CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've decided the direction this fic has taken requires me to add Danny's point of view, especially for this chapter. With that said…

DANNY

Trixie's scream sent him immediately into action. He looked over her shoulder to see why she was screaming and saw what she'd seen… Nicky was lying on the floor in a pool of blood with both of his wrists slashed open.

Danny reacted quickly. "Trixie, move," he said. She didn't move, but continued staring at her cousin in shock. "Trix! You need to move."

Trixie was shaking violently. Danny gently moved her out of the way. He knelt beside Nicky and checked for a pulse. "Call 911!" He told Trixie.

She stared at him, not understanding. "He's alive, Trixie! Call an ambulance," he said.

"He… He's alive?" She asked.

"Yes, but he won't be for long if we don't help him. Call 911 now."

Trixie seemed to register his words finally and pulled out her cell phone. Danny grabbed towels and wrapped them around Nicky's wrists as tight as he could. He needed to stop the bleeding or Nicky wouldn't last long enough for help to arrive.

Trixie was sobbing into the phone. "I need an ambulance," she said through her tears. "My cousin's losing blood… He… He tried to… His wrists. They're cut."

After a minute, she stood over Danny. "Trix, you should wait outside," he said. "You shouldn't have to see him like this."

"I'm not going anywhere," Trixie said. "How c-can I help?"

Danny shifted so she could kneel beside him. "Put pressure on that wrist. I've got this one. Press hard, okay? Don't be afraid to hurt him. We have to stop the bleeding."

Trixie did as he said. She was trembling badly, but she kept steady pressure on Nicky's wrist. "He'll be okay, right?" She asked Danny. "He… He has to be."

"I hope so," Danny said. He should have lied to her. Someone else would have lied to her. Any decent human being would have told her everything would be perfectly fine just so she'd feel better, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to her.

When the ambulance finally arrived, Trixie refused to move at first. "He needs me to keep the pressure on his wrist," she insisted, still partially in shock.

"Trix, it's okay now," Danny said gently. "These people are here to help. They can save him, but only if you let him go."

Trixie was crying as she allowed Danny to help her stand up. He pulled her into his arms and held her, hiding her face in his chest so she wouldn't have to watch the EMTs attempt to save Nicky's life.

"I… I need to… to call K-Keith…" Trixie stuttered out.

"Okay," Danny said.

Trixie pulled out her phone, still clinging to Danny, and dialed a number. "Keith…" Trixie said through her tears. "Y-you need t-to… To come to Nicky's room… Please…"

Keith was replying, but Trixie didn't seem to register his words. Danny took the phone. "Keith?" He asked.

"Who the hell is this? What happened? Why's my cousin crying?" Keith demanded.

"It's Danny. Your brother's in bad shape."

"What happened?" Keith asked again.

Danny felt awkward having to be the one to deliver this news. "You just need to come, okay? The EMTs are going to take him to the hospital soon, so hurry up."

"Hospital? Jesus… Did he overdose?"

Danny raised an eyebrow at that. Apparently, Keith had realized Nicky had some serious issues with drugs. He'd seen it, too, but it wasn't really his business to say anything. "No, it's not that…"

"I'm on my way, but what the fuck am I walking into?"

"He slit his wrists, Keith."

Now Keith fell silent. Danny heard a sound that he guessed was the phone dropping out of Keith's hand, and then someone else picked it up. "What the fuck is going on?" Someone asked. Danny was pretty sure it was Molly.

"You guys need to get to Nicky's room. He tried to kill himself." Danny was nothing if not blunt.

"He… Nicky did what? No… No, he wouldn't…"

"Denial won't help him. He did. He's in bad shape, and he's about to get taken to the hospital, so get over here."

Molly seemed to register the urgency of the situation. "We're on our way." She hung up. Two minutes later, she and Keith appeared in the hallway.

"Nicky… Oh God…" Keith whispered.

"Keith!" Trixie cried out. She ran into his arms. Keith was crying, too, but he tried to hide it as he focused on comforting his cousin and Molly, who was visibly panicking.

Danny was left standing alone, way too close to the kid with the slit wrists. He tried to shake off the flashes going through his head. He could see his mother bleeding to death. He remembered calling the ambulance and trying to stop the bleeding to save her life…

He's not your mother, he told himself. You're an adult, not a scared kid. Get over your bullshit. You're fine. Everything's fine.

He snapped out of it as he felt Trixie's hand on his arm. "Are you okay?" He asked her.

"No…" She admitted. They were wheeling the stretcher out of the hotel room now.

