Chapter 35:

Ozai and the Sparkly Pink Miniskirt of DOOM

"Do you know why you're here?" Dr. Al K. Holic questioned.

"Because you mere mortals are attempting to understand my power and glory." Ozai retorted.

"More like arrogance and stupidity." Ms. Liz B. Anne snapped.

"SILENCE!" Ozai commanded.

Dr. Holic sighed. It was going to be a loooong day...

"Your files here say that your previous therapist discussed your power and control issues?" Dr. Holic asked.

"What do you mean 'issues'?!" Ozai demanded, using finger quotes. "The only issue is that instead of being in the Fire Nation, claiming my rightful title as Phoenix King, I'm stuck here!"

"Hmmm. And how does that make you feel?"

"Like punching babies, raping nuns, killing therapists, and listening to the Jonas Brothers." Ozai said, shuddering slightly at that last one. Not even he was that demented!

"Hey! The Jonas Brothers is a great band!" Ms. Liz shouted.

"No they aren't!" Ozai scoffed. "I mean, come on! The only one that's cute is Nick!"

Ms. Liz gasped. "You take that back!"

"Why? You know it's true! Kevin looks like a total creeper!" Ozai argued.

"Wait, which one is Kevin?" Dr. Holic asked, confused.

"The one with the hideous sideburns." Ozai clarified.

"I thought he was the one with the caterpillar eyebrows."

"No, that's Joe Jonas. He's the one that looks like a pedophile."

"You would know!" Ms. Liz sniffed.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Ozai said. "Zuko is the one that was stalking Aang, not me! If anyone is a pedophile it's him! ...or Zhao."

"Ah, yes!" Dr. Holic said, getting back on track. "Tell us about your relationship with your son, Zuko."

"I'm going to ask you the same thing I asked Ursa." Ozai said.

Dr. Holic leaned forward. Perhaps they were making a breakthrough? "What?"

"......how do you know it's mine?"

"That's what you asked her?!" Ms. Liz cried. "You sick son of a lemur!"

Ozai frowned, unsure of how that was wrong, or why she was upset. "Calm down. Who jizzed in your coffee?"

Dr. Holic, who had at that precise moment, taken a drink of his coffee, immediately spewed it out.

"It's okay, you get used to the taste after a while. Azula makes my coffee all the time." Ty Lee whispered from under the desk.

"Wait, what? TY LEE!" Dr. Holic shouted. "For the last time, get out from underneath my desk! There is no such thing as aliens!"

"Oh yeah, then how do you explain Michael Jackson, huh?!" Ty Lee demanded.

"Michael Jackson was one of the best—no, he was the best singer of all time! He invented pop! Now GET OUT!" Dr. Holic shouted.

Ty Lee pouted, and sulked outside.

Dr. Holic gave an annoyed sigh. "Kids these days."

Ozai snorted. "Tell me about it."

"So...where were we?" Dr. Holic muttered, shuffling around files and papers. "Ah! Here we are! We were talking about your power and control issues."

Ozai scowled and crossed his arms. "I don't have any issues!"

"Oh, but you do." Ms. Liz answered cryptically.

"Yes, well. Let's talk about why you want so much power and control." Dr. Holic said, trying to break the tension.

"I already told you. For bowchickawowwow!" Ozai said, smirking. "You want me to do the dance too?"

"Oh god, please no!" Ms. Liz muttered.

"Please, call me Phoenix Kind Ozai."

Ms. Liz frowned and rolled her eyes.

"Are there any other reasons?" Dr. Holic pried.

"Well...there is one." Ozai admitted.

"Yes?"

"I have a dream..." Ozai began. "...that all the women in the kingdom will be forced to... wear miniskirts!"

Ms. Liz scoffed. "You are such and animal!"

"Yeah, I know. I'm a sexy beast." Ozai retorted.

"Wait a minute! You invaded another Kingdom, enslaved millions, and attempted world domination...for miniskirts?!" Ms. Liz demanded incredulously. "What kind of man does that?!"

Ozai snorted. "Any man who can. Isn't that right, Dr. Holic."

Dr. Holic blushed. If he could make every woman in the world wear miniskirts....

"Wait!" He said. "What about the ugly women? I don't want to see their fat butts hanging out of miniskirts!"

"Oh, that's easy." Ozai shrugged. "I'd just kill all of the ugly ones."

"Oh." Dr. Holic said, thinking it over.

"Dr. Holic!" Ms. Liz shouted, outraged. "I can't believe you're even considering the possibility!"

"What about all of the nagging ones?" Dr. Holic asked.

"Them too." Ozai agreed.

They both turned to stare at Ms. Liz.

"Wait, what are you looking at me for?! Guys...uh...guys?"

a/n: Hooray! Once again, I have updated on time! Sorta. I know I always update at like, ten-eleven o' clock at night, but technically it still counts as Friday. ;D

Oh, and super double times a million kudos to whoever caught the FMA reference! YES!! Edward Elric is the only Edward with golden eyes I will ever love! WHOO!

LOL. Anyway, so the story that comes next is...kinda trippy. Okay, it's very trippy. I need to lay off the acid or something, geez! I actually wrote it in school, which kind of explains why it's so weird...XD

And I know I'm kinda bashing on the Jonas Brothers, Michael Jackson, and Edward Cullen, but I just can't help it, lol!

Six Months Later...

Somewhere in Mexico...

At 3:14 PM...

(Pi time, lol...nerd humor)

Now that he finally had the feds off of his case for murdering Ms. Liz, and converting Dr. Holic to the dark side, he finally had time to carry out his TRUE plan.

You see, while making all of the women in the kingdom wear miniskirts might have been nice, he had ulterior motives.

The REAL reason why he wanted absolute power is so that no one could laugh, make fun of, or challenge him when he...

WORE A PINK MINISKIRT!!

He'd always wanted one, ever since he was a little boy! Of course, THEY had all laughed at him, but now, with Ms. Liz dead, Dr. Holic in jail, and him in Mexico all by himself, he was free to finally fulfill his life long dream!

And so, he went out and bought a pink leather miniskirt that looked more like a belt than a skirt, and matching pink pumps. But what about the top? Hmmm, spandex was good. Spandex was very good...especially in neon green.

So Ozai and his pink leather belt skirt, his bright pink stilettos, and neon green spandex tube top went out to buy some shampoo. The Radiant Ribbons kind, not the cheap motel kind. The ribbons kind made you sparkle!

Ozai was SO happy, because now, not only did he have a pink leather belt skirt, but he also sparkled just like Edward Cullen, the world's only gay super hero!

After that, he bought some crazy breadsticks from Azula, and ate it, thinking of Edward the entire time! :3