Me: Look, it's another chapter of the little crack arc, Nekotalia! In answer to a question I got in a review, Nekoli's owner is a version of Li who would have existed had Li been born in Europe and the Real World, not in the Fire Nation in Avatarverse.

Li: Karen does not own Hetalia or Avatar. She also wants to warn everyone now that she will be writing a 50000-word story for the month of November, as part of National Novel Writing Month, and may find herself skipping posting a week or two. If she does, she apologizes in advance and offers cookies to all her lovely readers.

Me: I am also very sleepy and have no life. Please enjoy this chapter!

"I heard what happened!" Hungary shouted, bursting into the hospital room. Italy, sitting next to Li and holding her hand, shrieked in fear and attempted to hide behind the girl on the bed. Hungary quickly made her way to Li's bedside, and pulled up a chair next to Italy's (currently vacant, as Italy still hadn't processed that there was no danger to him). "Italy, how has she been?"

"Huh?" Italy peeked out from under the bed. "Oh, it's just you…she's been sleeping."

"At least she's all right," Hungary sighed in relief. "Romano's been calling a bunch of other Nations and ranting about how England's cooking has finally claimed a victim. It's…well, it's nice he's worried about Li, but I get the feeling a large part of it is him trying to get revenge for eating English food when he was captured back in World War Two."

"It was really bad," Italy agreed. He crawled back to his chair, and picked up Li's hand again. "The doctor said Li will wake up tomorrow or the day after, during the meeting. England said he'd ask Sealand to stay with her so there'll be a Nation around when she wakes up."

"Sealand's not a real Nation," Hungary said automatically. She smiled. "But at least England's thinking ahead. It's the least he can do, after he put Li in here."

"Uh-huh," Italy grinned. The two Nations sat in silence for a little while, until Hungary spoke again.

"It's kind of odd…isn't it? Being friends with a human, that is," she clarified as Italy frowned in confusion. "I make casual friends all the time, but they usually fall out of contact with me, or they notice I'm not aging and distance themselves. Some Nations isolate themselves from people not in their government, and we don't get too close to politicians because they're usually more interested in bettering themselves and not us. It's just…who was the last human you were close to, Italy? Close enough to want to be in a hospital waiting for them to wake up?"

"Ve~, I did flirt with a pretty girl the other day," Italy looked at the ceiling thoughtfully.

"Flirting doesn't count, Italy," Hungary giggled. "I just mean… like France and Jeanne, or England and his Queen Elizabeth I, without the romance part. When's the last time you got so close to a human?"

"Uhh…Victor Emmanual II," Italy's gaze dropped to the sheets by Li's side. "Fratello and I adored him…he was the first king of both of us. Before then we were separate, divided into warring city-states and small kingdoms, but with Giusuppe Garibaldi's help Victor was able to make us one unified country." A distant look crept into Italy's eyes, and a wistful smile spread over his face. "Fratello and I could live together again, after so many centuries of being apart…"

"And that was back in the eighteen hundreds," Hungary pointed out. "For me…the last human I really remember being that close to was Vajk, or I István, my first Christian king." She started to stare into empty space as memories flowed back to her. "He preferred for his friends to call him by his birth name, Vajk—István was his baptismal name. Vajk really helped make me independent from the Holy Roman Empire. Everyone thought I was a boy back then, too, so he used to joke that I was like a son to him." Her body trembled slightly as she summed up, "I miss him."

"And I miss Victor," Italy concluded sadly. "But humans get old and die. That's why we don't get so close to them."

"Li's going to get old and die too," Hungary began to study the sleeping girl's face. Muscles relaxed, mouth slightly open…nothing to suggest she was more than an ordinary girl. Her hair had been growing quickly—it brushed her shoulders now.

"You know, if Russia hadn't found her, we wouldn't know about her," Italy laughed. "And we wouldn't be friends! It's kinda funny, isn't it? We almost didn't meet."

"Yeah…but we did," Hungary felt a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She closed her eyes. "I never really thought, after Vajk died, that I would find any humans as extraordinary as him. He accepted me as a Nation and as a person, and his patriotic drive helped shape the country I am today."

