So I think there are only 3 people reading this? 2 or 3? So to you guys, The Sopranos premiered in 1999 so to help Joey's story, I've done some Sopranos crossover. Not a lot, but little bits here and there. Joey's story is not all that developed and I didn't want to just have his life revolve around the others as at this point, Monica and Chandler are together and Ross and Rachel are having their own issues! Please review...seriously!

January 1999

His family wanted to throw him a thirty first birthday and he didn't complain. He actually kinda missed them which surprised him. He really hadn't seen everyone in a while and felt like he should catch up. He was so out of the loop with his sisters now all in serious relationships and with babies on the way. He was thrilled that Gina came from Los Angeles to visit and brought Michael who was now fourteen. The house that he grew up in was now packed even more but this time with small kids. Veronica and Mary Therese now had babies and Tina was getting remarried as was Cookie which of course made him happy knowing everything his sisters had been through. Mary Angela had moved on as well.

"See, you didn't need to kill off my roommate," Joey said, sitting on the couch sipping a beer as Mary Angela was telling him all about a guy she had met at a party.

"It was still a dick move," Mary Angela said.

"So was your move," Joey said, "major dick move."

"He didn't even know who I was," Mary Angela said.

"He was wasted….and high."

"How do you sleep with someone and then forget who they are?" Mary Angela asked.

"I don't know. I do it all the time….clean and sober," Joey said.

"That's worse," Mary Angela said.

"I know," Joey said.

"Is he seeing anyone now?"

"Yeah, he is. He's also clean and he's happy."

"Good."

"Hey, happy birthday kid," Tony said, patting Joey on the shoulder. Joey got up and hugged him. He was standing with the rest of the Sopranos, Meadow, AJ and Carmela.

"Where's Dina?" Meadow asked.

"And hello to you, Mead," Joey said, giving her a hug.

"Where's Dina? I have to talk to her. We have the SAT's coming up," Meadow said.

"SAT's?" Joey asked.

"Tests for people who wanna go to college. That's right, my kid is gonna go to college," Tony said.

"She's upstairs and AJ, Michael's in town. He's in the kitchen with my mom and Gina."

"Perfect," Carmela said as she and AJ headed off towards the kitchen and Meadow ran upstairs. Tony nodded for Joey to follow him. He grabbed a couple beers and the two stepped outside into the cold New York night. They sat side by side, drinking.

"So you ever heard of Jennifer Melfi?" Tony asked.

"No, is she some chick I've slept with?" Joey asked.

"Doubt it. She's a shrink. See, I trust you with this information. You might tell those bozos you live with but-"

"I might, but honestly Ton, I do try to keep as much secret as I can. I mean, probably my roommate knows more than he should but I-I trust him…..but what about this shrink? You banging her?"

"No...I'm seeing a shrink."

"Really….but...well, you're a capo. You're a self-made man."

"I know but I get...I got anxiety."

"Anxiety?"

"Attacks. Can't breathe and shit."

"Whoa...but wait….how can you go to a shrink if you're a capo? I mean, can you tell her shit?"

"I don't know. Client confidentiality."

"Yeah but-"

"I don't know. You gonna tell your bozos?"

"I don't know. Probably not."

"Good. Just keep it secret."

"Hmmm, I'm keeping a lot of stuff secret these days," Joey said.

"Like what?"

"My roommate is dating a girl in our group and they're keeping it all secret."

"Are you really comparing?"

"I have two different worlds," Joey said.

"Hey," Christopher said, walking towards them. He was practically beaming as he approached them, "Uncle Ton, you're gonna be so proud. Killed off Radavov...the Czech dude? Buried him behind the restaurant," Christopher said.

"Yeah, I don't wanna know this," Joey said, standing up and patting Tony on the back. "I'm gonna go inside."

Joey got up and walked back into the house. He took in just how different these parties seemed to be now. So much calmer and filled with kids. He kinda liked it. It was strange how that happened.

"So you gonna visit us more?" Tina asked, walking over to him.

"I might," Joey said.

"You can never get away from who you are."

"I know."

