Chapter XXXV

Doctor's POV

The Doctor carried her to the sickbay. Rose wasn't following, but right now he didn't really care about that, for she obviously seemed to be fine. He would talk to her later.

The TARDIS had moved the door close to the console room, once again, and as soon as he arrived he put her on one of the beds.

After a quick scan he was sure that she was fine, according to the circumstances. Or at least, she would be fine again. She was absolutely exhausted, and her neurotransmitter levels were quite messed up, but that would get back to normal soon enough. Of course, he could do something to speed it up, but as she was stable by now he decided not to interfere and to give her body time to recover on it's own. She needed rest and sleep anyway. Besides, given her brain being so different from normal human brains, it was probably the safest option for now.

He covered her with a blanket and gently brushed away some loose strands of hair from her forehead. What had she done? Picked a fight with the Beast? She must have known that she wouldn't stand a chance.

After he had told the TARDIS to notify him whenever her condition changes, he went back to the console room. Rose was still there, sitting on the jump-seat. She stood up as she heard him coming and looked at him, somehow uncomfortably nestling with the sleeves of her sweater.

"How is she?" she asked.

"She will be fine, she's sleeping now."

"Oh. That's good. Really. I think I'll-"

"Rose, what happened down there?"

"Uh, you heard most of it, didn't you? The Oods were possessed, and Toby, we-"

"No, I mean to Mira. Did she get into a fight?" He observed Rose closely. Was she hiding something? She was avoiding his eyes and gave the impression that she wanted to get out of the console room as fast as possible.

"Fight? No, not really. She didn't even have a weapon..."

"That's not what I mean, Rose."

She looked up at him for a moment and seemed to shrink even more.

"Oh. Yeah, she did stop some of the Oods for a while. But don't ask me how she did it."

Well, that was basically what he had assumed. Did she really break the influence the Beast had on the Ood?

"And how did she end up staying at the base whilst you were all leaving?"

"I... I don't know? It just happened. They said you were dead, you've fallen into the pit. And then she said she would stay and... Can I go now? I'm really tired. We can talk about this later, can't we? Please."

"Fine," he sighed. Right now he wouldn't get anything out of her. As soon as he had said it, she turned around and almost fled, leaving him rather confused. Why would Mira stay on a base that was about to fall into a black-hole voluntarily?

The next hours he spent with tending to the TARDIS. She was still a bit miffed about the fall into the abyss, and about being so close to a black-hole as well. Maybe more than a bit, quite miffed was probably more to the point. There wasn't much damage, just the occasional burned circuits and broken cables, but most of all she was in need of some attention.

...

After a few hours – with Rose not showing up at all – he went back to the infirmary after he had grabbed some books from the library.

Mira's condition had gotten better, but she was still fast asleep. He pulled two chairs over to the bed – one for him and one for his legs – sat down and started reading. After an hour or so, she finally started to move and he put the book aside.

"Hey," he said and gently stroke her cheek, "And there I thought you would sleep for the next two days!"

He smiled at her as she finally opened her eyes and blinked at him, but she only groaned in disapproval, rolled over to her side, and pulled the blanket over her head.

"So I take it that you want to sleep on?"

Almost instantly she pulled the blanket down again, sat up and stared at him. "What the hell are you doing in my...," then she glanced around in sudden realisation, "...room. Okay. That's weird."

"What?" he asked and looked around as well. "The room looks as always."

"I have no idea how I got here. I mean, I was a bit rattled, but not enough to miss things like that."

"Sure about that? Because you passed out right at the console room."

"What?"

"You passed out. And slept for almost ten hours. Whatever you've done on Kroptor, you probably shouldn't do it again. What have you done?"

"I... oh. Well, stopped some Ood," she said, sat up and put her feet on the floor. "That's basically it."

"And how did you end up staying behind?"

"Uh, happened, somehow. You know what? We talk about this later. I really need a shower and something to eat."

Later.

Somehow he had heard that before. Without saying another word, she left the sickbay. He ruffled his hair and then grabbed the books as he heard a rather disapproving hum from the TARDIS in his head. But, for once, it wasn't because of something he had done.

Mira's POV

She had been to her room, had taken an shower and put on new clothes. After that, she went to the observatory, because she was missing the sight of the stars above her head. Not that there were windows at her quarters on the ships of the Fleet, but there she was used to spend a lot of time in the central control room with its huge screens or – as well – at the observatory.