"Li's been taking it well, us being Nations," Italy patted the girl's hand gently. "I think most humans would laugh if I told them the truth about myself. It's really nice to have someone who takes me seriously."

Germouser munched on his catfood, used to how tasteless it was. His owner had picked it out for nutrition, not how much his cat would like it. The other cat of the house, Purrussia, got different food from his owner: he'd offered to share multiple times, but Germouser didn't think his master would like it.

It had been a most satisfying day, Germouser thought. Once he had scoured the house for mice (save for the room of Purrussia's owner, which only Purrussia could enter), he had attended the weekly Catference and spent his lunchtime playing with Itabby. After a nap and a discussion with Japaneko of the state of the neighborhood, Germouser had returned home, commenced an afternoon sweep for mice, and been served his dinner. Everything that needed doing had been done, and his schedule had not been compromised. All that was left was to finish eating, groom himself, play with a catnip mouse toy, and go to sleep.

Wait…what was that sound? It was coming from the direction of the door, and sounded a lot like someone scratching…Itabby. When he went to look, he'd find Itabby, possibly Japaneko, waiting to talk to him. Itabby would want him to do something extremely difficult, maybe even impossible, and would not accept a "no." Whatever it was, he'd have to give it a try—half-hearted though it may be—and find someone else to do it for Itabby.

How could he be so sure? It wasn't the first time this had happened…

He really hoped it wasn't going to be similar to the "my catnip fell into the riding stables" incident. It took a week for his owner to wash the scent of horse manure out of Germouser's fur, and as punishment for going somewhere so filthy Germouser's catnip had been taken away.

"What is it?" Germouser stuck his head out of his cat door. Itabby was there, all right, but there seemed to be another cat with him as well. He or she was partially hiding behind Itabby, with only half of his or her head showing and most of his or her body unseen. From what he could see, the other cat was a shorthair, with brown fur and eyes. A whiff of scent hit him, and he was able to determine this was a queen—a female cat.

Please let this not involve kittens, please let this not involve kittens…

"Ve~, Germouser, we need you to scare off a dog!"

…

Kittens or catnip in riding stables suddenly didn't seem too bad…

Lanko tapped his foot impatiently, fully aware it was driving his sister mad and not really caring. He was bored. Really, really bored. And Lanko didn't like being bored.

There really was nothing to do but wait, though. Whoever or whatever the monk's spirit friend was, it was taking its sweet time getting there. Packing hadn't occupied much of his time: Lanko's team, which consisted of him, his sister, and that creepy Fire Nation chick Duyao, kept themselves ready to move out on a mission whenever the need should arise. Talking wasn't much of an option, since Meiko was in a pissy mood and sulking in a corner, while Duyao was just too weird to hold a decent conversation. Oh well. Lanko wasn't much of a talker himself.

Tap, tap, tap…

Meiko raised her face to glare at him, and he gave her a cheerful grin in response. Duyao was standing rigidly near the door, arms behind her ramrod-straight back. Those empty gray eyes of hers were staring at nothing again. Creepy.

Lanko started to toy with a braid of his hair, one hanging on the left side of his face. The beads at the ends of his other braids clinked against each other, breaking the silence even more. One slipped off—he really should have let Meiko do them this morning—and broke into two pieces on the floor. Meiko twitched slightly at the noise, and muttered something under her breath Lanko couldn't hear. He leaned down and grabbed the smaller of the two halves, which hadn't moved much. As for the larger half…

Hey, where had the larger half gone? Lanko squinted at the ground, trying to figure out where it might be hiding, but no luck. Um, he thought it might have rolled into that really shadowy niche…? Still crouched down, he shuffled forward awkwardly to reach into the niche and—

"Sharding whalebones!" Lanko yelped, throwing himself backwards. His club was in his right hand before his behind hit the ground, and a wicked jawbone knife quickly appeared in his left.

"What is it?" Meiko sprang to her feet, drawing water from a pouch slung across her back. Duyao tensed, but otherwise failed to move.

"I felt something!" Lanko pointed at the niche with his club. "There's something in there, and it has hands!"