He wasn't sure he had gotten away from who he was. There just seemed to be several sides to him. When he returned home that night, he was back to his village self. It felt safe there, it always felt safe there. He opened the door and walked into his room where he heard Monica and Chandler on the other side. He rolled his eyes as he heard what was now becoming a familiar moan. It sounded like they had just started. He grabbed some comic books off his nightstand and walked out, right into Monica and Rachel's apartment.

"Hey, Rach," Joey said walking into the apartment, carrying a comic book. "Can I read in here?"

"Are Monica and Chandler doing it at your place?" Rachel asked.

Joey stared at her as Rachel seemed shocked by what she had just said. Had Rachel just had something confirmed? Rachel had told him back when he was passing kidney stones that she had suspicions and had tried to break Chandler but how much more had been confirmed?

"No….what?"

"Joey, do you know something?"

"I don't know anything," He did not want to confirm even though he had a feeling Rachel knew.

"Joey," Rachel said as Joey sat on the couch next to her and opened his Batman comic. Rachel grabbed it out of his hand and stared at him. "You know."

"I don't know."

"Joey."

Joey let out an annoyed sigh, "well, how do I know this isn't a trap?"

"I just heard them having phone sex."

"I've been there."

"How long have you known?"

"Too long. How long have you known?"

"Too long. Monica and I refer to him as 'the secret boyfriend'".

"Why are they being so weird?"

"According to Mon, it's because Ross and I have scared them because we're so intense and that's insulting," Rachel said.

"Well, you are intense," Joey said, thankful he could now openly discuss it with Rachel. Now they had verified it.

"More intense than Chandler? The man has more baggage than a luggage store."

"It's different but this can't keep going."

"It really can't….although, can I tell you something?" Rachel asked.

"No more secrets."

"No, no….they got together in '98. Ross and I made a bet. He thought they'd get together this year. I said last….ha, I win."

"Seriously? I got money from Chandler."

"You did?"

"And he will owe Pheebs money when it all comes out but before we left for London, Phoebe and I said that if something happened with him and Monica, he owed us money."

"Wow….and you know, Ross and I are not always fighting or-"

"I know. You two do have a lot of drama," Joey said.

"I wish I knew why….'cause I do love him. A lot."

"I know," Joey said.

Rachel smiled as she handed him back his comic book. She turned towards the television and turned it on. Joey kept looking at the comic book and then back at Rachel. She looked upset.

"You know, it's just different. You and Ross and them."

"I know. It's just...I hate that he...it's not….I don't know."

"No, I know."

"How was your birthday party?" Rachel asked.

"Good. Uncle Tony is seeing a shrink."

"Can a mob guy see a shrink?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know. Not sure how it'll end up."

"Do you miss it?"

"Sometimes but this is good...you and I got a secret."

"Yeah, I know….but...I hate that they're trying to keep it a secret. Especially from you and me….we're the roommates."

"I know but...hey at least we're making money off of it," Joey said.

Rachel laughed as Joey continued reading his Batman comic. He knew she was still processing Monica and Chandler together and he wasn't sure what more he could say. He knew it would come out eventually.

"The thing is, she's still lying about it. Monica? I heard Monica and Chandler on the phone and she's trying to convince me it's not what I think and I've always thought they would be perfect together."

"Didn't you hate him when you first met him? Weren't you the one that started the whole thing that ended with his toe being cut off."

"What's your point? I also didn't tell her to cut off his toe."

Joey let out a snort as they went back to sitting side by side in silence. He really wasn't sure what else to say. He did think it was definitely getting ridiculous.

Then there was Ross. Ross was unemployed and home a lot. He wasn't doing much during the day and whenever Joey would come home, he would see Ross. After a commercial audition, he walked in with a stack of bills to see Ross staring at the ceiling. He wished Ross would do something, anything.

"Is it really that interesting up there?" Joey asked as he threw his backpack and the bills on the counter.

"No, no...it's just-how was your audition?" Ross asked, sitting up.

"Ehhh, it went," Joey said. "What have you been doing?"

"Nothing. I hate this. I really just hate this."

"Did you space things out?" Joey asked, he had tried to help him with that, the idea of spacing things out which helped if he was unemployed. He could spend more time doing things.

"I didn't get the mail today."

"Chandler likes it if we get it every day. He enjoys paying crap on time. I leave the bills for him," Joey said, separating the bills from the mail and tossing them onto the table.

"What if we paid the utilities and rent and gave him a break this month?" Ross asked, offering.

