A/n: Enjoy. Part of this chapter was inspired by Caitiedids. I hope you all enjoy.

It was a little over a month after Spencer and Ashley's break up and nothing much had changed. Ashley and Spencer were on talking terms now, but they didn't talk or see each other every day like they used to. They both wanted too badly, but Ashley still wasn't sure if she could trust Spencer fully yet.

Spencer lay in bed with Amber by her side. Amber held Spencer in her embrace, but Spencer wasn't comforted by it. She wished it was Ashley's arms wrapped around her.

"Spencer?" Amber spoke, ruining the moment yet again.

"Mmmhm?" Spencer didn't feel like talking. Amber's voice made Spencer cringe with annoyance.

"Spencer, it's been a month. You haven't committed to a relationship, you haven't asked me to be your girlfriend, and you haven't told me you loved me. I've asked you to be my girlfriend plenty of times and every time you say you're not ready. I've told you that I love you plenty of times, and you never return it. Why? I'm starting to get tired of this." Amber professed and then slowly slid away from Spencer and sat up on the bed.

Spencer rolled her eyes, sat up, and began searching for her clothes. "What do you want me to tell you? To make you happy?"

"That you want us to be together." Amber said as she slid on her shirt.

"That's the thing; I don't want us to be together. The only girl I have ever loved has walked out of my life and I'm starting to fear she's never going to walk back into it! I do love you Amber but not in the way you want me to and I'll never love you that way." Spencer sighed as she slid on her jeans.

"Then what have we been doing these past weeks? We've spent nearly everyday together, had sex most of those days; I mean what are we doing? If you can't ever love me, then why are you keeping me around?" Amber stood up and started pacing around the room.

Spencer was numb to the fighting. She didn't feel a thing. She didn't feel an ounce of remorse, guilt, or happiness. "You've been around...to keep me company?" Spencer did not have an answer, so the answer she did have came out like a question.

"This is fucked up. I can't do this anymore then, I won't. I won't let you use me then." Amber started gathering her things, "I'm leaving. I'm not going to keep you company any longer."

Good, she thought to herself. "You forgot your cell phone," Spencer tossed it at Amber, "You're going to need that when you call me in a day saying your sorry and you want my company again."

Amber scoffed, "Whatever," and walked out of Spencer's life.

Finally, got rid of her. She's been clingy lately and I don't want her around. Now, I can just concentrate on winning Ashley back. Spencer looked out the window and checked to see if Ashley was home. She threw on a cuter outfit and threw on some quick make up and ran over to Ashley's house.

She knocked on her door and waited for Ashley to answer. She knocked and stood on her porch for a good five minutes. Spencer walked back home kicking gravel. She plopped on her couch and soon dozed off.

Ashley was home the entire time Spencer was knocking at her door, but Spencer didn't know that. Ashley saw Amber leave in a tiff a few minutes before Spencer came over. Ashley assumed something went sour and Spencer was coming over because she didn't get what she wanted from Amber. Ashley wasn't going to automatically be there once Spencer finally got rid of Amber; she was going to make Spencer wait a little. Ashley was dying to get back together with Spencer. The break up had been hard on her too, and Spencer didn't realize that. Every night for two weeks Ashley cried herself to sleep, wishing Spencer was there to comfort her. But she knew she had to let Spencer go, so she could get her shit together. I think I can trust her now. We've been talking again and I know she still loves me and wants me. I think it's time for us to be together again...soon.

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"Spencer, honey, wake up," Paula pushed on Spencer to wake up.

"What? What?" Spencer said infuriated.

"I have bad news..." Paula said as tears were forming.

"What? What is it? Is it Ashley?" Ashley was always her first thought. Spencer sat up, she figured this was serious.

"It's Amber..." Paula sat on the couch next to Spencer and wrapped her arm around her shoulder.

"Well?! What about her?!" Spencer needed her mother to spill the beans and not beat around the bush.

"She uhh came into the hospital earlier; she must have been speeding, driving fast, upset about something, and not paying attention..." Paula sniffed, "She ran a red light and a car struck the driver's side..."

Spencer's face dropped and she put her hand up to her mouth, "Oh my God...mom...please tell me she's okay."

"I did the best I could...there was so much blood, everywhere. She didn't wear a seat belt...there was blood every where and she...I did the best I could Spencer...she didn't make it." Paula began sobbing loudly.

