A/N: Mystery Trio AU requested by Nova Bucker and Ilovebooks1234 and several other people. Aaaaaand, this was also taken from some comic (s) from markmak- or for those of you who have tumblr- moringmark. Reviewer, 'William and Jack and Jake' thank you so much for the reviews! :D For some reason FF is being weird so I can't actually respond to them. Anyway, fluff! Enjoy it while it lasts. Next chapter got... It got out of hand.
"Hey, brother."
Stanley looked from his book to see Ford straightening his tie. "Hi... Where are you going?"
"I'm going to the bar and getting myself a date!"
"Good for you, need some advice from your amazingly talented brother?"
Ford turned to leave, "It's okay, I just got some advice from a pro."
Stan almost returned to his book. Almost. "Alright- wait. Who did you talk to... Fidds?"
Stanford froze, "Errr."
Earlier that day
Ford finished scribbling in his notebook and spoke, "So that's 'Step 5: give her the ring and ask for her hand in marriage,' right?" Ford's brows furrowed in puzzlement, "Wait... Is that before or after the kidnapping?"
The gnome in the cage next to the awkward scientist frowned, "No, where did you get that from? That's plan B."
Back in the present
"You took advice from a gnome?!"
"Well, yeah?"
"Fiddleford would have been better! At least he actually has a real relationship with a girl- that doesn't involve kidnapping!"
Stanley ranted as Ford rolled his eyes, "Are you done yet?"
"Poindexter! This is serious! Come on." He yanked Stanford after him and Ford asked quizzically, "Where are we going?"
"To the bar, duh. You're getting a real experts advice this time. Come on, Sixer."
"But Stanley..."
"Nope. You took advice for girls, from a gnome," Stanley sighed and opened the door of the shack, "Clearly you need help."
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Stanford stood, hunched, in front a chalkboard. A diagram or maybe equations were obscured by his bowed head.
"I will never give up."
He shifted slightly from one foot to the other, his white lab coat swishing around his legs.
"I will solve this mystery."
He clenched his hand into a fist and and it seemed he was going bang it on the table, but instead he gently rested it on the table and uncurled his six fingers.
"... No matter how long it takes."
Stanley then walked in on this dramatic speech and interrupted with, "Hey bro, what are you-"
Whirling around to reveal a crudely drawn female, Ford exploded, "GIRLS!"
Stan blinked.
"Why won't they talk to me? Why?!"
Stan still stared.
Ford whimpered, "Why won't they love me back?"
Stan turned around, "Annnnd I'm leaving."
Stanford sniffed sadly.
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Stanford turned around, "Fiddleford, status report!"
Fiddleford's voice cracked slightly as his southern twang slipped out, "System overheat! Thermal radiation level is getting unstable!"
Stanley turned to face his twin and spoke quickly, distress in every syllable, "Unable to activate manual mode! What should we do?!"
Ford took action, "It's getting out of control! Shut it down now!"
"No," Fiddleford gasped, "It's... It's too late."
The trio gazed at the burnt turkey in Fiddleford's hands despondently. It was over. They had failed once again.
Fiddleford sniffed his pupils enlarging and Stanford started at the noise before asking in a hopeless wail, "Why is cooking so hard?!"
Stanley headed for the phone, grunting, "I'm ordering a pizza."
Present Stanley smiled. That had seemed rather... Rather happy. No portal's and no abusive parents. Though, that one before this had made him thankful that Filbrick wasn't as bad as he could've been. Stanford flicked to the next dimension.