To the ALL CAPS guest reviewer who is getting bored: you are not obligated to read this story. No hard feelings. I'm sure there are better stories out there :)
To the people who are still enjoying this, here is the next chapter for you!

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36. In the dark

Let me take care of you this time.

Her words hang between them and Olivia's heart beats fast when she stands up and takes Elliot's hand.

You've been so good to me El. It's only fair.

It's the truth. And on top of that, she is really longing to see more of him. To touch more of him and get closer to him. They've always been close as friends but she wants more now. Elliot has made his intentions clear to her but he's given her space to make up her own mind. It's time for her to respond and show him that she wants this too. That she wants him and that she wants a future with him. No more holding back for the sake of his kids or for appearances' sake. She may be pregnant but she's still all woman too, and she wants to give to Elliot, not just receive from him.

His eyes are dark and despite the obvious lust, she can see he's still conflicted.

"Come on," she urges, hoping to help him overcome his hesitation.

She's not made of porcelain. She can still give as much as she's getting, and she plans to prove that to him tonight.

Elliot follows her to her bedroom. He doesn't say a word and she wonders what he's thinking. Maybe he has finally stopped thinking. The bulge in his sweatpants is visible proof that at least his body is going along with her plans. Olivia pulls him along by his hand until they stop in front of her bed. She turns around and sits down on the foot of the bed. Elliot is standing in front of her and her eyes drop to his sweatpants automatically. His hands move to rest on her shoulders and when she looks up, she sees that intense gaze again.

"Liv, you don't have to do this," he rasps. "I really don't mind …"

"I know you barely slept last night," she interrupts him.

She wraps her hands around the backs of his thighs and tugs him closer until he's standing between her knees. Olivia kisses Elliot's stomach through his t-shirt before looking up at him again.

"You take care of me so well. I want to do that for you, too."

Elliot takes a small step back. He's trembling but he still doesn't seem convinced.

"I think you shouldn't …"

He takes a deep breath and Olivia knows it's hard for him to hold back. But what could still be bothering him? He shakes his head lightly and tries again.

"You shouldn't use your mouth."

He seems relieved to have gotten the words out. Olivia is only mildly surprised. He isn't turning down her offer, just one possible part of it.

"Why not?"

"I don't know if it's risky … for tater boy."

"Oh. Okay."

She hadn't thought of that and she doesn't know either.

"Hands okay?" she asks, tugging him closer to her once more.

Elliot nods just once but it's enough for her.

"Come here then."

Elliot finally gives in and sits on the bed with her.

"Lay down," Olivia says huskily, and after some scooting around, they are both in the middle of the bed.

She drapes her body against Elliot's and, leaning on one elbow, moves to kiss him deeply. Now that she has him in her bed, she is going to enjoy it, even if this is going to be mainly for Elliot's pleasure. She can feel Elliot caving at last and they moan together as they deepen the kiss. Olivia's free hand drifts down his body, caressing his chest and abs over his t-shirt, until she can slip her hand underneath the fabric. His skin is warm and his muscles are hard and she feels little jolts of excitement throughout her own body while she touches him. She's wanted to touch him like this for so long ...

Elliot is rubbing her hip and then moves his hand up as well, underneath her wide maternity shirt. They explore each other, mouths finding necks and collarbones while hands find skin and more skin.

When they break off the kiss for some much needed oxygen, Olivia finally slips her hand into the waistband of Elliot's sweatpants. She quickly realizes he isn't wearing anything underneath … Her fingers find a patch of hair first and Elliot lets out a shuddering breath when she hits something hard. Her stomach clenches when her fingers explore further, until she can wrap them around his shaft. She closes her eyes and drops her head to Elliot's shoulder. Damn, he's big. She feels a dull throb inside her body, a part of her longing for this part of him. But this is for him first, she's decided and so she moves her hand, knowing what a man needs to come undone just like this.

Elliot is taking deep breaths at first but after less than a minute, his breathing becomes faster and more shallow. He whispers her name and kisses her shoulder, and Olivia wishes she wasn't wearing that shirt so she could feel his lips on her skin. She is pleasuring Elliot but it isn't leaving her own body unaffected. Far from it. She bites her lip and drops her forehead to Elliot's chest. His hips have started moving along with her skillful hand and she knows the pressure is building for him. His erratic breathing is giving him away and she can read him easily. When he kisses her neck, she turns her head to capture his lips with hers, and Elliot kisses her hungrily once more. They moan together while Elliot approaches his climax and Olivia wishes she could get closer to him. Her body is screaming to be touched as well but she can't get close enough with tater boy pressed between them.

When Elliot comes undone, his groans make her body respond all over and she feels lightheaded. His lips have left hers and he's breathing heavily against her cheek as he empties himself all over her hand and his abdomen. The smell of sex makes Olivia crave him even more but she reels herself in, reminding herself that this is all for Elliot. When he relaxes and rolls heavily on his side against her, she pulls her hand away and wipes it on his sweatpants before wrapping her arm around his waist. Elliot's eyes are closed and his lips are parted. He is still calming down and Olivia smiles. She kisses his lips softly a few times until he opens his eyes and grins lazily at her.

"Was that alright?" she asks, already knowing the answer. She's never had complaints about her manual skills in bed before and the man in her arms seems extremely satisfied.

"That was awesome," Elliot mumbles, his eyes already closing again.

"You're welcome," Olivia whispers.