And even though it wasn't her universe, a fact she could still sense every waking second, it gave her at least the illusion of being a little bit less trapped. Apart from that, she loved the silence down there. Not that it actually was more quiet here than in her room, but the atmosphere there was somehow peaceful. Peaceful, quiet and timeless.

She was slouching in the corner of the couch, wrapped in the blanket, and listening to the ever present humming of the TARDIS. She was still quite exhausted, although not physically, but mentally. Even more so as she had come to realise how close it had been, down on Kroptor. Well, it had been close before in her life, but this time it would have meant to die all alone in a foreign universe. Without her friends and her father knowing what had happened to her. Well, she had survived, but Scooti was dead. And Toby, as well as the security officers, whose names she didn't even know. And the Ood. She shook her head and pulled the blanket tighter around her. How many people had died since she was travelling with the Doctor? Too many. Too many, and they all had been too young.

On the other hand, it could have gone much worse on Kroptor. At least Satan didn't escape. And she herself would be fine in a day or so, and right now there weren't any evil telepaths anywhere around she had to defend herself against, nor any other mutants or psychics.

Right at this moment the door slowly opened and the Doctor peered in.

Well, maybe no evil telepaths, but...

"Oh, here you are!" he said cheerfully. At least he was obviously trying to sound like that, but all in all it made a rather awkward impression. Hardly surprising, considering how the last time they spent together in here went. Before he had accused her of betraying him.

"May I...?"

"Sure. It's your ship," she answered, although she would have preferred to stay alone. But, on the other hand, if that's what she had wanted, she could have stayed in her room. Not here, where he would be able to find her, but not Rose. As long as the TARDIS wouldn't tell Rose, at least. But why would she? The ancient time-ship seemed to be quite fond of her by now, although Mira couldn't explain herself why. Could Rose even understand the TARDIS? Probably not. She might be aware of the fact that she was actually alive, but that's probably it.

The Doctor collapsed on the couch next to her, stretching his long legs out in front of him. For a moment they didn't say anything, just looked up to the stars.

She was just hoping he wouldn't...

"So, what happened at the base whilst I was gone? Why did you stay behind?"

Great.

"At the risk of repeating myself: Have you talked to Rose yet?" she asked, instead of giving him an answer.

"No... Haven't seen her. I guess she's sleeping. Why? Just tell me what happened, would you?"

"Nothing." She certainly wouldn't make it all even worse. Rose hat lost it, it had only been too understandable, and, above all, it was a thing just between her and Rose. She turned her head to him and found his endless, dark eyes resting at her. In the dim light at the observatory it almost seemed as if they were reflecting the stars above their heads. He slowly raised an eyebrow, as if it hadn't been clear enough that he wasn't buying it.

"Fine. I told them we should probably all stay, to not give the Beast a chance to escape. Of course they didn't like the idea, and so they voted. Against me. I forgot for a moment that I'm not at home, that they weren't trained members of the Fleet, and well. Shit happens. Satisfied now?"

Scepticism was still written all over his face, as he replied, "You would have stayed down there? Sacrificed yourself so that he wouldn't be able to escape? Really? Shit happens? That's it? You could have died!"

"Well, I didn't, and I certainly don't have a death-wish. Maybe we would have found another way. Hopefully. Maybe not. But sacrificing a few would have been better than setting him free again."

Doctor's POV

He wasn't satisfied at all with her explanation. There was a difference between them all staying for the sake of a greater good, and her staying behind just like that, as she had made sound it, even though he could hardly imagine that it actually had been that easy for her. On the other hand, what did he know about her? He had never met a human as old as her. And he doubted that she would come to him for help, if she needed it. Now less than ever. He still couldn't quite get the measure of her. Even someone as strong as her must be in need of help every now and then, even more so in her situation. He just wished she would talk to him, give him at least a chance to help her somehow. Or at least to show her that he wanted to be there for her, just as she had done back in 1969 at night at the launch area. Or down at the base.

Sometimes she seemed so utterly lost that it almost physically hurt him. He doubted that she was aware of it and he doubted as well that other humans would be able to see it, but he clearly did. But, most of all, he had already felt the darkness in her once, when he had lifted the barrier in her mind that he had built to protect her from all the agony of the dying Cybermen.

