Chapter Thirty-Five: Falling Into the Oblivion of My Heart
Adam's POV

Tommy's words haunted for a long time. Every single time I thought I was going to get a moment of peace, Tommy's voice popped into my head saying 'If you wait to long, you will lose him completely'. The thought of losing Drake to depression or another man or death itself terrified me. Had I not suffered enough loss with Alexander's death? With my little brother's death? With my mother's death? Hadn't I experienced enough heartache for one life time?

I could not lose Drake too.

And I knew I had to see him, talk to him and tell him what an idiot I was for ignoring him. Explain to him why I was afraid to get to close and how I felt that his misery was all my fault. Tommy was right, of course. I don't ever remember I time where he told me something extremely important and it was wrong. He may not know much about ruling a kingdom but he knew a lot about people and, as upsetting as it was for me to know, he knew Drake better than I did. He spent a lot more time with Drake. I regretted that dearly but how could I make it up to him?

By getting off of you cowardly ass and going to talk to him, my heart hissed at my brain. My entire body was in a war with itself as I stared into my vanity mirror. As much as Drake reminded me of Alexander, there was something else. Something that Alexander never had but Drake possessed. I was afraid to know what that was. I felt guilty for… well for thinking that I could love anyone but Alexander, but at the same time I was angry at myself for believing Alexander would ever be so selfish. He would want me to be happy with someone who cared about me as much, if not more, than he had.

But was that person Drake? How stupid of a question was that really? Drake was perfect. A perfect lover, yes, but he was so much more than that. The night after Brad and Cassidy's arrival, Drake was not in my room for sex. By the way he held me and the way he begged me to take him, I knew he needed me for more than physical satisfaction and I was a fool to believe that he no longer wanted me. How badly was I hurting Drake by ignoring him now?

So many questions, mostly about Drake and how I felt about him, buzzed through my mind in one giant wave of confusion. However, one question stood out among the rest. Well, technically two questions but they were related: Was Drake in love with me? And was I in love with Drake or the memory Tommy claimed I had been wrapping Drake in?

My brain told me that it was not love for Drake but for who he represented but my heart? My heart sang a completely different tune. My heart told me that I was the biggest moron on the planet for believing that I didn't love Drake. It was basically shouting at me to go be with the boy. To beg his forgiveness and tell him how much I needed him. How much I loved him. Never before had my heart lied to me, so I had to believe, despite what my brain was hissing at me, that I was very much in love with Drake, not because of his closeness to my dead lover but because of who he was. Logic fought back against love but honestly, it wasn't a fair fight in the least.

My heart won out.

I needed to see Drake. I needed to drop to my knees and beg him to forgive me for my foolishness if it came to that. I may have been the Pharaoh of Egypt, but titles meant nothing when it came to love. This was the second time I had fallen in love with a servant of mine and I was not ashamed of that. I was not too proud to beg if it was needed to win back my love's affection.

"So why are you sitting here, staring at yourself, Adam?! Get up and go to him! Right. Now!" I hissed at my reflection, as if it was really the mirror hissing at me.

I sighed, fixing the make-up I had ruined before pushing myself up from the chair set in front of my vanity. "Alright, I'm going," I said, defeated by myself. Ra, I sounded like I was going insane right now.

The walk from my chambers to Drake and Tommy's was a decent walk. Probably between a quarter of a mile and half of a mile. I didn't mind walking. In fact, I found it rather nice because that gave me time to either think or just clear my head. Using the walking time to figure out what I was going to say to Drake seemed like the perfect idea but I could think of almost nothing. By the time I was half way to Drake's room, I still couldn't think of anything and I was beginning to get extremely frustrated with myself. Why was it so hard to think of something to say to the boy I loved?!

By the time I reached Drake and Tommy's door, I had just given up on attempting to think of something loving and romantic. When I saw Drake so heartbroken because of me, I knew that my heart would just pour out of my mouth. I probably wouldn't even need to think of what I was going to say, it would just come out. That's how it worked. You see how much you hurt the person you love, you feel like shit and you pour out your heart and soul into an apology that you didn't ever think you would say.

I gripped the door, holding it tightly in my hands, but for some reason, I could not bring myself to open it right away. Fear was boiling into my stomach. What exactly was I going to see when I opened this door? I hadn't seen Drake since… well since he found his little sister, his daughter dead in his bed. He was painful to watch then, but now? Now that the depression had spread through his being?

"Just do it, Adam. You are not doing yourself or Drake any favors by being a giant pussy, alright? Just… open the door and go in already. Talk to him and make this better… You need to," I whispered to myself and finally, I turned the handle, pushing the wood door open slowly.

The only two things I saw in the room were my boys, both completely bare and drenched in sweat. For a moment, I believe I was dreaming or I was hallucinating but when I closed my eyes to clear my mind, I could still hear Tommy's heavy breathing and Drake's near screams from pleasure. They were both so far gone that they had no idea I was standing there, watching them have sex.