She knows Elliot had been tired when he'd left that morning and he's exhausted after his long day with a horrific case to solve. He should sleep and she's suddenly very happy she took him into her room and not his. He's falling asleep and since it's her bed, she won't have to leave. She manages to pull the comforter over him at least partly and she knows Elliot is already asleep when he doesn't even lift a finger to help her. Her body is still pumping but she forces herself to ignore it. Instead, she stares at Elliot's relaxed face. He's never looked more handsome to her than right now, unshaved and smelling of shampoo, Thai food, semen and beer. When she is certain that he is sound asleep, she slips out of bed to freshen up and change for the night. She changes into clean panties and a sleeveless nightgown and her heart flutters happily when she returns to her bedroom to find Elliot still sleeping in her bed. She scoots in next to him, hoping she won't wake him up so he will stay. When she caresses his cheek, Elliot's arm wraps around her in his sleep and Olivia smiles. She may not have been satisfied physically but this is satisfying in a very different way. She could get used to this. Most definitely.

…

It's still completely dark outside when Olivia wakes up because Elliot is stirring next to her.

"Hey," she whispers to let him know she's awake.

"Hey. I didn't mean to wake you," Elliot whispers back.

"Are you leaving?" she asks, suddenly aware that he hasn't just stirred, but is sitting up with his legs out of bed.

"Ehm, I'm a little sticky," he responds, and Olivia can picture his shy grin even without seeing his face.

"Come back after cleaning up?" she asks hopefully.

Elliot stands up and Olivia isn't sure if he will come back to her room, because he doesn't say anything. After she's heard the bathroom door close, she listens for sounds of him returning, either to her room or his own. She frowns when she hears him walk into his bedroom after freshening up. He isn't coming back … But then she hears him come back out and she realizes he probably just got changed in his own room. She can make out his form in the dim light coming from the street lamps and she bites her lip when she sees that he is wearing boxer briefs now instead of sweatpants. She props herself up on her elbows when Elliot sits down next to her on the edge of the bed on 'her' side.

"You want me to get back into bed with you?" he asks her softly.

She nods and then tells him 'yes' in case he can't see her nod. Elliot stands up and rounds the bed to scoot back into bed on the side he was before. Olivia rolls over to face him and smiles when Elliot wraps his arm around her waist. She lifts her head so he can drape his other arm underneath her neck. She can't make out his face in the dark against the dim lights coming in through the window from the street but she knows he can see her smile.

"You were right El," she says quietly, although she still feels a little nervous.

But she's made up her mind at last and is ready to take the plunge.

"That's always great to hear. But what was I right about this time?" Elliot asks, and she can hear his triumphant grin in his voice. She chuckles but then answers him very seriously,

"This is right. You and me."

Elliot moves even closer to her and kisses her softly. Olivia caresses his cheek and nuzzles her nose against his.

"It is," Elliot says softly. "And looking back, I've known it for a long time."

Olivia bites her lip and then admits, equally softly,

"Me too. I just couldn't …"

"I know," Elliot interrupts her. "I was married. But not anymore. Like I said, this whole situation has brought out in the open what had already been there for a long time."

"Yeah. I guess you were right about that, too."

Elliot kisses her again, and Olivia surrenders to the moment, and to him. It is so right to be with him and now that she has him in her bed, she doesn't want to let him go. She tries to get closer to him and feels her stomach clench when their bare legs tangle and Elliot's knee brushes up against her lower half. She moans into his mouth and deepens the kiss. Elliot tastes uniquely like Elliot and she breathes him in. His hands roam her back and butt underneath her nightgown and she can sense that he's trying to get closer to her as well. She breaks off the kiss and pushes Elliot on his back. He looks up at her and she smiles again.

"I want you," she whispers before leaning down to kiss him again.

"Liv."

There's something in his voice that throws her off a little. It's a hesitation that she thought he had overcome a long time ago.

"What, El?" she asks and she caresses his chest soothingly.

"I want you too, you know that."

"Yeah."

She leans down to kiss him again and he kisses her back, but when she tries to get closer again, moving one leg between his again, he breaks off the kiss.

"Liv," he repeats, and he pushes her back on her side gently.

"Yeah?"

"I wanna touch you all over. See all of you."

"I'm not stopping you," she says, and she means it. No more doubting. This is what she wants.

"But I'm not going to make love to you while you're pregnant w …"

He stops talking abruptly and a sense of dread suddenly comes over Olivia. What was he going to say? What is he saying? He's not going to make love to her? And then it hits her and her blood runs cold.

"While I'm pregnant with someone else's child," she finishes for him, her voice filled with horror. She is shocked at the surge of emotions suddenly coming over her.

"Liv, that's not …"

"Yes it is. That's what you were going to say," she interrupts him again.

She rolls away from him and sits up.

"That is what you were going to say!"

It hits her full force now.

Someone else's child.

Her baby will always be someone else's child to him. He will never love him as much as his own children. He will never love him like his own. Like her son deserves to be loved.

Her life isn't just about her anymore. In fact, her baby will come first from now on. She can't put her own desires before his needs, ever. Her son hasn't asked to be born. The actions of others have led to his existence and as a mother, it is her duty to make sure he receives everything that he needs to become a strong man, who in turn will do his part in the world. She can't allow him to be raised by someone who won't love him unconditionally. Someone who won't love him as much as she does. It breaks her heart when she tells Elliot in a whisper,

"This was a mistake."

…

Dun dun …

Sorry about this but I just had to. It was going a little too well, wasn't it?