And then there was what the Beast had said. It had probably told him more about her personality than she herself would ever have. Equally afraid of life and death. Bravery and desperation. Destroyer of the stars he had told her. What was it she had done?

"You're sure?" he eventually asked.

She had looked up to the stars, but now turned her head to him again, confusion on her face, "Sure about what?"

"That you don't have a death-wish."

"What? Where do you get that idea from?"

"You just brought it up. And besides, well, we could hear down there what the Beast was saying..."

She looked at him in surprise; he couldn't tell if it was because they heard it or because he had brought it up now.

"I haven't brought up anything. I just said I don't have a death-wish, as in: I won't sacrifice myself if there is any other chance. And as for the Beast: It did say a lot of things: Lies, assumptions. That's it." She shrugged.

Oh no. That's not true and we both know it.

He was very well aware that this could blow up right in his face, but maybe it was worth it, if he would finally get through to her. And yet, he hesitated. As far as he knew her by know, the chances were almost fifty-fifty that she would either dig into what the Beast had said about him, or simply accept it and wait for him to talk about it. Of course the latter would never happen. Even if she would get into his mind one day, he was certain he would be able to block her out of this specific part of himself and his memories.

"Lies? Are you sure? It was a telepath after all...," he finally decided to take the risk.

"And that's what bothers me," she said, rubbing her face with her hands. "All the things he said were about our past. Things he could have seen in our mind – if we suppose for a moment that he was telling the truth – but to Rose he said something about her future."

He watched as she was picking lints off the blanket as if it was the most important task ever, and slightly shook his head. At least his fears were unfounded. Change of topic, again. Maybe not an obvious change, but it was pretty clear to him that she wouldn't go any further into what the Beast had said about her.

And she was right. It had indeed bothered him as well. Had it been able to see the future? Or had this actually been a lie? He didn't want to put Rose in danger, even if that would mean to bring her back home to her mother.

"Nah, I'm sure that was a lie. Even if it was one of her possible futures – it doesn't have to be the only possible one. And even if, time can be rewritten."

"Not everything possible should be done," she murmured, and then said louder, "I don't think it does really matter what he said. She's not save. Not here, not with you. How many people did die during the few weeks that I know you? Maybe she's aware of that, and maybe she doesn't care, it's her life after all. And I know that there is no perfectly safe place anywhere, but some places definitely are more dangerous than others."

"So you're saying I should send her back home?"

"I'm not saying anything. But you should consider really carefully if you can live with something happening to her. If she dies."

"I won't let that happen. Ever," he said, even though he knew exactly that he couldn't always be there.

"But what if? Could you accept that it's not your fault? That she followed you out of her free will? Even though she knew how dangerous it could be?"

"What sort of question is that? You're not implying that I could be okay if she dies?"

"That's not what I'm saying. See, I have lost quite a few people under my command over the years. Some even as young as Rose. But every single one of them was aware of the dangers, and every single one made the decision to join the Fleet instead of doing something else. And despite knowing all that, I do feel guilty and responsible for their deaths. They weren't following me for who I am, or because I was their only chance to see something else than their own homeworld. It was their job, but nevertheless, I still blame myself. So, could you accept it if she decides to follow you, despite of the dangers, and then something happens to her?"

He looked at her, quite stunned. He had never seen it like that. Well, yes, he had. He had been around a bit himself and he had thought about it from quite a lot of possible perspectives, but her's was a rather rational – and military – approach. At least he couldn't remember the last time someone had told him that face to face. There was a difference between rationally knowing something and really getting it. And no, of course he wouldn't be able to forgive himself, no matter if Rose would take the risk willingly or not. He had even lost companions before, and he was still blaming himself for that. But wouldn't that mean, he really had to stay alone from now on? He had thought about this every now and then, but in the end the selfish fear of being alone had won. And not all of his companions had ended up injured or even dead. The most of them had left him in the end to continue with their lives. Without him.

He watched how Mira got up, this time without tripping over the blanket.

"Where are you going?"

"Doing something."

"What?"

"Sorry, but that's none of your business," she said softly and folded the blanket. "By the way, we must not forget the plant. We made a promise." And off she went.

He hadn't forgotten it. Actually, he had prepared the seeds already, whilst Mira was sleeping. But what did she mean by none of his business? Talk to Rose?