"I'm here, okay? I know it's not much, but-"

"It's everything." She hugged him. "Thank you. I was useless. I panicked. You saved his life, Danny."

"We don't know that yet."

"I do. I know it. I know it because it has to be true… There's been too much bad lately. Something good has to come to balance it out… But even if I'm wrong… You tried, Danny. You didn't have to help him, but you did."

"We're going to the hospital," Molly said. "We can give you guys a lift."

"Both of us?" Danny asked in surprise.

"I heard what Trixie said. You saved his life, Danny. You're part of this now."

How the fuck did I end up becoming part of the Mickey Mouse Club? He wondered. He didn't belong with these Legacies. They were wholesome and happy and annoyingly pure. He could admit Molly might not fit that mold, but everyone else seemed to. Then again, one of those perfect, happy people had just slit his wrists. Maybe he was wrong about them.

"I shouldn't intrude-" Danny protested.

"You're not intruding," Trixie said. "Please? I… I need you right now."

He nodded. "Okay. Let's go."

RANDY

He had a bad feeling as his cell phone rang. He saw it was Keith and picked up immediately. "Hey, Keith," he answered.

"Dad…" Keith's voice cracked.

"What's wrong?" Randy's heart was racing. Whatever this was, it was bad.

"Nicky's in the hospital… He… Um…"

"What happened?" He imagined alcohol poisoning or some other random, terrible thing. Maybe he'd been in a car accident? Maybe he'd tried to go back into training and had gotten hurt?

"He…" Keith sighed. "He tried to kill himself, Dad."

In an instant, Randy's world shattered. He could barely process what Keith was saying. "What? How? Is he… Is he alright? Where is he?"

"He slit his wrists… I'll text you the address of the hospital. He's alive, but… It's bad, Dad."

"I'll be right there. I just need to grab your mother." Randy hung up and tried to breathe. It was difficult. He dialed Corri's number.

"Hey, Sexy," Corri answered with a laugh in her voice.

"Corri… Where are you?" He asked.

"What's wrong?" Corri asked.

"Just… Tell me so I can come find you, okay?"

"Whatever it is, tell me."

"Corrinne… Please."

Corri gave in. "I'm in the lobby with AJ."

"I'm coming down." Randy hung up and rushed downstairs. He didn't know how to do this, but he had to tell her…

"What's going on?" Corri demanded. She looked terrified by the look Randy knew was on his face.

"It's Nicky… He's in the hospital."

"The hospital? What happened? Is he okay?"

"Keith said he tried to…" Randy shook his head and tried again. He had to do this. He had to tell her what was going on. "He's alive… But he slit his wrists."

Corri's face paled. She stumbled. Randy grabbed her before she could hurt herself.

"Can I help?" AJ asked.

"Tell the Bucks… I… We have to go," Corri said. "We need to get to him…"

Randy led her to his rental car. He drove faster than he ever had in his life. When they got to the waiting room, he spotted Keith and Molly clinging to each other.

"Dad!" Keith said. He ran to his parents. "Mom... I'm sorry. I didn't know he was this far gone…"

"It's okay," Corri said. "Tell us what you know."

"Not much… He was fine yesterday, but today… He did this… I don't understand it."

Trixie was sobbing nearby. She was curled up in the arms of the last person Randy expected, Danny Huber. "Trix? Are you holding up okay?" He asked.

"I… I found him," Trixie whispered. "I found him, and he was bleeding, and I thought… I thought he was…" She began sobbing.

Danny stroked her hair soothingly. "He's still alive," he said gently. "Hold on to that."

"Danny saved his life," Trixie told Randy as she calmed down enough to speak. "He reacted quickly and stopped the… the b-bleeding…"

Randy looked at Danny in a new light. Who exactly was this kid? He'd never paid much attention to him before. He was just a trouble-maker who was kept low on the roster because of a temper problem. Yet, apparently, he'd just saved his son's life.

"Then I owe you a thank you," Randy said.

"No, you don't. Anyone would have done that," Danny said quickly.

Corri looked at Danny and said, "Don't brush this off, Danny… You saved my baby's life today."

"Is there any word from the doctors yet?" Randy asked.

"No, not yet," Molly said. She looked lost.

"Molly…" Randy hugged her. "Why don't you call your father? He should be here."

She nodded numbly and walked away to make the call. Keith looked devastated as he said, "This is my fault."

"No, Baby, it's not," Corri said quickly.

"You don't understand, Mom… I knew he wasn't okay. He…" Keith sighed. "He was seeing the company shrink, and he put him on some strong meds… And Nicky got hooked after the shooting. It was pretty bad, but we found out so quickly, I figured we could help him…"

"Why didn't you tell us?" Randy asked gently. He didn't want Keith to think he blamed him for this, but he was upset.