Drake's legs were wrapped tightly around Tommy's waist, pulling him deeper and deeper with every thrust and every time Tommy dove into him, no doubt hitting his sweet spot every time, Drake arched into the blond, crying out again and again. I wanted to be angry with both of them, but the truth was that I was only feeling heartbroken. It should have been me mounted on top of Drake, making love to him like he was my lover! He was my lover! Drake was mine and Tommy had absolutely no right to touch him!

When he said 'you'll lose him completely', I never imagined it would be to him. Had Tommy been planning this from the beginning? If I didn't prove my love to Drake quickly, he was simply going to take from me what was mine? At that moment, I wanted to kill Tommy. Alright, that was a little extreme, but I wanted to rip him away from Drake, probably hit him and demand to know who he thought he was. Just because I hadn't been with Drake lately did not make him free game.

Drake was mine!

And now Tommy was marking him, claiming him as if Drake was made for him.

No matter how badly I wanted to scream and shout and demand Tommy to get off of Drake and never touch him again, I couldn't. I simply stared at my boys, watching as Tommy's thrusts became less fluid, closer to his release. Drake moaned my name once and, for a minute, I believed he was talking to me but when I looked at his face, I realized that he wasn't even aware that I was watching him.

Then why did Drake moan my name? Was he… pretending Tommy was me? No, of course not. That was ridiculous. Perhaps it just slipped. Whatever the reason, I did not care. Tommy was fucking my love, my perfect boy and my heart was grumbling away to nothing. My heart had just finished stitching itself back together since I lost Alexander and now, all of those years of recovery were meaningless.

Clearly I was in love with this boy if seeing him with another man, another one of my servants, was hurting me so badly. Tears flooded into my vision as Tommy clasped into Drake, breathing hard into his neck. Drake's fingers carelessly ran through Tommy's hair but his eyes fell on me. I couldn't stand to stare those beautiful blue eyes down, so I darted out of the room before he could even mutter my name.

Heartache spread to every limb of my body and I just… I couldn't make anything feel like it was going to be alright again. It took me so long to realize that I loved Drake. It took me so long to realize that, without him, I would never feel love again and now it was too late. He gave himself to Tommy because I wasn't there for him. And, in giving himself to another man, he had essentially given up on me.

Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I ran back to my chambers, slamming the door behind me. I felt like my entire world was falling down around me and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't care about running Egypt. I didn't care about protecting anybody. Who was protecting me?! My heart was breaking apart and burning inside of my chest and nobody was helping me with that!

I slumped down onto the small stair case leading down to my bed. I did not want to lay amongst the pillows and sheets that held so many memories of Drake and Tommy. Memories that could very easily never be repeated in the future. If Drake had chosen Tommy then I would never love again. I would never even want another boy in my bed again.

Alexander's death was so painful. I never believed anything would hurt me as much as watching my lover die had, but I was wrong. Watching Drake give himself to someone else (without me being a part of it or requesting it, mind you, that was different) was tearing my heart apart from the inside, out. It felt like, at any minute, my heart would simply stop beating because there wasn't a heart left to beat and surely I would die in a matter of minutes?

I waited several long minutes, but sweet, blissful death did not take me into her sweet hold. I screamed, slamming my wrists into my knees. How could such a young, innocent boy who had suffered so much in the last few weeks make me feel like I would never love again? How did he have me in the palm of his hand with absolutely nobody realizing it? Not him, not even me…

"Damn it, Drake! Damn it!" I hissed, taking a bracelet off of my wrist and chucking it across the room. It bounced off the wall and only the stone floor with a loud, cling sound and it was deformed into a state where you could not longer tell it was a bracelet. Honestly, destroying it made me feel a fraction better and I stood, wanting to continue in destruction so my living chambers would represent what my heart surely looked like.

But before I could begin my rampage, there was a knock at the door. Tommy pushed the door open before I could shout to go away and he closed it behind him. "We have to talk," he told me, keeping his tone level, soft.

"I do not wish to see you and I do not wish to speak with you, so you may go," I snapped, anger boiling through my blood. Was this boy really going to come to me, dare to speak to me as if nothing had happened?! Drake saw me. He knew I was there and he must have told Tommy because if he hadn't, Tommy wouldn't be standing in my room right now.

"I'm sorry, My Pharaoh, but that is one order I cannot follow. We need to speak, now," he said, his tone a little harsher, a little more demanding.

"Thomas, I demand that you leave my chambers right now!" I shouted at him, feeling the urge to hit him like I had done when he approached me about Alexander. Only this time, I believed that hitting him would be justified. "Go!"

"No. We need to talk about Drake and I'm not leaving until we do…"