"I can't see anyone," Duyao noted tonelessly. Lanko scrabbled to get to his feet, and turned to face his teammate.

"You wanna stick your hand back there? 'Cause I'm telling you, I felt something in it!" He brandished his club in the general direction of the niche.

"I'm sorry," a humor-filled voice apologized. "I didn't realize you were so jumpy."

Lanko's jaw slackened. He must have looked like an idiot, but as he slowly turned his head to see a humanoid thing emerge from the shadows of the niche, he really didn't care. As the figure entered the light, unfolding from the niche—which was kind of small and couldn't possibly have hidden an adult human—its skin transformed from insubstantial darkness to flesh and cloth. It strode to the center of the room, right before Lanko, and peered up at him quizzically.

The thing looked like a teenage boy in the light, with floppy brown hair and lifeless yellow eyes. Something in the way it moved made Lanko think it was unused to its body, the long limbs and large appendages. It was shorter than him by a head, but then, Lanko was a beast of a man who towered above almost everyone else.

"You're missing a bead," the thing held up its hand. The larger half of the bead, the half that had rolled into the niche, had somehow been repaired into a whole bead, and was resting innocently in the shadow-creature's hand. "I think this is yours."

Lanko wasn't sure how to respond. The thing sighed, and lowered its hand, letting the bead drop to the floor. Meiko was holding her water at the ready, in a stance Lanko knew from experience would allow her to cut or whip with it in mere seconds. Duyao had relaxed, and was merely watching the proceedings without any trace of emotion in her eyes. Freaky woman...would she have even acted if there had been a threat?

"It's time to go," the shadow-creature informed the team. "I trust you have a plan?"

Wait…what?

"You're the spirit Lord Gege told us to wait for?" Meiko blinked, lowering her water and streaming it back into its pouch. The boy nodded shortly. "Why didn't he tell us to expect you?"

"How should I know?" The boy shrugged. "In any case, we have someone to kill. What's your plan?"

"Hold up, I'm still not following," Lanko scowled. "Lord Gege didn't say you were—well, looked—Fire Nation. Plan A won't work unless you're an animal, or you can go invisible, or something. Uh, I guess you can do stuff with shadows, so does that count as invisible…?"

"I can change my coloring, if you'd like," the thing offered. "Oh…how rude, I've forgotten to introduce myself. Mm…I don't think I can still use my old name, I'm not really that kid anymore, so…call me…Zuzhou. Yeah, I like how that sounds."

"Meiko, Gege's spirit friend is a weirdo," Lanko…well, he didn't whine it. No way did a full-fledged warrior whine. But he said it quite plaintively, and it was clear he expected her to do something about it. She was his big sister! It was her job to do stuff for him!

"Deal with it," Meiko responded shortly. "If…Zuzhou is Gege's ally, we must trust him as well."

"Then I'm calling him Zhou, because I like it better than Zuzhou," Lanko stowed his weapons in their places and crossed his arms. "I'd go with Zu, but I like how Zhou sounds more…are you even listening? Hey!"

Meiko was talking over him, addressing Zuzhou. "We intend to first attempt to destroy our target's physical body by infiltrating the Northern Water Tribe. Entering the Spirit World to look for the target's soul will be our second course. Couldn't you enter the Tribe alone, though?"

"Not the place where Li is," Zhou's face darkened. "The Moon and Ocean Spirits' Oasis won't let a spirit like me in. Humans can come and go freely, which means it's up to you to do the job once I've brought you inside."

"Could you instantly transport us, or cloak us in your shadows?" Duyao spoke up. Her voice was flat, devoid of all emotion—creepy as new moon, in Lanko's opinion.

"Nope," Zhou shrugged. "So I hope you have some ideas for getting in."

"Well, I have a few thoughts," Meiko spoke slowly. "But first, I'd like to know what all you can do…"

Nekoli lashed her tail nervously, wondering what Germouser was thinking. She had guided him and Itabby to the place where the dog was, and after asking a few questions about her usual route home Germouser had fallen silent. The dog itself was laying down by the side of the road, ears pricked up and eyes darting around. It hadn't noticed the cats in the street five houses down. All of the yards surrounding the dog's own were either fenceless or had a dog in them, making them useless for sneaking by.