"Why?"

"What?"

"We're unemployed. He's not."

"I'm on sabbatical."

"Whatever you wanna call it….this is weird. You got mail," Joey said, tossing him an envelope. Ross grabbed it and ripped it open. "You the hell knows you live here?"

"Family, friends, Emily."

"Emily?"

"Well, yeah….we're divorcing and she won't come here and I won't go there. So we're mailing each other things and sending copies to lawyers and….she is getting married," Ross stopped, staring at the letter.

"Hmmm, that's quick. Guess she likes it fast. Huh, well, she wouldn't be a match for me."

"Do you hear what you say sometimes?" Ross asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Emily is getting married. We just broke up."

"Yeah, dude, you dated her for like a month and then married her. She's not the slow and steady type."

"Why do you speak?" Ross asked.

"What? Be glad you're done and it's not you. She's some other asshole's problem now," Joey said.

"When Chandler's coming home? He's so much better at this," Ross said, motioning between himself and Joey.

"Yeah, no he's not. Besides I think he has an office thing tonight so it's just you and me, bud….at least until six. Then I gotta go….I'm taking out some chick I met at the coffee house. Lexxi with two 'x's' and an 'i' and oh, look," Joey said, grabbing a napkin out of his back pocket and showing it to him, "Lexxi has a heart over the 'i'. I'm so gonna get laid tonight. Hey, you want me to ask if she has a friend."

"I think I'll go talk to Monica," Ross said, getting up and walking out the door, slamming the door shut behind him. Joey shrugged. Ross' loss. Lexxi was cute. He wasn't sure what she did but it had to be something fun as she had two x's in her name. His thoughts about Lexxi were soon interrupted by a knock at the door which was confusing. No one ever knocked, it was really only them walking in and out of each other's apartments. He opened the door to AJ and Michael which confused him even more.

"Why are you here? Do we have plans?" Joey asked.

"No, we drove here," Michael said.

"Tell me you're joking," Joey said.

He sincerely hoped they weren't telling the truth but they were standing there, grinning at him. Michael looked like a puppy dog, bouncing up and down and AJ just looked smug.

"I drove," AJ said.

"No, that doesn't make me feel better. You're thirteen and fourteen years old. Does Gina know where you are, Michael? Do Tony and Carmela? Whose car did you drive?" Joey asked.

"My science teacher's. I found a great spot," AJ said.

"Oh G-d….does he know you took his car?" Joey asked.

"Of course not. Why would we tell him that?" AJ asked.

"It was awesome. We drove from Jersey all the way here. It was so cool," Michael said.

"No, no….your mom is gonna freak and your dad's gonna freak. I gotta call a girl and cancel a date 'cause apparently we're doing a road trip," Joey said.

"Wait, wait is up your ass? You used to do stuff like this all the time," AJ said.

"I never stole a car," Joey said.

"You've been arrested four times. My dad bailed your ass out," AJ said.

"We're not comparing and clearly, I've grown out of that stage," Joey said.

"You don't have a job and you don't pay for this place," AJ said back.

"That doesn't matter. Did you hotwire his car or steal his keys?" Joey asked.

"Stole the keys. Took him off his desk," AJ said.

"It keeps getting worse. Alright, give me the keys. I'm driving and...I'm making calls and I'm giving up a date with a girl who spells her name with two x's and puts a heart over the i," Joey said as he walked over to the phone and began quickly dialing. First, he called Lexxi and rescheduled and then called both Tony and his sister. He told them to call the science teacher and tell him not to call the cops. He would drive the car back to the Sopranos house in Jersey. He would now be driving them home.

AJ seemed way too proud of what he had done. Michael just thought it was all fun. Joey was feeling sick. He didn't want AJ and Michael to turn out the way he did. He didn't want them going down the path he had. Yes, he had made mistakes but he wanted more for his nephew and more for AJ.

"You know, I did crap," Joey said as he sped down the highway towards the Soprano home. "I know I've made some big mistakes but um…..you don't wanna be like me," Joey said.

"Or like my dad? What? You don't think I know what he does for a living?" AJ asked.

"I'm sure you know but you don't need to do that. It's not necessary," Joey said. "It's more fun to live the way I am now. I got good friends."

