Prompt: Charley the Plant becomes a prosecutor, much to Edgeworth's dismay.

Notes: If you don't get the reference, google "Abbot & Costello - Who's on First."

"I," Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth stated firmly, "am not pleased."

There was a demonic look on his face, the likes of which had not been seen in... nearly a decade now. Of all places, Phoenix hadn't expected to see it resurface here.

Then again, the younger crowd (meaning everyone but himself, ouch) quailing before it was rather hilarious.

"Look, it's not like I'm happy about it either," he said. "Honestly, it kind of feels like a - well, a..."

"A farce," Edgeworth supplied, stonefaced.

"A betrayal," Phoenix corrected, with a glare of his own. "Charley is an important part of this office, I'll have you know. To think of him on your side, I've gotta admit it kind of hurts. If it were totally up to me, I'd trade you Apollo to get him back."

"Gee, thanks," he heard the young lawyer mutter behind him.

"Can't we have the lady lawyer instead?" Klavier asked, with a charming grin.

"Silence!" Blackquill ordered. "Return Taka to the Prosecutors' side, where he rightly belongs!"

"Non," Athena teased, petting the bird on her shoulder. "He likes it just fine over here."

"...No, in the event of a trade I would prefer Trucy," Edgeworth said, adjusting his glasses.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Apollo hissed. Athena shushed him.

"-See?" Phoenix cut in, grinning. "Any kind of trading is just gonna result in squabbling. Besides, don't think I don't see right through you trying to get two for one with Trucy and Mr. Hat. Not very sporting of you, Edgeworth."

"...Hmph," Edgeworth replied, which was as good as an admission of guilt anyway. Then he offered: "Gaspen Payne and the plant for your daughter and the wooden man."

"Taka," Simon hissed loudly. His boss ignored him. His bird, shockingly, also ignored him.

"Bird treats," Athena mouthed silently, and grinned all the wider at the horror on her old friend's face.

"I would never trade my daughter for a Payne," Phoenix scoffed.

"But seriously, why does nobody want me on their team?" Apollo asked.

"It's just too much fun to watch you squirm, Herr Forehead," Klavier replied affectionately.

"Because you can't catch a ball to save your life, duh!" Trucy exclaimed cheerfully.

Apollo glared indecisively back and forth between the two of them. "...You all suck."

"Both the Paynes and the plant, for just Trucy," Edgeworth continued to bargain. "You keep the hat puppet."

"I would never trade my daughter for any number of Paynes," Phoenix clarified with a scoff. "And besides, everyone knows Mr. Hat is no good without Trucy. Face it, Edgeworth," he gloated, "You're stuck with a fern on your batting lineup."

"...Ms. Skye-"

"Is a detective, not a prosecutor, and besides she's the umpire. And Gumshoe's not on the force anymore. And Franziska would whip you silly if you dared suggest she play baseball with you, and you know it. Give up already," Phoenix grinned.

"You seem awfully smug for someone who claims to be willing to trade away his own attorney for this dead-weight, Wright," Edgeworth accused. "I will take the bird back. At least it can grip the ball."

"Neeveeeer," Athena sing-songed. Simon twitched violently in place.

"I'm sorry, that's a trade we're not willing to make," Phoenix shook his head. "Taka's our pitcher, we need him. Look, the teams are set, and the field's only rented out for a few more hours. So just pick already: where in your lineup is Charley gonna go?"

With a heavy sigh, Edgeworth placed the plant last. Though, on an informal team of only six members, that didn't exactly mean much.

Surprisingly, Taka was an excellent pitcher. Certainly a better baseball player than Apollo, who was relegated insultingly to the outfield while Mr. Hat manned second base even with Trucy stuck over on third unable to operate him. The bird and Athena battery managed to strike out first Winston, then Klavier, and then, after allowing Gaspen on base off a lucky hit, the hawk struck out his beloved owner in just three pitches.

Simon flung down his bat and took his place as catcher. He and Klavier were a terrible battery; Simon bitter over the loss of his favored pitcher, Klavier unwilling to follow any signs that didn't involve rock and roll motions. Edgeworth put up an admirable effort on first base, but with the Paynes on the other two bases it was really no surprise that several balls got through... and bounced gently down into the grass in the outfield, as Charley's leaves swayed slightly in the breeze.

After the first inning, the Prosecutors were losing seven to zero. Ema cackled madly, pelting Klavier with Snackoos as he trudged past her to switch positions. In the stands, Gumshoe was calling encouraging advice to the Prosecutors... but the sounds of Fey cheering easily drowned him out.

"Wright," Edgeworth growled, passing his opposing Captain.

"Edgeworth," Phoenix said, adjusting his baseball cap smarmily.

"Pllllllay ball!" Ema yelled. ("You don't have to say that every time there's a new pitcher on the mound," Apollo had told her. She had replied with a barrage of Snackoos that hinted at a truly powerful arm, wasted on an umpire.)

Edgeworth only reached first base with his at-bat, but after being stuck there with an increasingly smug Phoenix as Charley sat still through the first and second strikes, he uncharacteristically stole second.

"Ooooooooh," heckled Maya. "Look! Look, that Prosecutor just stole!"

"Hell yeah he did!" Kay cheered. "That's more like it!"

On the mound, Taka screeched commandingly. Silence fell, as the bird grasped a baseball in his claws and flew up for a pitch...

And then. Somehow.

Taka squawked, diving out of the way in flurry of feathers as the ball rocketed back towards him. Trucy ran to operate Mr. Hat, but the ball was already gone. In the outfield, Apollo raced towards the back fence as the ball continued to fly...

"That's a...?"

"No way."

"Are you serious?"

"How-"

"HOMERUN, FOLKS!" Ema screamed exuberantly, and Edgeworth jogged casually around the remaining bases. Phoenix, who had dashed for home to kneel next to his plant as soon as the judgement was called, looked up in horror at his opponent's approach.

"You... corrupter," he muttered in deep disgust. "What have you to done to Charley?!"

Edgeworth blinked down at him. Then:

"Mineral water," he proclaimed smugly, and at a sharp gesture Gaspen rushed to pick the plant up, lugging it back to the dugout so his brother could take his place as the lineup cycled back to the start. Phoenix was shooed back to guard his base, though he went reluctantly at best.

"Mineral water," he mimicked snottily, as Taka flew a few circles in the air to 'wind up'. "Hmph. Mia never believed in that fancy stuff, and neither do I! Tap is good enough for the Defence - and that includes the plants! Feeding my fern mineral water, I'll show you-"

The Prosecutors lost that day, but, as Phoenix proclaimed later, at what cost? When Charley, of all creatures, was immortalized on record as the opposing team's MVP...