Spencer started crying. She felt relieved at the same time hearing those words, and then she felt bad that she was relieved that Amber was actually dead. She was my best friend...I can't believe she's gone.

"Uhm mom?"

"Yes sweetie?" Paula sat as she wiped her tears away with a hanker chief.

"Pinch me."

"What?"

"Just do it. Pinch me."

Paula did as she asked, she figured it was some sort of grief stage she was going through, "There, I pinched you."

"Damnit. This is real." Spencer wanted her mom to pinch her to see if this horrible day was all just a big nightmare, but it wasn't. It was in fact true as the Earth was round.

"Yes, honey, it is. What could she been so upset about that she ran a red light?"

Spencer realized what it was, "Me. I killed Amber. We got in this fight...and she left...upset. Oh my God mom!" Spencer hugged her mom and rested her head in her mother's chest and wept.

"No, no, Spencer. It's not your fault, things like this just happen to good people. Amber lived a good life; this must have been her time honey." Paula kept saying whatever she could think of to console her daughter. Paula held her in her arms and tried to soothe her daughter's pain the best she could.

"Honey, I invited Amber's parents and older brother over our house later. I figured they could use the company and help with funeral plans."

Spencer gave her mom a disgusted look, "I can't believe you. Just because her father is a huge campaign contributor doesn't mean you had to go and do that! Mother, maybe they just want to grieve on their own! And what, I expect you want me to talk to her older brother, who I haven't seen in years? You're so pathetic mother." Spencer got up to walk away.

"Amber was like another daughter to me! You better take that back. She was over here every day when you two were growing up, it was only until recently she started coming over again. She was like another daughter and you were like another daughter to them! I'm trying to help them grieve, so put on a dress, wash your face, and get your act together because you are being civil, you are being nice, and you are going to give your condolences." Paula walked over to the mirror and wiped away her tears, fixed her hair, and started to apply make up.

A half hour later and Spencer walked down her steps and saw Amber's parents in the living room. All she wanted to do was go see Ashley. She needed to talk to Ashley, but she knew Ashley didn't want to hear about it.

She walked into the living room and gave Amber's parents a hug along with their older son, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Amber's mother nodded her head and sniffled and gave Spencer a light kiss on the cheek, "I'm sorry you had to loose you're best friend also. I just wish I knew why she ran a red light, and didn't wear her seat belt. Did you talk to her? Do you know why?"

Spencer couldn't take the twenty questions. Spencer was starting too feel guiltier about the whole situation. She felt guilty that she may have caused her being upset and caused her to not pay attention to the red light. But she felt even guiltier that she barely cared.

Spencer was emotionally numb. "I have to go. I'm truly sorry about Amber." Spencer ran out the door and sat on her door stoop and just started bawling. She didn't know why she was bawling, if it was because of Amber, seeing Amber's mom in that shape, or because Ashley wasn't around to tell her "Every thing is going to be okay, it wasn't your fault." Ashley said out of nowhere and sat next down to Spencer and gave her a hug.

"Where did you come from? How did you--"

"Your mom called me and told me what happened. I'm sorry to hear about Amber." Ashley rubbed her back.

"Thanks for coming over, and no your not."

"Not what?"

"Sorry."

"I am, I'm sorry you had to loose your best friendandgirlfriendorwhatever." Ashley said the last part so fast it sounded like one word.

Spencer sprung up, "She was never NEVER my girlfriend, and I want you to know that. Never, I've only ever wanted you."

"Then why did I see her over here almost every day?" Ashley shook her head and realized it wasn't the time to be asking questions like that, "It doesn't matter; you just lost your childhood best friend."

"It does matter. She was just over to keep me company. Yeah, I did use her for sex but she was just there to keep me company. I know that was probably hard to hear. But you're the only girl I have ever loved and will ever love." Spencer wiped away her tears.

"It doesn't matter. I can see, I'm only making your hurt worse, I'll go." Ashley began to sit up but Spencer immediately pulled her back down.

"No, don't go please. Even given the circumstances, this is the best I've felt all week. Being next to you, knowing that you still care." Spencer rested her head on Ashley's shoulder and quietly wept until she finally stopped crying.

Ashley ran her fingers through Spencer's hair and just held Spencer. "Oh and Spencer, I never stopped caring."