"Whatever? Christopher says you've lost your balls," AJ said.

"Probably. Christopher is also a dipshit," Joey said.

"No, Chris is right. You've lost your balls," AJ said.

"I've never driven a car before, that is just...it was an adventure. So cool," Michael said.

"Mike, you didn't drive," AJ said, "I did."

"It's not cool. We're you drinking?" Joey asked.

"No, we're not you. We don't drink and drive," AJ said.

"Don't be a dumbass," Joey said, resisting the urge to turn around and smack AJ upside the head. "I'm supposed to be getting ready to go on a date with a beautiful young lady. Lexxi...with two x's."

"Sounds like a porn name. Does she know your friend, Kristi," AJ said.

"Shut the fuck up," Joey said.

When he finally reached the Soprano home in Jersey, Joey almost felt like he had gotten into trouble. There was a balding guy whom Joey assumed was the science teacher. As soon as the car stopped, Gina, Carmela, Tony and the science teacher seemed to descend upon him. There was talking, chattering, people yelling. The science teacher immediately marched towards Joey with his hand outstretched.

"You wanna give me a ride back to Manhattan?" Joey asked, looking sheepishly at the teacher who did not speak to him and simply just took the keys. "Don't press charges. They're just kids."

"I'm not," the teacher said. "I can't."

Joey let that sink in as he looked over at Tony and Carmela who were yelling at AJ. He got it immediately, the teacher could not press charges because of who Tony was. He started to wonder how fair this was. Sure, Tony had bailed him out but looking back maybe there were times where he should not have been bailed out. Monique probably still thought he should be in prison. Maybe things would be better now if it wasn't for Tony? Or may not.

Soon, the yelling ended. The teacher drove off and Tony drove Joey, Gina and Michael to the train station to take it back to New York. Tony said nothing, it was probably one of the more tense car rides he had ever been part of and he had been part of many intense car rides, many leading to death for other people. Once on the train, Gina exploded again.

"That's why I don't want us living here," Gina said.

"Mom, it wasn't that big of a deal," Michael said.

"You stole a car and drove it from Jersey to New York. You're fourteen and AJ is thirteen," Gina said, "thank G-d no charges are being filed."

"Yeah, 'cause AJ said Tony would blow his head off," Michael said.

"Michael," Gina said. "I don't want….we're going back to Los Angeles tomorrow. I don't like the Sopranos."

"Look, Tony's not bad…they just got a different life," Joey said.

"I know and I'm so glad you got out but I don't want Michael to even be tempted," Gina said.

"I get it. I do miss you in New York," Joey said.

"Please, you don't talk to any of us. You got your little Village Cult," Gina said.

"We are not a cult," Joey said.

"Whatever, you all have to date each other because you haven't figured out that you can know other people," Gina said.

"We all have other groups of friends," Joey said.

"Do you?" Gina asked.

"Yeah. Although, I do enjoy spending time with them. Can't help it. They're just the best people I know," Joey said. "They don't do stupid shit like steal cars."

"AJ said it would be fun and I'm sorry, okay. I just...he's a cool guy. I know you wanted to impress Tony," Michael said.

Joey was reluctant to answer that but it was true. He did want to impress Tony and he remembered being thirteen. He remembered being in a car when Tony shot and killed Willie Overall and helped him bury a body in a basement somewhere. He remembered so badly wanting to be Tony and there were moments he still did.

"Yeah….still sometimes do but…it's not all that great, that world. It's not all that fun. There are people that die and sometimes there's an aftermath that you see and you can never unsee," Joey said, immediately recalling Rachel grabbing hold of Brian, wailing and trying to shake him awake.

He finally arrived home late that night. Ross wasn't on the couch and when he walked into his room, he could hear the distinct sound of giggling on the other side. He knew Monica and Chandler were in there. He was exhausted. His back hurt and felt drained. He slowly drifted off to sleep, not even bothering to change his clothes.

He was woken up the next morning by talking outside the apartment. Walking out, he saw Phoebe, Monica and Rachel talking about something. It took him awhile to figure out what was going on. Chandler had gone to get breakfast and Ross was out all night. The girls were asking him questions but he wasn't sure what was going on. He had been talking to Ross about Emily, Emily was getting married and then Joey had to return a car. His mind was a blur when the door opened and in walked Ross, still wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday. Joey, Phoebe, Monica and Rachel immediately rushed towards him.