Rose's POV

She hadn't dared to left her room for the last hours. She had only taken a quick walk to the kitchen and back, because she was literally starving. She had slept for a few hours, but the rest of the time she had been thinking about what to tell the Doctor. She had messed up a great deal this time, although it hadn't been her intention.

No she was sitting in her room, almost scared of herself. Had she really almost sent someone to their certain death? She had started the whole 'Mira stays behind'-thing, hadn't she? Her memories of that moment were somewhat blurred by now.

It was true, she wanted her to leave, the sooner the better, but she didn't want her to die. Or anyone else.

By now she didn't know what had come over her. But it wasn't her fault alone. Even the Doctor had accused Mira of knowing beforehand what was about to happen. And then she thought he had died, and then she had lost it. She had never experienced something like that before, but she hadn't been able to think clearly. This time he wouldn't forgive her. As soon as Mira would tell him what happened, he would bring her back home.

She startled as she heard a knock on her door. Oh great. She had already talked to him.

"Come...," she started and cleared her throat, "Come in!" Her voice was shaky and her stomach felt light as filled with butterflies. But not the nice, beautiful ones, maybe it weren't butterflies at all, but moths. She was sitting on the bed and looked to the door, and to her surprise it wasn't the Doctor entering the room, but Mira. What did she want? Was he refusing to talk to her now?

"Did he send you to tell me that I have to leave?"

"No," the other woman said and closed the door. "May I?"

She didn't wait for an answer, but sat down on the other end of the bed.

"So what's it then?" Rose asked. She really didn't know what Mira could possibly want from her.

"I just thought you want to know that I haven't told him anything. Besides the facts, I mean. I suggested we should stay and everybody voted against me. That's it. It's up to you what to make of it."

Rose stared at her in shock.

What's that supposed to be now? A trap?

"Why would you do that?" Were they working together now? Only to see for how long she would keep up lying?

"Because I think it should be your decision. And because I now that you haven't been yourself down on Kroptor. Maybe you wanted me dead down there. But not now. But most of all, because I want you to see that I don't want to take it all away from you. Neither him, nor everything else."

"Oh, and why would that be?" This had to be a trap, she was almost certain now. Mira hat absolutely no reason for being nice to her.

"Believe it or not, but I was once your age. I've grown up in the sixties, and then, suddenly, I was in the future with almost the whole universe at my hands - at least it seemed like that to me. And maybe I should be more mature now and tell him everything, so that he would send you home for your own safety. But as said, I think it's up to you. And maybe he will send you home anyway some day. Just be aware that it could always end up like it almost did this time. You could die. Or, with him gone, being trapped in a time that's not your own and in a place you don't belong, all alone. Frankly, I don't know what's worse."

Rose couldn't do anything but stare at her. She somehow wanted to believe her, at least that Mira wouldn't tell him, but that would be too good to be true, wouldn't it? The rest of her words were more frightening than anything else. Although she was probably right. It had been close, as it had been on the clockwork-spaceship before. Would she really end up one day being stuck somewhere?

"So you really won't tell him?"

"No, I won't. I won't tell him more than I already have. Which, basically, isn't even a lie. Just not the whole story."

Having that said, she left, leaving behind a rather stunned Rose.

A/n: I'm sorry, but there probably won't be an update next weekend, because I'm on vacation from Wednesday to Sunday.

Theladyofthelost: I don't really have an update-schedule. I try to update once a week, around the weekend. If I know that I don't have time, I'll post it at the end of the current chapter.

oXxgeorgiaxXo: No, I'm not exactly a fan of her, but I don't hate her either, even if it might come across like that. She had great moments, but she also had some traits I don't particularly like, e.g. every time the Doctor dared to speak to another woman or how she treated Mickey. All in all she is not more or less special to me like his other companions are (and he had some really great ones in the classic episodes), so I just don't get the hype around her ;-) I also love Donna :-)

Godric's Grl01: It's cool that you're learning German. And I was really glad that I didn't have to learn genders for English. If you need any help or want to have a conversation in German, just send me a PM :-)

Quasi-Stellar, herherondaletotherescue, Jesse Wales, bored411, Ingridie, 10th Squad 3rd Seat, Ronin Kenshin: Thanks for the reviews :-)