"Nicky begged us not to… And it took a few days, but we got him off the drugs, and he was fine… He was laughing and joking around and… He was Nicky again. I don't understand what happened… How could he fall apart so quickly?"

Randy was stunned. How had he not realized his son had gone over the edge? "It's not your fault," Randy said quickly.

"I thought… I thought we could save him." Keith was crying.

Corri pulled Keith into her arms. "You did everything you could, Keith. You tried. He needs help," she told him.

A doctor appeared. "I'm looking for the family of Nicholas Orton?" He asked.

"That's us," Randy said, hurrying over to him.

"Is he okay?" Corri asked.

"Your son lost a lot of blood, but thanks to efforts made when he was found, the bleeding slowed down enough that the EMTs were able to stabilize him. We gave him a couple of transfusions, and physically, he's going to be just fine," the doctor said.

"Thank God…" Corri whispered. She buried her face in Randy's chest. He held her as she pulled herself together.

"We're keeping him down here until he's recovered enough to be moved up to psych, but we need to admit him. Suicide attempts are mandatory thirty-day admits."

"Thirty days?" Randy asked.

"He'll be evaluated and given the best care we can provide."

Randy nodded, trying to process what he was being told. His son was being hospitalized for at least a month, but he was alive. That was the most important part.

"When can we see him?" Corri asked.

"In a little while, when he's awake. We had to give him a mild sedative. He briefly came around and started to panic, and with the blood loss, his heart didn't need the added stress."

"I understand," Randy said. "Just tell us as soon as we can see him."

"I will… After Psych talks to him and we're certain it's safe."

"Safe?"

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but we need to make sure none of you are the reason he felt compelled to do this. We have to be careful with suicide attempts… We can't risk upsetting him unnecessarily."

"Of course," Corri said. Randy suspected she just wanted the doctor to go away until he had more news. Luckily, he walked away after that.

"Randy…" Corri whispered. "Our baby tried to kill himself…"

"I know, Corr," Randy said gently.

"I need some air."

He knew better than to stop her. He let her walk away, praying she'd be able to find some comfort soon.

CORRI

All she wanted to do was scream. Her son… Her baby had slit his wrists! She had been off dealing with her own drama, feeling sorry for herself and clinging to her crazy Bullet Club friends, and all the while, Nicky was breaking.

She wanted to call Cayla. In fact, the only person she wanted to call was Cayla, but was that really a good idea? She was one day into treatment. She couldn't handle this kind of stress.

Her phone rang. It didn't surprise her even slightly to see Cayla's name on the caller ID. "Cay…" She answered.

"What's wrong?" Cayla asked.

"No use lying, I guess…" Corri sighed. "Nicky's in the hospital, Cayla."

"What happened? Is he okay?"

"Apparently, he's not… He slit his wrists."

Cayla gasped. "Oh my God… Is he…?"

"He survived. They said he'll make it…"

"Corri… Jesus, what brought this on?"

"When I wasn't paying attention, he broke… He broke, Cayla… My baby tried to kill himself today…"

"This isn't your fault, Corri."

"I know… Maybe… But I… I really…" She was crying now. "I really want a drink."

"I know you do… But it's not going to help."

"I know that, too…" Corri sighed. "I can't do this, Cay. I don't know how to do this! My son needed me, and I wasn't there…"

"You didn't know, Corri."

"I should have known."

"You couldn't have. Nicky was hiding it."

"He's my baby…"

"Trixie apparently broke up with Brandon because he turned into an abusive jerk. I didn't know about that."

Corri was startled into silence. "What?" She felt rage boiling up inside of her, and she welcomed it. Rage she could deal with. This grief over Nicky's pain? Not so much. "I'll kick the Baby Goat's ass!"

"I don't know all the details… Saraya only told me a little, but apparently, it was bad enough that Shane forced him to go get therapy and anger management. They wrote him out of New Legacy."

"That asshole… He deserves worse." Suddenly, Corri realized she should tell Cayla more. "Cay… Trixie's the one who found him… She had Danny Huber with her, and thank God, because Danny stayed calm and saved Nicky's life."

"Oh God… Oh, my poor baby… Is she okay?"

"She's shaky, but she's here. Danny's got her, and Randy's in there with her, and Keith, and Molly. Dean's on his way."

"I wish I was there…" Cayla sighed. "But I can't be. I can't help anyone until I help myself."

"You're helping me just by talking to me. I needed to hear your voice."

