
Sakura began to relax as she felt more and more comfortable in his grasp. Then, she put her head on his chest and felt him take big, deep breaths.
"I've only known you through FaceBook, but to be honest, it's like I've known you forever."
"I've only known you for about five hours, but still, it's like Romeo and Juliet, except none of us die. Now, when are you going to serenade me from the balcony?"
"Haha, very funny," he muttered into her shoulder, biting the sensitive part of her neck. "Can I kiss you?" he asked.
Sakura was pretty sure there was a song for that, too, but she didn't know what it was at the moment. Instead, she felt Sasuke's lips on hers and her arms around his neck, kissing him back. She was lying down on the sofa and he was on top of her, kissing her sweetly and touching her gently and tenderly, only above the waist.
"Aa…Sasuke…"
"That's right, love."
He was such a good kisser that she wanted more and more of him. More…down there.
"No," he murmured, dragging her hand away. "I don't want this right now." Really? A guy not wanting sex? Wow, he was her Prince Charming, definitely. She would marry him then and there.
She ignored his comment and kept on kissing him, pulling apart only for breath. Staring at his fiery eyes and long bangs drooping down, she kissed him again, until she felt a lighter weight on her. He had gotten up and combed his hair with his hand.
"You're leaving?"
Sasuke looked at her with sorry eyes. "I have to go pick up Madara from the police station."
"Why didn't you get him when you picked me up?"
"Because…" Sasuke smirked. He kissed her forehead and put a strip of paper in her hands. "The pedobear wanted some alone time with his little girl."
Rubbing her hair, he chuckled softly before taking his shoes and going out the door. "I'll see you soon. If you forget to contact me, I'll call you. Remember, dearest Sakura—I don't think it's safe to put your phone number on FaceBook."
He shut the door and she heard the car engine start and drive away. Sakura's lips were swollen and she felt like she was in heaven.
On the piece of paper, his number stated; 078-555-7230. Love from your dearest Sasuke-kun.
P.S. Little girl, would you like to come to my house for some lollipops?
She'd like that very much indeed.
Oh, and she remembered the song name she was trying to think of. KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE!
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"So, Hinata-chan, I understand that you're usually a very gentle woman. Could you explain why you decided to beat up your boyfriend?"
"He left out his old ramen bowls and a cockroach came out!"
"Yes, yes…could you elaborate on that?"
"No."
"Well, Tobi thinks that you, Hinata-chan, are a bad girl." He lifted up his mask to suck on a grape lollipop. "What you need to do is 500 hours of community service. The elders will see you in a little bit."