36.
I knew she would ask that, but I still wasn't prepared for it. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her that I was so ready for it. I wanted nothing more than to call her mine again.
I knew I needed to be completely honest with her, though. We couldn't go into this blind or with any false promises.
"I want to be."
Her shoulders slumped a little.
"There might be some things that you're not ready to deal with, Bella. I have been sober for four months, but it is a daily struggle. Some days I rarely think about having a drink, and other days it's a true temptation."
She scoffed, "I know that, Edward. Do you honestly think that I'd even agree to these get-togethers if I wasn't sure about you?"
"I think that you feel guilty about how we left things the first time, and I don't want you to feel obligated to be with me now that we've reconnected."
"I do feel guilty, Edward. I won't lie about that, but it has nothing to do with what I want now—what I've wanted since I walked out the door." Her hands were clenched into fists. "I want you."
I let her words give me hope and warmth. They were what I'd been wanting for so long; however, I knew everything couldn't be all positive in her mind.
"You can't say that you're going into this free of all worries, Bella. I know that's a lie." My voice was soft. I didn't want her to think I would be angry at her if she said she was scared.
After a few seconds, she said, "I am worried. I'm worried that I won't be the help you need. That I might cause you more problems by just being in your way and taking away your focus." She paused. "I'm scared that you'll decide I'm not worth the effort."
I didn't brush off her fears. No one should have his or her concerns flicked away as nothing. I took a breath and knew I needed to clear the air of my fears.
"I'm afraid you'll leave me again. I don't know how I'll deal with that if it happens."