"Where the hell you?" Monica asked.

"Out," Ross said.

"Oh, out….well...we didn't think to look there," Rachel said.

"We've been looking everywhere for you," Phoebe said.

"You know, I'm an adult and I've lived on my own and have been known to go out for long periods of times that you don't even know about," Ross said, "Phoebe you live on your own, I'm sure you've been out for hours without us knowing. Leave me alone."

"He hooked up. Dude, you so hooked up," Joey said.

That was the only explanation. That's why he was being so weird.

"I did not hook up with anyone," Ross said.

"Who did you hook up with?" Joey asked.

"I'm not-I don't want to talk about it," Ross said, walking towards the couch and plopping himself down.

"That's so cute how you think we're gonna drop it," Phoebe said as they surrounded him.

"Who did you hook up with?" Joey asked.

"Janice," Ross mumbled.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"I hooked up with Janice," Ross said.

"Janice?" Monica asked.

"How did that happen?" Rachel asked.

"You want me to draw you a picture?" Joey asked.

"Why are you a pig?" Rachel asked.

"Oink, oink," Joey said, grinning.

"I don't know how it happened and….where's Chandler?" Ross said.

"He's getting breakfast," Monica said.

"Please don't tell him," Ross said.

"Oh, that's not gonna happen," Joey said, thinking he might open with that.

"Yeah, I can see myself telling him," Monica grinned.

"I can see myself telling him in interpretive dance and song," Phoebe said.

"I need to find an apartment," Ross said, "fine, then tell him when I'm not around."

"Are you gonna keep seeing her?" Rachel asked.

"No, no, I'm not. Apparently, she thinks I'm annoying," Ross said.

Janice found Ross annoying? That was the best news ever.

"Oh, that's awesome," Joey said. "Janice finds you annoying."

"Look, Ross. I'm….I know it's been rough," Monica said, sitting next to him, "and now with Emily getting married-"

"Emily's getting married?" Rachel asked.

"Yep. She got engaged," Ross said.

"Well, good riddance, fine, she's someone else's problem now," Rachel said.

"But when did this relationship even start, I mean….we're still technically married," Ross said.

"Well, yeah but clearly, you were on a break," Rachel said. Ross gave her a look and a smile appeared on her face, "what? You can use it, but I can't?"

"Thanks, Rach," Ross said, laughing a little as she gently wrapped her arm around his shoulder.

"You're gonna be okay. It's a new year," Monica said.

"I know….I just-"

"I'm back," Chandler said as walked into the apartment carrying several bags of food and noticing Ross, "Hey, where the hell have you been?"

"He slept-" Joey began.

"-Over at Carol and Susan's last night so he could hang out with Ben," Rachel said, interrupting Joey.

He gave Rachel a look, that annoyed him. He would have to tell Chandler later.

"Okay...alright, we got food," Chandler said, giving Ross a confused look.

"I'll help," Monica said as she, Joey and Phoebe went to help Chandler with the food, leaving Rachel and Ross on the couch. The others set up breakfast at the counter and began filling their plates.

"Hey, dude you gonna join us?" Chandler asked.

"Thanks," Ross said, getting up and walking over to them.

"Hey, cheer up, man," Chandler said, patting him on the back.

"I'll try," Ross said.

"Well, I have a story that might cheer you up," Joey said. This was a story he could tell as the group settled around the apartment, balancing breakfast plates on their laps.

"Is this about Lexxi with two x's? Honestly, I don't want to hear about your night," Ross said.

"Oh, I didn't get to see Lexxi because soon after you left, Ross, my nephew Michael and AJ, Tony's kid, showed up. They drove here….from New Jersey. Michael is fourteen, AJ is thirteen and they stole AJ's teacher's car and drove here from Jersey."

"What?" Monica asked.

"Oh my G-d," Rachel said.

"So I had to drive them back. The teacher was pissed but charges will not be filed because….well, Tony Soprano," Joey said.

"G-d, I wish I had that kind of power," Chandler said.

"Me too," Ross said.

"And I'm pissed 'cause I never got to see Lexxi. She could have been the woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with," Joey said, scooping up some eggs with his fork and grinning, "or just one night before I never called her again."