"I knew that… But Corri… You can't help anyone until you help yourself either."

"I'm getting help."

"Are meetings enough?"

Corri sighed. Cayla knew her too well. "No. I don't think so, not now… This… This is too much, Cay. This is the last straw for me."

"Then get help. Before it's too late. Promise me."

"I promise." She meant it. She decided she'd talk to someone and see what she needed to do next. She would stay sober for her kids. She would be strong.

NICKY

He woke up feeling confused. A machine was making strange beeping sounds nearby. There were people rushing around, but he was in a bed…

The hospital, he realized. You're in the hospital. You're not dead.

"Excuse me," he called.

A nurse looked up from her clipboard and smiled. "Hi, Nicholas," she said pleasantly.

"Nicky," he corrected her automatically.

"Nicky. How are you feeling?"

"Confused," he admitted. "I don't know how I'm here."

"You hurt yourself pretty badly, but your cousin found you."

"Trixie? Trixie found me? Oh God… Oh God, she must hate me…" He was horrified. He'd never expected Trixie to be the one to find him. He'd never hurt her like that.

"I'm sure that's not true. She's very relieved you're alright, though."

"Can I see her? I… I need to explain…"

"Soon. First, we need to understand what happened. I'll call your doctor, and then if all goes well, you can see your parents and the rest of your family. One at a time, of course."

"My parents? They're here?" He started to panic slightly. If they were there, that meant that they knew what he'd done.

"Stay calm, Nicky. It's alright. No one's mad at you. Are you scared of them?"

"Of my parents? No, of course not. But I… I didn't want them to know. They're under so much stress, and I just made it worse…"

"You need help, Nicky, that's all. It'll be okay. Let me call your doctor." She walked away and Nicky tried not to freak out. His parents knew. Everyone would know. Worst of all, his happy, bubbly cousin had found him… He'd probably broken her.

As soon as the doctor came to him, he said, "I need to see Trixie. Please. I have to explain…"

"Nicky, I'm sorry, but we really need to discuss things first-" The doctor said.

"If you want me to talk, you'll get my cousin in here first." Nicky wasn't sure he had any right to demand she be there, but he didn't care. He needed to make sure she was alright.

The doctor stopped protesting, apparently deciding bringing Trixie in wouldn't do him any harm. A few minutes later, he returned with her by his side.

"Trix…" Nicky said.

Trixie burst into tears. "Nicky, oh God…" She sobbed. She hugged him, careful to avoid the wires he was hooked up to. "Thank God you're okay!"

"I'm so sorry, Trixie. I never meant for you to be the one to… I didn't… I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

"Why'd you do this, Nicky? What happened? How could you hurt yourself like that?"

"Trixie, perhaps now's not the time-" The doctor began.

"No, it's okay," Nicky said. "She deserves an answer." He sighed. "I don't know, Trix. I was okay yesterday… I mean, I was more than okay. I was more up than I've ever been… And then, suddenly, it just stopped… And I was miserable. And I felt like it would never end…" Nicky started crying.

"Nicky…" Trixie held him tighter. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know…"

"No one did. I didn't talk about it. I just gave in to it. I thought… I thought you'd all be better off."

"We're not! You're my cousin, Nicky! I love you. I need you."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing… Stop apologizing and just tell me you're going to get better, Nicky."

"I don't know if I can, Trix… I'm not sure I can get through this."

"You're going to have help," the doctor said. "That's why we're here, Nicky. You aren't alone. We're going to figure out what happened to you."

"Can you forgive me, Trixie?" Nicky asked.

"I'm me," Trixie said. "What do you think?" She shook her head. "There's nothing to forgive, Nicky. You just need help. I can't be mad at you for that. I'll only be mad if you refuse to take it."

He was relieved. He'd never forgive himself, but at least Trixie wasn't going to hate him forever. "I love you… I'm sorry it was you, but thank you for saving me."

"I didn't."

"What?"

"Danny was with me when I… When I found you. I freaked out. He saved you."

"Danny hates me. Why would he save me?"

"I guess he doesn't hate you as much as you think he does."

He was stunned. He owed Danny Huber his life? He wasn't sure how to feel about that, especially since he hadn't wanted to survive. Now that he had, however, he was going to have to make the most of the fact that he was in a hospital and could no longer hide how bad things had gotten. He tried to believe that all hope wasn't lost, but he was still so depressed… What if that never went away?

He looked at his cousin and decided he needed to try. He owed it to her. He'd just put her through hell, and the least he could do was try to get better. It might not be possible, but at least if he tried, Trixie would know he made the effort.