Oh, why did this have to happen? The very first day Nekoli started to open up to her fellow cats, a dog blocked her way home and forced her to seek help from strangers. Would this hurt her chances of making friends? It might…she could be seen as the weak cat with no ability to protect herself whatsoever. Back home, that would have put her at the lowest rung of the cats' hierarchy…was it the same here? Itabby didn't seem like the fighting type, but he was able to get Germouser to help him…

"All right," Germouser interrupted Nekoli's train of thought. "I have a plan for getting past the dog. Itabby, how good are you at caterwauling?"

"Pretty good, Germouser!" Itabby puffed his chest out proudly. "Why? Do you want me to sing something? I know lots of great songs!"

"Yes, but you'll need to wait for my signal," Germouser informed him sternly. "Now, while Itabby…sings, I will distract the dog by shouting and taunting it. Nekoli, you can use that chance to sneak by."

"Okay," Nekoli bobbed her head nervously. "Th-thank you for this…"

"It's no trouble," Germouser looked away from her, and pointed his tail at a wooden fence nearby. "Itabby, go up there, and when I begin yowling at the dog, I want you to sing as loudly as you can. Can you do that?"

"Sure thing!" Itabby's ears perked up. He scampered over to the fence, taking up his position. Germouser slunk as close to the dog as he dared. Nekoli snuck over to the opposite side of the street, doing her best to be inconspicuous and avoid the dog's notice. It worked, and she took up a position under some foliage.

Germouser looked at his two companions, checking to be sure they were in place and ready. Nekoli was crouching underneath a hedge, her fur standing on edge in nervousness. Itabby seemed oblivious to the possibility of danger, and was swatting at a butterfly. He nearly fell off the fence, but caught himself in time.

All ready. Germouser opened his mouth, and let out a magnificent yowl.

The dog's reaction was immediate. It shot to its feet, and lunged towards the noisy little pest invading its territory. However, the rope around its neck cut it off just short of Germouser. Since its prey was out of reach, the dog started to bark like mad.

Itabby screeched in terror, and fell off his fence. Germouser heard him wailing, but since Itabby was supposed to be making noise anyways he didn't pay much attention to the words. Nekoli was trying to sneak by on the other side of the street, but she was scared by the barking and had to force herself not to run. Running would catch the dog's attention, wouldn't it?

Then Nekoli glanced over at the dog, and her heart nearly stopped. Itabby had fallen from his fence, and had run over to Germouser—likely for protection. But Germouser was only barely out of the dog's reach, and Itabby tripped and fell as he ran. The tabby cat slid on the grass, and wound up just within biting distance of the dog's huge teeth.

"Itabby!" Nekoli screamed without thinking. The dog's ears pricked up, twitching in her direction, but the cat it could reach was still more interesting than a cat a little ways off. Its mouth opened, and it barked triumphantly as it lunged—

"Americat to the rescue!"

From what seemed like out of nowhere, a white cat with a mantle of brown fur over its shoulders jumped onto the dog's back and dug its claws in. The dog panicked, and started trying to buck the animal off. Itabby took the opportunity to scramble out of the way, and raced towards the end of the street. Germouser rushed forward to help the newcomer, swiping at the dog's legs while trying to evade its thrashing head.

Nekoli's mind had gone blank with fear, and she stood frozen on the sidelines, trying to make her mind function properly. Should she try to get past the dog anyways? But Itabby, he could have hurt himself! And Germouser, who she didn't even know, was putting himself in harm's way, as was this strange other cat. What should she do? Could she do anything? Her heart was beating faster than it should, her fur was standing on end, her tail was stiff as a board, her ears were flat against her head and she was crouching as far down as she could in an effort to stay unnoticed and…and…

Why did she have to ask Itabby for help?

Li: There is only one chapter left of this blessedly-short crack arc, which will be up next week. Please read and review, as Karen cannot improve her work without your input. That is all. Have a nice day!