Monica threw a pillow at him as he laughed. He was so happy he was far away from whatever was going on back at home. This was far more fun.

Later that evening though, it was back to Jersey. Despite what had happened with AJ, the Sopranos were having some dinner party at a restaurant Tony was investing in and he wanted Joey to come. As soon as he walked in, something did not feel too right. He noticed Christopher, Eddie and Christopher's new friend, Brendan, talking with Dina and Meadow about something. He knew Brendan was supposed to be like Shane, as was Eddie. Maybe there were two guys like Shane? He wasn't sure what it was about and he wasn't sure what it was about the conversation that worried him but something did. He slowly approached them and as he did, Meadow and Dina seemed to notice him immediately and walked off.

"What's going on?" Joey asked.

"Hey, look who's here? Where's your boyfriend?" Eddie asked.

"What's going on?" Joey asked.

"None of your business, dickwad," Brendan said.

"I don't know who the hell you are, what's going on Christopher?" Joey asked.

"We actually do have a problem," Christopher said. "They're asking for speed."

"What?" Joey asked, looking over at Meadow and Dina who were now sitting together at a table, talking about something.

"It's not a problem. I know a guy. I can also hook up your roommate, I know he gets a hard on from an Oxy," Eddie said.

"I will stab you in the neck," Joey said.

"I'm not giving them anything, but they won't stop asking," Christopher said.

"It's an easy sell, you know," Brendan said. "We sell it to the boss' daughter then-"

Joey quickly moved in on Brendan, holding him up to the wall and glaring at him.

"You so much as sell them a tic tac, I will blow your fucking head off," Joey said.

"Joe, I'm looking out for them," Christopher said.

"How? And why do they need speed?" Joey asked.

"Apparently, the SAT's are hard," Christopher said.

"That's why I didn't take 'em," Eddie said.

"Dude, you can't read, that's why you didn't take 'em," Joey said.

"Suck your roommate's balls today?" Eddie asked.

"Every single day," Joey said before turning to walk off towards Dina and Meadow. He needed to speak to them. He sat down and grabbed a roll from the basket and turned look at them.

"You know, he might be able to help," Meadow said.

"I don't know," Dina said.

"We have to ask," Meadow said.

"What?" Joey asked, having a feeling he knew where this was headed but he didn't want to press anything.

"Okay, your roommate is a drug addict, right?" Dina asked.

"Was. He's been clean for almost two years," Joey said.

"Okay but he would know someone….that could help us out," Dina said.

"No," Joey said.

"Joey, you don't understand. It is so stressful. This test determines everything and then on top of all the work," Meadow stressed.

"Not a chance in hell. I am not hooking you up with anyone and I don't even think he did speed. He took Oxy and Vicodin."

"That could work," Meadow said.

"No, no. Look, I get that it's stressful but come on….it's-I've seen how bad it is. My roommate went down to his birth weight and remember my friend, Shane. He died from an overdose," Joey said.

"That's 'cause Christopher pumped his veins with heroin," Meadow said.

"I don't want to know that. You girls don't need this. You're smart," Joey said. "Also, you're almost done. Come on, you don't wanna do it this way."

Meadow and Dina both let out irritated sighs and he hoped they listened. He hoped they wouldn't go down that path. They soon left him alone as he sat with his bread basket. Soon, Christopher joined him.

"Where are your cronies?" Joey asked.

"I don't know. Don't worry, I'm gonna make sure Meadow and Dina don't touch speed."

"Good. How did Shane die?"

"Drug overdose, you know that."

"Who gave it to him?" Joey asked. "You did, didn't you?"

"I liked the guy, I did. Okay, I didn't…."

"So now you got two drug addicts as your buddies so...you got like a drug gang. Doesn't this feel old?"

"You're not better than us."

Joey reached for another roll and took a bite. He kinda felt he was. He was a lot better. He got up and walked towards Tony and Carmela. He didn't want to be here. This wasn't his home anymore. He wanted to go to his home. He looked over and noticed Dina and Meadow still in intense conversation and AJ off in a corner drinking from a wine glass. This was definitely not his life anymore. His life was in a coffee house, not in a restaurant watching deals go down. Deals he wanted nothing to do with.